how to stop being so nice

[TheFlyingMan]

Any good gurus or products out there for not being so nice? I think I'm too nice and too soft. Even though I've been working on Cameron Teone's the Attributes and some of Carlos Xuma's Alpha Male stuff, and I think I've got the basics in those down, I sitll think I'm too soft.

I know this will sound freaking gay, but any gurus that teach you to stop being so nice? I only know FJ Shark, any good?

 

[Jariel]

I am guessing your problem is not being nice, but being a pushover. You can be nice, polite, compassionate and still get everyone's respect.

Do you have trouble saying no, asserting yourself and do you try to avoid conflict?

I'd recommend reading or getting the audio version of "When I say no I feel guilty" by Manuel J Smith or "No more Mr Nice Guy" (can't remember the author). They don't teach you how to stop being nice, but they should help you see what the real underlying problems are and put it in perspective for you.

 

[TheFlyingMan]

Jariel! good to hear from you mate, you probably don't remember me but on my virgin sosuave post where I was being used and abused by a ***** you were one of the guys that I respected. Even though I don't post here much anymore, I still remember you.

Actually I am not sure what my problem is. I recently laid a HB8 and she's like falling madly in love with me. The problem is I went back and read that first sosuave post (http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=96247) and I did a lot of the same things still.

With this 8, I still was her shoulder to cry on. I was still the romantic nice guy. But this one has a major difference, she's calling me up everyday (having oneitis over me), saying our souls connect, she thinks of me non stop etc.

Before I sound like I'm *****ing over something I should be happy about, I'm worried that in actual fact I haven't improved that much, and that this girl was just a lucky shot.

I have joined a local lair and have been posting each day with her as a FR for feedback. Members have replied saying that I was too nice and took too long to lay her etc. I did some visualisation, and honestly if this girl asked me to drive her to her BF's place (like I did in my first post) I probably would have.

So that's my dilemna.

 

[Jariel]

Glad you remember that first post. I could relate to what you said because I came here with much the same dilemma as you. I was too nice, spent all my money on friends and dates, and was too soft. It wasn't so much me being nice and generous that was the problem, it was letting people take advantage of that. I didn't see it at the time and just ended up going to the opposite extreme and became bitter towards everyone.

I know what you mean about thinking this girl is a "lucky shot", but the way I look at it is that you've found a girl who matches your personality. Speaking truthfully, I couldn't handle my ex girlfriend. She laughed at any romantic sentiment and didn't agree with my ideals about relationships, and I knew instantly we were not compatible. Yet my current girlfriend loves anything soppy and romantic, talks about marriage and being my soul mate etc and that has lasted.

I think a lot of guys here make the mistake of thinking they can seduce and get along with ANY woman. The fact is that many people just aren't compatible, and yet many guys will keep trying to change their personality around different women, instead of looking for a suitable and likeminded woman. I've done it myself and have never felt more pathetic in my life. That's like the ultimate supplication.

I just figure all those women who think guys like us were too nice or too romantic, are simply not right for us.

I covered this a little bit here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=104422

But all I'll say is don't fall into the trap of changing yourself to fit other people. If YOU think you have a problem that needs changing, then seek help, but only then.

 

[TheFlyingMan]

Brilliant stuff mate, glad to see that guys like you are still around, I stopped coming here after a while because of lots of rubbish..