I can't fluff talk... I need advice

[cannibustacap]

I have read the DJB and all its articles on conversation and random fluff talk threads..

But I can't do it! Even with friends! I just noticed that every time I am talking to a friend, I am discussing a problem, making fun of someone, talking sh~t about something, teaching them something, or what not.

I never fluff talk. I don't even know what it is, I can't even recognize it when it is going on. I always wonder "what do people talk about in fluff talk and how do they talk for SO LONG"

When do I randomly fluff talk, it lasts for like a minute at the most... then it is AWKWARD silence.

Only, with friends it isn't awkward, we dont' give a sh~t.

When I'm on a date and that awkward silence kicks in, it is as thick as rubber.

I try to ignore it and stay calm and cool, but we talk about nothing. As a result (and probably other reasons) I don't really get anywhere.




I am not asking you how to cure me or give me the magical topic to discuss in any situation. I know they really don't exist.

How do I improve? How do I proactively improve... I have been talking all my life yet I have never been fluff talking.

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What I am good at is listening... however I listen so well I feel like it is the reason why I got LJBF by so many girls. They end up talking to me about their problems, past relationships... and I just sit back and listen "yeah... really... yeah... cool...oh yea?"


I need steps to improve my conversational (fluff) talk skills. Even my mom tells me I have this problem (she's been telling me for years but I never really listened or cared) Now I realize it is a problem.

Any books on this topic? Or old threads that aren't in the DJB that deal with this stuff.

Every time I am with a girl, my mind goes blank and I feel like I wish I wasn't even there.

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On top of all that, I get all this advice from DJ forums not to talk to girls about logical things like what I am doing in school, jobs, work. Not to teach them anything or offer them advice (or you get LJBF'd)... Not to try to solve their problems, just listen to them...

All these "don't do this" "don't do that"

All this leaves me with nothing to say. I might as well say to them: "I find you very attractive. Your assertiveness tells me that you feel the same way about me. But ritual remains that we must do a series of platonic actions before we can have intercourse. But all I really want to do is have sex with you as soon as possible." From Beautiful Mind.

 

[Eternal]

Since you said you are good at listening, keep that mind. Listen to what she says and then ask her follow up questions on it. If she says she lived in Oregan before moving, ask her what her why she moved or what her favorite place in Oregan was. Same thing with friends.

Friend A: I just got this new game.
You: Really? Harder then *insert game title*
Friend: Yeah, there is this one level where *goes into explanation*
You: *Follow up question, like "Wow, how'd you get past it?" or something*

 

[WORKEROUTER]

I'm the same way. Try to find a topic that interests you (and her), and you should be able to have a more meaningful discussion.

 

[DeathDealer]

Originally posted by WORKEROUTER
I'm the same way. Try to find a topic that interests you (and her), and you should be able to have a more meaningful discussion.

I don't like to start random conversations. I just like to focus on what's current. Getting tired of doing all this convo work.

 

[Bonhomme]

Me too

I'm also not sired for small talk... so I just observe, and run with what I see, or let her take it up and run with it.

Say, for example, I make good eye contact and do a bit if non-verbal flirting with a tall (6 ft or so) gal who is wearing heels, so she towers over everyone. I'll stand on my toes so I'm at least eye-to-eye with her, and tell her "you're cheating." Or I might tease a gal about something else she's wearing. Then once she gets going, I listen, and the rest usually follows from what she's saying.

 

[Desdinova]

The easiest fluff talk comes when you become more observant about your surroundings. Look for things that are odd. You'll find conversations anywhere.

Here's something for you to try when you're out and about. Look at your surroundings. Take notice of things that are unusual (including people), things that are funny, or things that are overdone. Take notice of ugly cars, ugly people, people wearing ugly things, people doing stupid things, people who wear things that really stand out, anything that seems out of place.

If you're with friends, take notice of something or someone and make a simple statement about it. If you're by yourself, keep the statement to yourself, but look for anything you can make a statement about.

After that, you can elaborate on it.

Example: "Hey! A wood panel station wagon! "(sarcastic proud voice) I built this myself". I knew a guy who actually made body modifications to his car by building them out of wood..."

People watching is something that me and my woman love to do. We take notice of how people walk, what people wear, where people are going, what people look like, and we can sit for hours and make ourselves laugh. The more observant you are, the more conversation you'll have.

 

[Jariel]

Here's a great tip that should help a lot:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=33162