how I can be a leader among men?

[theory of knowledge]

with the information on this board, my success with women has at least quadripled...but i want to be a real leader in real life, and not just with women...not the macho muscle guy, but mel gibson in "braveheart" type of guy...a charismatic leader who can draw ppl...is there info or good book on this area of improvement?

much appreciated

 

[J-Man]

why do you want to be a leader so badly?

as the saying goes, the best leaders are those who don't want to lead (or something like that).

if you really want to lead men, i guess you could think about your learning process that helped you so much with women, and try to understand how men work also. it should be easier to figure out.

 

[Macgyver]

Obviously if you're making this post, you will never in your life time ever achieve that status.

 

[theory of knowledge]

mac...thats a self-defeating attitude...and besides, its a area in life where i can definitely benefit from.

 

[thederekeffect1]

mac...thats a self-defeating attitude...and besides, its a area in life where i can definitely benefit from.

Don't let it bother you. Mac is full of bad advice today.

 

[ScrewIt]

I smell a neo nazi...

in certain social settings/groups someone can be leader...but only within the group. normally outside the group things run differently

 

[organizedconfusion]

why do you want to be a leader so badly?

as the saying goes, the best leaders are those who don't want to lead (or something like that).

thanks for making me choke on my pepsi :crackup:

 

[S1NN3R]

is there info or good book on this area of improvement?

$7.19 and you can change yourself for the better.

I read this book cover to cover at least two to three times a year. It will have as much impact on your life as anything this site can offer.

 

[KarmaSutra]

You must evoke passion in order to cultivate leadership. Practice integrity...which to me means doing what you say you will do, no matter what people think about you, no matter what excuses you make for yourself.

You must expect a lot out of yourself to be a leader...if you don't , you'll never win the respect of others.

Bullseye. Well said brother.:rockon:

 

[Bible_Belt]

Leaders are loners who people choose to follow. The leader doesn't care whether people follow him or not. He sees the right way and follows it. If other people follow, then that is their good fortune.

 

[The Juan and only]

Try:

How to be an Alpha male (by carlos xuma) and
The 7 habits of highly effective people (by Stephen R. Covey)

 

[Phoenix_of_the_ashes]

I would consider myself a leader in many situations and I really dont think its something you can cultivate. Ive just always made the experience that if you just do what you want, some people will follow you if they feel that its your honest passion, no matter what it is.

I wouldnt even always say that Im so extroverted or anything, sometimes Im saying nothing and just keeping to myself and people will ask me what to do.

 

[Phoenix_of_the_ashes]

why do you want to be a leader so badly?

This is the million dollar question. Like I said, people look to me for some sort of guidance alot, but Im actually not a very social person at all, Im not shy or insecure but I just dont actively persue contact with others. I think exactly that security in being detached makes me stand out to people.

In other words, do you want to be alone?

 

[Socialreject]

-show people something can be done even if they say it can't
-plan ahead, produce results
-be part of the people you are leading, not superior towards them
-through your example, show them they can do things they never thought they could (not only done by you but by them, after you've done it)
-be a winner (basically the same as produce results, put in another way)
-be passionate about what you do (and are trying to get others to do)
-be very very strong and ready to make unsertain decision and sacrifices.

You can be a leader, but you need that spark, you can't just do something and present yourself as the leader of what's going to happen. You need to really DO it. You have to be able to say to yourself "i'm going to do this because i know and you know, it's what has to be DONE, and if i have to do it by myself so BE it".

But it's kind of strange that you would have to ask this question...

Most of the time, being a leader only means you will be the one doing most of the work, you will be the one walking through a minefield first and everyone else just steps where they already saw you step and know it's 'safe'. Being a good leader is also about not letting people down! There are lots of people who can frenzy thousands of people into following their tail....right in to their doom! It's also about responsibilities...

But i do believe every man has it within himself to be a leader. How good a leader you are, or if you will ever establish yourself as one, is entirely dependant on your own personality and inner fortitude. Be prepared to harvest only little respect for all your efforts... and the full extent of the sh1t people are going to give you when something doesn't work out as planned!

Like some of the previous posters already said... most of the time, the desire to BE a leader, rather then just one day comparing what you've been doing to what other leaders in the past have been doing and going like "oh hey, that sounds like me!", is mostly counter productive to being a good leader.

The reason for this is because you are trying to get something 'out of it'. You want to be a leader because you realize it has certain benefits, maybe you feel it brings you glory, whatever the reason. You are trying to reap benefits from it. And that by itself is counter productive to being a good leader!

If you are a leader, and people RESPECT you as a leader (i don't care if you lead a nation or if all your drinking buddies come to YOU for advice = same thing), then you will have earned every freaking INCH of that respect with your blood, sweat and tears!

And if you haven't... better wear that steel plate on your back 24/7, because sooner or later someone is going to put a stiletto in to it ;-)

But i'm not going to sit here and tell you it's all about work and no fun. Sometimes, someone will open up to you and tell you something from their heart like "I'm really happy i know you, all the stuff you've shown me i could do, if you go to hell, i'll be right there next to you"... Well i've had people say this to me, and i'm usually always ready to punch some comic relief in to stuff like this.. but it makes you go quiet for a little bit.

But this would mean nothing if i had been consciously 'working' for this all these years, just to have someone i care about say this to me... the only reason it really means something, is because i never expected it and was never waiting for it.

do you want to be alone?

You totally hit the nail on the head here imho. The best way i could describe being a leader is 'lonely'. I've thought about this often and at some point i always come to the conclusion that in everything i do I'm alone, I'm the first guy in, the last guy out etc.

Even when i first started playing the game... It was just me, and all my drinking buddies hanging back watching me, waiting for me to fall on my face so they could laugh their butt off (and i did, so many times). Things changed of course, as they started picking up on it (soon as i produced some results) and i did get some company in the end.

 

[Cruise]

I like Social Reject... that guy gets a toast from me!!! (no homo)

That's right, No, Homo!!! j/p *no homo*

I digress...


Find something to stand for... stand for it, LEAD from the front. Action before words.



exit.

 

[catworks]

My top 10 advice on how to be a leader,
1)Strong interpersonal skills
2)Good speaking and communication skills
3)Charismatic, means confidence in self and ability to inspire others by speech and action or make others feel better
4)Good education background or Highly Skilled at your Job(cooking, arts or sports).
5)Respectable grooming and style plus apperance of health and fitness(Looks MatterS)
6)Knowledgable about stuff and having a bit of wit and ability to make jokes once in while helps to gain you some respect.
7)Being suave with the ladies don't hurt either
8)Having a decent amount of money helps 2
9)Massive Belief in yourself, your words and your actions even when others don't buy it You must be able to visualise the future.
10)Ability to assese people and situations well and make the best decisions more often than not
On the topic, i would recommend a good book "THE LEADER IN YOU" by DALE CARNEGIE. This will help you.

 

[Bible_Belt]

As an example of leaders being loners, animal leaders behave this way as well. Some of my family have cattle, and yesterday I helped them catch a 2000 pound bull who had gotten out of the pasture. The grass has barely started to grow, and the people who live next to the pasture had not mowed their yard, so quite literally the grass was greener on the other side of the fence. Forty cows would push their heads through the fence to reach what they could. After that was gone, the bull pushed down the fence to walk into their yard. Even though the bull is the leader, the other cows did not follow. He had several hours to enjoy the lawn all to himself. Their not following was about their own fear, not a dispute of his leadership. He is a 1-ton bull among cows half his size, and can toss a thousand pound cow through the air.

Leaders are loners, because sometimes the herd is too fearful to follow.

Also, as another example from the animal world, leadership is just as much about responsibility as it is privileges. The leader of the pack gets to eat first, but he also has to fight the stray dog. If you want to be the leader of a group, it is your responsibility to be the one who engages the group's adversaries on behalf of your followers.

 

[RedPill]

Lots of great advice in this thread. Here's what I think are the cornerstones of leadership.

- Great leaders lead by example, by inspiring others - NOT by trying to control others.

- Although aware of the perceptions their actions create, leaders don't give a DAMN what others think about them.

- Know what you want and focus on getting there. Block out all the noise made by the herd around you. Don't let it phase you. The herd are followers.

- Strive for greatness in everything you do.

Internalize these concepts and you'll be viewed as a leader.

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

Leaders do not care about accolades.

They're part of the solution, not the problem.

They're the 'doers', not the waiters, thinkers, analyzers, or anything else.

They find a way. Make a way. And work on the fly.

A leader has a "can do" attitude. Nothing is impossible.

A leader uses his/her own mind, rather seek external counsel 100% of the time.

A leader DOES question the norm, with the assumption of finding a better path/method.

A leader is dedicated to a fault. Practice for the sake of practice.

Process x progress x people.

They have the macro view of the world in which they can discern between the outcome/goal desired and the people who are part of the process.

Self-sacrificing.

Lacking in ego (though this isn't always the perfect case).

------------------------------------------

Being a leader is just a character you wear or put on.

Cultivate the habit. Today. Now. Right this minute. For a leader, there's never tomorrow. Each moment, he/she works to make progress. Maybe not monumental movements, but movement in a direction.

If you're wanting to be in shape, drop and do pushups. Go the grocery store. Get to the gym. Don't just make a nice, pretty program. Work it. It's worse to have a perfect program on paper and not do it, than to work an imperfect program very intensely.

Action begets results, either positive or negative. At least DOING something gives you feedback. Doing nothing is nothing. Its non-existence.

EVERYBODY can be a leader, it has just been something since school days that's been wrung out of the human spirit. Sad, but true.

In the most basic sense, a leader finds a way. A leader CAN DO. Because even if he/she doesn't KNOW the way, they'll find the way. Doesn't matter what it is. That mental fortitude is VERY powerful, b/c when you know no matter what...you'll do/achieve what it is you have to. Even if you're afraid, fearful, or whatever, YOU DO, because YOU WILL. You're "WILL POWER."

Broken down. Will. In video games, Will is something magical that comes from the person. Will can be that CONSCIOUS energy of humanity of which we don't know what it is, but we know when we FOCUS the WILL, we have WILL POWER. Like a laser, and a directed laser beam, is VERY VERY POWERFUL. More than a machine gun that just SPREADS its firepower everywhere. Sure you chance hitting more, but those hits are LESS powerful than 1 hit perfect.

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To me, it's more than advice, though. It's not just knowledge. You can sound smart, have great information, but not be a leader. Especially if you possess TONS of info, but don't use it personally. That's the role of an advisor. However, with an analogy of the Presidency, who uses LOTS of advisors, he still CHOOSES what information he acts upon. So in the end, it's the President who's the leader, who has final say, and when he decides, he has his advisors/assistants do the grunt work/due dilligence.

Even corporate ceo's, cfo's, owners, salespeople, learn to use information sources as for what they're good for, but don't necessarily see those sources as the leader. Maybe they lead in their respective FIELD, but it doesn't guarantee they are a leader. For instance, LOTS of guys here MIGHT know more than I, or you, or anyone, regarding women, psychology, NLP, djing, suaving, seducing, bedding, sexxing, but NEVER, EVER, use it. They might lack the confidence IN IT. At the same time, some guy might have LIMITED information, but could be wildly successful with women. I know guys like that. They have no REAL information to offer a person. It's not structured. But they accomplish like no other.

Why? Because the power of information/knowledge is in the KIND of knowledge/information you have, AND, in it's application! A shelf of books might just collect dust. I have books like that. Other's have progressed me mentally to places I never imagined when i was younger. So there's definately give and take.

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I can't say a guy is a leader if he constantly harrasses, abuses, downs, berates, criticizes, or disses women. I can't. Men at least have emotional control NOT to get carried away and get that way. To get overly emotional. You can shut down like a robot and reframe from demeaning yourself.

How strong you are when nobody is around is a very strong determinant of how effective you are as a leader and what type of person you'll be.


A-Unit