How to not blow it?

[LadiesMan2117]

There's a girl i like at school, but whenever i talk to her, i freeze up. The ones i don't like i find are much easier to be more DJ-like around, but whenever i'm talking to someone i am attracted to, i over-analyse, can't think of anything to say, and just stop being DJ-like altogether. The fact of the matter is, she likes me too, and i know this for a fact, which made me wonder, why is that i'm able to talk the pants off this girl when i know that she digs me? I think the answer is that it's because i like her, and even though she likes me too, it's still hard for me to talk to her because of my attraction. So how should i go about overcoming this problem? I really don't want to blow this chance...

 

[jeffthechef]

my method is a combination of things i've learned on this site and western and buddhist philosophy...although sometimes contradictory..it has worked for me

a summarized solution for your problem, which you state is overcoming your attraction for her

to begin..let me state i have experienced the same thing...after i went out for this girl for a BRIEF period of time..we decided to still talk..and i am so damn smooth i think she might want to get back together..even i step back and go "DAMN I'M SEXY"...but there's this girl that sits next to me in band..basically talking is inevitable among the class...she's quite attractive but not my type...i try to do the same thing with her but it doesn't work..BECAUSE I'M TOO WORRIED ABOUT HOW SHE'LL REACT...i found myself worrying i am going ot offend her or bore her...so i try even harder to play it cool..sit back and play it smooth..but it doesn't work..instead it simply becomes quiet and awkward and she begins to text

SO..after realizing this...i reflected upon philosophy..i engraved it in my mind that WE'RE ALL NOTHING....we all come from the elemental field where we are all the same..and return to it..THE INEVITABLE TRUTH IS THAT WE ALL WILL DIE...so in fact..we are all the same...there truly is no difference between you and michael jordan or randy jackson..WE'RE ALL INTERCONNECTED...so she is simply a construction of carbon oxygen other elements crap hair piss.....hard to think about it but if you dissect her..she has awful smelling organs like you and me...we are too intoxicated with external beauty we begin to draw distinctions between the ugly and beautiful..SUPERFICIAL DISTINCTIONS..this is inevitably what blocks us from realizing the truth...you begin to stutter in your thought process and it comes out in your speech and actions...

SOLUTION...realize you and her and everything in the universe is one...annihilate the superficial distinctino your draw between her, the beautiful godess, and that girl that sits alone in the back of your class that you find unattractive...once you realize we are all nothing and the same...you can think of her as nothing but a reflection of you...if you emulate a happy and satisfied person..she will reciprocate your happy disposition and respond with this zestful mood....IF SHE SHUNS YOU...she's probably the not the type of person you should go after

hope that helps..if you have any questions reply..

 

[LadiesMan2117]

jeff, the whole 'we're all nothing' stuff is kind a paradigm jump for me, but i definitely understand what you mean. The more i worry and fuss about it, the further i set myself back from my goal i guess. Thanks for the input. The only problem now is actually being able to apply this mentality and keeping my cool next time i talk to her...

 

[tucking fypo]

judging from your post, i can see that you dont have much experience with girls. imo, the more you want a girl the more likely you are to hesitate, second guess youself, and be afraid to make mistakes. have the mentality of not giving a **** and to not be afraid of losing her.

make peace with failure, only than can you achieve success.

dont be afriad of ****ing up because if you do, youll just second guess your every move and **** yourself over like that

 

[jeffthechef]

perhaps you should simply remember that the girl you're talking to isn't the only one out there....i used to keep only one option thinking if i applied al my effort on one girl it would work..now i keep 5-10...
i've stopped analyzing, worrying, feeling sad if it doesn't work out

everyday seems to be a happy day in relation to girls...today for example...there was this girl that i was after for over a year....she's in one of my classes and after sending a completely afc email and scaring her away..she decided to go out with another guy..they're done now..and from the period she began going out with that guy i found this site...i completely changed my philosophy regarding the ladies..now i'm so busy with other girls that it seems as though she's getting jealous and showing up in places where i hang and she doesn't

add more options..stop worrying about failure...there isn't any true distinction between failure and success...nothing is good or bad, thinking makes it so..-shakespeare

 

[LadiesMan2117]

I'm getting a lot of 'stop being afraid of failure', so I'm thinking I need to approach more strangers, talk to more chicks, and improve my interaction skills that way. How do I find the huge motivation needed to actually start this routine?

 

[SinJester]

Courage. Just go for it regardless of the consequences.

 

[LadiesMan2117]

Thanks for the input SinJester. The only problem is that courage can sometimes be so damn HARD to bring out!

Today I called her name when she was about to go, thinking of saying some witty goodbye to her... When she actually turned around, I suddenly became aware of how many people were around us, and just froze up. All I said was a lame 'Nothing, bye.' and just went back to what I was doing... I know that there's absolutely no reason for me to be aware of or care about what others think, but I still can't help it anyway! Why!!!

 

[SinJester]

LadiesMan I know what you mean. We all feel that fear. It is when you push through it that you get the rewards, and one of those rewards in confidence. When you start off it is hardest, but courage is like a muscle, the more you use it the harder it gets.

I've been here for over 4 years, I've been through a lot in that time. I'm giving you the real deal. If you look for confidence before you act you will be waiting a lifetime. The harder it is, the more rewarding it will be when you do it Be sure to pat yourself on the back afterwards, even if what you did was small.

I know that there's absolutely no reason for me to be aware of or care about what others think, but I still can't help it anyway! Why!!!

You know logically but emotionally you still fear what may happen. The answer again is to do what you want regardless of this fear, and slowly this fear will fade. Just keep in mind that fear will be there our whole lives, so courage is actually far more important.

For motivation look inside yourself. Really focus on what you want. Smell is, taste it, see it, touch it, know it. The motivation will come naturally. However if you end up focusing on what you don't want to happen the motivation will die.