How to train my shy girlfriend?

[duke007]

My new girlfriend possesses many positive attributes which make her LTR potential but one annoying thing about her has become apparent.

She doesn't seem to be as ******dly affectionate as other girls.

This actually attracted me to her in the first place. She didn't call on the phone (too shy and feels uncomfortable), wasn't clingy when we first started dating and didn't kino. She was a challenge....which I later learnt was because she is shy.

I am ALWAYS the initiator. And while this is ideal for a DJ, I'm just wondering why she hasn't gotten more confident around me after 5 weeks.

Now don't get me wrong. If I put my arm around her, she'll reciprocate happily. Once I make a move, she'll get into it with gusto. In bed, she'll hold on to me tightly until morning. She's even made out heavily with me in full view of other people on three occasions, but only because I started it.

The problem is, every time I see her again it feels like starting again at square one with the intimacy. Of all the times we kissed or held each other, it's because I initiated. I think I speak for most guys when I say that having her take charge and grab/pash me unexpectedly would be a huge turn-on. Even strip or talk dirty would be good.....but so far I've taken off each item of her clothing myself.

Last night I was joking about myself coming up with lots of great date ideas and her coming up with none. Then I said, "In fact, you haven't even initiated a kiss" in the hope that she'd prove me wrong. Nope!

So I teased her for a LONG time by flirting heavily, gunwitching, moving my head super close then not kissing her, etc. But it didn't work...I should have guessed. She only finally relented when I verbalised it, saying it was cute that she's too shy to kiss me after all this time.

Is there anything I can do to make her as affectionate as other guys girlfriends? I already wear the pants so there is no problem in that regard. I admit I'm a lazy guy and having her non-verbally beg for my d1ck would be nice change, especially if the relationship works out.

 

[Cremasta]

Stop kissing her on the mouth and head south...

 

[mactheripper]

What's her background? Perhaps she comes from a family/culture where it is not proper ettiquette to initiate intimacy.

 

[Donjuanpablo]

I don't think there's anything you can do to 'train' her, you cant really change anyone. I couldn't stand to be with a shy girl, so i guess you've got to ask yourself, is it worth it?

 

[themanwithnoname]

Just because some girls give blow jobs doesn't mean others will too.

 

[TheRelic]

Know *exactly* how you feel!

Keep up the subtle digs, PLAY THE DISTANT CARD if you still find yourself not getting what you want.

18 months can't be wrong

Good luck soldier!

 

[wind20mph]

My comments are...

Always Advance...

There are no shy women around!

 

[testdrive00]

well, after 5 weeks you should more-less know the background she's coming from and therefore some of the reasons of her shyness. for instance, she might be from a family where she was taught that, for a girl, acting on her desires is morally wrong and condemnable. she is probably still in close relations with her family, thus their advice have stronger influence than your subtle complaints. she is probably having problems with her self-esteem aswell (for whatever reason, maybe something that has happened to her).

if you're whatsoever unfamiliar with the reasons behind her shyness, you can just confront her with something like: 'you're an attractive girl but why are you so afraid of expressing yourself and acting on your desires' (and offer some reasons discussed above or your own thoughts). If you hit the nail with something she'll start talking (it seemed to me that you hadn't gotten her talking) and you can 'logically' convince her that her concepts are vague and misleading. chances are that she's holding on to some absurd conceptions.

then again, it might be because of something that has happened to her, which she couldn't share with you, and would really upset her. if this happens, turn to a psychologist


anyway, hope this helps, and the problem is probably not too serious at all

 

[izza]

Ah memories,

I had the same problem one time. The girl later said that she was scared because she was so into me or something. I don't think she was lying. Anyway, I got over the problem just by talking about it, gentle teasing, and simply asking. Just like training a rodent, make sure there are rewards for doing the right thing, but I don't recommend punishments for doing the wrong thing. Be patient, remind her that you like her without this sticking point.

I recommend that you not be shy to ask for what you want and then show that you appreciate it through affection. She'll get the idea soon enough: women are generally very motivated to do little loving things their partners appreciate - it's something we men have to learn to do, in order to make women feel loved.

Hope this helps,

Izza

 

[duke007]

I should clarify that I have gone down on her a few times now and she has reciprocated each time with a bl0wjob. She gets very comfortable once we get into it, only I have to get the ball rolling.

I might have made some progress last night though. It was the first time I gave her an orgasm by going down on her, and she pretty much attacked me with rough kisses and clawing to the chest once I rolled her on top of me. I've been telling her what I like and giving encouragement when she does well, so hopefully it is sinking in.

But she seems to hold on to this concept of fairness. On three occasions before reciprocating with something (oral, massage and even giving a sincere compliment) she's said, "Well I suppose it's only fair" (The last two bl0wjobs she didn't say this though)

Perhaps I'll try getting her hot and bothered, rolling off, and waiting for her to escalate?

 

[izza]

Whoa!!

If she says "it's only fair" in a serious voice, that is not loving sex, nor what you should be looking for.

You don't want people to be pressured into sex by a sense of obligation (to justice, to sexual ethics, or under any sort of barter system). This kills the lovingness of it and it might kill the positive feelings in the relationship too. Maybe I'm being a bit overdramatic, but it's happened to me and I just want to make sure it doesn't happen to you.

Instead, you want sex to be a favor. The key to a healthy relationship is that EACH SIDE feels the balance of favors is about even. That way, each can continue to do favors for the other without resentment. I know the difference between obligation and keeping the balance of favors is subtle. But the idea is that if she feels like you do her plenty of favors she will be motivated to do more for you, rather than punished (by being guilted, or made to feel like she's doing you an injustice).

I know people on this forum tend to dislike the idea of talking, but you might want to discuss sex with her (what you're looking for, what she's looking for).

And for a great book (that mentions how to motivate women to have sex with you!!), read Mars and Venus in the bedroom, by John Gray.

Later man, good luck,

Izza