How to tell the new girlfriend that my divorce is not yet final?

[meathead]

Mods - if this post should be moved to the Mature Man Forum, please do so.

Well, I haven't posted here in a while, but I never really posted much at all. Still, I did make it into the DJ Bible, and my DJ Bible post is a "must read" at that. I'm quite proud of this.

Anyway, the girl in that DJ Bible post went on to become my wife. It's funny because I wasn't interested in her much at first, but over time, my attraction grew significantly, and we eventually got married. I wrote that post nearly ten years ago, and she's still my wife for now. She won't be for much longer. It's ending.

That's not what my problem is. The problem is that I met a new woman much sooner than I thought I would (because I approached her without fear, knowing she would be mine; that is, I just went ahead and started interacting with her). If I didn't know better, I would have a serious case of oneitis over this new lady, but I keep that feeling in check.

Here's the issue: so far, I've kept her in the dark regarding my situation. We've only been on one date, but as far as she knows, I'm single and I've never been married. I do not know how she'll react to learning that not only have I been married once, but the divorce is still not final yet.

How do I share this with her? And when should I do so? Gentlemen, I need your wisdom, particularly if you have dealt with this issue yourselves. It's not so hard to get back in the game when you have DJ knowledge (it's like riding a bike - even after ten years, I haven't forgotten), but this is a very difficult situation for which I was not prepared.

 

[Scars]

Just be honest, if anything it will probably make her want you more.

Just don't be in a rush to marry the new chica once it's finalized.

-Scars

 

[Aaron B]

she will take her cues on how to react based on how you feel about the situation

if you act like you've done something wrong, she will treat you like you've done something wrong.

she's not entitled to act hurt or betrayed over this. so don't do anything that leads her to believe that she is entitled to act hurt or betrayed

"never act busted"

also if you've only had one date and haven't had sex yet i don't see what the big deal is. you have not agreed to enter into a committed relationship with her. this is all about your frame and how you feel about the situation. its not a big deal. personally i would want her to know before i had sex with her. just don't make it into a big "we've got to talk" sit-down heavy discussion. tell her confidently and directly then move on. if she tries to pull some power play bs and get her panties in a wad call her bluff by saying "well obviously you have an issue with this, so perhaps we shouldn't see each other until its final"

you can't let her have it both ways. she doesn't get to act like you are wrong and "in trouble" while still having access to your time and attention.

if you aren't strong with your frame and how you feel about the situation this can easily turn into her using this as an opportunity to seize the upper hand and compel you to come crawling to her apologizing and trying to make it right. if you do this and you aren't even in a relationship with her yet, later if you do decide to enter a relationship with her she will have all the power going forward.

you've done nothing wrong here - the only mistake would be allowing her to make you feel that you have