Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

I am still thought of as a beta male, Grrr.

Heyjose25points

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Apr 23, 2004
Messages
409
Reaction score
2
Age
37
Location
Josetown a.k.a Chocolate City Area
I just don't get it, even when I'm comfortable wearing what I want to wear, standing up for myself, don't give a **** about things, and saying "hey, whatsup" to people around campus and makin friends easy, it just seems the people I know still think of me as a BETA male. One guy actually told me, "You should holla at that." and the girl was ugly. It made me kinda a lil mad, because he thinks that I can't get hot girls. Is there any way to prove to be an alpha male to these people's eyes?
I am just soooo fustrated.
Oh, here is what I look like. U be the judge if I look beta.
Me
 

Jariel

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 17, 2004
Messages
4,419
Reaction score
286
Location
UK
I'll just echo the advice I followed to pull myself out of the beta category:

Work out and bulk up!

You don't appear to look skinny or weak, but adding a few lbs of muscle and toning up will solve this problem. Trust me. Only 4-5 months ago everyone knew me as the "nice", "sweet" and "pretty" beta male. I started working out and that has all changed. I feel (meaning it's not an act) so much more bold, and I know that shines in my attitude, not to mention the way I look.

I'm not the only person to think this way. Most people on this board who have been working out have said the same thing.
 

Heyjose25points

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Apr 23, 2004
Messages
409
Reaction score
2
Age
37
Location
Josetown a.k.a Chocolate City Area
I go to a college that has a high STD rate. So wouldn't it be called STDville?
 

Jvesti

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 23, 2003
Messages
544
Reaction score
1
Age
42
Location
Boston, Ma
I know why

You are trying to be an alpha to impress people. You are totally focused on other people in need to impress them. Therefore, you'll always be a beta because you are symping to these people. Its like a dude who wears the cool thing and says "guys look at me, im the man".

You are still stuck in that. Although you try and paint it a different way. Between the lines it tells another story.

If you are trying to be a head honcho person for the purpose of impressing others, so you can get your rocks off feeling accepted. Don't bother, accept your spot cause as long as you are in debt to other people's approval you'll always be beta. And god bless ya you'll be in with a majority of the public.

Now however, if you find yourself wanting to take the initiative, having a drive to lead, knowing what you want and doing what you want. That's another story.

Getting your testosterone up in certain ways such as lifting weights and changing diet would be an ideal way to bring out alpha tendency. For starters.
 

Desdinova

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 15, 2004
Messages
11,663
Reaction score
4,731
It's difficult to damn near impossible to change other people's perceptions of you. They've know you to be the same guy for a long time, and they'll always know that person. Even when you make personal changes to yourself, people you know won't buy into the new you. They'll expect the same crap from you that they're used to.

When you do something that is unusual to your old personality traits, they get confused, or even pissed off about it. They'll try to "knock some sense" into you and attempt to drag you back to your former level, because they want you to be the person you used to be.

If the people you know can't accept the new you, it's better to abandon them because they're only going to try and drag you back down.
 

squirrels

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 15, 2003
Messages
6,634
Reaction score
180
Age
44
Location
A universe...where heartbreak and sadness have bee
Originally posted by Heyjose25points
I just don't get it, even when I'm comfortable wearing what I want to wear, standing up for myself, don't give a **** about things, and saying "hey, whatsup" to people around campus and makin friends easy, it just seems the people I know still think of me as a BETA male. One guy actually told me, "You should holla at that." and the girl was ugly. It made me kinda a lil mad, because he thinks that I can't get hot girls. Is there any way to prove to be an alpha male to these people's eyes?
I am just soooo fustrated.
Oh, here is what I look like. U be the judge if I look beta.
Me
I didn't even need to read any further than the title of your post to figure out what your problem is.

Alpha males don't CARE how they're "thought of." The difference between the alpha and beta, the upper and lower of any pair relationship, is that the alpha passes judgment and the beta accepts it.

The alpha is confident in his own actions and thoughts. Even though they may be WRONG, even by his standards, he stands by them. The things he does wrong, he stands by them as learning experiences. He does not ask for people's judgement, nor does he accept it...although he always listens to advice.

The beta male LIVES off of the judgement of others, especially alphas. He is constantly concerned with how he looks in the eyes of others. He TRIES to pass judgement, but he is constantly looking at those alpha to HIM to see if his judgement is judged acceptable. Sometimes the beta is so unsure of himself that he will ASK for judgement from alphas and others to help define who he is and what he should believe. When he does something WRONG, he looks to other people to tell him, "It's OK" and judge him as still a worthy person. You can tell by the way he beats himself up when he screws up. For example, "Man, I TRIED all this DJ stuff and I'm STILL messing up and I'm STILL a BETA MALE!"

What this is is your way of saying, "Please, someone, judge me fit to carry on my learning here. I don't believe in myself. Someone tell me I'm a better DJ than other people and restore my confidence." No offense, but alpha males find this sickening and betas will try to use it to put you down.
 

smooth666

Don Juan
Joined
Mar 8, 2004
Messages
136
Reaction score
1
Originally posted by Desdinova
It's difficult to damn near impossible to change other people's perceptions of you. They've know you to be the same guy for a long time, and they'll always know that person. Even when you make personal changes to yourself, people you know won't buy into the new you. They'll expect the same crap from you that they're used to.
Very true!
 

ryanvalmont

Don Juan
Joined
Jun 24, 2004
Messages
117
Reaction score
0
Originally posted by Heyjose25points
I just don't get it, even when I'm comfortable wearing what I want to wear, standing up for myself, don't give a **** about things, and saying "hey, whatsup" to people around campus and makin friends easy, it just seems the people I know still think of me as a BETA male. One guy actually told me, "You should holla at that." and the girl was ugly. It made me kinda a lil mad, because he thinks that I can't get hot girls. Is there any way to prove to be an alpha male to these people's eyes?
I am just soooo fustrated.
Oh, here is what I look like. U be the judge if I look beta.
Me
i think you look normal,i know what "alpha male" is but not sure what "beta male" is.

If beta male means normal,sorry...but you fit in there my friend.
 

pootwo

Don Juan
Joined
Feb 17, 2002
Messages
122
Reaction score
0
Age
40
Location
UK
'Squirrels' has hit the nail on the head. It's all about confindence in yourself. When you are truely comfortable with yourself & don't try to impress people or gain their approval, then you'll get their respect. Thats what it's all about.

Over the past year particulary, I've really grown in self confidence / belief in myself. I've aksed many questions concerning my personal philosphopys / spiriatuality / etc. & i've come out a stronger person than i've ever been.

It's all about how you feel about yourself. I know it's a cliche but it really is true.

also.. on a different note...
Originally posted by Desdinova
It's difficult to damn near impossible to change other people's perceptions of you. They've know you to be the same guy for a long time, and they'll always know that person. Even when you make personal changes to yourself, people you know won't buy into the new you. They'll expect the same crap from you that they're used to.

When you do something that is unusual to your old personality traits, they get confused, or even pissed off about it. They'll try to "knock some sense" into you and attempt to drag you back to your former level, because they want you to be the person you used to be.

If the people you know can't accept the new you, it's better to abandon them because they're only going to try and drag you back down.
This is SO true. When i meet up with my old friends (who i haven't really seen much of since i went to uni) they are always acting this way to me.
It's like, i think my general aura i give out now, & my posture / man-er-is-ums & my attitude is of a more confident, in control person. I'm more articulate & speak with more passion & identity & most of all.. dignity.

My 'friends', who are still quite imature in many respects, &, i hate to say this, a little socially inept. They are what would be refered to as 'geeks'.

Sometimes, when i meet up with them, i can tell that they're taken aback by my attitude & generally shocked & suprised with the way i am.

Other times, then can be just complete ar*eholes. For example, I invited them up to my uni for a party. While they were there they met my uni friends. What did my old friends do?
Throughout the WHOLE NIGHT, all they did was be-little & debase me in front of my uni friends. They told embarressing stories from the past (not lighthearted stuff.. we're talking really personal & emotional things that scared me for life) & they were quite malisicious about it. They made stide & cruel remarks all night & the whole thing seemed like they were desperatley trying to convince my uni friends that i'm a complete loser.

From a psychological point of view, it can be said that they're jealous of my achievements & (subconcisosly) trying to sabotage my development; to come back down to their level.
(as Morrissey says : "We hate it when our friends become sucessful")

Anyway, the point is.. i've written so much i've forgotten.
sorry for clogging this thread up with irrelevent junk.
i'll stop now.
 

DeathDealer

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 3, 2004
Messages
640
Reaction score
0
who cares really. i've seen nerds with long term girlfriends. just be yourself.
 

Heyjose25points

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Apr 23, 2004
Messages
409
Reaction score
2
Age
37
Location
Josetown a.k.a Chocolate City Area
Thanks. You guys are right, I shouldn't even give a damn about this. And you guys are right, I am still self-conscious. No wonder I aint alpha. Yea, I need to work out and be less self-conscious. Your right.
 

So Many Ways

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 19, 2004
Messages
791
Reaction score
2
Location
www.blackmenvent.com
Originally posted by Heyjose25points
One guy actually told me, "You should holla at that." and the girl was ugly. It made me kinda a lil mad, because he thinks that I can't get hot girls. Is there any way to prove to be an alpha male to these people's eyes?Me
Hey man, don't take yourself so seriously. Me and my boys cap on each other all the time. I'll bust on one of my boys and sey hey, go holla at that, pointing at a fat chick. We do that type of stuff on the regular. No need to get mad, just bust on them back.
 
Top