How to land cute girl who WORKS at gym.

[Belmar2009]

There is a girl who works at the gym I go to. She is not a knockout, but a solid 8.

She works behind the counter, making shakes and signs people up for memberships.

Here is the problem with this type of atmosphere.

Like most gyms, it is 75% male. I feel like I am in competition with every male in that place.

She is exposed to alot of men all day.

Basically, one day she was real friendly asking me alot of personal questions (she was making my shake) and a few days later, she was not friendly at all really.


Lately, I have been playing it cool, nodding to her or smiling to her, but not stopping to chat with her (usually she is busy anyway).

If this girl is interested, don't you think she would really make it known to me due to the nature of the environment?

I don't really know if guys hang out at the desk trying to hit on her, but that is what I am trying to avoid.

 

[RedZone]

Only one way to find out...ask her to hang out. Better off doing that than wondering about will she/wont she cause that wont get you anywhere.

 

[tsmith2334]

I was in a similar situation to OP.

Very cute girl working behind the desk who I talked to briefly every time I went. Lots of smiling and eye contact, strong body language too. Not sure if it was IOIs or just her doing her job, my guess is probably a mix of both.

Also, my gym was more "mature" so unlike the OP there wasn't a whole lot of younger guys competing for her attention. Granted, a few I'm sure, but less than other places.

Yesterday was actually my last day there, my membership was expiring and I'm moving to a new city. Before I left I wrote my number on the back of a business card and said to call me some time. It was a bit awkward and I probably caught her off-guard. But she didn't seem offended by it either.

I will probably never hear from her again but I'm still glad I did what I did. I really don't ever make "cold approaches" (I know it might not have been entirely cold, but you get my point) so this was a good start for me. I did it more to give myself confidence, but if she ever calls or texts me that would be a plus...

 

[EvilAgenda]

Lately, I have been playing it cool, nodding to her or smiling to her, but not stopping to chat with her (usually she is busy anyway).

WTF is that supposed to accomplish? Show her that you aren't needy? Answer me, Belmar, did you forget how to be a man?

All this gym time and pumped up testosterone, and still you hide it from yourself what it means to be a man.

Just ASSSSSSSKKKKKKK HEEEERRRRR!!!!! Rather than playing mind games with yourself, just fking ASSSSSKKKKKKKKK HER for coffee after work. THIS will let her know YOU are interested, ask her for a coffee after work before someone else does, and tell her jokingly that if things go bad, at least she'll get a free coffee out of it.

 

[Iceberg]

Basically, one day she was real friendly asking me alot of personal questions (she was making my shake) and a few days later, she was not friendly at all really.

Of course she was friendly to you one day and not talking to you the next. You're just some guy. It's not like she has any reason to engage in daily conversations with you. It's your job to take it to that level.

Not to lecture you, but that's the problem with guys who try to play this game from the sidelines....A girl talks to you = "She likes me!" A girl stops talking to you = "What did I do wrong?!?" You're afraid to dive in and get wet. So you try to guess how a woman feels about you by reading imaginary signs.

It was just a conversation. Stop trying to gauge whether or not a girl likes you by meaningless conversations with a cashier. You have to be aggressive. Can't rely on a girl to be aggressive for you.

So what can you do? Build rapport. Start a couple friendly chats. Maybe if you come in on Monday, you ask her "Hey, how was your weekend?" and then you go into details of your fun weekend.

Or after that, you say "Hey have you heard the new (blank) album?" Now you're talking about music.

Build a rapport, present yourself as a social, friendly guy, and then tell her about some nice bar you go to, and invite her to tag along.

You're not going to get a girl to like you by "playing it cool, nodding to her, but not stopping to talk".

 

[tsmith2334]

I was in a similar situation to OP.

Very cute girl working behind the desk who I talked to briefly every time I went. Lots of smiling and eye contact, strong body language too. Not sure if it was IOIs or just her doing her job, my guess is probably a mix of both.

Also, my gym was more "mature" so unlike the OP there wasn't a whole lot of younger guys competing for her attention. Granted, a few I'm sure, but less than other places.

Yesterday was actually my last day there, my membership was expiring and I'm moving to a new city. Before I left I wrote my number on the back of a business card and said to call me some time. It was a bit awkward and I probably caught her off-guard. But she didn't seem offended by it either.

I will probably never hear from her again but I'm still glad I did what I did. I really don't ever make "cold approaches" (I know it might not have been entirely cold, but you get my point) so this was a good start for me. I did it more to give myself confidence, but if she ever calls or texts me that would be a plus...

Iceberg, EvilAgenda (and anybody else).. can you weigh in on my post above? ^

Just looking for feedback, good or bad.

 

[EvilAgenda]

Iceberg, EvilAgenda (and anybody else).. can you weigh in on my post above? ^

Nothing to weigh, you blew your chance at the gym. But you already knew that. You carried yourself out of a losing battle with a sense of pride (even though it was a fake sense of pride). That sense of pride (yes, the fake) came from doing something (leaving your number for her with a convinced belief that she possibly have liked you and if she doesn't call then oh well, no hard feelings, you didn't really expect some girl at the gym to call you anyway) rather than doing nothing (like Belmar there).

To her though, hence forth you'll be known as "some guy I used to see at the gym once or twice a week"

Yesterday was actually my last day there, my membership was expiring and I'm moving to a new city

Next time, don't hesitate for weeks or months.

 

[DonGorgon]

make sure she (and her friends) finds you physically attractive then out do the other 100 dudes trying to F her there .. then you are in.. good luck

 

[tsmith2334]

To her though, hence forth you'll be known as "some guy I used to see at the gym once or twice a week"

You do realize, I'm okay with that though.

Granted, it would be better if things played out differently. Still, the emphasis for me is constant self improvement - and I'm probably better off having done what I did than not doing what I did.

My focus is not on the actual girl. I'll probably be in contact with another dozen or so by the end of the month. I'm just working to push myself out of my comfort zone, and would rather get rejected or accomplish nothing than not have taken the initial step.

 

[thevilittletroll]

welcome to the world of "hired guns". if your not sure what that means it is a woman who is hired strictly for her beauty. strippers, bartenders, shooter girls, and go-go dancers and in your case, hot girl at the gym behind the counter. in this situation she is paid to look hot, be nice, and flirt with guys all day long. trust me this chick gets hit on all day long. simple reason, every guy thinks she's into him cause she's nice and flirts. this is how bartenders and strippers get regulars. attention! this is a part of her job description! there are a couple of things you will need to do to seduce this type of girl.

#1 and most importantly, do not show any interest until you meet her outside of her work! never compliment her on her looks in any way, she's heard it 1000 times last week. also dont believe any IOI's she gives you while she's working. that even means if she's escalating kino on you.

she has to see you as a high value male. that doesnt mean your the biggest baddest "alpha" male at the gym. show her indirectly peices of your outside high value lifestyle. it can be done through conversation and her observing you. you are going to have to convey to her that you have many other beautiful women in your life, and that you are fun and social. you are not impressed by her beauty cause all the women in your life are just as hot as she is. typical DHV story telling here. Invite a girl of equal hotness to work out with you so she can observe this. once you have demonstrated a higher value in her eyes, she's ready to be asked out. start with something informal like a local band is playing and you know the promoter and your tying to help out your friend fill the place, or another fitness activity like i need a spotter for this indoor rock climbing place. anything to get her to meet you outside work. stay away from asking for the typical date coffee, dinner, movie, drinks. she's heard it 1000 times before. be origional, and more fun than every other dude that hits on her. it must be informal.

you cant show any interest until she's outside her work environment. think about it, she could lose her job if she's caught being inappropriate with you at work, even if you are her boyfriend! if she meets you out, assume its on, and proceed to show interest, and escalate kino, close!

 

[Iceberg]

Iceberg, EvilAgenda (and anybody else).. can you weigh in on my post above? ^

Just looking for feedback, good or bad.

It doesn't sound like you "gamed" this girl in any sense. Smiling, Eye contact, and body language men nothing unless you're actually speaking to the girl, establishing some kind of rapport. Otherwise it's a bunch of stuff happening in your imagination.

I'm happy you feel like you're pushing yourself out of a comfort zone. But this was more of a baby step than an actual push.

So, I pretty much agree with EvilAgenda. There's really not much to weigh. Anyone can walk up to a girl and toss his number at her. And the fact that you knew you had nothing to lose (because you'd never see her again) made it a little weaker.

 

[tsmith2334]

welcome to the world of "hired guns". if your not sure what that means it is a woman who is hired strictly for her beauty. strippers, bartenders, shooter girls, and go-go dancers and in your case, hot girl at the gym behind the counter. in this situation she is paid to look hot, be nice, and flirt with guys all day long. trust me this chick gets hit on all day long. simple reason, every guy thinks she's into him cause she's nice and flirts. this is how bartenders and strippers get regulars. attention! this is a part of her job description! there are a couple of things you will need to do to seduce this type of girl.

#1 and most importantly, do not show any interest until you meet her outside of her work! never compliment her on her looks in any way, she's heard it 1000 times last week. also dont believe any IOI's she gives you while she's working. that even means if she's escalating kino on you.

she has to see you as a high value male. that doesnt mean your the biggest baddest "alpha" male at the gym. show her indirectly peices of your outside high value lifestyle. it can be done through conversation and her observing you. you are going to have to convey to her that you have many other beautiful women in your life, and that you are fun and social. you are not impressed by her beauty cause all the women in your life are just as hot as she is. typical DHV story telling here. Invite a girl of equal hotness to work out with you so she can observe this. once you have demonstrated a higher value in her eyes, she's ready to be asked out. start with something informal like a local band is playing and you know the promoter and your tying to help out your friend fill the place, or another fitness activity like i need a spotter for this indoor rock climbing place. anything to get her to meet you outside work. stay away from asking for the typical date coffee, dinner, movie, drinks. she's heard it 1000 times before. be origional, and more fun than every other dude that hits on her. it must be informal.

you cant show any interest until she's outside her work environment. think about it, she could lose her job if she's caught being inappropriate with you at work, even if you are her boyfriend! if she meets you out, assume its on, and proceed to show interest, and escalate kino, close!

I'd say that is 90% accurate or better. ^

That said, if they view us as cannon fodder for flirting, what's the problem with using them for the same intention?

Unless there's any kind of unwarranted obsessing or feelings of attachment (which would be AFC behavior to begin with) - I really see no problem in playing the game with them even if it almost always leads to a dead end.

 

[EvilAgenda]

You do realize, I'm okay with that though.

Fake sense of pride. (Look at the sentence you typed right after that). And if you look at the 99% of guys who say "I'm okay with that, I don't really need her," it's because they see failure before the battle and want to either justify not trying or justify their failure.

If you didn't really need her or if you were really "okay" with it (it = losing), why the hell did you talk to her in the first place, and posted on this board about your efforts, and by efforts I mean lack of efforts.

Women want to feel desired. And when you give half-a-hearted effort followed by "meh, I'm okay with whatever happened," then RIGHT THEN AND THERE is the reason you were unsuccessful with her.


I'll tell you a VERY COOL LESSON that you won't find on this board. ENVISION THE SUCCESS. See it. See the outcome being successful. ENVISION THE SUCCESS. THEN, go and talk to her.

 

[tsmith2334]

EvilAgenda, first of all - thanks for the feedback. I would like to discuss at least one aspect of it with you though.

Women want to feel desired. And when you give half-a-hearted effort followed by "meh, I'm okay with whatever happened," then RIGHT THEN AND THERE is the reason you were unsuccessful with her.

I've been on this forum long enough to know the crux of most advice is entirely different from your above statement. 99 times out of 100 the instruction here seem to be; keep a constant poker face and don't reveal your feelings until she's done so first. To do the opposite is counter productive to generating attraction and "AFC" behavior.

Look at one of the posts above yours:

#1 and most importantly, do not show any interest until you meet her outside of her work!

If nothing else, I hope you can see the conflict. What sounds good on paper isn't always as beneficial when practically applied. I took the approach "thevilittletroll" and most others on here advocate - limited interest displayed outwardly, at least before an actual relationship has been established.

I'll tell you a VERY COOL LESSON that you won't find on this board. ENVISION THE SUCCESS. See it. See the outcome being successful. ENVISION THE SUCCESS. THEN, go and talk to her.

^ This is great advice and I wholeheartedly agree with it.

 

[Iceberg]

EvilAgenda, first of all - thanks for the feedback. I would like to discuss at least one aspect of it with you though.

I've been on this forum long enough to know the crux of most advice is entirely different from your above statement. 99 times out of 100 the instruction here seem to be; keep a constant poker face and don't reveal your feelings until she's done so first. To do the opposite is counter productive to generating attraction and "AFC" behavior.

You keep the pokerface when it applies to your feelings within the relationship. As in - if you're dating a girl, you don't want to seem as if the relationship is your entire world, and you'd be crushed if she left.

But when you're trying to attract the girl, you have to show some signs of interest. Otherwise, what separates her from any girl on the street? If getting a girl was as simple as not talking to her for months, and then randomly walking up to her, giving her your number, then I could pull your move 500 times per day, couldn't I?

If you were applying for a job, you wouldn't just walk up to the office hand them your number, and walk away without giving them any kind of idea of who you were, or what you're about. But you pretty much did it with that girl. "Hey, we barely talked and I gave you no reason to view me any differently than any random customer in this gym. But here's my number."

It's the same type of stuff I used to do before I got good with women. "Playing it cool" as a way of hiding that I was too scared to approach a woman and express interest. But you gotta learn...you have to show SOME interest. Once some kind of dating is establish, you should back off and give her some breathing room...but if you're trying to attract her, and express your own attraction, you throw her a bone (figuratively) every now and then.

You like TheVilittleTroll's advice because it encourages your way of thinking. It supports your passive-aggressive style of not getting women out on dates. But damn, how much free time do you have where you can take one random front desk girl at your gym and spend all this time displaying high value by bringing in hot girls to work out with, etc? It sounds like we're planning the invasion of Normandy. All you had to do was talk to her 2-3 times, and then say "What are you up to Thursday? Let's get a drink." And you would have gotten a yes or a no. No girl is worth all this strategizing...least of all, a girl who you've never touched.

 

[tsmith2334]

You keep the pokerface when it applies to your feelings within the relationship. As in - if you're dating a girl, you don't want to seem as if the relationship is your entire world, and you'd be crushed if she left.

But when you're trying to attract the girl, you have to show some signs of interest. Otherwise, what separates her from any girl on the street? If getting a girl was as simple as not talking to her for months, and then randomly walking up to her, giving her your number, then I could pull your move 500 times per day, couldn't I?

If you were applying for a job, you wouldn't just walk up to the office hand them your number, and walk away without giving them any kind of idea of who you were, or what you're about. But you pretty much did it with that girl. "Hey, we barely talked and I gave you no reason to view me any differently than any random customer in this gym. But here's my number."

It's the same type of stuff I used to do before I got good with women. "Playing it cool" as a way of hiding that I was too scared to approach a woman and express interest. But you gotta learn...you have to show SOME interest. Once some kind of dating is establish, you should back off and give her some breathing room...but if you're trying to attract her, and express your own attraction, you throw her a bone (figuratively) every now and then.

You like TheVilittleTroll's advice because it encourages your way of thinking. It supports your passive-aggressive style of not getting women out on dates. But damn, how much free time do you have where you can take one random front desk girl at your gym and spend all this time displaying high value by bringing in hot girls to work out with, etc? It sounds like we're planning the invasion of Normandy. All you had to do was talk to her 2-3 times, and then say "What are you up to Thursday? Let's get a drink." And you would have gotten a yes or a no. No girl is worth all this strategizing...least of all, a girl who you've never touched.

You're simplifying concepts when convenient and over-complicating them other times to prove a point.

Your 2nd paragraph is asinine. Of course staring blankly at a girl or completely ignoring them won't do much to help one's chances. Nobody was advocating that.

Making them feel "desired" is UNIFORMLY pinned as AFC behavior on this site. Flowers and a card would make her feel desired, but also get me laughed out of the building. See what happens when you take an extreme example, out of context - and use it in the argument.

To me, "playing it cool" to a certain extent, is a wise compromise between doing absolutely nothing (which again, nobody was realistically suggesting) and overexerting yourself into AFC/ LJBF zone. I'll admit it's a tight rope walk, but neither you or I or anybody ever could come up with a fool proof plan to attract any woman anywhere. There are way too many variables involved, she could be married for all I know - so all of my gaming and your paragraphs worth of "grab life by the balls" advice would be for naught.

What I ended up doing, giving her number on a business card and saying we should hang out some time - was passive but CERTAINLY doesn't qualify as not initiating, not making a move or showing absolutely no interest.

And what you feel to realize - because I never said it explicitly - is we had built a small rapport. We knew each others names, where each other went to school, chatted often about the shows on the monitors/ the weather/ her work day etc., she even met a few of my friends that I brought in with guest passes. Now granted - all of this we established may have not meant a whole lot, but it's inaccurate and unfair to act like we were total strangers who never acknowledged each others presence until the last day of my membership.

 

[nismo-4]

Ask her out. Make your move. If you get it, you get it, if you don't, move on. There's only one way to find out, and you better make a move because she'll go with someone who had the balls to do so.

In short, read my sig. Apply it. Do it now. That's Judge nismo's ruling.

Case closed.

 

[Iceberg]

You're simplifying concepts when convenient and over-complicating them other times to prove a point.

Your 2nd paragraph is asinine. Of course staring blankly at a girl or completely ignoring them won't do much to help one's chances. Nobody was advocating that.

Making them feel "desired" is UNIFORMLY pinned as AFC behavior on this site. Flowers and a card would make her feel desired, but also get me laughed out of the building. See what happens when you take an extreme example, out of context - and use it in the argument.

To me, "playing it cool" to a certain extent, is a wise compromise between doing absolutely nothing (which again, nobody was realistically suggesting) and overexerting yourself into AFC/ LJBF zone. I'll admit it's a tight rope walk, but neither you or I or anybody ever could come up with a fool proof plan to attract any woman anywhere. There are way too many variables involved, she could be married for all I know - so all of my gaming and your paragraphs worth of "grab life by the balls" advice would be for naught.

Haha. Good lord, pal.

I'm looking through my post like "Damn, did I insult this guy's mom or something?" You asked (specifically me) for a critique and I gave you a critique.

No, I didn't think you blankly stared at the girl from across the gym. I just think you didn't make any real attempts at building attraction. Because if you had, it wouldn't have been such a big deal to say, "Let's hang out some time." instead of giving her your number on a card.

My paragraphs of asinine "grab life by the balls" bulls**t was an attempt to help you.....Actually, an attempt to help you in someone else's thread. Next time I'll just tell you how awesome it is to play it cool, give your number to chicks, and not ask for there's...because it puts the ball in her court or shows too much interest, or whatever you believe.

 

[thevilittletroll]

You like TheVilittleTroll's advice because it encourages your way of thinking. It supports your passive-aggressive style of not getting women out on dates. But damn, how much free time do you have where you can take one random front desk girl at your gym and spend all this time displaying high value by bringing in hot girls to work out with, etc? It sounds like we're planning the invasion of Normandy. All you had to do was talk to her 2-3 times, and then say "What are you up to Thursday? Let's get a drink." And you would have gotten a yes or a no. No girl is worth all this strategizing...least of all, a girl who you've never touched.

My advice is for this specific situation only (hired guns). I do agree when it comes to cold approach pickup to be more aggressive and letting your intentions and interest known earlier. thats a different game all together. girls of perticular beauty like this one have been hit on 10 times a day since she turned 18. she knows how hot she is cause guys tell her every single day how beautiful she is. yes you do have to talk to her, and show her your attractive qualities as a high value male. but one 2-5min conversation and then asking her out for drinks will get you nothing but...."aww your sweet, but i have a bf." after a couple of conversations with her and you have demonstrated to her that you are a high value male, she will then feel a sence of attraction to you and wonder why you havent hit on her like every other dude in this gym. bottom line is you have to build the intrigue/attraction first, get the "meeting" second, then close the deal.

 

[Solomon]

LOL @ 8 NOT BEING A "KNOCKOUT" SO WHAT'S A KNOCKOUT A 9 (sarcasm should be noted)

Ask her out. Make your move. If you get it, you get it, if you don't, move on. There's only one way to find out, and you better make a move because she'll go with someone who had the balls to do so.

In short, read my sig. Apply it. Do it now. That's Judge nismo's ruling.

Case closed.

^^^This(post is over two years old anyway so I wonder what OP did)