HUGE job offer across country....NEED YOUR EXPERIENCES!!!

[JimmyBizzle]

Long story short, I live in Texas and I have a very good job offer in Los Angeles. It would be an excellent move for my career, and it's something that one part of me REALLY wants to do....

But then there's the other side of me.

To take this job I would have to leave my girlfriend of 2 years whom I love. I know she wouldn't come with me because she helps take care of her disabled father.
I would also be leaving countless other friends and family whom I also love.

I wanna hear from any other men in here who have real-life experience with having to make a decision similar to this.

I can provide more details if they are wanted.

 

[betheman]

True, good friends will be just that, wherever you are, if you are sociable and can make friends, this element shouldnt be an issue.
as for the girl...do you view her as wifey material? and this really is the question you need to ask yourself. Im not pro mariage but if this is something you want, this will hold you back here.
as for the job, look 5 years down the line, good jobs are hard to come across, would you regret not taking this job, if you would, you would probably harbour some resentment towarss your girl...if it lasts!
personally Id take the job, it may or may not work out but potential for lots of new doors/avenues opening

 

[SecondHalf]

What betheman says especially "if it lasts".

I've given up opportunities for a woman, an ex GF.
I've given up a women for an opportunity, an ex GF.

The "HUGE" opportunities are the things that shape your life, really shape it's direction. One woman / a different woman don't usually make that much difference in your life (wrt positive shaping).

I would take the job if it were me.

SH

 

[MatureDJ]

What betheman says especially "if it lasts".

I've given up opportunities for a woman, an ex GF.
I've given up a women for an opportunity, an ex GF.

The "HUGE" opportunities are the things that shape your life, really shape it's direction. One woman / a different woman don't usually make that much difference in your life (wrt positive shaping).

I would take the job if it were me.

SH

And some folks have a taken a relocation for a new job, and then got fired. It works both ways.

I took a job from the Gulf Coast to Southern California (it was a first job out of college), but didn't have a girlfriend at the time. On a trip back, I met a girl and we had the proverbial long distance thing, but it pretty much flamed out on one of her trips to see me (she was trying to use access to her kitty to control me, saying BS like I needed to prove that I liked her, and not just sex with her - WTF? :cuss: ) I was looking to get back just for my own reason (the job was nothing better than anything I could have gotten locally, and indeed probably the only reason I didn't get a local job coming out of school was at the time, for the exact field I was in, there was not an opening, to which there was another opening later on that I grabbed), and when I got back I visited her, and she was the same, so I bolted.

I have also seen this situation from the "other guy" perspective as well. I started dating a woman who was only available because she had just broken up with a guy (like a few weeks before we met) that she had been dating for 3 years because he took a job in another city (and I think it was more of a forced relocation, with the alternative of saying no resulting in getting laid off.) After a few months, she told me that she still had feelings for him (I was totally unaware of her situation), so I stopped seeing her regularly, although occasionally we would get together - and although I wanted sex, we were still chaste (I was definitely too AFC to put my foot down and demand sex at the time, but she seemed like a keeper, so I waited it out.)

I am not sure of the magnitude of the difference in opportunity of job that you are considering making the move for. If it pays that much more, you can spend the difference on going back to visit for 3 days weekends. The situation with the father is tricky as something like that is pretty much the only valid reason for a woman to move away from her husband - so a girlfriend not moving away is definitely in line with this.

 

[bugsquish]

About 6 months ago I lost my job in Glasgow, where I had a girlfriend. I ended up being headhunted for a new job, the opportunity of a lifetime, but it involved moving to London 400 miles away. Of course I accepted it and I now live in London. For some time we attempted a long distance relationship but my head was turned by too many girls down here. I realised that I must not love her as much as I thought I did, and we ended it. I miss her but my new life is so exciting that it makes it easier to deal with. I do still visit my friends and family but I am making new friends here too.

This has been a life changing experience and has given me a chance to press the reset button and find out who I really am. Chances are no matter how good your life seems, ou can always make it better with a clean slate to work with.

 

[Colossus]

About 6 months ago before I finished grad school I was heavily weighing going back to Colorado where I am from and staying out here on the east coast. I was in a serious LTR at the time, and if I moved she was planning on going with me. I ended up taking a job out here, not entirely because of her, but I wouldnt even have LOOKED out here if it werent for her.

Now fast forward 6 months: We broke up (bitterly), and I'm finding out the job isnt quite what I expected. It's really stressful at times, and I dont like this area that much. Do I regret it? No, because I had an offer in Colorado I didnt take, mostly based on lifetsyle issues, and I think I may have been really unhappy with the work hours. So in other words I made the best decision I could at the time, with the information I had. Better the relationship ended here, where it could be a clean break, than after she moved cross-country with me, for me. That would have been a nightmare.

These are always crossroad decisions. Either way you choose will shape your life significantly. You just have to weigh the whole situation and look at the likely long-term outcomes. Is this girl your future wife? Do you want her to be? If you dont take this job, will you regret it? Is it a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity?

If the job offer is as good as you say it is, I would err on the side of putting your career first. You will miss her and question your decision at times, but unless she is your wife (or wife-to-be), I never advocate putting a relationship above a positive career move.

Of course there is going to be an element of uncertainty...the job may not be what you thought it would be. Then again, the relationship may not be what you thought it would be either. You just have to make the best decision with the information you have available, and trust your gut feeling.

 

[zekko]

I would look into the cost of living in and around Los Angeles. I don't have any facts, but from what I hear housing is insanely expensive in California, and I imagine it's worse in LA. If your cost of living offsets any increase in income, that's something to consider.

Backbreaker says there are so many hot chicks in LA that even HB7s have a hard time finding boyfriends. Something else to consider.

 

[Warrior74]

What betheman says especially "if it lasts".

I've given up opportunities for a woman, an ex GF.
I've given up a women for an opportunity, an ex GF.

The "HUGE" opportunities are the things that shape your life, really shape it's direction. One woman / a different woman don't usually make that much difference in your life (wrt positive shaping).

I would take the job if it were me.

SH

I've done the same much to my regret. My ex refused to move to LA with me for my dream job (well a stepping stone to my dream job in the entertainment industry). She told me that if I moved, her and my daughter would not be coming. It tore me up inside, but I stayed for my family. A year later we broke up. A few years later I lose my job and owe child support up the wazoo. My life is a shell of what it could have been. I'm still picking up the pieces from that one decision. If I knew this was the way it was going to turn out, I would have went for it. After that I promised myself I would never put someone else's wishes before my own.

Only one person can lead. Taking a job in another city/state/country is the epitome of leading in a relationship. It's going into the unknown and letting her know it will all workout for the best. If she won't follow you, then she's not really on your team is she? You have to do what's best for you. There are few women in LA.

 

[muscleman]

First, if this is an opportunity of a lifetime AND you love her AND she loves you, she will find a way. She may come up there with her father; stranger things have happened. This is a great test of you leading and her following. A good relationship is you creating your own reality and her living in it. If she doesn't share your vision of your reality, perhaps you didn't choose her properly from the get-go.

More realistically though, you'll get to LA and see the sea of pvssy before you and forget all about her in a couple months.

 

[BMX]

Do what needs to be done to better your situtation, first off. I was single and out of an LTR when I took a job out-of-state in a city with no friends or family in. The job did not work out and I left but I did learn a lot and survived on my own just fine, which was never the problem. I met plenty of new women and plenty of which I did not care for. I've got people asking me to come back and live there again and I get people asking me if I will go back but I don't see that happening anytime soon.

I've got tons of travel opportunities and work overseas and across the country in my new line of work with the government but it's different then me working just some job I ended up caring nothing for and having to pay for insurance and expenses all out of my pocket. As to my situation a few years back, the jobs just weren't anywhere to be found locally so I took the opportunity out-of-state in a hip, up-and-coming area.

 

[JimmyBizzle]

God I love this site and everyone on here. I've been posting for over 5 years, and lurking a long time before that. Hearing the real life experiences of all you older men out there, who have been where I am before, is really invaluable.

Colossus and Warrior, just to pick you two out, I can recall listening to your advise on several of my posts in regards to past relationship and past girl problems, and I have to say it was exactly what I needed to hear. So to see you guys replying to this definitely means something to me. But to everyone who has taken the time to post so far, thank you.

I truly am leaning towards making the plunge and trying to go for the job in LA. Eveything I do right now in tx is freelance and taking this job would be a fulltime gig that would DOUBLE my income.

It's just gonna be tough. Keep the advise coming, by all means.

 

[sodbuster]

Hard to say. BUT I lean towards the JOB... as long as the cost of living there doesn't kill any wage advantage. The experience factors that increase your business[your job/ marketability for your next], being lost??? I lost SEVERAL girlfriends while in Dental School because I HAD to study and they didn't get it.

My ex wife wanted me to move,so SHE could be closer to HER daughter[would have meant starting another office from scratch]. 2 years later, the daughter moved back. So, it all would have been for nothing.

I lost girlfriends,and a wife along the way;but, I still have my business and income.

Need a bit more information to give better advice.

 

[Down Low]

I've lived in Texas, and I've lived in LA. There's no comparison. Take the job and ask the woman to join you as soon as you get a place to stay. Be fair and nice and all that to whatever she says. Don't tell her, but she's on a six-month deadline to get there. Don't tell her, but find new women to enjoy in LA. It's not hard. The place is dripping with pvssy. Sure, go visit her on whatever holidays you visit family/friends in Texas. But once that deadline's up, if she's not in LA, tell her she failed the test, and go no contact.

Oh yeah. Friendly advice. Cover your ass. California's full of plastic fake phoney people with childish minds who seem to be obsessed about getting each other fired, evicted, jailed, etc. They pass you on the freeway just before they exit just so they can "beat you" at something.

 

[backbreaker]

1. i have never met a woman who has been with a man who was EAGER to move out to California. they know what the deal is. right now your value is below market. out here it will be closer to where it should be and she won't like it

2. there are hot girls everywhere. girls i dated / had sex with in arkansas wouldn't get the time of day from me now.

3. a woman who is not going to help you better your career, is not interested in your future. think about that. she's interested in you making her life as comfortable right now as you can make it. but a woman who is not interested in you bettering your career, means she isn't tying her future together with yours. if a girl is more concerned about how inconv enient and how un fiun and how "hard" it will be to adjust to a new city over your long term career, she hasn't made the link yet between her life and your career. and if she hasn't by now at least started to she isn't going to.

there was a very good chance that i move to kentucky. actually still is. my wife wouldn't give me 2 words about it if that is what i thought was best for what i want to do. if she does she can go.

bro you need to look out for you and you only. if she is the one she will follow. if she isn't **** it lol.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I've moved from L.A. to Asia to work. Best thing I've ever done.

First few months were hectic / lonely / filled with second guessing, but it's worked out well.

If you DON'T take it, even if your relationship works out perfectly, you'll spend the rest of your life wondering......

...what if?

Some smart dead guy said the biggest regrets in life are not what we do, but what we wish we would have done.

Regrets is not something you want in life.

Women play it safe.

Men take risks.

Even if the job fizzles out, this will change you in ways you can't imagine, nor will experience if you stay safe.

Bust out of your comfort zone.

Oh, father of the four winds
Fill my sails, across the sea of years
With no provision but an open face
'Long the straits of fear

 

[Pair A Dice]

Job. Job. Job. Job.

Get the idea?

I moved 1800 miles for a new job back in 2007 and it's turned into the best thing that ever happened to me.

 

[d!ckmojo]

What an insane question.... LTR's are DISEASES, man. Run.... RUN away from this clawing, snatchy, possessive biAtch. Chase the $$$, acquire new conquests, LIVE THE DREAM MAN.

 

[JimmyBizzle]

Well I applied for the job, gonna wait and see what happens now and see how much they offer me. If the price is right, I don't know how I can possibly say no. Like all of you have said, it's an opportunity that I really don't think I can pass up, financially and career wise.

My greatest dilemma with this whole situation will still be my girlfriend though. I know she won't come out with me because of helping to take care of her father. And I love this girl and I could definitely see myself spending the rest of my life with her, I'm just definitely not ready to jump any guns and get married or anything like that, and I know she definitely isn't either.

I could see her coming out there eventually over time, to maybe finish up school and live with me or something like that, but until that happens, I don't know if a long distance relationship would work. I've never thought for a second that I would be in a situation like that. The pay from this job would allow me to fly back often to visit her and my family(and she is very close to my family. Her mom is a deadbeat and my mom is like the mother she never had just FYI) or vice versa I could fly her out. I just don't know if it would work out. Like I said, I've never even thought about attempting a LDR before.