I am so dumb

[LimeSlush]

Hey fellas,
So I'll try to keep this short as possible. Have you ever literally felt yourself becoming a sucker, but it happens any way?
I've been with my gf for almost 5 years, it's been rocky for a lot of it and finally in the last month we've broken up due to her letting herself go and my attraction waning. I've brought it up to her for the last year and finally I couldn't deal with it anymore. I started an office job in the last 5 months and there's a girl at work that is drop dead gorgeous. We get along, we have a ton in common, and a lot of that comes from the fact were both unhappy in our relationships. She has a kid and she's 23, I'm 30. So anyway.
Company Christmas party tonight, I came solo. The girl from work came too, kinda sorta as my plus 1 as she didn't RSVP and I didn't bring my gf since were broken up. The girl from work had her keys and some cards that I held onto for her in my pockets since she didn't have pockets or a purse. At work we always hang out and are around each other and I guess all my flirting and stuff has been noticed by co workers, because this fat chick at our table said why is he holding your stuff? That's what a purse is for. The girl I'm attracted to said i didn't bring one so what? and then she looked at me and said you are so whipped, and you aren't even getting any! I was so pissed, for the rest of the night. But then I realized she's right. Later that night I told the girl I was sorry that happened, and that I am attracted to her. I don't know what I expected to happen because I've gotten the vibe she's into me too, but all she said was oh that fat girl loves drama. She basically ignored my comment that I'm attracted to her. And people can see this too.
So my question to you guys is, how do I ground myself again without it looking like I'm pouty since she didn't really respond to me confessing to her? I'm so mad at myself that I ended up looking like such a beta loser.

 

[LimeSlush]

I should also mention the other reason I feel like a sucker. She confesses to me things that are bad in her relationship but I feel like she's mostly drawn to me because I'm established, mature, own a house, have a ton of hobbies and am relatively in shape. I think it's mostly because she'd like a good example for her daughter that isn't a loser like the guy she's with but I just feel like a loser myself now.

 

[LimeSlush]

You are more than likely right. In this case it's tough because her cubicle is right beside me. I don't even know what it is about her, I suppose its because my relationship is so strained. I don't foresee long term thing with her we simply don't share the same life goals. She's just hot as hell. I can act indifferent, in reality it is rejection when you tell someone how you feel and they don't really acknowledge it. Which is fine, I guess now I know.
In the last month she's taken a day off a week and then fallen behind on her work and I've worked extra to catch her up. I don't even know why I do it. I hate that I get hooked by the excitement of potentially being with someone I'm heavily attracted to, not sure why I can't maintain the fact that I would be the catch in our scenario.

 

[highSpeed]

You are probably currently on the distant backburner for her.

If you try to escalate (ask her out properly), she'll likely back off. She'll dodge escalation with guile in order to keep you investing while not investing herself.

If I were you, (I actually have been you before) i'd distance myself from her at work.

No more investment, flirting, happy feels, etc. But no bad vibes either. Just indifference.

She will either accept that, or (as was in my case) the power dynamic will flip and she'll invest more heavily in an attempt to keep you on the hook.

You'll get her out on dates, then she'll fvck around loads. More trouble than it's worth.

I would advise against allowing her to keep you on the hook. Cut her off, or expect getting dragged in to a lot of completely unnescessary drama in the work-place.

Couldn't agree more. The dodge of the escalation is the real tip off here. You say "I'm attracted to you" and she ignores? You got your answer and she didn't even have to directly respond. This unrequited love thing? Wastes your time and makes her feel powerful. I suppose if that's what you're down for, then yea, keep it up. If not, move on, find another chick and don't make the same mistake again. You're a man, not a storage container for her things.

 

[LimeSlush]

Which is why I said that to her in the first place, to find out exactly where I stand. And now I know. I'm just trying to understand myself from my own point of view as to why I'd fall for this garbage. I've already walked this mile and it's frustrating to find yourself back here, I got sucked in by her looks and the way we get along but now I know she just likes the attention, she's obviously not interested.

 

[Alvafe]

you admitted you was atracted to her, not a good thing, and you really need to take things more light, when that whale said you was whipped, you should have said awww are you jealous? or if she wanted to be the office bag? make fun out of her, I would also have said since the year is almost ending I need to do my good deed of this year

well best for now is ignore her talk only when needed.

and next time don't ask, unless if is to ask her out

 

[Atom Smasher]

You made the classic mistake of establishing rapport before establishing sexual tension with push-pull. You essentially laid yourself prostrate before her and implied, "Please accept me. I'm yours."

You should have been alternately friendly and stand-offish with her in order to generate her interest and engage her drive to pursue you. When a woman knows she has an orbiter on the hook, that orbiter has close to zero chance of getting out of the friend zone.

The fun game of cat-and-mouse is over for her when she knows she has you. Just as she wouldn't watch a movie that she already knows the ending to because she's seen it already, she has already seen your devotion to her and there is no reason for her to play the romance game with you.

If a woman asks you to hold stuff for her, you should have fun with the idea and "demand" something in return. Convey that she owes you, that you charge for this kind of thing, or something similar.

In the office you should have been alternately friendly and a bit indifferent in order to make her doubt herself. But then again, involving oneself with a woman at your workplace is dangerous beyond measure. Have you noticed that women are not sane, especially when angry? If you start a relationship with a woman at work, and things go sour, she will either consciously or subconsciously try to destroy your career. No matter how much of a sweet little snowflake she is, she will turn into a career-destroying monster once she feels slighted.

At any rate, in general you need to stop giving away the end of the story and instead create tension with your next target.

 

[The Duke]

If I thought I wanted to salvage this thing I would go distant and make another charge in a few weeks. The 2nd time would be highly sexual.

Atom's advice is spot on.

 

[MrAddiction]

She has a kid

Huge red flag from the beginning. Not even worse to get involved with.

 

[Bob S]

The first and foremost thing that you should consider is that she has a kid - and you are only 30 yourself. It's not that she is not into you, it's more likely that she cannot understand why you are into her when she has a kid and that's what is putting her off. Do not get hung up on it. Regarding what the fat girl said, who care's; she's jealous of your friendship and that she's not you or your interest girl. She's jealous she doesn't have a man to "hold her stuff".

You should not have overtly told her you like her. She know's this already. That is the biggest buzzkill you could have done, sorry. Very beta!. Lucky, for you, she didn't oppose you for it and ignored it. The other thing is she has a boyfriend at the moment with the father of the child. I'm not opposed to men sleeping with girls that are in bad relationships as more than likely after you bang her she'll keep in that relationship. If she isn't prepared to leave him to be with you she isn't worth it, even if they eventually (inevitably break up). To ground yourself again, don't be needy, don't keep flirting with her, demonstrate to her you have other options. You're the prize!. If she likes you enough she will **** you and find a way to. Don't