I dont know how to be happy being single

[harkkam08]

My ex broke up with me 3 months ago and we were together for one year and even though I am coping a bit better there is still this big void and I am trying and trying to fill it up and the only thing I know that will is her, but I cant have her anymore.

Im taking pills and seeing a therapist because I spiraled into serious depression and he is helping me out of it.

My main questions is

How can you make yourself happy being single again?

A little background information about me.

I am a shy guy yet I have had three relationships up to this point this being my third, I am 24 years old.


I am having a hard time being happy because I am socially isolated I have all of maybe two friends at most. My skills at talking to new people are very limited and this makes me feel cut off from the world.

When I had her in my life I had someone to explore the world with, somebody to feel loved and always felt like someone was there when i felt a bit lonely. I didnt feel disconnected from the world. I could call her up and go to the city or we could sit next to each other and just fall asleep and I would feel good in that deep inner part of me.

I am not talking about ego feeling good like "yeah I got a girlfriend who is hot" but more of that "damn I feel loved and safe and I can trust this person to love me" more like what you feel around really close family and friends.

She had lot of the traits that I liked and she was the most attractive girl that I have dated so far. Combined with my limited skills in socializing when I met her I felt like I hit the lottery and I was very happy.

----

Now all of these feelings are wrong because I've done my study and I see how being dependent on others for happiness is wrong and you need to be the rock in the relationship. So I know a bit about what I did wrong.

But my question is really how do you go about FEELING happy, not you are SUPPOSED to be happy but how do I START feeling happy inside my body?

How can I feel the same good feelings that I did when I was with her?

How can I feel les isolated and connected with the world like when I was with her?


Thanks guys

 

[perseverance]

You're in a bad situation, but with hard work and a positive attitude you can get yourself out of this mess and change for the better.

"there is still this big void and I am trying and trying to fill it up and the only thing I know that will is her, but I cant have her anymore."

I used to think that it would take a special woman to fill the many voids in my life, but then as these special women broke up with me, or lost interest in me I began to realize that these women were only short term solutions to a long term problem. In other words, I began to realize that I needed to be happy in all aspects of my life in order to attract and keep a good woman.


"Im taking pills and seeing a therapist because I spiraled into serious depression and he is helping me out of it."

You are suffering from depression, you have realized that this a problem and have sought help, brilliant. You are on the right track to becoming a better man.

"How can you make yourself happy being single again?"

You can't force yourself to be happy, it's fake and people will see that a mile off. What you need to do is learn to enjoy being single. When I am single, I'm accountable only to myself which is something to enjoy, not something to be scorned at. You have endless amounts of freedom that you do not have in a relationship. Do you have any interests or hobbies that you really immerse yourself in? What are your passions in life? Find out what you enjoy doing and spend your time doing those things.

"I am having a hard time being happy because I am socially isolated I have all of maybe two friends at most. My skills at talking to new people are very limited and this makes me feel cut off from the world."

Your socially isolated because you lack basic social skills. These things can be worked on. http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/09/improving-social-skills/ this is quite useful as a starting point. The eaiest way of improving your social skills and make more friends is by being more outgoing, take your hobbies for instance. Say you like fishing, why not search for a local fishing club in your local area and sign up to it? That way, you'll be doing something you enjoy with people who also share the same interest in fishing that you do. You are bound to make new friends and widen your social circle this way. Making friends is easy, it's keeping the friend strong down the years that is the hard part.

"when I met her I felt like I hit the lottery and I was very happy."

This is your problem. You saw this girl as a source of happiness, she was the only reason you went from being unhappy to being very happy. You placed all of your happiness on this girls shoulders, you placed her at the centre of your universe. A girl should add to your life, not complete. A girl should add to your happiness, she shouldn't be the sole reason you are happy. You cannot hope to have a happy, long term relationship if you are unhappy and unsatisified with all the other aspects of your life.

You need to be happy with your own life before inviting someone else in and the only way you can achieve that is by living your dreams. Live. Laugh. Love, remember things in that order and your life will slowly, but surely start changing for the better.

 

[Warrior74]

My ex broke up with me 3 months ago and we were together for one year and even though I am coping a bit better there is still this big void and I am trying and trying to fill it up and the only thing I know that will is her, but I cant have her anymore.

Im taking pills and seeing a therapist because I spiraled into serious depression and he is helping me out of it.

My main questions is

How can you make yourself happy being single again?

A little background information about me.

I am a shy guy yet I have had three relationships up to this point this being my third, I am 24 years old.


I am having a hard time being happy because I am socially isolated I have all of maybe two friends at most. My skills at talking to new people are very limited and this makes me feel cut off from the world.

When I had her in my life I had someone to explore the world with, somebody to feel loved and always felt like someone was there when i felt a bit lonely. I didnt feel disconnected from the world. I could call her up and go to the city or we could sit next to each other and just fall asleep and I would feel good in that deep inner part of me.

I am not talking about ego feeling good like "yeah I got a girlfriend who is hot" but more of that "damn I feel loved and safe and I can trust this person to love me" more like what you feel around really close family and friends.

She had lot of the traits that I liked and she was the most attractive girl that I have dated so far. Combined with my limited skills in socializing when I met her I felt like I hit the lottery and I was very happy.

----

Now all of these feelings are wrong because I've done my study and I see how being dependent on others for happiness is wrong and you need to be the rock in the relationship. So I know a bit about what I did wrong.

But my question is really how do you go about FEELING happy, not you are SUPPOSED to be happy but how do I START feeling happy inside my body?

How can I feel the same good feelings that I did when I was with her?

How can I feel les isolated and connected with the world like when I was with her?


Thanks guys

You know the why, you just don't know the how.

First, I hate to say this but let's just get it out of the way. Exercise, hit the gym. It produces endorphines, it helps relieve stress. You can meet people to socialize with at the gym.

Second. You need to find out who you are. Who is harkkam08? What does he like to do? What is he interested in? What does he consider fun? What sort of people does he like? Once you know those anwsers, you need to find social groups, business associations, trade groups, college classes and other groups and activities that support those interests.

Third. If you are a spiritual person, take some time every morning when you wake up and pray. If you are not spiritual, take some time every morning and meditate. After you pray/meditate take some time to tell yourself positive things. These are known as positive affirmations. Mentally list the good things about yourself, don't allow any negativity into your quiet mental time. This is just a time for you to feel good about being you.

Fourth. Start a small plan to be more social. If you are in college or at work, just try speaking to people. Asking them how their weekend was. The more conversations you have with people the more they will respond favorably. Nothing to be afraid of.

Fifth. Be brave. Get out there and do some things that scare you. Go somewhere new, try something different. Keep pushing yourself. You get to be the rock in a relationship because you have gotten out there and tried new things. You have been brave, so you don't let a woman's fears shake you. You have proven to yourself you can handle yourself in new and different situations. That breeds confidence.

Lastly. When you get ready to start dating women, read the DJ bible and the Book of Pook.

Good luck man. It will all work out.

 

[Commandante]

I dont know how to be happy being single

Drink beer! A lot of beer!

 

[DonJuan_DeRosco]

I hope that was a jest? Alcohol being a depressant is not the best idea for someone with depression!

Otherwise, perseverance and warrior74 have gave you some great advice.

You gotta learn who YOU are. This will take time.

You might find it beneficial to find some friends who are naturally good with women, just to watch and learn from.

 

[Allurre]

1. You need to be HAPPY with who you are. Divert your energy and time on IMPROVING yourself. Develop a new hobby. Remind yourself: There are boatloads more quality WOMEN out there. You haven't seen the world yet, so don't come to conclusions that she was potentially 'the one' on this planet for you.

2. Detach the roots of your happiness to women. Be happy you have a life, and your future is WHAT you make of it. If you sit around and let depression bite you in the ass all day, THAT's what you're going to get.

3. Clearing this state of depression will not occur overnight, but GRADUALLY. Surround yourself with more positive events/people/beliefs/goals . Things will get better! Don't let that chick DEFINE you.