how to act in certain situations

[Tempest]

okay guys, i need some advice.

there is a guy at work who is a major prick. yeah, he's okay at times, but when we're in a group during our break he is a HUGE prick. he's dominant and in control. he has his good friend there with him that works there, and he is just ****y. today during our break, he started picking on me. saying **** like "hey man, hook me up with your sister", getting into **** with my sister, saying **** about girls, and overall trying to make me feel uncomfortable. he accomplished this. i was laughing it off, joking about it as well, and TRYING to make some funny comebacks. however, the comebacks didn't work, he always had a better one. at a certain point i was telling him to "stop", saying "that's enough" and jokingly saying "fvck off". he really was getting on my nerves and pissing me off. i used to be really shy and thought that this was the reason people would pick on me. he DETECTS that i'm weak and takes control. he's picking on me to prove to everyone that he is powerful. it's been like this all my life. yeah, i've improved drastically people don't pick on me as much anymore. i'm an average looking guy, easy to get along with, not as shy as i used to be, and i get along with pratically everyone else at my work. i spend a lot of my time talking to the salesman there.

anyways, how do you guys respond or react when someone is being a complete prick? when they're disrepecting you, and you don't like it. i was TRYING not to show that i was uncomfortable, but i think he saw through it. i was thinking about just saying "later *******s" and getting up and leaving, but i thought that'd show me as a wuss, and it would be letting my emotions get ahold of me. i want to be able to hold my own. to show that i'm powerful and dominant. how do you guys make it so that people don't **** with you? there's another guy there that is VERY shy, doesn't talk and is a wussbag, and they don't seem to bother him.

any thoughts?

 

[crackhead]

that sucks dude.. i know that feeling and those types of people..

just take yourself out of the situation.. don't stoop to his level and try to "beat him" at his own game.. it could make things worse

bottom line the dude is not a friend and you don't like being around him, so just be as mature as you can about it and just dont even give dude the pleasure of being in your presence.. eat your lunch somewhere else, talk to girls, read the paper, anything.. just cut him off.. and surround yourself with cool people and have fun without him

 

[Tempest]

for some reason i feel like the loser in certain groups. i don't know what it is, but people treat me like **** and pick on me. it's been like that through school. yeah, some guys were nice to me. the bullies ate me up, though. the dominant, confident ones 0wned me. i had no control over it. the solution that i can come up with is to do what they do to gain control and power. to be the one qualifying everyone else. but that takes A LOT of work. a lot of talking, developing relationships with everyone else around you. i'd have to be the *******, and pick on them.

anyways, i'm not sure what it is, but i need to figure out what it is about me that people feel the need to pick on me. yeah, sometimes i say dumb things, am quiet, and powerless. this is the reason and the FEAR that i've had all along which caused my shyness years ago. if i don't do something about this, my shyness will come back and i will have a fear of speaking, start avoiding situations, and overall get depressed.

 

[manicmaximum]

stop laughing or smiling, cold face, strong EC right into his eyes...say "stop it" or something along those lines, then change the subject

dont tolerate disrespect...if you just swallow it youll end up like george costanza (ie: "jerk store" episode)

 

[DiSt0rTi0n_07]

Honestly man, ive been there b4 in my early highschool years- grade 8-9ish... ever consider taking some martial arts classes or boxing? Seriously, I took jiu-jitsu and boxing both towards the end of grade 11 and im not gonna lie to you, nobody has bothered me since.

Thing is, when you know you can kick someone's @$$, you are alot more confident and people see that and they tend to leave you alone. Its just like with women, if you project confidence they want to be around you.

And you know what else? I have never been in a fight in my life. Wierd eh? I would stick up for my friends in a split tho.

Thats the other great thing tho, you can actually stick up for people without making an ass of yourself .

So whats to gain from taking some form of self-defense?
-Respect from other guys
-Even more confidence around women cause you know you are that much more alpha-male
-The ability to stick up for people
-Being confident enough to not to take people's ****.

-->If I were you i'd take some classes, go tell your boss that this guy really bothers you and if this guy doesn't stop, you will beat the **** out of him. But.... thats just what I would do.

-->Forgot to mention it, do think I get away with this cause im a big guy... I was one of the smallest guys in my grad class.

 

[Ken785]

be a MAN and say something like.."ey, you need to go brush yo teeth cuz you talkin a lot of sh!t...if you got a problem with me we can thow down right now because today seems like a good day to get fired and go to jail...dont you think??"

he will probably back down and stop picking on you cuz he doesnt want to lose his job, but he'll prolly say some ****y sh!t in defense for himself so he doesnt look like a pvssy in front of the group. plus he'll RESPECT you more from then on cuz you stood up for yourself.
If he persists with you, be a MAN and throw down. win or lose at least you stood up for yourself and he has to respect you for that, and win or lose, youll feel better cuz you stood up for yourself like a MAN and everyone has to respect your ass for that. - Ken

 

[SirJLove]

Don't work on the situation, work on yourself. Success is the best revenge. And remember...progress is a slow process.

 

[McEwan]

Next time he tries to cut you down, just stand up, politely yet firmly say "And? So What? You got something to say? C'mon then! No? Well shut it and back off, then."

Don't joke. Don't laugh it off. Let it be known through your tone and manner that he is gunning for a fight, and you can kill him where he stands if he even CONSIDERS it. You are a force he can never defeat.

He is not your friend. He is your enemy. And HE should be afraid of YOU, not the other way around. HE should respect you and the thought of crossing you should never enter his tiny mind.

To quote another DJ: "To insult a man is to threaten him."

Next time someone insults you, don't laugh it off. Don't try to be funny. Stand firm and say "You got something to say?"

 

[Ice_Berg_1]

don't take s--t from anybody!
only give when respect when received
if this dude says or does something that pisses you off don't be afraid to tell him. You will end up hating yourself if keep that bottled up inside

 

[big_jeffry]

laugh in his face

 

[BRYCEicl]

I do what i do

When people are assh0les to me (very rarely) I look at them in the eyes and say shut the fvck up. At this point I hold eye contact even after he breaks it and laughs it off as a joke. I look at him for five minutes and if he says something else I walk to him and I play fight with him. I start jabbin, boxin, kicken and grabbin. I do it playfully but aggressively because if he turns all serious on me in front of everybody then he'll look insecure and I'll be like woh woh woh I was just playing man.

I think the best thing you could have done is look at him in the eyes and tell him to stfu. He obviously wouldn't take you seriously so get up and play fight with him, but be aggressive and forceful. Hahah I bet he's never had that done to him before.

 

[biker_gixxer]

Originally posted by DiSt0rTi0n_07
ever consider taking some martial arts classes or boxing? Seriously, I took jiu-jitsu and boxing both towards the end of grade 11 and im not gonna lie to you, nobody has bothered me since.

I like this idea bro. If jiu-jitsu or boxing doesn't sound appealing, try working out with weights, seriously. Nothing builds confidence like these types of activities and 'confidence' is your biggest issue right now. All the advice given to you on this thread mean 'shiot' without confidence/authority behind it.

 

[Tempest]

yeah, i've done the martial arts back in the day, but i had to quit because i moved and it got too expensive. plus now i don't have any time. one main focus is WORKING OUT, though. i love this idea and i'm glad i'm getting into it again. right now i'm a toothpick (5'10, 140 lbs.) and i KNOW anyone can kick my ass. i know they're physically stronger than i am, and i would lose in a fight.

i've been working out 3 times a week right now, but havn't been seeing much results. i eat a lot more and lift heavy. i guess it will take 2+ months or so to see results, but i'll stick with that.

i watched fight club the other day and i remember when Tyler Durden gave the members of the club a homework assignment, and that was to start a fight with any random person. in the movie, it shows examples and says that "practically EVERYONE will avoid to be in a fight, when it comes down to it". i find this is absolutely true. nobody wants to really be involved in a fight. they're all wusses trying to act tough.

besides weight lifting/martial arts, anything else i can do to prevent people from picking on me?

 

[Sterling the Runner]

Stare at him with very angery unplasent face! Just stare dont even respond to him if he says anything. Try this, tilt your head up slightly and look at him in the Bottom of your eyes so the whites of the top of your eye show. try to partially cover your pupil with your bottom eyelid. If u do it right You will look like a psycho Killer! everyone is afraid of unpredictable psycho killers!

 

[TheInfamousCBear]

Originally posted by Tempest

besides weight lifting/martial arts, anything else i can do to prevent people from picking on me?

You need to learn how to just flip on someone and start wilding...Next time this kid bothers you, project all your anger at him and get in his face, I dont care who is around you...If he tries to fight you, fight him back, it doesnt matter if he talks sh1t to you or whatever...If you lose, at least you will get some of your respect back...

 

[Fatality]

Originally posted by Tempest


anyways, i'm not sure what it is, but i need to figure out what it is about me that people feel the need to pick on me. yeah, sometimes i say dumb things, am quiet, and powerless. this is the reason and the FEAR that i've had all along which caused my shyness years ago. if i don't do something about this, my shyness will come back and i will have a fear of speaking, start avoiding situations, and overall get depressed.

For one you only weigh 140lbs. which is really small. Bullies always pick on small people. Start eating alot of highly nutricious meals and lift heavy. Learn as much as you can about bodybuilding. Always walk with your head held high and always look people in the eye. People that don't do that scream to the world that they are weak. If you don't learn to respect yourself why would anybody else respect you?

 

[Unforsaken]

I think you need to loosing up a bit and not take it personal. If anything work on comebacks. Guy tells you he interest in your sis. I would replay something funny and ****y like "I would try, but my sister would kill me. Last time I check she didn't like _______" Say whatever weakness he has. If that doesn't do it. If he being a major a-hole. Then you can say "Hey, remember me to bring a sign tomorrow saying "A-hole". I will make sure to put in on your back, you have eraned it.".


The reason, you get picked on is because you make yourself a easy target. They know you won't defend yourself with comebacks (no need to fight. You have a mouth for a reason). You don't wanna be the guy at work no one talks to, because they think he will flip out on them for making a joke. If you work on some ****y and funny jokes for work ahead of time. Then I am sure ether you will be great friends or he will know better then to want to keep it up, If not you will embarrass him.

 

[CvB]

I think Unforsaken is right, you shouldn't take it too personal.


I was on vacation this year with someone who acted just like the guy the Topic Starter had trouble with. The first few days I took everything he said very personal, ignoring him and not making really smart comebacks. Later on I noticed he was like this to everyone else, meaning it's just the way he is, not specifically towards me. Then I loosened up and played along. Eventually I would also make some jackass joke about him and he played along.

So the bottom line is, don't take it personal, just go with the flow....or something

 

[Tempest]

well, my initial tactic when he was picking on me was to NOT take it personally. like i said, i would laugh it off and attempt to make comebacks. however, he always managed to turn them around and embarassing ME. didn't work, he just continued to go on.

i'm going to need a 'default' comeback for these particular situations when someone is being an a-hole.

i already do walk confidently and look people in the eyes. it's something i've been working on the past few months.

next time this happens, i think i'm just going to make a comeback and get up and walk away. that seems like the best solution. maybe just something like saying "later a-hole", casually getting up and walking away chuckling about it.

 

[stevera004]

Originally posted by Tempest
well, my initial tactic when he was picking on me was to NOT take it personally. like i said, i would laugh it off and attempt to make comebacks. however, he always managed to turn them around and embarassing ME. didn't work, he just continued to go on.

i'm going to need a 'default' comeback for these particular situations when someone is being an a-hole.

i already do walk confidently and look people in the eyes. it's something i've been working on the past few months.

next time this happens, i think i'm just going to make a comeback and get up and walk away. that seems like the best solution. maybe just something like saying "later a-hole", casually getting up and walking away chuckling about it.

I don't think you're ready for it, because you are scared. But, 'go f*ck yourself' works wonders. Don't get up, don't say anything else. That's it. Whatever happens, happens.