How women might change when they are about to lose you for good...

[No1]

As people are saying you don't appreciate what you have until your really lose it. And I think they are correct. I decided to make this post based on my experience with a girl I known for a few years now. She is four years older than me and we really made a connection since the first time we met. She is very attracted to me and we had a good time whenever we were together. We didn't spend alot of time together but whatever little we had it was really good. I always respected her privacy and I almost never seeked her out. She would always approach me. Some friends and relatives of mine mentioned more than a few times
that we could be a nice couple together.

It was after that when I started thinking of her more than a friend. Then at about last November I decided to make my move and ask her out for a coffee, just the two of us. She seemed to hesitate in the beginning but it took almost 2 months to make arrangements to go out. We where playing games at each other. I was playing the "ignoring her" game and she was playing the "look at me, other guys are interested in me" game. Finally to make the long story short she canceled on me 2
times and I confronted her by saying that I really didn't understand her behaviour and that I didn't like her hot/cold - mixed signal games. After that small argument we kind of grew cold at each other and we wouldn't even look at each other. During that time I found out that this girl was really closed to her self when about 6 years ago was left at the altar by a guy who left her for another woman. After that she wouldn't trust anyone. But this was not an excuse for her behaviour.

About 2 months ago I left the company I was working (she is also
working for the same company but in a different location) and I sent her a goodbye e-mail telling her that I was leaving the company for other opportunities and I was really sorry we didn't have the chance to spend any time together and learn more about each other. I also told her that I was leaving for a while to go back to my family in Europe before I started the new job and I wished her good luck in case I didn't see her again. I really didn't leave her any contact information because she only had my work phone and e-mail and even if she wanted to call me there was no way to contact me.

The day after I happened to be at my aunt's house and the girl's
mother stopped by since she is a very good friend of my aunt. She told me that her daughter thought I was leaving back to europe for good and that she was really sad. She told me the same thing not once...not two...but three times. It seemed to me that she was in someway devastated.

About 2 weeks ago I came back from my overseas vacation totaly
refreshed and I just started my new job. I haven't seen her for a
total of 5 months now and in a few weeks time a 1st cousin of mine is getting married. I will have the chance to see her at my cousin's wedding.

I know that she is going to approach me again but I really I don't
want to go back into this neverending circle. I need to make my point that I won't make any move on her unless she shows me somehow that she wants to be more than friends. How do I do that? Do I need to be aggresive, calm or ignoring. How do I handle this without making the same mistakes again. After all this time we haven't seen each other we have a chance for a new beginning and at this time I have the advantage. I want her and I do care for her but I can also do without her.

Any thought or suggestions? I am sure that some of you have some really good suggestions for this matter. I believe she deserves one last chance. I know that my story is not unique...there are thousands upon of thousands of stories like this

Thanks again.....

 

[hardwork]

Discussion

 

[DarkfalconIV]

Yeah there was this girl who used to ignore me til I ran away. Then she cried her eyes now after I came back....

 

[hitop]

You've been a member only since this month, August, and you already have over 400 posts?

We need to make some changes 'round here. BIG TIME

 

[Royal-tiger]

To answer your question

Normally women have a hard time making the transition from the "friend" stage to "lover" stage. They are frightened of losing a good friend if the relationship does not work out not to mention the sexual ambiguity.

You should read this:

http://www.datinginsidernews.com/articles/want_to_bang_your_female_friends.html

 

[No1]

[

This is very good advice Royal Tiger. I have actually made my point to her that if she won't change her attitude to me I will drift away and that I can't see her as a friend anymore and this after she told me she just wants to be friends with.

My point is that I need advice on how to treat her the next time I see her. Which is going to be 4-5 months since I last talked to her in person. Shall I let her approach her first or should I wait for her to come to me?

That is the question......

 

[Royal-tiger]

Your approach really depends on what you want from her. If you would like her to be your "future girlfriend" chances are it will not happen due to her "friend" mindset.

In my opinion, since you have previously admired her personality (as a friend) and realizing she is hesitant to be anything more just accept her as a friend. Nothing more. Please be aware: You can't force someone into lover mode. It is not going to happen.

Accept her as it was before (i.e., friend) and she will be more than happy to have you. If you are comfortable with it then by all means feel free to initiate contact with her. Remember: There should be no "games" when all you want is a mutually satisfying friendship.

Who knows, she might hook you up with some HOT babe. It is always good to have women (whose personality you admire) as friends because they usually have friends similar to them in traits. "Birds of the same feather, flock together."

 

[marqZAL]

People dont change!!! You cant change the spots of a lepard...same applies with poeple despite what you theaten them with.