I'm in a very rough spot that is absolutely devastating my mental health. Just when I feel like I have a shred of personal integrity and strength I cave and allow myself to get walked on.
Me and my ex had a very interesting relationship for about 3 years. It ended on a weird note and I suspect she was getting close to my best friend and used an event around that tone to justify the ending of it and kicking me out. Unfortunately I truly believe she is a great person to have as a friend when I already don't really have many. The problem is she grew to fall in love with my best friend.
I was not okay with this. I could have gotten over her and healed even as friends with her but I simply know I would never be able to heal or remain comfortable around my best friend if they pursued their love. I began to make things awkward for her when I confronted my best friend about this multiple times. Because I suspected towards the end of the relationship that he was courting her. He admitted he was and it stopped but it was an on and off thing even after I got dumped.
I went to her house this past weekend and we talked a bit. She continuously asked me if I would stand in the way of love. I told her that if she dated my friend that I would have no choice but to end my friendship with him. She basically called me selfish and told me I don't support her and that I can't control peoples lives like that. I feel like I am just as much entitled to my feelings as she is hers except I find more rational basis in mind. It would make me very unhappy and it would pain me to be with my friend knowing he is dating my ex. Sorry but that should be enough for anyone to just move on. Instead she is the one who tells me to move on when when she is literally just in love, and is not even dating him, and can get over him and move on. She is forcing me to play my hand against a 6 year old friendship with my buddy and it deeply saddens me to think she doesn't seem to care.
The problem is she holds things over my head and uses financial incentives to keep me reeled in and in check. She added me to her life insurance policy so if she dies I could claim. And a few other things. She had no problem keeping me on even after she dumped me but now she is saying if I don't move out of the way of love she has no reason to be my friend and support me financially. She knows how much I care about it(and honestly who could easily resist the prospect of sweet beneficiary money) so it sways my opinion. At the end of our talk this past weekend I made some statement that could have been taken as I support her love.
The reality is I don't though. As soon as I got home I just immediately felt sick about the whole thing. About how she is gonna date my best friend and when I hang out with him I know he will be with a woman whom I dearly loved. My self respect has been compromised and I can't seem to put my foot down because I am sad to lose her as a friend. I told my best friend that if he pursues anything I can't remain comfortable maintaining a friendship with him and I believe he understands. He wishes things would just remain the same between us all where we're just all good friends and that he barely talks to her. My friend says he really doesn't want everything to fall apart.
I can't find any peace with myself or with these people and it's taking a toll on me. Am I wrong to feel so strongly about being against her dating my best friend? How can her "love" outweigh the pain I would endure from them being together? I can't tell what's right and what's wrong.
Me and my ex had a very interesting relationship for about 3 years. It ended on a weird note and I suspect she was getting close to my best friend and used an event around that tone to justify the ending of it and kicking me out. Unfortunately I truly believe she is a great person to have as a friend when I already don't really have many. The problem is she grew to fall in love with my best friend.
I was not okay with this. I could have gotten over her and healed even as friends with her but I simply know I would never be able to heal or remain comfortable around my best friend if they pursued their love. I began to make things awkward for her when I confronted my best friend about this multiple times. Because I suspected towards the end of the relationship that he was courting her. He admitted he was and it stopped but it was an on and off thing even after I got dumped.
I went to her house this past weekend and we talked a bit. She continuously asked me if I would stand in the way of love. I told her that if she dated my friend that I would have no choice but to end my friendship with him. She basically called me selfish and told me I don't support her and that I can't control peoples lives like that. I feel like I am just as much entitled to my feelings as she is hers except I find more rational basis in mind. It would make me very unhappy and it would pain me to be with my friend knowing he is dating my ex. Sorry but that should be enough for anyone to just move on. Instead she is the one who tells me to move on when when she is literally just in love, and is not even dating him, and can get over him and move on. She is forcing me to play my hand against a 6 year old friendship with my buddy and it deeply saddens me to think she doesn't seem to care.
The problem is she holds things over my head and uses financial incentives to keep me reeled in and in check. She added me to her life insurance policy so if she dies I could claim. And a few other things. She had no problem keeping me on even after she dumped me but now she is saying if I don't move out of the way of love she has no reason to be my friend and support me financially. She knows how much I care about it(and honestly who could easily resist the prospect of sweet beneficiary money) so it sways my opinion. At the end of our talk this past weekend I made some statement that could have been taken as I support her love.
The reality is I don't though. As soon as I got home I just immediately felt sick about the whole thing. About how she is gonna date my best friend and when I hang out with him I know he will be with a woman whom I dearly loved. My self respect has been compromised and I can't seem to put my foot down because I am sad to lose her as a friend. I told my best friend that if he pursues anything I can't remain comfortable maintaining a friendship with him and I believe he understands. He wishes things would just remain the same between us all where we're just all good friends and that he barely talks to her. My friend says he really doesn't want everything to fall apart.
I can't find any peace with myself or with these people and it's taking a toll on me. Am I wrong to feel so strongly about being against her dating my best friend? How can her "love" outweigh the pain I would endure from them being together? I can't tell what's right and what's wrong.
