I could use some advise on female "friend"

[JustDoItAlways]

Friends are not supposed to sleep together naked.

Well, except for friends with benefits of course which is becoming more and more common. Join the crowd. She'll find another boyfriend soon enough and your benefits will be cut-off.

 

[STR8UP]

And as a friend, I actually want to help her. Don't you guys have any female friends that you care for, as a friend, and would step up to help when they are having a tough time?

Sure i do. The one I mentioned in my last reply.....I let her cry on my shoulder for an hour or two last week. I don't do that for just anyone.

But keep something in mind here. She does NOT have YOUR best interest in mind. She's doing this all for herself. So don't worry about her!

I have been guilty of making the same mistake in the past. Not making a move out of respect or whatever, and it comes back to bite me in the ass because now not only did I NOT help her with her problem, but she also looks at me like a grade "A" pu$$y for not busting a nut all over her back.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Anyway I thought of another thing you could try Mr. Positive.

The next time you are in bed with her and she is giving the go ahead for sex you could say to her softly and emotionally "You know we could do this and it would be a beautiful thing but are you sure this is what you really want?"

Putting it this way gives her the power of rejection and gives her a chance to get her thoughts in order and takes guilt off of your mind if she gives the go ahead to sex.

This could save your friendship if after thinking about it she says "I'm sorry this was a mistake" etc since it makes her the rejecting party instead of you.

Then after a few awkward days one of you could say some ice breaking joke to the other and resume the friendship as normal lol.

This is a really good idea, and might work. Thanks Kontroller. I saw her again this afternoon briefly and she was acting like she normaly does, no strange sexual tension.

I agree friends do not sleep together naked, but as long as she's not emotionally attached, and I'm not, maybe I'm making this into a bigger deal than it needs to be.

And Persistent, yes, I am trying to justify a reason for b@nging a friend. I'm not going to lie and say that I don't find her attractive, because I do. I just don't want her to regret anything either.

 

[edger]

right now what you are witnessing though is what happens to women when they dont have a guy. they get horribly desperate for a source of validation. they need a guy, almost any guy, to tell them they are beautiful or a great person. they fall to pieces when they dont get that on a regular basis.

as for banging her, why not, go ahead. women are not these fragile little creatures that will shatter into a thousand pieces just because you stuck your d*ck in them. so if its her you are concerned for, dont be, she KNOWS what she is doing. right now SHE is creating the situation, not you, despite what you might think regarding kino.

Mr. Positive, I'll second all this.

 

[STR8UP]

And Persistent, yes, I am trying to justify a reason for b@nging a friend. I'm not going to lie and say that I don't find her attractive, because I do. I just don't want her to regret anything either.

Her her her her her.

FUKK her. Literally AND figuratively.

You are placing WAY too much emphasis on her feelings.

If you DON'T do this, don't do it because you foresee a potential problem, not because you're worried about her feelings getting hurt.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Would you sleep in bed with your best male friend naked?


Women have botfriends and girlfriends. If you're not ƒucking her, you're her girlfriend.

 

[Latinoman]

This post is very AFC, I know, and I deserve to get some tough advise.

I have an issue with a female friend of mine, that is, just a friend. I care about her as a friend, and I value my friendship with her and would do anything to help her out.

Recently, her boyfriend, which she was in love with, left her and she's been having a very tough time dealing with it.

So, anyway, about a week ago I was at her place and she was telling me about everything, we were getting drunk together, and then I made a big mistake...I started to kino her. Well, that opened the flood gates for physical contact with her. It amazes me the power of kino sometimes. Now, she can't keep her hands off of me.

I don't know what I was thinking, I guess I wanted to help her feel better about herself. Plus, I am attracted to her...and the alcohol played a part.

Now she's sort of latched on to me as a "surrogate boyfriend". I've played a long because I thought I was helping her get past her previous BF, but now I'm questioning if I'm helping her or not.

I'm questioning this, because she's been spending the night at my place. No sex, but just I can't help escalating things and it gets to the point of her getting all heated up, almost to the point of orgasm, then breaking down saying " I can't do this, my mind is somewhere else"...then getting heated up again, then same thing.

I just know that if it keep going this way, sex will happen, but I don't think that's going to help her...I think it will make things worse for her because she's confused.

So, now I've got a friend that I'm attracted to, but she's a friend I'm trying to help too, sleeping in my bed at night. I've got a naked chick in my bed that I can't help but want to have sex with, but don't, because of the drama involved if I do. It's a frustrating dilemma.

This would be much easier if it was a gal I was gaming, so to speak, but keep in mind, this is a friend that I care about, and want to help. So, I'm not sure what to do at this point.

Any advise on how to desexualize yourself with a woman? How do you "reverse DJ" a woman?

Dude...if you want to have sex with her...then she is NOT your "friend" as female friends should past the "sisterhood" test. I doubt you would want to have sex with your sister.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Dude...if you want to have sex with her...then she is NOT your "friend" as female friends should past the "sisterhood" test. I doubt you would want to have sex with your sister.

Right, but she's not my sister. You can have friends and be attracted to them at the same time. I don't see it as being an issue as long as you have other options.

Regardless, if there's a woman that I'm attracted to who's naked in my bed, and we're fooling around...her "being a friend" is the last thing on my mind.

This really is new territory for me, to be honest, because outside the bedroom she acts like everything is back to the way it was before.

 

[Latinoman]

Right, but she's not my sister. You can have friends and be attracted to them at the same time. I don't see it as being an issue as long as you have other options.

It is an issue. You know...I have FRIENDS (as from both sexes) and I have LOVERS. The ones I'm attracted to...I fvck.

The MOST AFC thing a man can do is use "friendship" as an excuse to get close to a woman. And as we can see...right now you are acting WORST than a woman. Personally? I don't deal with these kind of issues because when a woman is naked in my bed...she has already being fvcked...by me. And there is not guilt in my mind because I was not hanging around her like a girlfriend.

 

[joekerr31]

Right, but she's not my sister. You can have friends and be attracted to them at the same time. I don't see it as being an issue as long as you have other options.

i gotta be honest. for myself, i can only be friends with women i have no desire to sleep with. or if im in a committed relationship with someone.

being friend with a woman you want to bang is like being a smoker and having a cigarette in your mouth but never lighting it.

 

[decades]

Right, but she's not my sister. You can have friends and be attracted to them at the same time. I don't see it as being an issue as long as you have other options.

ummm it IS an issue. a big one. it has you perplexed enough to start a thread and risk a lot to air it out. But what I am reading here is you not really liking the answers you are getting. You want to have your Cake and eat it too. Well you can't. Take responsibility for your role in where you are. You WANTED to be in this position where she is in your bed Naked. Please examine your motivations with this so called friend of yours. If she is truly the friend you say she is then get her the fukk out of your bed. If you were waiting in the wings for this moment to occur so you could capitalize, then please drop the pretense that you are doing this to be "there" for her.

 

[Mr.Positive]

I hear what you guys are saying, and I agree.

This is going to sound strange, but I do care for her as a friend. It really wasn't about the sex...sex is easy to get if you want it, just go to a local bar, etc. She needed attention to feel better about herself, and I was supplying that. Then it turned physical. Now, she's the one initiating all the physical contact.

I don't need to lay her to add another notch on my bedpost. It's just that if you add a naked woman to my bed I'm going to try and have sex with her.

Ah, to hell with it, is she chooses to join me in my bed again, she's going to get sex. I'm wasting too much effort thinking about this, it's not worth it.

She's a big girl, she's not stupid, like you guys are saying..she's not a fragile creature..she know's what she's doing.

Thanks for all the advise guys..it really helps to get outside (anonymous) opinions.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

You can have friends and be attracted to them at the same time. I don't see it as being an issue as long as you have other options.

Regardless, if there's a woman that I'm attracted to who's naked in my bed, and we're fooling around...her "being a friend" is the last thing on my mind.

I see. You ever given a man a foot rub?

 

[Mr.Positive]

I see. You ever given a man a foot rub?

Alright, I'm calling for all honesty here. Everyone, think of all your female friends. Think if they showed up in your bed naked, would you pursue sex with them, or kick them out?

Be honest. I bet, there would be a lot more of us sexing up our female "friends" than we'd like to admit.

For if not, we are saying that all our female friends are butt @ss ugly.

There seems to be the school of thought that women are either:

1) Friends. No sexual or relationship desire at all.

2) Potential lovers or lovers. We go after the sexual relationship.

While this may be fine for the guy just looking to get laid all the time, for those of us that are looking for a quality woman, it's not so binary, 0's or 1's.

There are friends that we find attractive, yet are not suitable for seeking out for a relationship.

I have a few friends like this, they are good people, attractive, and yet would not be compatible with me. Attractive women have attractive friends, and I've dated some of their friends, etc.

It's all about having control of your emotions, as long as you aren't friend-zoned by them and have oneitis, I still think you can have attractive female friends.

 

[joekerr31]

if you f*ck her she's a lover, not a friend.

think of it like concentric circles. at the center is you. the next circle is your family. the next circle is your girlfriend / lover. the next circle is your friends. the next circle is your associates.

she is no longer in the 'friends' circle - you've brought her closer and placed her in the 'lover' circle.

you've already got her in that circle - you slept with her naked in your bed. i say you might as well f*ck her now.

if you don't want her in that circle, then you need to bump her back out into the friends circle.

 

[decades]

Think if they showed up in your bed naked, would you pursue sex with them, or kick them out?

Gosh your "friend" just SHOWED up Naked in your Bed. Imagine that. Do you really think things just happen like that randomly? They don't. When are you going to admit that you are Happy this happened (because of how you worked the situation) and that she is happy this happened (because she allowed it). What I see here is two people afraid of their own shadows worried that if your Penis goes in her Vagina, the earth might spin off its axis. What is this need you have to make this seem like some random force beyond either of your control brought you two together? You're not in high school anymore. It's just sex dude.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Would you give me a foot massage? I'm kinda tired,..

Be honest. I bet, there would be a lot more of us sexing up our female "friends" than we'd like to admit.

This is because you cannot be friends with a woman until you've resolved intimacy. You haven't resolved intimacy with this girl and she is therefore a potential "sex interest." You toss around the word 'friend' fairly universally because it's expedient to do so and serves the purpose of allowing you to be around this (or any) girl under the premise that you're above this biological urge to bang her as you'd like to. God forbid a woman actually think you may want to ƒuck her, my word! She knows it, you know it. It would be far healthier to embrace this aspect of ourselves than play at a game that really only serves women's attention needs and plants her firmly as the sexual selection filter.

Why does she: sleep at your house? sleep in your bed? sleep naked in your bed? Have you ever let one of your guy friends sleep naked in your bed (repeatedly)? Probably not, because you don't want to bend them over the kitchen table and ride them to glory now do you?

Mrs. Tomassi is my best friend, she is a woman, but she is so because our intimacy was resolved years ago. I didn't see her across the club and say to myself, "now there's an endearing young woman, I think I'd like start up a solid friendship with her." No, I thought, "damn! I have GOT to tap that!" It's sex first then relationship. When you buy into the idea that you're 'friends' with her you only desexualize yourself and give her an 'out' option. You make her rejection that much easier.

 

[Colossus]

...being friend with a woman you want to bang is like being a smoker and having a cigarette in your mouth but never lighting it.

Priceless.

 

[STR8UP]

There seems to be the school of thought that women are either:

1) Friends. No sexual or relationship desire at all.

2) Potential lovers or lovers. We go after the sexual relationship.

While this may be fine for the guy just looking to get laid all the time, for those of us that are looking for a quality woman, it's not so binary, 0's or 1's.

There are friends that we find attractive, yet are not suitable for seeking out for a relationship.

I have a few friends like this, they are good people, attractive, and yet would not be compatible with me. Attractive women have attractive friends, and I've dated some of their friends, etc.

It's all about having control of your emotions, as long as you aren't friend-zoned by them and have oneitis, I still think you can have attractive female friends.

I'm right there with you on this, and I get blasted constantly for having this school of thought, so I know where you are coming from.

You hit the nail on the head. Why should you "throw away" a female who for whatever reason doesn't meet your criteria for a mate, simply because you might be the slightest bit attracted to her?

For me it's all about understanding that I could easily eat the fruit, but it's much more valuable to me to plant it in the ground and let it grow into something that bears much MORE fruit. If I do decide to eat the fruit we all know that there is a price to pay. Usually that price is that she will want something more, so I am particular about who I get sexually involved with.

The key to it all is knowing when to eat the fruit and when to plant it. When a woman fails the test for a relationship you have three choices. You can eat it (fukk her or at least try), plant it (allow the relationship to continue acknowledging the fact that there IS sexual chemistry), or throw it away.

Why would you throw something away that has the potential to benefit you?

Guys who only have an on/off switch when it comes to women, IMO, are missing out on a lot.

I have SOOOO much more opportunity with women now that I have a lot of female "friends".

I say "friends" because, as Rollo says, with most of them there are unresolved intimacy issues. I acknowledge that. It's the fact that I can recognize it and control the situation that allows me to pull it off without any problems. The guy who hangs around women hoping for a scrap is setting a dangerous trap for himself.

Matter of fact I kind of like the spice that comes from having women around who might fukk you and who you might consider fukking if the conditions were right. I don't have to prove I am a man by acting on the slightest sexual desire. I am content to know that I COULD likely bang most of them, if I am so inclined.

We have all heard of social proof, no?

I will be so bold as to claim that I have UBER social proof, because I am usually around a decent size group of guys and girls. One or two chicks in your group that are sexually attracted to you in the slightest bit drives other women crazy. If another woman is attracted to you, she becomes hyper aware of her "competition" and it amplifies everything she feels toward you.

I can't tell you how many times i get women who are interested in me tell me "You have quite the fan club". I just play dumb and blow it off "Awww....you're crazy!" which intrigues them even MORE because they can feel other women giving off sexual vibes and they are curious as to why you won't own up to it and possibly brag like some guys would. One chick that I was seeing last year even made a comment about how such and such women are into me, but I am too modest to even acknowledge it, so I know I'm doing it right.

Things have slowed down socially for me over the past several months, but I wouldn't trade my social life today for my social life at any other time in my life, including when I was bartending at a popular local bar at age 21. There's no comparison.

Pretty much every weekend i meet new women (many of whom are often attracted to me) through one of several female "friends". Good looking women attracted to you even BEFORE they meet you? (women talk about men they like) I don't even have to lift a finger. Wouldn't trade it for anything.

 

[Latinoman]

Would you give me a foot massage? I'm kinda tired,..





This is because you cannot be friends with a woman until you've resolved intimacy. You haven't resolved intimacy with this girl and she is therefore a potential "sex interest." You toss around the word 'friend' fairly universally because it's expedient to do so and serves the purpose of allowing you to be around this (or any) girl under the premise that you're above this biological urge to bang her as you'd like to. God forbid a woman actually think you may want to ƒuck her, my word! She knows it, you know it. It would be far healthier to embrace this aspect of ourselves than play at a game that really only serves women's attention needs and plants her firmly as the sexual selection filter.

Why does she: sleep at your house? sleep in your bed? sleep naked in your bed? Have you ever let one of your guy friends sleep naked in your bed (repeatedly)? Probably not, because you don't want to bend them over the kitchen table and ride them to glory now do you?

Mrs. Tomassi is my best friend, she is a woman, but she is so because our intimacy was resolved years ago. I didn't see her across the club and say to myself, "now there's an endearing young woman, I think I'd like start up a solid friendship with her." No, I thought, "damn! I have GOT to tap that!" It's sex first then relationship. When you buy into the idea that you're 'friends' with her you only desexualize yourself and give her an 'out' option. You make her rejection that much easier.

Very well said.