How to win my ex back.

[Cartographer]

Hello, all.

My girlfriend and I broke up back in Feb. under poor terms. At the time, I was suffering from depression after having gotten off of active duty, and in hindsight, was rather self destructive. I pushed everyone close to me away because I was convinced that I'd just 'drag them down with me' or somesuch crap. Well, I never stopped loving my girlfriend, even though I tried to convince myself that I had.

We remained close friends, and I know that she tried to get back together with me two or three times while we were broken up. Recently, I decided that I needed to man up and try to get her back. The trick is that she's seeing somebody else now, and claims that the two of them are serious (they've been together for slightly less than two months--we were together for seven).

In talking with her as recently as last week, she's stated that part of her is still in love with me, that she cannot live without me, that the both of us rather wasted the great relationship that we'd enjoyed, and that there was a special part of her heart that only I could complete. Her Facebook profile pictures include several photos from when we were together, including one of the two of us kissing. There are no pictures of her with the new guy.

At the same time, she's said that the two of us weren't meant to be together. This in response to my (admittedly bungled) request for a second chance instead of an actual 'no'. Following this, she proceeded to invite me into her room, and we were up until four in the morning reminiscing about the good times we had and holding hands. I didn't push my luck any farther than that because I, honestly, hadn't foreseen being invited in and didn't really know what to do, given the mixed signals I'd been getting (LOTS of kino, talking about sex, wrestling, etc.).

I know that the odds are on my side--90%+ of rebound relationships fail--and I have a plan of action, but I want input from anybody that's tried this sort of enterprise. I really do love this girl; she's amazing, and the two of us were great together until those last couple of months. Any constructive input would be greatly appreciated, all.

Thanks in advance.

 

[itishe]

You don't want that **** back. Go get some new *****. Get tired of that ***** then get a new *****!

It's a never ending cycle man. Get ready.

 

[Cartographer]

Well, thanks for the input, I guess. Not my perspective, though. I've dated other chicks. I've been in love with other women. I've had my heart broken and I've broken hearts. This is the one on which I don't want to give up. I ain't just out for tail anymore.

 

[Dink]

Sometimes if it was meant to happen bro it'll happen. Usually when i get these feelings of like... impulsive acting and pursuing a girl i end up with the hurt feelings because i convinced myself so much i wont fail that I do. You need to realize you will take a chance at throwing it all completely away or 2.. you get her back.

In my own opinion and i've stuck by this with every girl i've seen. if they ditch me no matter how much i want em back. I still ignore those feelings and don't go back. if they want me back i expect them to come to me and pursue me. I pursued once i wont pursue twice.

 

[02hero]

"How to win my ex back"
Your question says it all, if you try to win her back, you are putting her on a pedestal and making her the prize. Any romantic gestures, chasing, talking or apologies you do will not work, I promise. I know from bitter experience.
On the other hand, if you reverse the question, and make yourself the prize for her to win back.....now you're on to something. You must not make a fuss and go no contact, the only gift you give her is the gift of missing you. Delete her number from your phone (so you don't get tempted to call if you've had a few drinks). You must treat her as if she is dead, and to be fair the girl you loved is.
You must look after yourself and live well, do all the things you wanted to do but you didn't get a chance to do when you were in the relationship. If you see her don't ignore her, be civil and polite like you would be to any other. There is lots of info on this site about this subject if you do a search.
In my own experience of exes, they only come back when you cut contact and try to move on, the funny thing is when they do (they usually always do, some take alot longer than others mind), usually you have outgrown them and surprise yourself by not feeling the same way about them anymore. Good luck man.

 

[dannyegg4575]

What's important to you? it doesn't matter what any of us here say, what's important to you?

Let's analyze this:

she had already stated clearly to you that she's in a serious relationship with another guy but yet, you want to hang around.
guy, a woman with high interest level in you will not string you around. She being up with you to "reminisce" is because she is being "nice". She wanted to remain friends because you'll be a part of her "friends" list. It's one of those LJBF thing. We had a whole discussion of that in one of the threads. Look that up.

do you see the flaw of your thinking? Most guys do this, we just won't learn. When a woman breaks up with you, you'll make up a sh>tload of excuses for her. i just don't get it.

ok, first ask yourself, why do you want her back?

I made the brutal mistake of taking my ex back back in October and I refuse to let any other guy out there to repeat the same mistake I did.

You want her back because you're a NICE GUY! in women's term, "ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"
You want her back because you have something called sentiment. YOU want her back because you have a conscience. In your mind, you want to BE with her because you want to care about her and take care of her. Why not? I mean, you've been a protector to her and provided for her for awhile right? All of a sudden, you stopped having someone you want to take care of. it's weird. out of place.

YOU want her back because you "love" her. Genuinely care and love her. it's f>cked up, I know, but hear me out.

Ask yourself;

1. Will you ever trust her again? Will there not be any thorn in your heart?
2. When she's out with someone, will you be able to let her go knowing she is capable of meeting someone else?
3. If you are with her, can the arguments end? Look at how much work you have to do and in hope she would reciprocate.
4. Are you going to be the man again? I mean, you're chasing now aren't you?

Still want to be back together? ok, fine:

5. 2 years down the line, will you be able to forget everything that ever happened?

But you persist, I LOVE THIS WOMAN! I WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET HER BACK.

ok, cool. You're entitled to your choices in life.

Getting back together:

You can't pursue. You simply just can't pursue anymore. You will be her biatch until she makes the decision to come back to you and be with you. So, hang around as her "friend", listen to her sappy stories when her bf cheats on her and f>ck another girl. You'll be her "nice" friend she can always rely on. and then, you'll have a SunnyD gf that you wanted.

Being together and getting back together are two different things. If a girl cheats, or breakup with you, consider it over. Getting back together can only be initiated by the girl. She has to be the pursuer at all times.
She has to create that reality.

And if she wants to come back, you'll know buddy. All relationships are initiated by women. Because you choose to get her back, you can only be her pond in this game of chess.

It's up to you if it's worth the wait.

 

[Mavrick]

All I needed to read was the title. The only way to get her back is by not trying to get her back. The only thing you can do is make matters worse. So, your only option is to move on and let her come back on her on. Then when she comes back begging (if that happens), screw her in all the ways that you wanted to and then show her the door and never talk to her again.

Good luck, bro!

 

[Cartographer]

What's important to you? it doesn't matter what any of us here say, what's important to you?

Let's analyze this:

she had already stated clearly to you that she's in a serious relationship with another guy but yet, you want to hang around.
guy, a woman with high interest level in you will not string you around. She being up with you to "reminisce" is because she is being "nice". She wanted to remain friends because you'll be a part of her "friends" list. It's one of those LJBF thing. We had a whole discussion of that in one of the threads. Look that up.

do you see the flaw of your thinking? Most guys do this, we just won't learn. When a woman breaks up with you, you'll make up a sh>tload of excuses for her. i just don't get it.

She didn't break up with me--it was the other way around. I'll admit to being less than completely objective on the matter, but I'm a good enough judge to know when there're signs.

ok, first ask yourself, why do you want her back?

I made the brutal mistake of taking my ex back back in October and I refuse to let any other guy out there to repeat the same mistake I did.

You want her back because you're a NICE GUY! in women's term, "ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"
You want her back because you have something called sentiment. YOU want her back because you have a conscience. In your mind, you want to BE with her because you want to care about her and take care of her. Why not? I mean, you've been a protector to her and provided for her for awhile right? All of a sudden, you stopped having someone you want to take care of. it's weird. out of place.

YOU want her back because you "love" her. Genuinely care and love her. it's f>cked up, I know, but hear me out.

I wouldn't list the 'nice' bit in my list of reasons, but there is potentially truth to the latter hypotheses. I do genuinely care for her, and I know that I am still in love with her--and she's still in love with me, even if she's hurt.

Ask yourself;

1. Will you ever trust her again? Will there not be any thorn in your heart?
2. When she's out with someone, will you be able to let her go knowing she is capable of meeting someone else?
3. If you are with her, can the arguments end? Look at how much work you have to do and in hope she would reciprocate.
4. Are you going to be the man again? I mean, you're chasing now aren't you?

Still want to be back together? ok, fine:

5. 2 years down the line, will you be able to forget everything that ever happened?

1. I never stopped trusting her. I stopped trusting in myself, if that makes any sense.
2. All the good ones are capable of meeting someone else. I've met other people, and at the end of the day, it boils down to the fact that I wouldn't still be interested if she was a woman that was so undesirable that she couldn't. I've never been threatened by her guy friends in the past--c'mon, what do they have over me?
3. We never really argued. When we were together, during the breakup, now. We weren't clones of each other by any means, but we got along famously. We're different enough to challenge each other. And I'm not afraid of working hard to get something worthwhile.
4. I know that she fell in love with me when I was the man, and it was when I slipped out of that role that I pushed her away. That's the real me, the one that she's still holding on to. What I'm looking for is advice on how best to expose her to the real me to re-trigger her attraction.
5. Forgetting one's mistakes is folly. As a student of history, I can assure you of that right here and right now. As a wise man once said, "mistakes are only mistakes if we choose to let them be." Well, knowing where my mistakes led me, I'm unwilling to just let them be mistakes. I aim to take what I want out of life.

But you persist, I LOVE THIS WOMAN! I WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET HER BACK.

ok, cool. You're entitled to your choices in life.

Getting back together:

You can't pursue. You simply just can't pursue anymore. You will be her biatch until she makes the decision to come back to you and be with you. So, hang around as her "friend", listen to her sappy stories when her bf cheats on her and f>ck another girl. You'll be her "nice" friend she can always rely on. and then, you'll have a SunnyD gf that you wanted.

Being together and getting back together are two different things. If a girl cheats, or breakup with you, consider it over. Getting back together can only be initiated by the girl. She has to be the pursuer at all times.
She has to create that reality.

And if she wants to come back, you'll know buddy. All relationships are initiated by women. Because you choose to get her back, you can only be her pond in this game of chess.

It's up to you if it's worth the wait.

Thanks, man. I've been synthesizing a lot of different material to come up with a plan of action similar to this. It's all about mindset and confidence, just like a normal sarge, you know? I know she wants back. The key is just to fan those flames the most effective way possible. I realize that this'll not be an easy set with a quick close, and that's alright. Military service teaches one patience very quickly, and I've got a clear objective in this.

Just looking for more specifics, if folks've got 'em. Thanks again for the reality check and the words of wisdom.