Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
When I started that post I knew it was going to come off as some unavoidably deterministic rant about the evils of hypergamy.
That post was born out of all the effort I've repeatedly read men relate when they say how unbelievable their breakups were. As if all of the investment, emotional, physical, financial, familial, etc. would be rationally appreciated as a buffer against hypergamy. The reason for their shock and disbelief is that their mental state originates in the assumption that women are perfectly rational agents and should take all of their efforts, all of their personal strengths, all of the involvement in their women's lives into account before trading up to a better prospective male.
For men, this is a logically sound idea. All of that investment adds up to their concept of relationship equity. So it's particularly jarring for men to consider that all of that equity becomes effectively worthless to a woman presented with a better prospect as per the dictates of her hypergamy.
That isn't to say that women don't take that equity into account when determining whether to trade up or in their choice of men if they're single, but their operative point of origin is ALWAYS hypergamy. Women obviously can control their hypergamic impulses in favor of fidelity, but always know that it isn't relationship equity she's rationally considering in that moment of decision.
This dynamic is exactly the reason the surrogate boyfriend, the perfect nice guy orbiter who's invested so much into identifying with his target, gets so enraged when his dream girl opts for the hot ass-hole jerk. She's not making a logical decision based upon his invested relational equity. Quite the opposite; she's empirically proving for him that his equity is worthless by rewarding the hot jerk, who had essentially no equity, with her sex and intimacy. He doesn't understand that hypergamy doesn't care about relational equity.
This is a really tough pill for guys to swallow, because knowing how hypergamy works necessarily devalues their concept of relational equity with the woman they're committed to. Men's concept of relational equity stems from a mindset that accepts negotiated desire (not genuine desire) as a valid means of relationship security. This is precisely why most couples counseling fails – its operative origin begins from the idea that desire (hypergamy) can be negotiated indefinitely.
That post was born out of all the effort I've repeatedly read men relate when they say how unbelievable their breakups were. As if all of the investment, emotional, physical, financial, familial, etc. would be rationally appreciated as a buffer against hypergamy. The reason for their shock and disbelief is that their mental state originates in the assumption that women are perfectly rational agents and should take all of their efforts, all of their personal strengths, all of the involvement in their women's lives into account before trading up to a better prospective male.
For men, this is a logically sound idea. All of that investment adds up to their concept of relationship equity. So it's particularly jarring for men to consider that all of that equity becomes effectively worthless to a woman presented with a better prospect as per the dictates of her hypergamy.
That isn't to say that women don't take that equity into account when determining whether to trade up or in their choice of men if they're single, but their operative point of origin is ALWAYS hypergamy. Women obviously can control their hypergamic impulses in favor of fidelity, but always know that it isn't relationship equity she's rationally considering in that moment of decision.
This dynamic is exactly the reason the surrogate boyfriend, the perfect nice guy orbiter who's invested so much into identifying with his target, gets so enraged when his dream girl opts for the hot ass-hole jerk. She's not making a logical decision based upon his invested relational equity. Quite the opposite; she's empirically proving for him that his equity is worthless by rewarding the hot jerk, who had essentially no equity, with her sex and intimacy. He doesn't understand that hypergamy doesn't care about relational equity.
This is a really tough pill for guys to swallow, because knowing how hypergamy works necessarily devalues their concept of relational equity with the woman they're committed to. Men's concept of relational equity stems from a mindset that accepts negotiated desire (not genuine desire) as a valid means of relationship security. This is precisely why most couples counseling fails – its operative origin begins from the idea that desire (hypergamy) can be negotiated indefinitely.
