I can't approach...

[playa in trainin']

I can't approach... *UPDATED*

Ok.. Before you tell me to read the dj bible.. Let me tell you, I've read so much threads it aint even funny!

I've tried reading everything. Although I do have and know some girls I know from associates and friends, I still cannot be content until I know I can approach a woman.

Yesterday, I was just outside the gym waiting for my chauffer when I saw this girl, we had a 4 second eye contact, then another 3 full eye contacts. I knew then and there she liked me.

But still, I can't put myself to doing it no matter how hard I try!
I've read and read the threads and I don't think it helps anymore.

Please help me. No i'm not newbie, I've been on other forums reading stuff as well, and have probably read well over 150 pages of threads including the DJ bible.

Some of them seem to help, but when i'm there.. It's like, i'm terrified & I feel like i'm gonna stutter or mess up..

I will dedicated my time here and whatever it takes to be able to do what I need to do, approach. Now, I just need some really helpful advice.. Can anyone help me?

 

[thirteenthstep]

>>> It's like, i'm terrified & I feel like i'm gonna stutter or mess up..<<<<

Welcome to the world of being normal. You need to get to the point whereby once you catch that eye contact, your bodys natural reflex response should be to MOVE IN. I find that if I don't have sex or masterbate for a while I'm so horny that I just move in, like my body just makes me do it.

Most people will tell you to practice conversations with strangers a lot more. This works too.

ALL INSECURITY MUST BE ANNHIALATED. BY WHATEVER MEANS NECESSARY.

 

[rgeere]

For starters:

You can stop worrying about saying the perfect thing, acting the perfect way, and having a perfect life because that isn't going to happen to anyone even if they lived a million years. Your human for peats sakes, make mistakes and enjoy life.

How do you think babies learned to walk? How many adults do you know that know how to walk? Do you think people are born immediatelly with the ability to walk? No, but they learn on their own.

Are people born with a full comprehension of the english language. No, they had to learn it from their parents.

Has anyone ever figured out how many licks it really takes to get to the center of a lollipop? No, and stop worrying about things that have no real use in life like "how many licks it takes to get to the center of a lollipop" because no one cares to know! It's insignifigant.


What I am saying is that there are three things in life that you need to know at this very moment; it's how to distinguish between the things you can do naturally, the things you have to be taught to do, and the non-sense that's completely unimportant and worthless to you and everyone else.

some examples:

Sex- a basic instict, you know you should have it and enjot it

Approaching women - don't know how to do it immediatelly, but need to learn to do it to get sex from women.

Your actions around women - quit worrying about it, one of those unnimportant things that's impossible for anyone to totally perfect nor are going to necessarily become a master at. Stop worrying and START ACTING.

IT IS A MATTER OF DOING WHAT MAKES YOU MOST AFRAID TO CONTROL THE FEARS THAT CONTROL YOU THE MOST.

Start by just having conversations with girls and learn all about their bells and whistles. Treat all of them the same whether they are incredibly attractive or not. Make fun of them, tease them, even offend them if you have to. Anything is better than sitting around mopping and masturbating silently to yourself.

If anything start doing it for yourself, you'll be dead in so many years anyways so stop wasting your own time and get on with it.

 

[icepick]

Dude, if the girl likes you, you don't have to be perfect or even close to perfect or even close to somewhat okay.

Really, the only way you will f*ck up a chance with a girl that likes you is to do something extreme, or if she is a total b*tch. (Eventually you will get to the point where you understand the b*tchiness, and it will be another adorable front that you will be able to 'crush' if you wanna.)

You are putting too much god damm pressure on yourself to be something that you are not (yet).

You are NOT a player, or a pimp, or whatever. No insult, just a forgone conclusion.

See, the players, and pimps, and suave guys have a HABIT that they have built up from years and years of dealing with women. The words flow from thier mouth, and the actions flow from thier personalities.

These combined are MUCH to much things for anybody who has not BEEN THERE to figure out and pull off. And the women can tell. (Not directly, but something will seem 'off'.)

Once you remove some of the pressure on yourself, you will see the situation as what it is: you see a hot chick, you want to INTERACT with her.

That is all it is. Nothing to be nervous about. Hell GIRLS do this all the time. (Even more than guys too!)

Believe me son, you got much more bigger things to worry about later on in the relationships with women to get so psyched off a little 'approach'.

 

[joecollapoppa]

WOAH HEY NOTHIN WRONG WIT MASTURBATION

Masturbation is a normal thing just like exercize for the real thing.When you're chillin wit ure friends act out what u feel. Whether they hear it or not. Don't be afraid to make a scene cuz girls like crazy guys. Sometimes if i see a girl lookin at me I yell Yo! what you lookin at? that is usually good for laughs and breaks the ice.




>> Aint nothin wrong wit masturbation but its what you do after that counts<<..... The legend himself Joe

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

CVhauffer dude - ask her if she needs a lift - your chauffer will be here to pick you up soon! If she says 'No' then ask if you can carry her home, understanding that she must be tired from working out at the gym!

 

[Dee-Zy]

chauffeur????


anyways...


next time that happends - think about one thing.

"hi!"

Next time you see a girl, focus on saying "Hi!". Don't even think or worry about what will be next.


Baby steps my friend, baby steps.


You don't even need to say anything else.





Start by saying "hi!" and smile.

that's it.

Come back after week but don't even dare to if you can't even say hi.

 

[DJ Alejandro]

take it this way.

you like her.

she likes you.

you dont approach.

you're hurting her, man.

 

[playa in trainin']

Originally posted by DJ Alejandro
take it this way.

you like her.

she likes you.

you dont approach.

you're hurting her, man.

Hm.. Did'nt think of it that way.. I guess i'll try focusing on saying "hi"..

Thanks alot for the replies guys. I'll keep in touch.

Oh, btw Alejandro.. Where are you in Philippines? I'm in Makati City.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by playa in trainin'
Some of them seem to help, but when i'm there.. It's like, i'm terrified & I feel like i'm gonna stutter or mess up..

Then go ahead and STUTTER AND MESS UP!! Get a good laugh out of it and get it the f*ck out of your system.

You gotta crawl before you can walk.

 

[DankNuggs]

Before you say you 'can't' do something...realize if you never approach any girls, the rest of your life will be spent alone...The girls you get with will be the ones that approach YOU, they will be of considerably less quality than what you could've had...Your relationships will be unfulfilling, knowing that you never gave your best chance to go after what YOU WANT....

Given all that mentioned above....is it THAT HARD to say to the pretty girl next to you, "hey, how are you doing tonight" and go from there???? Its LAUGHABLY easy... Come on now, don't let a little timidity ruin you...Step up...

 

[AlwaysExcel]

I feel ya. I like to use something from our shared situation to open with. However, I saw this blond cutie flash by in the store last night. I thought, "I should go over to her aisle and talk to her." But then I thought "I have no opener!" After a couple seconds of no inspiration I made myself go over to her, thinking that I would see something in the situation that I could open her with. Of course, after standing next to her pretending to look for a food item for a few seconds with pressure mounting, I drew a blank a she left.

What I realized afterwards was that I was searching for an EXCUSE to talk to her. WHY THE H*LL DO I NEED AN EXCUSE?! Yeah, it's smoother and more natural to have an opener and be disarming like I'm not hitting on her. However, the root of my problem was an AFC mentality that I need an excuse to talk to her highness because she would reject me for just approaching her or even blatantly hitting on her. WHO CARES?! Damn it, Gunwitch is right. It's VERY important to keep from hiding your sexuality. Manifesting that sexual base seems to be my biggest obstacle lately.

 

[ryanvalmont]

I can't approach but i make do.....

 

[karusel]

I've had tremendous difficulties with this, in some cases I still do.

I think I've pinpointed the problem - I'm thinking too much, overanalyzing, weighing the options.

You're some place watching a girl deciding when to approach. The thing is, the more time passes the more difficult it becomes and eventually the bullet becomes really hard to bite. You have to be absolutely clean with yourself, you don't want a good chance, you just want a chance, give it a go in the moment when this girl isn't swarmed by her friends or whoever, stop thinking and just go, that's it. I've been there many times, when some HB was suddenly alone I convinced myself I needed to make sure that nobody is headed in her general direction, well in about a minute, somebody got to her, bam, show's over, now what? Watch and wait for another half an hour? Guess if he is her boyfriend? Bah! Trust me, the less you think the better the chances. If you can't do it otherwise apply the 3 second rule.

 

[playa in trainin']

Originally posted by omyomar
You can always try the dj boot camp that helped me out a lot. It starts with the basics and has excercises that really help. I also have trouble approaching girls, but i find the easiest thing to do is have friends around to pressure you to do it. That works for me.

Also remember the 3 second rule, you gotta jump right into it before time's up and you start thinking. When you start thinking about approaching a girl you start to think about what can go wrong and decide against it. Just go for it, RIGHT AWAY!

What's the DJ boot camp?

I can't have friends pressure me, i've even lost bets due to that.. lol..

 

[playa in trainin']

Originally posted by ryanvalmont
I can't approach but i make do.....

huh? what do you mean exactly?

 

[Hurri]

well it is obvious you are after a magic pill that suddenly lets u grow some BALLS. Mate, reading aint enough. You can know everything in theory but unless you can do something in practice, you're useless. I can tell you all these relaxing techniques, and i can tell you all these witty openers but it's no use unless you can get teh balls to approach.

So here's what we're gonna do. From now on, u will only use the opener "Hey." Stop mentally masturbating about knowing how she likes u from some eye contact. she coulda saw something in ur teeth for all you know. Just say "hey" and see where it leads you. you'd be surprised

 

[karusel]

Also, just because you like some girl's appearance, does that mean that she is the one to introduce to your friends, parents, and then marry her? For all you know she could be a twisted b*tch. You can't really tell that just from looking. You _NEED_ to find out what she's like and precisely that is your goal, not scoring her. Put another way, for her to be worthy of being your girlfriend (assuming this is what you want) she needs to pass two filters 1. visual 2. mental, approaching only means she passed the first one and you want to find out if she passes the second too.

Another 2 cents.

 

[playa in trainin']

Originally posted by Hurri
well it is obvious you are after a magic pill that suddenly lets u grow some BALLS. Mate, reading aint enough. You can know everything in theory but unless you can do something in practice, you're useless. I can tell you all these relaxing techniques, and i can tell you all these witty openers but it's no use unless you can get teh balls to approach.

So here's what we're gonna do. From now on, u will only use the opener "Hey." Stop mentally masturbating about knowing how she likes u from some eye contact. she coulda saw something in ur teeth for all you know. Just say "hey" and see where it leads you. you'd be surprised

Tsk.. Ok.. Hm.. A day has passed.. And I had 3 targets all together today.

#1, I thought was real cute. But then she seemed really busy at the gym. So I let her be even though we had a couple of eye contacts.

#2 girl.. She was my dream girl. She's the kind of girl i've been dreaming about, had 1 long eye contact while she was entering the gym maybe 3 more while she was stretching.

I could tell she was looking at me. So anyway, she was on the stationary bicycle.. And I told myself I had to do it -- BUT somehow, I convinced myself that it was too big of a step to talk to this girl.. I mean, she's like almost a 9. Well, she's a 9 to me because she's the kind of girl i really want. A 9/10 to me... I told myself,

"maybe I should'nt.. It's too big of a step, I'd rather take it slow maybe approach a 5 or a 6? hm.."

So that's the end of girl #2 today, never spoke to her.

#3... Well, again, I was outside the gym at this time, just finished my work out. This girl would be a 6-7/10 but with a bangin' body. Anyway, I saw her on my way out, she was waitin for a cab.. I looked at her and smiled; She smiled back.

Now, I could'nt approach her since she was with girl #1. Anyway, girl #1's driver came and she had to go, she smiled then looked at me (not sure if the smile was directed at me), then she went away.

girl #3 is all alone, so she cold approached me saying, "U've been here for a while, huh.."

me: yea, i'm still waitin for my ride..
#3: where do u go home to?
me: jus' near by, i could walk home, but it's raining.
me: where do u go home?
#3: _ _ _ _ city
me: Oh.. What's ur name?
#3: shiela
me: i'm michael.
#3: blah blah blah
me: blah blah lol ( This part does'nt matter anymore )

So the point is.. I'm such a wuss. That I can't even approach her, so she had to approach me. I bet 1# & #3 were talking about me the whole time they were together...

Anyway, I hope none of you are pissed off at me or anything for being a wuss.. I mean, I tried.

I know if I was in your position, i'd be feeling pissed off at this guy who can't approach (me). But I tried, I really did.

I feel ok because she approached me, but I woulda felt alot better If i manned up and was the one to approach her. This is just so hard for me.

 

[playa in trainin']

Originally posted by karusel
Also, just because you like some girl's appearance, does that mean that she is the one to introduce to your friends, parents, and then marry her? For all you know she could be a twisted b*tch. You can't really tell that just from looking. You _NEED_ to find out what she's like and precisely that is your goal, not scoring her. Put another way, for her to be worthy of being your girlfriend (assuming this is what you want) she needs to pass two filters 1. visual 2. mental, approaching only means she passed the first one and you want to find out if she passes the second too.

Another 2 cents.

Thanks.. But see, I gotta get through approaching first.. But thanks, I'll remember that.