I don't love myself. What now?

[kravmaga1]

Took me a while to figure this out about myself. I've kept wondering why do I let people talk to me any how and don't defend myself, why I have social anxiety, why does my life suck, why am I not a happy positive person and why am i struggling with girls..

So what now?

You guys say this is a self improvement forum so I hope I've come to the right place

If you guys would like some more details about myself then feel free to ask

 

[CharlieCW]

Man I feel you, I was exactly in the same position way back when I was in middle school. You try to love yourself, to be happy, but the problem is you won't ever be happy (and have the success you want) if you don't feel you are worth, and you won't feel worthy if you have no peace and harmony in your spirit. You haven't discovered the true reasons to love you yet.

But it's ok, because if you feel that bad, it means the only option is to climb back up. First of all, the best thing is that you realized what's wrong, and in the way, you've already learned something which is going to be very useful for improving. However, I would like if you can give more details about yourself so we know here to help you like:

a) What are the things that you love, your passions, interests, dreams, etc.
b) What are the things you don't like now in your life, and want to change

For the while, I want to share you a couple of phrases that I like, hoping they can help you:

"If you keep doing the same things, you will get the same results"

"The world is beautiful. Even if you're full of tears and sadness, open your eyes. Do what you want to do. Be what you want to be. Find friends. Don't be in a hurry to grow up. Take your time.”

 

[SmooveMooves]

No details are needed. You said it yourself self improvement.
None of us on this forum know you personally, so noone can tell you what to do to make you love yourself.

So if you are a person with dignity this is what you should do.

Find out what it is you don't like about yourself

Then...

Change it.

Self pity and self loathing won't get you anywhere. And remember, this is a site full of men, don't post anything pathetic like this, its demeaning in itself. No one is going to hold your hand. Theres plenty of information here, have you read the DjBible? Just because this is a internet site doesn't mean you should cast away all pride.

When you begin this type of thinking you've already lost, man-up and improve yourself as a human being.

 

[CharlieCW]

Hey hey SmooveMooves, calm down bro, our friend just wants some tips and he has all the right to post. We all have been in a situation like this, so at least we can share some tips.

But as he said, the crucial step to feeling better with yourself is changing the things you don't want..., and may I add something more, ...and valuing the things you already like about yourself. Trust me, there is something you already have that people you know don't have, so appreciate it.

Change the perspective: instead of focusing on the bad things, focus on the good things you already have. This is your task: write at least 5 good things about yourself (you don't have to share it if you don't want), and every day write add another one, and keep doing it for 21 days.

Not only to the OP, but to everyone, I share this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrrkPAKYxno

 

[Fortzen1305]

Ill try to keep this post as short as possible. I'm not the guy that can help you with the ladies but Ill tell you what and how I've helped myself through absolutely hating myself to being pretty stoked to be alive.

I am a preachers kid that was picked on in school, used to be fat, and a late bloomer in every way. I joined the marines to prove something to everyone. I got out of that gun club physical and mental disaster. I kept blacking out from booze 5 or 6 nights a week for years and at one point seriously considered suck starting a pistol. I realized things had to change and I think that's maybe where you are now.

This is one of the things I started doing early: every morning when I'd wake up, no matter how poorly I'd think of myself, I'd find one thing that I liked about myself and I'd say it out loud in the mirror while naked. At first it was hard cause I didn't like anything about myself but I did it. I think the first day of doing it was," I love about myself that I want to change all of this". Whenever negative thoughts would creep in during the day, I'd say that line to myself over and over and over. I kept this going for months and still use it sometime when I get down on myself.

This was really start of everything. I lost weight, started doing martial arts and applying myself to things. The things I loved about myself started becoming more numerous and meaningful. I started getting good at the things I was applying myself to so I started identifying more and more things I need to improve upon in my life. I'm not sure this will work for you but that's what I did.

As far as letting yourself get talked to however, I think this will straighten itself out when your confidence improves. I too used to get upset at how people talked to me. Now I just don't care because it doesn't affect me. Sometimes people will say something and Ill calmly engage in a conversation about what they say because I'm comfortable doing that and talking about my flaws that they may be making a comment about. Other times, if its just somebody projecting their insecurity towards me, I'll recognize it and just side step their BS because I've identified it as insecurity from them. The long and short of it us to be able to understand why people say things, identify it and carry on without a care. Choose our battles very very wisely because people will try to bait you on biting on **** like that. If you take the bait, it's going to end up with you looking like the fool. When people here talk about **** tests and being unresponsive, that is not just for women. It's for other guys too in my opinion.

 

[SmooveMooves]

Hey hey SmooveMooves, calm down bro, our friend just wants some tips and he has all the right to post. We all have been in a situation like this, so at least we can share some tips.

But as he said, the crucial step to feeling better with yourself is changing the things you don't want..., and may I add something more, ...and valuing the things you already like about yourself. Trust me, there is something you already have that people you know don't have, so appreciate it.

Change the perspective: instead of focusing on the bad things, focus on the good things you already have. This is your task: write at least 5 good things about yourself (you don't have to share it if you don't want), and every day write add another one, and keep doing it for 21 days.

Not only to the OP, but to everyone, I share this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrrkPAKYxno

Surely he has the right to post, but he shouldn't post his dignity away as well. you are correct we have all been in this same position but we certainly didn't prevail by having someone hold our hands through it, and if so, you can count on a repeat of the same position with no one there.

My post may seem harsh but its the best thing any of us can offer. His problem is of love of himself and the only person who can correct it Is himself. That is apart of being man. Don't Take my refusal of sugar coating as a lack of support, as I truly do wish for the best of any man on this forum.

The step out of this darkplace is simple : Improve Yourself

 

[adam225]

Took me a while to figure this out about myself. I've kept wondering why do I let people talk to me any how and don't defend myself, why I have social anxiety, why does my life suck, why am I not a happy positive person and why am i struggling with girls..

So what now?

You guys say this is a self improvement forum so I hope I've come to the right place

If you guys would like some more details about myself then feel free to ask

One word - hypnosis. I used to have severe social anxiety due to isolating myself thanks to a serious drug problem I used to have (crack cocaine). It changed my life, and I'm so thankful I came across it.

I went and seen an actual therapist but I also used this package - http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/10-steps/social-anxiety

Give it a shot, it's VERY good for social anxiety.

 

[kravmaga1]

SmooveMooves , I know you mean well but in no way am I asking anybody to hold my hand through this. This is my problem and only I can solve it(like you said). I don't see this as posting my dignity away because I am looking for a little help/advice. Like where to start and maybe even some different perspectives from guys whose been down this road before.

I just want to know where should I start

 

[kravmaga1]

The thing about changing is that I have so many things about myself that I do not like.

My looks
I hate the fact that I do not view myself in a positive light
I do not like that I'm ultra sensitive especially to criticism.
I'm insecure and usually resort to clinginess/neediness which drives women away.
I'm not very social and find it hard to be social which in turn caused me to barely have any friends.
Cant speak up or defend myself in certain situations.
etc.

I KNOW I have to change these things ,I am just lost as to HOW to go about changing these things. If I had the answers, I would not be posting here.

 

[kravmaga1]

Ill try to keep this post as short as possible. I'm not the guy that can help you with the ladies but Ill tell you what and how I've helped myself through absolutely hating myself to being pretty stoked to be alive.

I am a preachers kid that was picked on in school, used to be fat, and a late bloomer in every way. I joined the marines to prove something to everyone. I got out of that gun club physical and mental disaster. I kept blacking out from booze 5 or 6 nights a week for years and at one point seriously considered suck starting a pistol. I realized things had to change and I think that's maybe where you are now.

This is one of the things I started doing early: every morning when I'd wake up, no matter how poorly I'd think of myself, I'd find one thing that I liked about myself and I'd say it out loud in the mirror while naked. At first it was hard cause I didn't like anything about myself but I did it. I think the first day of doing it was," I love about myself that I want to change all of this". Whenever negative thoughts would creep in during the day, I'd say that line to myself over and over and over. I kept this going for months and still use it sometime when I get down on myself.

This was really start of everything. I lost weight, started doing martial arts and applying myself to things. The things I loved about myself started becoming more numerous and meaningful. I started getting good at the things I was applying myself to so I started identifying more and more things I need to improve upon in my life. I'm not sure this will work for you but that's what I did.

As far as letting yourself get talked to however, I think this will straighten itself out when your confidence improves. I too used to get upset at how people talked to me. Now I just don't care because it doesn't affect me. Sometimes people will say something and Ill calmly engage in a conversation about what they say because I'm comfortable doing that and talking about my flaws that they may be making a comment about. Other times, if its just somebody projecting their insecurity towards me, I'll recognize it and just side step their BS because I've identified it as insecurity from them. The long and short of it us to be able to understand why people say things, identify it and carry on without a care. Choose our battles very very wisely because people will try to bait you on biting on **** like that. If you take the bait, it's going to end up with you looking like the fool. When people here talk about **** tests and being unresponsive, that is not just for women. It's for other guys too in my opinion.

I guess I'll start every morning by positively affirming myself...Hopefully this helps. Do I find something different to say everyday? Or is there a fixed line I use?

 

[Maximus Rex]

Kanye Shrug

Took me a while to figure this out about myself. I've kept wondering why do I let people talk to me any how and don't defend myself, why I have social anxiety, why does my life suck, why am I not a happy positive person and why am i struggling with girls..

So what now?

You guys say this is a self improvement forum so I hope I've come to the right place

If you guys would like some more details about myself then feel free to ask

You better learn to love yourself. If you don't love yourself, how do you expect a b*tch too?

 

[kravmaga1]

Man I feel you, I was exactly in the same position way back when I was in middle school. You try to love yourself, to be happy, but the problem is you won't ever be happy (and have the success you want) if you don't feel you are worth, and you won't feel worthy if you have no peace and harmony in your spirit. You haven't discovered the true reasons to love you yet.

But it's ok, because if you feel that bad, it means the only option is to climb back up. First of all, the best thing is that you realized what's wrong, and in the way, you've already learned something which is going to be very useful for improving. However, I would like if you can give more details about yourself so we know here to help you like:

a) What are the things that you love, your passions, interests, dreams, etc.
b) What are the things you don't like now in your life, and want to change

For the while, I want to share you a couple of phrases that I like, hoping they can help you:

"If you keep doing the same things, you will get the same results"

"The world is beautiful. Even if you're full of tears and sadness, open your eyes. Do what you want to do. Be what you want to be. Find friends. Don't be in a hurry to grow up. Take your time.”

Things that I love are sports, food, women, I do workout and I do play a sport, but I don't see any of those hobbies helping. I'm even struggling in my sport because I don't believe in myself

 

[kravmaga1]

You better learn to love yourself. If you don't love yourself, how do you expect a b*tch too?

You're absolutely right..But HOW do I learn to love myself? I'm sure this has something to do with my past and my upbringing since I did not have good parents. I was thinking of some counseling but money is very tight right now

 

[dasein]

First step, discard gynoculture language and conditioning such as "love yourself." My grandfather lived a very, very happy long life. How much of it do you think was spent pondering whether he "loved himself" or not? NADA, not one second of time did he spend on that. That kind of sentimental sop pity self-absorbed language is for women and men emasculated by gynoculture. Don't play. It's an excuse to do nothing, whine and shift blame for laziness and inactivity to someone or something else. If you really don't like yourself in a chronic way, there's probably a very good reason that you need to take immediate, specific, persistent steps to fix.

Second, the proper question is "Am I happy?" If the answer is "no," then the next questions follow, "what am I doing to make myself unhappy, and what am I not doing that would make me happier?" Once you answer this question, and those answers are pretty easy, as easy as making a log of how you spend your time, what you do, what you eat, who you hang around..., then habituate yourself towards desired behaviors. This latter habituation part is not easy and takes real work.

Third (and if you read nothing else in this, read this), stop caring and thinking so much, especially about yourself, and start doing. Get out of the house most of the day. Take up a charity you believe in. Bust your ass. Never go to bed not tired at night and if you think there's nothing to do to get tired, there's a sick, dying feeble or disabled person within a mile of your house who could really use your help. Find them. Hanging out with a dying person (groups of people even better) or a disabled person or a person in chronic, constant pain has a remarkable effect which I highly recommend. Go sit in a chemo lab with 20 people hooked up getting bags of poison piped in three times a week and then have the gall to sit at home on your healthy pain free ass and wonder "do I wub myself enough? do I? do I?" Go to bed tired from activity every night for a month and you will find peace very rapidly as your level of happiness increases. Get tired by helping people who need it. Works wonders for frame of mind I promise.

Fourth, avoid media entirely. It is a poison trap for depressed people. Don't watch television, listen to negative music, watch movies. When I was feeling like you do years ago I was wondering how to remedy... I realized Radiohead's "Creep" was playing in the background, "I'm a creep! I'm a weirdo!" then started looking at the music I was listening to, the computer games I was playing, news I was seeing, TV shows, movies, all negative, all basically a sh-tbucket of negative emotions, violence and fearmongering. NO F-CKING WONDER I had developed a bad attitude. Weed the negative crap and people OUT until you are more objective and stronger. Tolerate NONE of it and walk... RUN away from ANYONE even family who tries to drag you down into the crab barrel. Way down the road you will be able to apply and understand negativity objectively in the context of your happy life and the media influence won't phase you. That's at least a year away though, for now turn it all off!

Fifth, Stay AWAY from women entirely in a sexual way for a year (like they tell rehabbers incidentally) no girlfriends or relationships. Come back down the road from a position of power, looking and feeling your best. You are not strong enough to undertake a numbers game with rejections or the vicissitudes of the women you are likely to meet out.

Sixth, Diet, sleep, exercise, avoid drugs including caffeine, nicotine, alcohol. I don't know a single depressed person, have never met one in fact, who had this simple aspect of their life in order. I don't know any unhappy people who get 8 hours and to bed early, eat a wholesome diet, exercise regularly/strenuously and avoid booze/drugs/cigs. Not one, never met one. There's a reason for that.

Good luck.

 

[Fortzen1305]

I guess I'll start every morning by positively affirming myself...Hopefully this helps. Do I find something different to say everyday? Or is there a fixed line I use?

Yea it's something different every day. Like I said, it'll be hard to find at first but it'll come. Once you start breaking that negative thinking cycle and actually putting one foot in front of the other in terms of making changes to the things you want, it'll become much easier. Something another poster said was to cut out drugs and alcohol. That is very important because they will not just mess with how you feel physically, but mentally too.

It's not an overnight thing so this is going to take a while. Best of luck to you man. The times I've done the most personal growth have also been the most tumultuous.

 

[collosuss]

Took me a while to figure this out about myself. I've kept wondering why do I let people talk to me any how and don't defend myself, why I have social anxiety, why does my life suck, why am I not a happy positive person and why am i struggling with girls..

So what now?

You guys say this is a self improvement forum so I hope I've come to the right place

If you guys would like some more details about myself then feel free to ask

You love yourself bruh that's why your still alive I know some people that didn't really love themselves and they sleeping 6 feet deep either by suicide or doing things that will get you killed which is the same as suicide itself. You just going through some things and don't seem to have the right answers right now but trust me if you dig deep inside yourself you will find the answers. you need to tap into that gene that every man has, that I don't give a fvck gene! don't let anybody talk to you any type of way your a man and you got to act like one that's all it is to it. When you man up the women will notice trust me. Im pretty sure that 90% of the fellas on here would like to see you succeed inclucing Smoothmooves, its time for the main person to start caring and that YOU... Were not going to hold your hand but I will be the first to shake your hand when you succeed...

 

[Maximus Rex]

Damn It Jim, Rex Is Not A Therapist!

You're absolutely right..But HOW do I learn to love myself? I'm sure this has something to do with my past and my upbringing since I did not have good parents. I was thinking of some counseling but money is very tight right now

Due you're asking about sh*t that is beyond Rex's pay grade. You need to seek the counsel of a paid professional on that one. What I tell is do an introspection and try to find the source of lack of love for yourself and maybe reach out to spiritual source. Also take a yoga class for the meditation aspects.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Man...

I've struggled with this for almost 23 years. Then depression kicked in. And I almost went to a clinic.

If I knew the answer was so simple I would have enjoyed my youth way better!

The answer, as I've said, is simple.

You just have to be happy!

There is no secret key to do so though. It may sound really hard for you to even grasp this now. But the same way you find ease in being sad/hating yourself, when you become happy, which will happen soon enough, you'll realise how easy it is for you to feel happy!

Anyway, in order to feel happy, and start loving yourself, there a few things you MUST do. If you don't do any of this, it will be hard for you to get there, but I'll give you step by step (I wish I had something like this back then)

1-Find something you love, and do it:
Wheter is a hobby, or a sport (or a chick) you have to go out there and learn a new thing that sparkles your eye. Or actvely purse something you already love, but are to scared to do, for example, playing in a band!
It has to be a real actvity. And it is better if it envolves other people. The more the merrier.
(Video gaming, online gaming, and jerking off do not count!)

2-Find your faith:
Yes, faith. Like in religion, or any sh*t like this. Modern society brought so many things to the table that everyone has become an atheist. Just because they can. Study some belief, whatever suits you. The one you believe makes more sense. And believe that sh*t!

3-Have a moment of introspection:
I know. You are already introspect. You are already shy, and you barely talk to your mom. But what I mean is. Have 20 minutes of your to yourself. Sit in a bench on a park. On a chair on your porch. In your toilet seat. Wherever. And think... It can be meditation (Which is really good), it can be a prayer, you can thank the universe. Anything. Just cut yourself from the world and stand with you. Alone!

4-Read:
This one is harder than it seems. But reading great books will put you on the right track for sure. In order to help you, here is a list of excellent books to Read:
(They are not in any specif order)

The 7 habits of highly effective people - Stephen Covey
The Power of Habit - Charles Duhigg
Made to Stick - Dan & Chip Heath
Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion - Robert Cialdini
The Book of Pook - You can find this one on the DJ Bible DL section
The Art of Seduction - Robert Greene
The 48 laws of Power - Robert Greene
Mastery - Robert Greene
Switch: How to change things when Change is Hard - Dan & Chip Heath
Flow: The Psychology of optimal experience - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Decisive: How to make better choices in life and Work - Dan & Chip Heath
Awaken the Giant Within - Anthony Robbins
Unlimited Power - Anthony Robbins
Thinking Fast and Slow - Daniel Kahneman
Magic Bullets 2nd Edition - Nick Savoy
The Prince - Niccolo Machiacvelli
The Power of Now - Eckhar Tolle
Pitch Anything - Oren Klaf
Emotional Intelligence - Daniel Goleman

5-Cut bad habits. Replace with good ones:
Watch too much tv? Turn it off and go read a book. Besides of leaving you dumb, and killing good hours of your day, it washes your brain with a truckload ammoount of sh*t. Sh*t to make you even dumber, and sad.

Play too much video game? Cut that sh*t and hit the gym. Gaming will not get you anywhere. It will only seclude you even more. Hitting the gym may sound hard, because it is. But after a month or two, you get used to it, and you begin seeing results. A good tip is avoid doing cardio. (i.e. Running) it is boring, and it will kill your spirit. After you get used to training you add some cardio to get started.

Too much porn? Block all the sites! Fapping to much will leave with sexual anciety, which may cause you premature ejacullation, and with impotency. Instead, go out there and start saying hello to random people. Your doorman, the guy on the bakery, the cashier on the market, the bouncer on the club, the hot chik with the dog. This will put you on a more talkative mood and getting a 'hi' back will put a small smile on your face.

Anyway, you got the idea. And you now what are the bad habits. You can have an ocasionnal big mac. You just don't have to eat it every single f*cking day!

6-Listen to upbeat/happy music:
This may sound lame. And I know how much you like slipknot. But you are sad, and you know it, and listen to music that only say bad things that can dramatically bring you down will not help!


This are all things you can do by yourself. And remember, only you can bring you up. People may even be complacent sometimes. Eventually it gets boring and they always leave, because they have their own problems.
But there is something that you must do with someone else, and that is step number...


7-LOVE:
I know. Lots of guys in here believe women are evil b*tches, with the sole purpose of screwing your life, taking your money, and then cheating you afterwards...
Well, they are! Anyway, people are still able to fell this emotion. Even if it lasts for 3 months, when you love you will know it. And no. I'm not talking about sick love, one itis, platonic friend love. I'm talking about mutual love, that you give and receive. Only when you feel this with someone, you will grasp what true happiness is.

As I've said, she may leave you, dump you, cheat on you later. Or you can get bored and dump her first. Both cases will leave you destroyed, and most likely more depressed than you are now. But this pain fades with time, and after that, you will have experienced the most raw form of happiness! And after feeling that kind of happiness, you eventually realise that the happiness was inside of you all along, you just have to turn the switch to 'On'

---------------------------------------------------------

All of this is said from experience. I once was a dude like you, asking myself 'How the f*ck people are happy' or 'Why can't I be happy'.
Anyway, people are not that happy! It is only a façade. But, as everything, there are people who are genuinelly happy, and you can easily recognize them, and there a people that are happy but are clueless to everything I've said above. It does not matter. We are more problematic males, and we need the step by step. So there you have it!

I'm pretty much a very happy dude now! And I most def love myself. Way too much I guess! haha

I hope this helps mate!

Peace

 

[adam225]

Why is it when ever I post something up about hypnosis these NOOBS are ignorant to it.... Does this tick all your boxes ? http://www.naturalhypnosis.com/love-yourself-hypnosis

Hypnosis is tool to change the way you think. Change the way you think and you change the way you perceive the world.

 

[Suspens]

You don't have to love yourself.


Just accept yourself, and once there, start working on your shortcomings.