How Much Can You Withstand?

[icepick]

One thing that I have noticed in the transition from AFC to DJ is the limitations of my own mind within social situations. My mind attempts to set boundaries on how I act.

For example, take charisma.

If you are a charismatic and charming person, you naturally charm people; you say and do the right things, weaving jokes and laughter and witty remarks into the conversation with ease.

If you are not, you become tense when you know that you ARE charming someone by mere chance, and your mind sets the limit and creates a tenseness next time a situation in a conversation calls for a witty remark, or compliment or whatever.

Humans are naturally social, naturally charming. Just HOW charismatic you are depends on how much of that "connection" that you feel when you are conversing with someone (random chick, or stranger) that you can handle. The more of a "connection" you create, the more that feeling builds up. If your vision of yourself is that you are not charming, then as soon as you get that feeling, you become tense and nervous, ruining the connection and reverting you back to a dweeb (or an arsehole--which is my case)

The example was for charisma, but it works just as well for "dominance" You can usually tell (be honest, you CAN) what you need to say to be "dominant" (not in an angry sense, but in an Alpha-Male sense) towards someone, the problem lies in the fact that you do not feel confortable with that level of dominance directed toward the person you are conversing with.

Where this (dominance) ties in with masculinity and testosterone is that a highly-testosteronized Alpha-Male type feels very confortable with a high degree of "dominance" and therefore, IS DOMINANT.

I realized this from the fact that, when I do not get enough sleep, I revert a bit to passive and submissive attitudes. This is due to the fact that less sleep means less energy which means less confidence. The lack of confidence translates to the lack of confidence to endure high levels of "charisma" or "dominance" or "sexuality" which translates to AFC instead of successful Alpha-Male.

This post probably doesn't make much sense, but if someone feels the same way or needs some clarification, I will gladly discuss.

 

[jakethasnake]

Brilliant!! Thank you, ice pick.

I understood everything about what you've said, and this has been the perfect medicine for me. Not to discredit all the wonderful posts by Cyrano and Pook and others, but all I really needed was a REMINDER of good times. When I felt good I was relaxed. And when I smiled the charm just flowed out. I'm not the most eloquent person, but my happiness just created an aura that people could sense.

I've been feeling very self-conscious the past few months due to low confidence in school (work), and that low confidence again feeds my self-consciousness, and it, my confidence, and so forth... it's a vicious cycle.

I can now break out of that cycle and rebuild. I have been depressed the past few weeks b/c I felt that I had been taking many steps back in my progress.

As I read your post, I remember when I was feeling like a million bucks. When I had my game face on, girls were clamoring for my attention, and my natural charm just flowed out.

YOU ARE RIGHT -- every man, woman, and even children have charm. We are born with it. Therefore, we don't need to worry about being charming. And once we stop worring, it just comes out. It makes such perfect sense to me -- the same principle applies to the game of golf. Try too hard to hit the ball far, and you shank your golf shot.

Thank you again!


- Jake

 

[Miles Davis]

Excellent excellent excellent

I second jake's comments. Way to make a clear, eye-opening post. The part that most accurately describes my situation is the explanation about not feeling comfortable being charming, dominant, etc. This is exactly how I feel in such situations; tense, under-pressure, and plain old uncomfortable. But, I had always thought it was an issue of not being charming enough, or not being <whatever> enough. But it is TOTALLY a comfort issue.

What people (like myself) should realize is that your thoughts about yourself need to be consistent with what you are trying to attain. If you want to chat up a chick you just met and charm her, you're going to need to let go of anything that is holding you back, and focus on that present moment. ACCEPT that the uncomfortableness you may be feeling is conflicting with the thing you're trying to accomplish. Once you've accepted it as something you don't want there, you can get rid of it.

Once again, quality post.

 

[thecraftylefty]

Nice post icepick. I was about to write something very closely related to what you posted, but you beat me to it. Good job.

"If your rap is strong it can't go wrong."

thecraftylefty

 

[Mr. Mystery]

First of all great post!

One question though, what does the lack of sleep have to do with your confidence?

I understand that if you don't sleep you might be a little sluggish, but I don't see how your lack of energy has something to do with your confidence?

Please explain, Thanks.

Mr. Mystery

 

[bitrot]

When you're sleep deprived, your personality completely changes. You become a less skilled conversationality, slow to think of words, less witty, less funny. You have less energy. It's difficult to focus. It's hard to DJ with bags under your eyes.

 

[icepick]

What does lack of sleep have to do with my confidence levels you ask?

Usually, when I am well rested and not worn down, I am a pretty confident person. I do whatever I want and I feel GREAT about all my choices, I feel that each one of my descisons yields the most exiting possible outcome. When I am at my best I feel like I am "hot sh1t" and that I am the most charming, best looking guy out there (and also the most dominant--but this site is about chicks) and any signs of disinterest I get from a girl is THIER problem (maybe they are nervous or just boring) NOT mine. (I genuinely belive this by the way, when I am at my best) My energy level is high and I converse and laugh with everyone. I am spontaneous and do as I please when I please. (NOTE: I was not always this way, I used to be a witty and sarcastic ******* with little confidence!)

My definition of "confidence" is feeling GREAT about anything you do AT ALL, even if you fvck up big time. It reqires a fair amount of energy to engage in all that interaction, an amount of energy that is lacking when I am tired.

When I am sleepy, I dont care about much that is happening around me and since I am not doing what I think is best (socializing, laughing and making jokes, making and sticking with decsisions) I do NOT feel great about my actions. Therefore, this is a lack of confidence.

For example, I am too tired to get my order straight at the store, my friend corrects me--I did not have the confidence to stick to my original descision because I was too tired to make a decent one.

My representation of confidence is a tad different from the norm, but I think it more accurately defines the root of the attitude.

 

[Mack Of All Trades]

Excellent explanation.