How does being single affect your career?

[Heretolearn]

I am 32 and have worked my way to being a senior manager 3 levels below the MD of a major corporation by working my butt off.

The major chink in my armour professionally (that I question) is that I am single. It has probably been the reason I am where I am professionally (allowing me to work all the hours that I have needed to) although is it a limiting factor now?

I have never married. My boss has tried setting me up with friends and introduced me to others saying that he and all the executives are happily married with children. (some have divorced although he does not mention those). I have had some great serious relationships with girls living with me although they have not worked out.

So what are your thoughts here? How will being single/dating affect career progression generally? I note that I have more free time so that has allowed me to learn golf and get to know people that way as I miss out on the couple/family style gatherings.

Any stories on the topic from yourself or others you know?

It would be great to meet someone to share life with although I am not going to force it.

 

[backbreaker]

women are an ambition killer. If i hadn't found the woman that i found.. one that understands that there are gonna be days when i'm not available because i'm working and isnt' going to pout about it, then i'd still be single.

there is no way in hell i could have started my first company with a woman by my side. the idea woudl have sounded good but the first time we had any real trouble she would have shut that **** down.

you played it right. get the money then get the woman or women. don't let boss being a douche make you see things differently. **** that's discrimination. you can't not promote someone beucase they aren't married.

 

[Mike32ct]

Companies only prefer married with kids guys because they see them as more stable. You're far less likely to jump ship and relocate for a better job.

It has nothing to do with making you happy. The boss wants you tied to a wife/family so you'll be tied to him too.

I think your personal life is none of the company's or boss' business. If it's wrong to discriminate against gays, it's equally wrong to discriminate against straight singles.

 

[Poonani Maker]

I get some flack for not being married, while even the ugliest dudes at work are (cause women want that Mooolah!). I tell em straight up that I ain't marrying no Amero-woman. I can tell all of them are Pained, while they thought it would be a good choice when I first saw em get married to just any old slag that would have em (because of the mooolah!).

Also, the church will try to set you up as well, And push making children asap on newlyweds. This Also "ties" them to the church just as it would (at least temporarily in the 60% event of a divorce) to your boss. It IS a Tying THEY want. They do not Seeeee...that you would be marrying not a woman, but a Amero-text-a-holic phone-clamped-ear-a-holic who could/has access to fvck another dude, married or not, on the side, whenever, wherever, kids or no kids, IF you do not hand over your credit card, buy her a new beamer 2-3 years into the marriage, move to a house of her choosing, go on vacation overseas every year, buy a fvcking dog, her kids the best strollers, clothes, Her the best shoes, clothes, makeup, salon hair-cut. She'll want Only the best for Her as She sees it. Sure there are a Few women who watch their finances.

 

[samspade]

I've found that being married makes it harder for me to do late nights. I'm more distracted by random home stuff. I get calls from my wife at the office too. But the biggest thing was that as a single guy I had no problem staying late if I wanted to get sh*t done.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Ok,
As a 42YO Single career charging Mo-Fo let me toss my 2 cents in. Yes its true there's some discrimination against single guys. The married guys get to wave the, "my kids music recital, my wife's job event, etc. flag. As a single guy you don't get to play that card, because management knows you don't have it. You have to establish boundaries early. If you don't they'll use you up becuase frankly, they know they can. So what do I do. Randomly I take time off when they don't know its coming. Remember it's one of the laws of power. Make them need you, not you need them. Every now and then I pull a houdini. May just be for a day, may be for a couple days.
I've heard people say that it takes a wife to rise to higher position, but that's again the crabs in the bottom of the barrel trying to pull you back to their level. You get married because you want to, not because someone has sold you on it.
KC

 

[Alvafe]

pretty much that is what will happen, you being single you can stay and work when needed nad have a over nice production, but after a couple of promotions they will hold that off till you have a more stable(aka you are married), to move foward, that also depends on what the company will want more, you married with childrens you are less likely to take risks, that means chances for you to leave for another company in another city/country will be far likely to happen. or they don't care and only want the best on top.

being single should be the best time for you to move forward and try things, just because you don't stop to think what will happen with your family

 

[samspade]

I've heard people say that it takes a wife to rise to higher position, but that's again the crabs in the bottom of the barrel trying to pull you back to their level. You get married because you want to, not because someone has sold you on it.
KC

Great point.

I would add that it's better not to share too much of your private life at work. It's nobody's business and will only give people ammunition if they want it.

 

[backbreaker]

even if you did get married just to move up, in the long run you will be worse off beucase the woman who will fall out of love with you, who was there from the day you started at the bottom of the company and now is entitled to alimony and your savings and your house and your dog so even though you are now making 150k a year 50k of that is going towards yoru ex wife who you aren't ****ing and your paying taxes on 150k a year while the guy making 85k a year is paying taxes on 85k a year with none of that **** lol.

getting married is ONLY the answer if you are head over heels in love with a woman who is head over heels in love with you. for no other reason.

 

[backbreaker]

even if you did get married just to move up, in the long run you will be worse off beucase the woman who will fall out of love with you, who was there from the day you started at the bottom of the company and now is entitled to alimony and your savings and your house and your dog so even though you are now making 150k a year 50k of that is going towards yoru ex wife who you aren't ****ing and your paying taxes on 150k a year while the guy making 85k a year is paying taxes on 85k a year with none of that **** lol, with his savings account fully in tact and while ****ing single women on the regular (if he's a member here of course)

getting married is ONLY the answer if you are head over heels in love with a woman who is head over heels in love with you. for no other reason.

 

[Warrior74]

http://youtu.be/rAReS2JnJ18

notice, they say nothing about how you feel.

Also remember COMPANIES like married men. They are already controlled and are easier to controlled. But when working for yourself, you don't have that issue. Clients couldn't care less about your personal life.

 

[Heretolearn]

Yeah good posts on point.

Those who say discrimination. It is, although that is the way of the world. Not that I want rewards based on quotas although I only see minority women/other groups being forced up the ladder when discrimination is more widespread.

Those who say don't mix pleasure and work, I agree. Although I find the more senior positions blur more. I do work (not technically paid but I consider part of my job) continually eg. dinner events/social events etc. These are usually + 1 events.

The thread has reminded me that my happiness is more important than any promotion so I will keep doing my thing. Great point though about not having the assembly/partner is sick reasons for things though Knights Cross. Another guy wanted a pay rise higher than me because he has kids and I have none.

It was a fair point except I work 2 times his hours and had some great results.

 

[nismo-4]

F**k marriage! Don't you all know Briffault's Law?

Being single does have you work more, but in a city like Atlanta, if you're a single male, maximize your work and get that money. Women like a man who already made it, not the man working trying to come up. In business, a woman can destroy you from the inside if you give her a chance. When I work, I only keep it business with the women there.

 

[Crazystarf]

As a person who will eventually be working for a company, what if you're single because you spent the majority of time focusing on improving yourself and your career instead of finding a woman? Hell, with all the crap talk going on about how being married is a disadvantage it'd be best if I held off of marriage altogether.

Plus I doubt your boss will hook you up with a girl anyways; that's your job.

Edit: Also Briffault's Law

 

[origin138]

Being unmarried and without kids frees up ambition and allows me the flexibility to advance my company and take risks. The last thing I need is a bag on my hip trying to monopolize my time and freedom and nullify my entrepreneurial goals for personal gain. No thanks.

I was seeing this girl a few months ago and she asked me "how often do you work late?" To me, this was an early indicator of future attempts to control my time. Her father was a workaholic, and her mother made every attempt to make his life miserable because of it, even though it put a roof over their heads and gave them an upper middle class lifestyle.

To answer your question OP, it benefits my career, but I work for myself and for my clients, and to an extent, my staff. As Warrior said, clients don't care much, if at all about your personal life. As far as my staff, I keep myself separate as much as possible so I can maintain objectivity. At times this is challenging and I fall short.

If I were working for someone else's company, I'd agree with Samspade that the more of your personal life you can leave out of the equation, the better. Most companies are parasites with no regard for your health and wellbeing. The thinking is "Work him to death, that's why I pay him." "Salary" is legalized slavery and long hours are conveniently blended into your paycheck. It's expected that you work more than 8 hours, and if you work exactly 8, then you're labeled a "clock watcher".

The problem with this approach is that many social groups are formed from your work peers out of convenience. These are the people you interact with daily, so it's only natural to blow off steam together, especially if you like them. Ask any cop how tight their families are outside of the precinct or a group of engineers at happy hour. At some point, hiding the fact you're single, without kids, or have chosen a "non-traditional" path will come out and you'll be exposed to the prejudices that come with it.