How I shoot myself on my foot on one question.

[Luke Skywalker]

When women ask me, why I have a profile on the internet, I've noticed on the last date that I put an answer that also helped turn-off that other prospect during the c&b.

I'm a bit confused....I mean you cant say you're looking for a quicky - you have to say that you are looking for a girlfriend, relationship or wife, make the women feel that you are looking for something serious. The last date, I told her I put on the profile because I just wanted to try out online dating, and she got offended with that. I mean I may have gone out with a crackpot that took issue with every nonsence, but then again, who knows if I came across as serious or not.

Anyway, for people I meet off the internet, I think that question is ALWAYS going to come up, so I better deal with it.

The book HTSWW suggests that women, or a certain type of women (like the ones you pick off the internet) aren't going to give an easy lay, and you have to convince them that you are boyfriend material, and that you are for real or serious. If you come across as less than serious, then the girl will either think you are wierd, out for a quickie with someone and will dismiss you.

This is just an observation. If anyone wants to add to this observatoin feel free.

So in the future my answer is: I'm looking for my soul-mate, the one true love of my life that will like me for who I am. or some other BS like that.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Ok, maybe I just went out with the wrong person or something, but if you dont want to convey that you are simply looking to go into someone's pants, then do you have to pretend you are looking for long-term so you wont appear like a player?

I just dont want to come across like I'm immature, or simply looking for quick sex. So you are saying, just want to have fun, would cut it?

 

[BacardiGuy]

I'd probably go with something along the lines of "Because I always like to meet new and interesting people"

 

[Slevin]

What I was going to say has already been said, so skip this.

 

[Nine Breaker]

When a woman you have met from the internet asks you a question like this, it is because she is trying to suss out whether there is anything about you that makes you undatable; whether there are any nasty surprises she might want to know about right from the start. It is no different from when a woman asks you things such as "what do you like to do for fun", "how long have you been single for" or even "what was it about me that caught your attention".

What she is really asking you is something more to the tune of "are you just looking for a good time? Are you so painfully desperate that you will happily hook up with any woman that doesn't throw up when she looks at you? Are you really the kinda guy that I am looking for?"

The problem with your first response to this little test is that it comes across as way too casual - you just want to try online dating, and don't really care who you meet up with along the way. This will scare off any woman looking for a relationship in a matter of seconds, while any looking for a quick hookup won't be too flattered that she was just first in line and didn't even have to meet some standards of yours. And as for saying you are looking for a soulmate - well, do I really need to say anything more than too heavy, too fast!

You should aim for a nice balance between the two. A good answer should be one that shows you have standards, but you are not fanatically dedicated to finding a woman to make your life complete. It should give a subtle hint to the woman who asks it that she has certain criteria to meet if she wants to be able to spend time with you. Here are a few examples of how you might answer this question:

- Originally, I just set up that profile because I had wanted a few pen-pals to help me pass the quiet moments when I'm at work. I didn't really think I would find anyone who sounded interesting enough to meet in person.

- Truth is, I'm just so sick of meeting women in pubs and clubs. Most of them there are just looking for a good time, and I just don't think it's the best place to meet someone who is looking for a real relationship (insert funny story about women using bad pick up lines on you here!)

- Well, a mate of mine tried it out. And, yeah, I may have made fun of him for it, but he ended up meeting a pretty nice woman who (insert a few good qualities you're looking for in a woman here). So I thought to myself "he might be on to something" and gave it a go too.

These are just a few examples of what I'm getting at here, and I don't expect you to just memorise the one you like best and use it every single time. It's just to show you a fairly good way of making a solid reply. Naturally, you should change it to suit your personality, and to how you talk in general. It has to sound genuine, and it also has to make the woman feel like she has a set of standards to meet if she is to be successful with you.

But in the end, no plan survives the battlefield. The best thing you can do is get out there again and again and keep trying until experience shows you the proper way to go. So get out there, and enjoy yourself!

 

[Luke Skywalker]

- Well, a mate of mine tried it out. And, yeah, I may have made fun of him for it, but he ended up meeting a pretty nice woman who (insert a few good qualities you're looking for in a woman here). So I thought to myself "he might be on to something" and gave it a go too.

Nine-Breaker - I like this line, and in fact, a girl used a similar line on me when I asked her.

These are just a few examples of what I'm getting at here, and I don't expect you to just memorise the one you like best and use it every single time.

I only need that one example, I'm not necessarily going to memorise it word for word, I may paraphrase it in my own words, of course.

It's just to show you a fairly good way of making a solid reply. Naturally, you should change it to suit your personality, and to how you talk in general. It has to sound genuine, and it also has to make the woman feel like she has a set of standards to meet if she is to be successful with you.

That makes allot of sence. Excellent.

But in the end, no plan survives the battlefield. The best thing you can do is get out there again and again and keep trying until experience shows you the proper way to go. So get out there, and enjoy yourself!

I dont care if any other date or internet sarging pick-up attempts c&b my friend, I just dont want it to c&b on this stupid question and answer line ever again.

 

[Desdinova]

The book HTSWW

What the fvck is that? "How To Screwup With Women"?

The last date, I told her I put on the profile because I just wanted to try out online dating, and she got offended with that.

Your answer was fine. It wasn't exciting, but it was fine. You're not responsible for what she creates in her mind and how she reacts to it. However, you can steer her interpretation into a different direction.

I have to agree with Nine-Breaker analysis (Hey bro! Nice to see you around the boards again!)

So in the future my answer is: I'm looking for my soul-mate, the one true love of my life that will like me for who I am.

That's not being a challenge, that's being desperate. I don't know what the fvck that book is that you're reading, but throw the goddam thing out.

You should be the great catch that EVERY woman desires, not the phoney Disney character. Her reaction shouldn't phase you, because if she doesn't like you, you can drop her and find another woman to date! You're the one who's in control of your reality, not her.

but if you dont want to convey that you are simply looking to go into someone's pants, then do you have to pretend you are looking for long-term so you wont appear like a player?

Women honestly don't give a 5hit if you're labelled as a player. The only time they think you're wanting a good lay is if you feed them alcohol, buy them "romantic" gifts, and complement them left, right, and center.

Many of the guys here (including myself) have been labeled as "players", and it doesn't stop them from landing women

 

[Arsinel]

Gonna pull yourself a Cheddar Bob?

 

[Johnny Double]

I think the book he's refering to is "How to Succeed with Women".

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Your answer was fine. It wasn't exciting, but it was fine. You're not responsible for what she creates in her mind and how she reacts to it. However, you can steer her interpretation into a different direction.

It's not just with this person, I've also turned-off another prospect during an online sarge based on the way I answered one of those questions. (not that I was interested in her anyway)

Sure, I could still say I put a profile on for fun - because my friend meet his current girlfriend through the internet and I said, what the heck - that's the same as saying 'I put a profile on for kicks', but adding a basic twist to it that would steer the interpretation for that correctly.

Basically, as another poster has mentioned, these are one of the 'screening' questions or moments, that people should have a canned response if they dont have a clue of what's going on.

I have to agree with Nine-Breaker analysis (Hey bro! Nice to see you around the boards again!)

That's not being a challenge, that's being desperate. I don't know what the fvck that book is that you're reading, but throw the goddam thing out.

The book doesn't cover how to pick up girls on the internet. These are responses that I invented up. Ok, got it. Let's forget this soulmate part.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

When a woman you have met from the internet asks you a question like this, it is because she is trying to suss out whether there is anything about you that makes you undatable; whether there are any nasty surprises she might want to know about right from the start. It is no different from when a woman asks you things such as "what do you like to do for fun", "how long have you been single for" or even "what was it about me that caught your attention".

What she is really asking you is something more to the tune of "are you just looking for a good time? Are you so painfully desperate that you will happily hook up with any woman that doesn't throw up when she looks at you? Are you really the kinda guy that I am looking for?"

Since we are already discussing this matter on the thread, I may as well go on to this:

What do you like to do for fun?

How long have you been single for?

What was it about me that caught your attention?

How is work? (if it's not going well, you'd have to pretend that all is going well or something I suppose)

Now, do you think there should be canned responses to those questions, or should there be honest answers that you would HAVE to avoid saying?

For example - if someone asks you what you do for fun - you CANT say you enjoy surfing the internet all day, or watching movies - even if it is true because you'll look like a loser.

If someone asks me how long I have been single for - I cant say that I'm a freak and nobody likes me so I never had a relationship before, or even kissed a girl before.

If someone says what caught my attention: well - I'm smart enough to answer that, you'd have to pick out some unusual quality.

What I'm getting at is - ok, now that you know how bad my responses to some of those questions can get if I'm "honest", it's now time to either put a creative spin on those answers, or put some sort of canned answer so it's like 'whatever' let's move on with the seduction.

Because, that's all it really is - this all BS that comes up, and I would have to know how to handle it.

***

Someone said - if you claim you never had sex, kiss, or giflfriend -you start losing credibility as a guy - so you'd have to lie about it. You are not looking 'special' in a positive sence.

Anyway, waiting for comments on how to effectively deal with these BS screening questions.

 

[rocky_mtn]

...
Now, do you think there should be canned responses to those questions, or should there be honest answers that you would HAVE to avoid saying?

...

If someone asks me how long I have been single for - I cant say that I'm a freak and nobody likes me so I never had a relationship before, or even kissed a girl before.

...
What I'm getting at is - ok, now that you know how bad my responses to some of those questions can get if I'm "honest", it's now time to either put a creative spin on those answers, or put some sort of canned answer so it's like 'whatever' let's move on with the seduction.

Because, that's all it really is - this all BS that comes up, and I would have to know how to handle it.

***

Someone said - if you claim you never had sex, kiss, or giflfriend -you start losing credibility as a guy - so you'd have to lie about it. You are not looking 'special' in a positive sence.

Anyway, waiting for comments on how to effectively deal with these BS screening questions.

You can be honest, yet not tell the whole truth.

Say the question of relationships comes up

"how long have you been single"
you could say
"gosh its been a while, probably over 2 years"
this is true, 30 years is over 2 years, its not a lie

"when was the last time you had sex"
you could say
"I'm choosy when it comes to that, so its been a while"
"Or I don't just sleep with anybody, it has to be the right girl, so its been a while.
again not a lie. I'm choosy too, the only women I have sex with are the ones who want to have sex with me.

Vague answers that aren't lies but leave it up for her to interpert.

 

[lurker]

women who date online feel like loser's themselves and they want to know if you are a loser too. they dont like the fact that they have to find a guy online . they just want to know why you arnt dating out in the real world. its better you bring up a good excuse or else they'll think you cant get a date. that is hypocritical i know.

lurker.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Thanks Rocky_Mtn for your input on that last question.

I've actually taken some time to think of some of the answers to those other questions, but was stuck on that one.

Now, my answer, what do you like to do for fun?

- I would not say surf the internet - but I may say, that I like browsing through wikipedia now and then to browse through different concepts that I find fascinating.

Which puts a positive spin on internet use.

- I would not say I'm a couch potatoe and like watching TV or movies, but I may say, that I like watching foreign films and documentaries - and maybe talk about a few interesting documentaries that could spark a discussion. Or talk about some movies that made me 'think'.

- Now I have a 'dormant' hobby - called 'Creative Writing', that I sort of quit in a middle of a correspondence program - I'm thinking of reconvening the hobby since i have lots of time on my hands.

This is part of the self-improvement stuff that I would listen to from what others have said. Also part of self-improvement is applying for law school and perfecting scores on my LSAT test.

- ALSO ALSO ALSO, mention physical exercise of some form - like I also like to walk and go to the gym for a regular workout.

All I have done is put a positive spin on my life or passions, and portrayed them in the most positive light.

********

In terms of what type of work I do, or how my job is going?

Again - make a positive spin on it - I'm a RE agent who may not be successful, but to put a positive spin - without blatetently lying, talk about some adventurous close calls in making some deals (even the deals that fell though - except omit that part out).

Or make fun on it, and ask them about their dream home, or talk about some of the interesting homes that I have showed or seen myself.

For example, let me put a sample snap-shot:

Last week, I showed a home to a couple in Ajax (an hour's drive from here), and made a deal, but it fell though because their parents didn't want them to live together before being married (and a commission loss for me with time wasted). Now, I could describe something like that -- OR,

I could describe the house in detail that was shown, and explain why it was a dream home, and some of the other homes that I've showed to them, and the adventure in getting that deal through in a multiple offer scenerio, and go throught the whole process (that part was very exciting because I had to beat a competing offer and BS about my clients being this and that).

Just omit the part about the deal falling through, and portray it as an adventure and fun.

***

Anyway, these are just some thoughts about positive-spins, and portraying a charismatic, confident, creative and generative image, as opposed to a sad and struggling one. I guess it's one of those things, it's like the saying in courts - do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth - but with women it's like, tell them the truth - BUT NOT THE WHOLE TRUTH.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Ok, what about if she counter's one of the PRIMING date questions and asks me, when how was my first kiss like? How do I answer that question honestly if I never actually kissed anyone before? Or should I just k-close her and tell her that she was just my first time?

Like this, start 'whispering' to her, say, I have to be very quite because it's a top secret about my first kiss - have her come close to listen, then k-close her, and say, this was the first time.

SCRIPT: whisper "say, it's too personal, I dont want anyone to hear".
go up to her, and whisper "I've never kissed anyone before in my life, but you know what they say, there is always a first time for everything, K-CLOSE HER, I had an amazing first kiss, that's what I can remember."

Now the book goes into details about the first kiss - but a comical first kiss, I'll have to see if that works.