How Quickly It Drops

[ZenoB]

Two months ago I met this chick at a house party and she ended up asking me for my contact info. Soon we were having some incredible sex. She was always initiating contact, wanting to hang out, and inviting me to things she was doing. She's hot and nerdy and we really seemed to connect.

We spent a couple weekends together that were like mini-honeymoons, and I was waiting for her to open up to me and try to define what "we" were, but she never did (and I wasn't going to initiate that talk first).

Now it's been two weeks since we've had sex and I'm facing the reality that whatever it was is over. I started to see that she wasn't acting the same way about 10 days ago. I haven't contacted her now for 4 days.

I know that usually when a chick does this it's because there's another guy. Whatever it is, it sucks knowing that she lost so much attraction and respect for me so quickly. She just woke up one day and flipped the switch, and then left it up to me to figure it out.

This is the first chick in 1.5 yrs since my EX (who I think is HPD and left me mind-focked) who really did something for me. She un-mind-focked me, and now she has (very quickly) mind-focked me herself.

I did protect my heart much better this time, but I still found myself way too easily willing to fall hard for this girl and always struggling to get my frame back. I also stopped spinning plates. At this point, I'm just hoping that I get another chance to bang her hard.

 

[bigneil]

I wonder: if it weren't for women like that, how many of us would be here on this forum?

"We said our goodbyes
Love was in your eyes
Now today I find
You have changed your mind
Treat me like you did The Night Before."

(Lennon/McCartney, 1965)

 

[Die Hard]

Hang in there, brother. This is where you show life who you are: a MAN, keeping his back straight and getting through the situations life throws at him.

 

[bigneil]

Let this inspire you to truly improve yourself.

Then, next time, you'll get your heart broken by a much hotter girl.

 

[mahoney]

without getting too much into who did what here (personally i dont think 4 days without contact is a problem in itself but this is also highly contextual and dependent on what went before), just want to point out that while she might be acting differently (or at least your perception is that) - you also are now acting differently (and say as much in your post)

 

[ZenoB]

mahoney- I get your point and my buddies I've talked to about this agree and they think I should talk to her just to see what's up. But I'm going to go along with Jariel's advice (don't burn bridges) and just leave it be.

I don't want to have some dramatic talk with her. I don't need closure from her to move on. After a chick stops initiating contact with you like this, it's kind of a lose-lose situation. I will probably cross paths with her soon, but I'll just have to be cordial and cool about it.

bigneil- that's the perfect song for this! And yes, this sh*t can leave you pretty jaded about chicks, but all you can do is keep working on yourself. After the bullsh*t breakup I went through with the HPD EX, just being abandoned like this is easy. I've been down the last few days but ready to move on now.... I definitely need to improve myself for the next, even hotter heartbreaker!

Die Hard- Because of this site, and some really good friends, I know how to hang in there now. Thanks man.

 

[bigneil]

I don't want to have some dramatic talk with her. I don't need closure from her to move one. After a chick stops initiating contact with you like this, it's kind of a lose-lose situation. I will probably cross paths with her soon, but I'll just have to be cordial and cool about it..

This is the correct attitude, though it's tough to follow.

 

[pdx1138]

I'm with you ZenoB, I'd have handled it the same way.

good on you for handling it like a man.

now, do prepare for the hotter one...

 

[SoSuaveDude]

How did she change? can you elaborate a bit, and if you go NC, she will most likely be back soon enough...Not that you should wait for her though.

 

[Borknagar]

Reasons like this is why you hump and dump. Women are mostly no longer long term material. Sure they complain guys only want one thing... but what else are they good for? If I wanna go out and have fun, and **** I'll just go out with the guys. If I want sex thats where women come in.

 

[Zunder]

Shes either:
*Thinking she can do better than you
*Fvcking someone else
*Wanting to fvck someone else

Fvck her and don't contact her.

No dramatic "whats up" or any of that crap - that would show you care.

I just have no fvcking time for chicks like this...they are all into you and then .........

No mate - YOU are the MAN - she has to prove herself to YOU. Let her come running back to you - and even then I would probably next it without some very very very good reason.

I know some will say this is all too harsh rah rah rah ..... listen I have been through almost the exact same scenario with chicks like this over and over again - it took me 40 years to realise it doesn't have to be like this....and the last time this happened to me was in the summer of '09//'10 (southern hempisphere) and it left me shattered.
A good woman will not change like this woman has, a good woman that believes in you as a man will not act like this. A woman that wants to be with will not act all gooey and have 'mini-honeymoons' with you without telling her something about herself - she wont act like a closed shop like this chick did, she wont stop having sex with you for two weeks. This woman: she is an ACTRESS. Recognise it and move the fvck on.

I could be wrong here, almost hope I am, but I doubt it.

 

[Solomon]

@OP--I'm going through a "mini-onistis" myself but it's all good because now I know I have to step my game up. Shyt sucks (sex was amazing) but you gotta move on

Shes either:
*Thinking she can do better than you
*Fvcking someone else
*Wanting to fvck someone else

Fvck her and don't contact her.

No dramatic "whats up" or any of that crap - that would show you care.

I just have no fvcking time for chicks like this...they are all into you and then .........

No mate - YOU are the MAN - she has to prove herself to YOU. Let her come running back to you - and even then I would probably next it without some very very very good reason.

I know some will say this is all too harsh rah rah rah ..... listen I have been through almost the exact same scenario with chicks like this over and over again - it took me 40 years to realise it doesn't have to be like this....and the last time this happened to me was in the summer of '09//'10 (southern hempisphere) and it left me shattered.
A good woman will not change like this woman has, a good woman that believes in you as a man will not act like this. A woman that wants to be with will not act all gooey and have 'mini-honeymoons' with you without telling her something about herself - she wont act like a closed shop like this chick did, she wont stop having sex with you for two weeks. This woman: she is an ACTRESS. Recognise it and move the fvck on.

I could be wrong here, almost hope I am, but I doubt it.

^^This is truth or "venom" as my brethern would say, thank you for those words Zunder!

 

[movistar]

This just happened to me as well, it totally throws you for a loop. I like your plan of no contact, I think it's the best way. I'm glad I read this because I was just going to have this big discussion with her, but I know what the outcome will be, lies& or bullshlt, or getting the boot, so I may as well go NC... same fvcking difference.

 

[st_99]

Hey Zeno, I feel your dilema bro but you know what.. I think until you've been with a girl for at least 6 months you HAVE to consider it casual or temporary if for no other reason than that is what experience tells us.

You simply must do your best to not put too much into a girl for a while at least or until she shows you otherwise.

Hot and heavy early on doesn't mean much in terms of longevity. it really doesnt. Its like the internet stocks in the late 90's, shot up like a rocket and crashed just as fast. Slow and steady wins the race.


But as far as strategy is concerned, attitude is everything. You just have to think in terms of "sure i'd like to bang you but its not a big deal, i really don't care" in future communications. Non serious is the way to go.

 

[ZenoB]

How did she change? can you elaborate a bit, and if you go NC, she will most likely be back soon enough...Not that you should wait for her though.

She asked a few weird questions. One morning, she suddenly had a "project" she had to work on and wouldn't elaborate on it. Then she stopped initiating contact and inviting me to her events.

A week after that, she texted me at 4am to come over to my place. We didn't have sex, and I thought it was because my buddy was visiting and sleeping on the couch + we were both pretty drunk.

When she left the next morning to go work on her "project", that was it. She must have been unsure about her decision, or that last night together was her sneaky way of detaching herself from me more easily. A few days later is when I stopped initiating contact.


Update-

I went to an event last night that I knew she was probably going to be at. It's a cool event and I went there with my wingman to have fun but also test myself.

At first, some of her girlfriends saw me and came over to greet me, and I acted friendly, like nothing was wrong, and enjoyed myself. Eventually she showed up and we exchanged similar greetings, but she quickly turned her back on me and soon after left that area of the event.

It was awkward, but I was able to handle it alright and just keep it cordial. I'm trying not to read into it too much now and just move on.

There were a lot of other attractive women at the event, but after seeing her I was too distracted and decided we should leave after we finished our drinks. The event was almost over by that time, anyways.

 

[ZenoB]

Hey Zeno, I feel your dilema bro but you know what.. I think until you've been with a girl for at least 6 months you HAVE to consider it casual or temporary if for no other reason than that is what experience tells us.

You simply must do your best to not put too much into a girl for a while at least or until she shows you otherwise.

Hot and heavy early on doesn't mean much in terms of longevity. it really doesnt. Its like the internet stocks in the late 90's, shot up like a rocket and crashed just as fast. Slow and steady wins the race.


But as far as strategy is concerned, attitude is everything. You just have to think in terms of "sure i'd like to bang you but its not a big deal, i really don't care" in future communications. Non serious is the way to go.

Totally agree. The problem I had was fighting attachment despite knowing that it shouldn't be taken seriously yet.

 

[st_99]

Totally agree. The problem I had was fighting attachment despite knowing that it shouldn't be taken seriously yet.

you have to re wire your brain to not care and not take girls seriously, its the only way in my experience. its takes time but you genuinely have to not care about outcome. You must have a i can take it or leave it attitude. Thats what they respond to and makes them WANT to win you over.

You don't want to be on the flip side of that, you were on the wrong side.

 

[bigneil]

I thought it was because my buddy was visiting and sleeping on the couch + ... drunk.

When she left the next morning to go work on her "project", that was it. .

Tell me she wasn't doing your buddy on the couch.

 

[Sparky]

Quit while you're ahead. You've had your fun and got away with it without having to commit. Consider yourself lucky.

 

[bigneil]

Yes, apply the "dodged the bullet" theory by Pook.