How would you react to this situation? Am I right to be upset? What's going on here?

[AFC_Schism]

My current girlfriend has a lot of guy friends, I didn't really pay it much mind because she says that she doesn't get along with girls that well and only has a few girl friends. But maybe this is a little too weird.

I was on her laptop on google typing in scholarships two days ago and the autofill came up with "Scorpio and Gemini". My girlfriend is obsessed with astrology zodiac stuff, and before we started dating she looked up to see if our zodiac signs were compatable. Now four months later and we're in a relationship and.... I am not a Gemini. Curious, I look through her post history and turns out she was looking up Scorpio and Gemini love compatability with several sites, and then right after her history showed she visited some guy's profile on facebook. I didn't really think much of it then.

The next night we were watching a movie and she kept on texting, I asked who she was texting and she told me she was buying weed from this guy. Again, didn't pay it much attention.

So the next day I use her phone to go text my mom and as I go to make a text I notice that same guy who she was looking up on facebook had texted her. Curiosity got the better of me and I thought something was amiss here, and I looked at just the first texts on the screen - they were all from him. So I started getting a little worried and I went through her texts and she must have had like 80 from this guy, like full blown conversations. Turns out she wasn't just buying weed. Some of the texts were when I was passed out the night before, they were talking about how she said I was passed out and he was joking around calling me a lightweight and she was going along with it.

I confronted her about it and she says she does research on that kind of zodiac stuff and that they're just friends (she's known him for a month) and to stop being jealous. I can't help but feel something isn't quite right here. Am I in the right to be upset and suspicious here? Even ignoring the whole 'zodiac' ****, it seems really weird for her to be texting this guy so much that she just met a month ago.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

My current girlfriend has a lot of guy friends, I didn't really pay it much mind because she says that she doesn't get along with girls that well and only has a few girl friends. But maybe this is a little too weird.

Translation = "I need to be the center of attention at all times and need to get it from multiple people at once, and don't need or want any other woman stealing any of my thunder, ever!"

She has many orbiters. Every hottie has at least one or two of those, who've been put in the friend zone, for now, due to the fact that they are chumps, are not sexually threatening, are like girlfriends, haven't had the balls to go after her, are just waiting in the bullpen for the moment she becomes available, she has them as back ups, needs them for constant attention and as "yes" men, or whatever the reason. Your girlfriend has tons of those type of guys. If you are not ok with that, you are waisting your type with that type of girlfriend.

I was on her laptop on google typing in scholarships two days ago and the autofill came up with "Scorpio and Gemini". My girlfriend is obsessed with astrology zodiac stuff, and before we started dating she looked up to see if our zodiac signs were compatable. Now four months later and we're in a relationship and.... I am not a Gemini. Curious, I look through her post history and turns out she was looking up Scorpio and Gemini love compatability with several sites, and then right after her history showed she visited some guy's profile on facebook. I didn't really think much of it then.

If she is obsessed with that type of stuff, and she is obsessed with herself, off course she is going to look up compatibility matches relating to every guy she knows and meets, specially someone she fancies. Not saying its ok, or right, just saying that's her nature, given what you've mentioned about her.

The next night we were watching a movie and she kept on texting, I asked who she was texting and she told me she was buying weed from this guy. Again, didn't pay it much attention.

I am guessing she does stuff like that all the time, and you just overlook it and bury your head in the sand. It is all about her and she sees nothing wrong in texting so much while spending time with you. If you are also ok with it, and she's ok with you doing the same, I see no problem.

If you are not ok with her just texting and not being in the moment with you, then you should have established this early on in the relationship. Humans are like dogs. You need to train them early regarding what you expect, want, and don't want. A little too late to try to change the rules of the game at his point. Everything she is doing now is because you communicated that you are ok with what she does and accept it. Anything new that she hasn't done before is most likely she seeing what she can get a way with, she is pushing the envelope, and since you haven't put your foot down, she doesn't see any reason why you wouldn't just keep going along with anything she does or starts doing.

Anyway you look at it, seems like she's got a short attention span, gets bored very easy, can't be satisfied with getting attention from you, and this guy is the one who's somewhat interesting and she needs to figure him out. He brings some value to her. She might be interested in him romantically, she might be using him for his weed, etc., it doesn't matter. You are not challenging her or keeping her on her toes, and she seems bored.

So the next day I use her phone to go text my mom and as I go to make a text I notice that same guy who she was looking up on facebook had texted her.

Why are you using her phone? Why are you using her laptop? Why don't you have your own electronics? Seriously! Do you live with her?

Curiosity got the better of me and I thought something was amiss here, and I looked at just the first texts on the screen - they were all from him. So I started getting a little worried and I went through her texts and she must have had like 80 from this guy, like full blown conversations.

You mean more like, "I finally pulled my head from the hole in the sand and decided to open the can of worms."

Again, nothing wrong with full blown conversations. The problem is that you allowed her, trained her, to get away with all of this stuff like texting while you two are spending time together, etc.

Turns out she wasn't just buying weed. Some of the texts were when I was passed out the night before, they were talking about how she said I was passed out and he was joking around calling me a lightweight and she was going along with it.

He was making her laugh, at your expense, and she was going along with it. She was laughing because she knows it is true. By laughing, she was agreeing with him that you are chump, and she has your wrapped around your finger. She knows she has the stronger frame and is more in control of your relationship than you are. She acts as if she's single.

I confronted her about it and she says she does research on that kind of zodiac stuff and that they're just friends (she's known him for a month) and to stop being jealous. I can't help but feel something isn't quite right here.

It isn't. But this is not new. She has very little respect for you. She finds you very replaceable, and this guy is just one of those "back up" guys, or at least somebody who she finds intriguing enough, something you seem to stop being some time ago.

Am I in the right to be upset and suspicious here? Even ignoring the whole 'zodiac' ****, it seems really weird for her to be texting this guy so much that she just met a month ago.

You should be upset you failed to set the boundaries and take control over what is and what isn't acceptable behavior. You should be upset at yourself for deceiving yourself into believing you'd be ok with her behavior, as if it wasn't a big deal.

It is weird and wrong that she's more interested in conversation with a guy she just met than with you; but you allowed it to escalate and get this far.

Looks like she's really not that into you at this point. I would advice you to break up with her, and if she's actually perturbed by it, invite her to be a FB.
Your days as a happy couple are over; because you decided to stop looking the other way. That's a good thing. Now, don't dig yourself into that type of mess on your next relationship.

 

[SLY]

I wore those same shoes once. Had a girlfriend who mainly hung out with guys. She was a tomboy so to speak, so she never really got along with other females. These women with guy friends are just trouble. It's an excuse for them to cheat easier. She may not be screwing him or doing anything physical with him at the moment but keep in mind she might be trying to get to know him better. Probably just trying to see if there's greener grass on the other side of the fence. Good sir, you are not in the wrong for being suspicious. I would advise you to investigate further.

Or play her game. Surround yourself with other females. Call them your friends. And start texting and calling them. See how she feels. I'm telling ya it's damn double standard. They can't handle it when their own game is played in their faces.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

I wore those same shoes once. Had a girlfriend who mainly hung out with guys. She was a tomboy so to speak, so she never really got along with other females. These women with guy friends are just trouble. It's an excuse for them to cheat easier. She may not be screwing him or doing anything physical with him at the moment but keep in mind she might be trying to get to know him better. Probably just trying to see if there's greener grass on the other side of the fence. Good sir, you are not in the wrong for being suspicious. I would advise you to investigate further.

Or play her game. Surround yourself with other females. Call them your friends. And start texting and calling them. See how she feels. I'm telling ya it's damn double standard. They can't handle it when their own game is played in their faces.

Of course she's seeking greener grass on the other side of the fence.

If the OP's girl is more the tomboyish type, or more of the dominant type (and we already know she dominates this relationship),then it is very likely he is the opposite, so he's coming across as weak. This was proven by the fact that she laughed when the guy was making fun of him on the texts.

It is not easy for guys like that to go get a bunch of women in order to play the jealousy game.

His choice is, go through the drama of confronting her and playing that whole game, or dump her a$s and start fresh with someone else. Once she has lost respect for you, a woman will rarely give you a brand new chance to start fresh.

 

[Perfect]

^^People are always quick to want to replace something that's broken.



You know your situation best dude... Why are you asking us how you should feel? If you're not cool with what she's doing, address it. Put your foot down. Let her know that if that is what she's going to continue doing, then you're gonna have to leave her. Tell her yall can still be **** buddies (grin when/after you say that, to show her you're not pissed/emotional). If she says doesn't fold, then smile and laugh it off. Say "U know what, it doesn't even matter. Ur right". **** her good one last time and break up with her ass (however which way you choose).

When it comes to settling differences/breaking up/etc the key is to remain indifferent. Remain unreadable. When girls can't read how you are feeling, they lose any control they had in the situation, and you re-establish a position of power.

 

[jophil28]

Translation = "I need to be the center of attention at all times and need to get it from multiple people at once, and don't need or want any other woman stealing any of my thunder, ever!"

She has many orbiters.
You should be upset you failed to set the boundaries and take control over what is and what isn't acceptable behavior.

THis says it all.

 

[AFC_Schism]

Of course she's seeking greener grass on the other side of the fence.

If the OP's girl is more the tomboyish type, or more of the dominant type (and we already know she dominates this relationship),then it is very likely he is the opposite, so he's coming across as weak. This was proven by the fact that she laughed when the guy was making fun of him on the texts.

It is not easy for guys like that to go get a bunch of women in order to play the jealousy game.

His choice is, go through the drama of confronting her and playing that whole game, or dump her a$s and start fresh with someone else. Once she has lost respect for you, a woman will rarely give you a brand new chance to start fresh.

Thats what perplexes me though, I'm not the pushover type and I feel as though I'm dominate in the relationship. It was a toss up between her and two other girls to get into a relationship with and she's pretty jealous about me with other girls. There are several girls who are more attractive than her that want to get with me that she feels threatened by them. It's really no big deal for me to go out and grab a bunch of women to hang out with if I want to get into the jealous game.

I am guessing she does stuff like that all the time, and you just overlook it and bury your head in the sand. It is all about her and she sees nothing wrong in texting so much while spending time with you. If you are also ok with it, and she's ok with you doing the same, I see no problem.

She has two guy friends as best friends that I am okay with, I've met them and while they're AFCs, they're decent guys and I'm not threatened by them. This is the only instance where I feel as though I have indicated that I am okay with her doing something like this, I dont care if she texts those guys, but I guess with her twisted logic she thinks this means it okay to do it to whomever.

I remember one time I confronted her about it at the beginning of our relationship and asked her why she has so many guy friends and hardly any girl friends, and for whatever reason she started crying and said that girls don't really like her and that shes upset that it makes me uncomfortable.

She is an insecure girl, and I feel like she thrives on attention. There was this one frat on campus whos parties we kept going to because "they were her only party friends" despite them being total creepers and hitting on her every time we went there. This is just another symptom of that.


I just need resassurance that I'm not being too drastic about this, I'm seriously considering ending it here for this bull****.

 

[Weezy]

THis says it all.

What says it all? How does a dude set boundaries as to what is acceptable and what isn't when it comes to guy friends without being controlling / jealous and possessive?

This is something I have yet to see a great answer to on this forum.

You have two options:

1. Indifference... the problem with this however is you their friendship escalate until one of two things happens..
a. He's sick of getting shut down and moves on and you wait till the next AFC chump comes along..
b. she swings branches or does something with this guy that forces you to dump her.


2. is to lay down the law about guy friends, but this has this can also cause her to bounce.

The reality of this situation is that at this point in the realtionship, her IL has dropped enough that she will put herself into a semi-sketchy position.

 

[Relations]

You shouldn't have brought it up to her! Now she's gonna be on her guard. Seriously though, 80+ texts? What else did they say?

 

[Pierce]

Break up with her. She lied about the texts saying it was just a weed dude.

How about this... why don't u look up this dude b-day on facebook and see if he was da gemini...

Break up with her. You do not need that.... you are da prize not her.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

What says it all? How does a dude set boundaries as to what is acceptable and what isn't when it comes to guy friends without being controlling / jealous and possessive?

You set these boundaries very very EARLY on. Not once $hit has hit the fan. People, and women are not very different when it comes to setting expectations. They are just like trainable dogs. You do the training early, if there is a need to train. Some women already know how to behave decently, some will not try bs with guys who know how to handle themselves and wome, and some need to be guided EARLY enough for this to work.

The only way to set boundaries as to what is acceptable and what isn't when it comes to guy friends, AND ANYTHING ELSE, without being controlling/jealous and possesive is, by NOT BEING any of those things, legitimately. The old "fake it 'till you make it" will not work. You have to NOT BE controlling, jealous and/or possisive in order to NOT come across that way. If you are, then you need to get to work on yourself. There is no short cut to this one.

If you are not there, then use preventive measures.

This is something I have yet to see a great answer to on this forum.

Again, this is not something you're just gonna read on a post, article or on the DJ Bible. This is all personality, strong frame/reality, and inner game. There are excellent posters here who talk about this stuff, but if the reader is not at that level, it is very easy to dismiss it, overlook it, or not even notice it when mentioned by guys who know what they are doing and talking about.

You have two options:

1. Indifference... the problem with this however is you their friendship escalate until one of two things happens..
a. He's sick of getting shut down and moves on and you wait till the next AFC chump comes along..
b. she swings branches or does something with this guy that forces you to dump her.

Brother, let me break it to you. Women are very, very flexible when it comes to men they respect, are attracted to, and consider higher status than them. This is the kind of stuff they won't even attemp with a guy they respect and value.

A woman with character will avoid these type of situations, but there will always be orbiters around. She will handle it, and if her man is strong and confident, she might even mention it to him if he probes her. I like to make fun of these guys who call and text my girls. You noticed in this situation, it was the "friend" who was deuching on the boyfriend, and the girl just laughed and went along with it. In this type of situation where the man has lost control, if he had any to being with, almost nothing he does will get him out of that whole.

2. is to lay down the law about guy friends, but this has this can also cause her to bounce.

That's why you PREVENT this type of stuff before it comes up. If it comes up, you handle it like the man you are and the man she respects, and no worries. If you got your $hit together, and a woman with less character attempst that, you don't care. Good riddance.

The reality of this situation is that at this point in the realtionship, her IL has dropped enough that she will put herself into a semi-sketchy position.

That was my whole point regarding his situation, and his options at this point.

 

[PlaysToWin]

Look I'll be blunt. You're girl is more interested in the other guy than you. This means your relationship is effectively over even if she hasn't actually aplied the axe yet. No, the situations is not salvageable.

I strongly suggest that you immediately dump her before she dumps or cheats on you. Stop wasting time in a relationship that isn't going to last. Learn from your mistakes in this relationship and find someone new.

Oh an don't play the blame game or bring up the other guy or anything when you're leaving her. Just say it's not working out, pleasantly wish her the best, leave with a smile and get on with your life.

 

[AFC_Schism]

Just talked to her again about it, turns out the Gemini was him and she lied to me when she said she didn't know he was a Gemini. Her reasoning? Because it would seem shady and it would make me mad. She also told me that CONTRARY TO WHAT SHE SAID LAST NIGHT, she hung out with him last night and they were playing videogames until 3am at her house, just the two of them, but she swears they are just friends and was balling on the phone when I told her I was breaking up with her. She tells me she cares about me so much, blah blah, and the like. I told her I'd call her back after I got done hanging out with my friends... but my mind is pretty much already made up. Good decision? Even if she wasn't doing anything, that's such shady behavior and LYING about not hanging out with him is even worse.

 

[Kailex]

Ditch her.

Playing video games over at her house until 3 AM?
Yeah... sure.

Trust is definitely an issue from now on. I'm sure you learned your lesson. Welcome to being single.

 

[jophil28]

Just talked to her again about it, turns out the Gemini was him and she lied to me when she said she didn't know he was a Gemini. Her reasoning? Because it would seem shady and it would make me mad. She also told me that CONTRARY TO WHAT SHE SAID LAST NIGHT, she hung out with him last night and they were playing videogames until 3am at her house, just the two of them, but she swears they are just friends and was balling on the phone when I told her I was breaking up with her. She tells me she cares about me so much, blah blah, and the like. I told her I'd call her back after I got done hanging out with my friends... but my mind is pretty much already made up. Good decision? Even if she wasn't doing anything, that's such shady behavior and LYING about not hanging out with him is even worse.

Now, you listen to your Uncle Jophil..Cheating starts long before the zippers get unzipped.
Cheating starts when a woman turns to another guy, outside the primary relationship, for emotional rewards or benefits.

To the OP, your G/f is cheating on you and lying about it. I feel for you, but you know what you have to do. Everytime you doubt your decision ,read Gangsters' posts in this thread.

 

[Brighty]

As a man who has recently gotten out of a medicore relationship that I should've abandoned a long time ago.... It's safe to say that you need to get out of there.

That said, welcome to the single life and enjoy it while it lasts :cheer: :cheer: Especially in college where the girls are great!

 

[AFC_Schism]

Well, I did it. It was hard, but I broke up with her. She was balling and telling me sorry a million times, imploring that nothing was going on and she lied about having him over because she knew I wouldn't like it but she didn't want to lose a friend. She told me that she cared about me so much... I just told her that her actions said something different. She says that she understands how bad this looks and that she's so sorry that something so small and stupid had to ruin this great relationship we had. I told her that I can never trust her again and that I need a higher quality woman than this who wouldn't be so shady in the first place. She was just so deceitful about it I can't know for sure what happened. She must have called me thirty times last night and was crying uncontrollably for what seemed like forever. This is my first time where I broke off the relationship, any tips for sticking to my guns here?

 

[PlaysToWin]

Well done. You made the right decision. Try going no-contact to make it easier for yourself.

 

[AFC_Schism]

Well done. You made the right decision. Try going no-contact to make it easier for yourself.

Thank you for the support, it is just difficult because she does have emotional problems and before we got together I've literally saved her life. I just hope that she doesn't do anything drastic, because apparently I did mean the world to her. But then again is it really my fault if she does, considering she put herself into this position to begin with? I almost feel as though I should offer her the option to remain friends or fvck buddies just to kind of ease the hurt.

 

[boomerick]

Everytime you have a moment of weakness or lonelines or doubt yourself or think you want to forgive her or that maybe you overreacted or maybe you should give it one more try or make that one last phone call......sit down..... close your eyes.....think of her......imagine her .....beautiful, alluring, sexy perfect, your soulmate.......slurpin down other dudes c*ck while she looks up at him and wantonly smiles because it's him she's currently ingesting past her tonsils and not you .......that image should get you through.