I cannot believe this sh1t

[aix237]

So I dated this chick for 2 years and lived together etc. So we broke up like 2.5 years ago. Met her in college. After we broke up I moved out obviously. I maybe saw her like 3-4 time in 2.5 years. I went back to school. Just graduated and moved back to the city. Last time I saw her was like a year ago.

This weekened I went out got drunk and wanted to just mess around so I decided to drunk dial her I left a message. Yesterdya she called me back to my surprise. We started talking about bs then I asked her where she was living. She said in the neighborhood where your parents house is (they dont live here i just stay there). I was like wtf????? she lives literally like 30 seconds away. So she says lets hang out. I go over then we end up going out to eat. talk about sh1t blah blah. We go back to her friends house take some drinks. Then she starts throwing herself on me dropping hints. We go back to her place talk start making out. She then says I still love you and I said I still love her too. she got all emotional cause of the dog we got together. She was also syaing stuff like seems like she feels that no time has past since we broke up and she feels comfortable around me and normal.

We end up fvcking last night and again this morning. To me it feels like we we were never broken up kind of weird. It sucks she lives like 30 seconds away cause now im just going to think of her all the time. She has defiantley changed for the better i think since i met her. I dont know what to do with her part of me wants to get back together and test things out to see if she really changed but i dont know if i wanna find out. We broke up becuase she was in school stressed out all the time had heavy influences on her friends to go party all the time and get rid of me etc basically immature sh1t. how should i handle this situation? having living so close is bad news i think. we will see. anyone been in a similar situation?

 

[LookTowardsTheFuture]

It's best not to rekindle this kind of lost flame.

As much as I would love to believe she has "changed", most women don't, they just get a lot less attention from guys, even if they are out clubbing or partying. It states you are 28, so I would guess she is well over 25. It explains a lot.

You will only run into problems into the future. If you break up and get back together, let it be a one night thing while you are actually in the relationship. Otherwise, not a real break up. But, if it comes to being away from each other for years at a time, it is time to move on. You'll start to pick away at each others past habits, and stories will come out of which might sting to hear.

This is from experience. I suggest you the best.

 

[KontrollerX]

Just use her as a fvck buddy with zero emotional investment.

Play along with the love talk of course but don't really mean it.

Keep looking for fresh talent on the side and cut this off once you find a stable new branch to swing to.

Like LookTowards has said none of what she's telling you is true.

Its more likely she has hit a dry spell and ooh there you are to help her through it and maybe she's starting to think about settling down and is looking to position you into the provider role.

Make sure you keep the condom on at all times during the fvck fests and pour tobasco sauce in it afterwards if you don't wanna be a baby daddy and trapped for 18 years.

 

[aix237]

fvck its kind of hard you know espically when she is in very close proximity. Cause we have a long deep past we knew each other before we dated. fvck i knew it was a bad idea doing everything i did with her yesterday casue all i think about is her right now. even over th 2.5 yrs we were broken up i still thought about her on and off and she said the same thing. Yea some sh1t she says is bs but the sh1t about her still loving me is true cause the way she said it. Me and her get along fine now and immediatley clicked. She has her sh1t going for her. Got a respectable job got a masters degree looking to become a physicians assistant etc. Its turning my stomach right now cause i wanna call her and still hang out right now (she has the day off). if She didnt live so close things would be easier but a 30 second drive??? she is one of the coolest girls ive ever known. i am just lost right now and going back and forth saying fvck her and stop talking then talk to her and try to get back together. There is alreayd alot of emotional investment involved espically after she said the I love you sh1t. fvck

 

[KontrollerX]

I had a chick tell me she loved me like that right before she went off and fvcked some other guy.

So yeah dude it doesn't matter how she said it or that she even said it at all.

And you immediately clicked because chicks have a great ability to make things extremely easy for a guy when they want to capture him in their relationship net.

Don't fall for that sh!t man.

The relationship ultimately crashed and burned the first time.

Round two might go a bit longer but its still going to inevitably end and have wasted time you could've been building new prospects without the sad past history and mind gaming that goes along with it.

Though I'll say this...

What you need to ask yourself now is...

Do I want to waste 5-10 years of my life on this situation which will ultimately end like it did the first time around with even more heartbreak and probably bitterness of time wasted or do I want to explore fresh new frontiers where the writing is not already on the wall and there's no fate but what I make for myself?

 

[slickaz]

X is right dude...
ive been there in my last LTR...we broke up..a year later she came back..with all the love and etc..but along with it came the same problems..only they were worse this time..and when it burnt it only hurt more and took longer to get back in the game..

personally ill never! fall back into a broken rltnshp...because the problems will come back..

anyway i also understand you're position of just tapping it and then gapping it..you dont want to hurt the girl incase she really does actually has deep feelings for you..but there are easier ways to control this..like go along with the good sex..and eventually there will be a fight..just dont kiss and make up..and end it there..i dunno..

 

[DonGorgon]

Dont take it seriously at all just have fun... and string her or along or she will string you along then drop you suddenly.

 

[zzeitgeist]

I can't help but think some people are a little jaded here. In 2.5 years people tend to change a bit, its no longer the same person and if you treat it like a new relationship without all the past then thats exactly what it will be.

People say don't waste your time because your ultimately going to get hurt.... Are you kidding me? Your going to get hurt if your in a relationship period. Think about it............... What separates someone new from an EX...? they will all have the same tendencies to cheat and leave you unless you keep the attraction going.

The point is people can be HAPPY going back out with their EX, just as happy as they could be with someone new, at the end of the day your taking a risk with WHOEVER your with. You can have a wonderful 5 more years with your EX and it could end in the ****ter, but you still had 5 great years where you both enjoyed yourselves... or you can do it with a new girl and achieve the same result, either way you have no way of telling.

I understand what people are saying here with EX's and slipping back into old habits but thats the thing... don't slip up and if your having fun then who gives a flying poop? Attraction is still there right? Just don't crash and burn, keep your composure and know anything might happen despite how much shes into you now.

Oh and really do keep your plates spinning that way you will always minimize the break up effect and healing process if it is going to happen.

 

[zzeitgeist]

Another thing I would like to stress is you must realize that everything in life will end. New relationships, old relationships resparking etc etc etc... all will end. You have to live in the moment and go with the flow. Always knowing it can end will prepare you for the moment it does, thats one thing I have learned.

 

[DonGorgon]

Another thing I would like to stress is you must realize that everything in life will end. New relationships, old relationships resparking etc etc etc... all will end. You have to live in the moment and go with the flow. Always knowing it can end will prepare you for the moment it does, thats one thing I have learned.

That logic does not allow for a conducive environment for marriage and LTRs/...LOL

 

[zzeitgeist]

Why not? You can still have a successful marriage, all I am saying is eventually your gonna die and things will end.

 

[DJVladdy]

I still remember my promise about not posting... but:

Gordon, so you haven't killed yourself yet? That's surprizing

 

[aix237]

yea i know a relationship is a relationship. Pepole do chanege i sure have. Im going to feel her out tonight and see what she does. Im going to call her up and ask her if she wants to watch a movie and if she says no or doesnt call back theres my answer. Cuase I think if i dont call her today im gong to establish just the fvck buddy thing i dont want that.

 

[zzeitgeist]

Before you do anything picture worst case scenario with this chick and ask yourself if you can handle it. If you can truly handle it mentally then go for it.

 

[aix237]

worst case sceniro is we break up. back in the day she was just out of control and would do crazy stupid sh1t. Now she is out of her element none of her bad influences (old friends) around her.I saw the people she was hanging with yesterday and its obvious she feels out of place. no matter who the hell i date you gotta think that. I would rather put something into soemone ive known for a while and lived with.

 

[aix237]

geez its late at night right now and all I have thought about is her like all day. I was tired and tried to sleep but my mind was racing. Ive done well and have not contacted her. I have a feeling that if she will contact me again like this weekened if she is drunk. She might try to establish fb status i guess and wait for me to push it further. I guess if i want her again in a ltr i have to go back to how i got her the first time. never initiating contact but hanging out if she asks.

 

[KontrollerX]

"People say don't waste your time because your ultimately going to get hurt.... Are you kidding me? Your going to get hurt if your in a relationship period. Think about it............... What separates someone new from an EX...? they will all have the same tendencies to cheat and leave you unless you keep the attraction going."

The point is he's already watched this movie.

He knows the ending already.

Establishing a relationship with a new person means you don't know the ending yet, there is a chance you could be highly compatible with the girl and no one ends up getting hurt.

However this original situation has already ended for the guy painfully and yes people can change I'm a firm believer in that but I'm also a firm believer in that though people can truly change most seldom ever do at their core which is why this is such a risky situation for this guy to put himself into.

It runs a very high risk of being a pointless waste of time when we all know that new is almost always better.

Not because it absolutely 100% guarantees high compatibility and the perfect relationship but because it puts forth the strongest possibility of finding someone for this kind of relationship because again going back to an ex is like reheating your dinner leftovers three days later or like an animal going back and eating its own puke the point of all this being the meal never tastes as good as it did the first time around. This is something AFC's do because AFC's like the comfortable familiarity of a situation rather than being outgoing explorers exploring new horizons like DJ's and natural born DJ's do. Rollo had the best quote ever about why going back to an ex is awful and if I could just remember it I'd post it here but I think I basically laid out the gist of it.

"The point is people can be HAPPY going back out with their EX, just as happy as they could be with someone new"

People can be happy jumping off of a building too if they are suicidal. It doesn't mean they should be doing it. They should instead be seeing a psychiatrist and doing the hard work to overcome their mental issues.

I'm sure the people at Jonestown were happy as they drank their Kool-Aid that killed them but it doesn't make that right either.

The point is the easy way, the familiar way is going back to an ex, thats the road most often travelled by the AFC without options or ambition to discover new treasures or create his own destiny and sure you can be happy sitting around in mediocrity but to my mind the point of this forum is the members helping eachother rise to the greatest heights each of us are capable of reaching and living in the past because its familiar just isn't doing that.

"at the end of the day your taking a risk with WHOEVER your with. You can have a wonderful 5 more years with your EX and it could end in the ****ter, but you still had 5 great years where you both enjoyed yourselves... or you can do it with a new girl and achieve the same result, either way you have no way of telling."

The story of their incompatibility has already had its ending laid out.

With the new at least the story and its ending hasn't been written yet.

The new represents endless possibility's while the familiar and the old represents the same old same old and an inevitable familiar end.

Oil and water do not mix and neither do this guy and this girl.

 

[zzeitgeist]

I am gonna have to disagree with you again because every situation is different. In most cases your right about not going back, and the incompatibility issues. But sometimes people break up for other issues outside of being incompatible.

For people to stay together a level of attraction has to be maintained, after 2+ years people get lazy and if one person isn't putting in the effort anymore then attraction will start to fade and the guy or girl in the relationship might leave BUT I personally don't think this is because your incompatible.

Imagine yourself with your girlfriend, your head over heels for. You guys are crazy for each other always doing exciting things but you notice lately she doesn't want to go out on weekends anymore because her work takes a better half of her life. Meanwhile you continue to live your life and go out on the weekends and you meet a girl, at first you think nothing of her. You see her through social events and start to realize that shes always coming out on weekends and your having fun. Your attraction grows for her and with time even though you love your girlfriend and shes great in every other way you feel that the excitement that was once there (attraction) is faded and someone else fills the void, your bound to to follow up with the new girl.

What I am trying to get at it is that not every EX relationship is a case of incompatibility and I agree with you that you should always be going for new girls and living your life but each situation is different and not all EXes are cheating *****s so when the situation presents itself and using your best judgment you feel that it might be worth another go then who cares.. Does this make you an AFC? I don't think so.

Again, 90% of the time its not worth going back BUT every situation is different. Your not going to be an AFC going back to an EX, that kind of mindset to me is pretty weak and the only reason shes an EX(unless you broke up with her) is because you actually started to become an AFC in the first place

flame away.

 

[KontrollerX]

All thats left to be said is the famous old saying...

"Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it".

Thats a saying thats stood the test of time for a good reason.

The reason being its so very true.

Please move on to new and greener pastures OP.

This is the forum with an overall message of new beginnings not eating one's own vomit expecting a tastier meal than the first time around.

 

[Desdinova]

She has defiantley changed for the better i think since i met her.

I remember when I said that before I got back together with my ex. I was fvcking stupid.

we have a long deep past we knew each other before we dated.

That does not make it a good idea to waste more time with her.

Yea some sh1t she says is bs

RED FLAG

but the sh1t about her still loving me is true cause the way she said it.

Haahaahaa. If you've learned anything here, it's not to take a woman's words at face value. When a woman is at an emotional high, feeling lots of positive emotions, they will come right out and say things that reflect their current emotional state. This includes using the L word. Catch her when she's crampy, on her period and pissed off at you, and she'll hate your fvcking guts.

Now she is out of her element none of her bad influences (old friends) around her.

...until she makes new friends who are bad influences. The previous ones may be out of her life now, but the cycle rarely ever stops.

I have to agree with KontrollerX and tell you to move on. Even if she would make a great F buddy, the fact that your mind is occupied by this woman is a sign that you cannot keep your emotions out of this situation.

Move on.