How do you get rid of a BPD woman?

[Ballie]

The last time we made love was when her husband was violent again and she stayed over at my place. I was sorry for her and basically came over as a typical AFC telling that I care for her and she can stay by me, etc.
Last friday she met me at a pub, which he frequents and was very disrespectful until I left. So she basically dumped me. I didn't care because the sex had gone bad anyway. But now that I know what I'm dealing with, will not take her back. She hasn't contacted me for a week and I am with my old girl friend anyway.

NB: The only way to break their sexual spell over you is to make love (big difference to fvcking) another woman more attractive than them. This worked for me, I lost my obsession over her.

 

[drmeathead]

i know i know better. the alarms were going off...trust me. she is a very good job of hooking me. probably too good though as i turned AFC on her. atleast she wont be back. she wasnt any good for me.

 

[decades]

they are easy to get rid of. the problem is most guys don't want to. even after they know better.

 

[KontrollerX]

they are easy to get rid of. the problem is most guys don't want to. even after they know better.

Exactly.

All you would have to do is go AFC and make something up about your undying love for them, pretend to pour your heart out basically and really sell it and they'll be gone like a puff of smoke.

That or simply telling a borderline or histrionic about how ugly and unattractive you find them should do it.

And really be viscious and vile about it.

They have such an over investment in their looks its ridiculous.

Plus they lack that inner voice normal people have that lets us all know we are worthwhile, that inner voice that re-assures of of our worth.

So really letting them have it with insults about their appearance will hurt them terribly and they'll leave you and not come back and probably immediately go out to someplace and attention wh0re it up all in an attempt to prove you wrong and prove they are still desirable because again they do not have our inner voice of re-assurance.

They need the mirror of other people's praise to validate their ego.

They can't validate it themselves like we can.

 

[jophil28]

So really letting them have it with insults about their appearance will hurt them terribly and they'll leave you and not come back and probably immediately go out to someplace and attention wh0re it up all in an attempt to prove you wrong and prove they are still desirable because again they do not have our inner voice of re-assurance.

Here is my real life example of how flimsy and empty these women are.
Just before my BPD baitch walked away a year ago, we arranged one night to meet to attend a social function with some friends.
She arrived in her own car and I walked up to greet her in the carpark. She had been drinking ( by that time in the relationship she was drinking daily)
Anyway she had gained 20 lbs in the past six months and had borrowed some clothes from her chubster sister, and she was wearing a white pant suit with a shirt over the top . The pant legs were ankle length .
I say, in my best DD way, " NIce Karate pants". She looked at me as if I had told her that the world was ending. An hour later she expressed her rage at me for saying that and said that I had insulted her appearance and threatened to go home because ," I have lost my confidence " WTF.
Foolishly, I talked her around and she stayed for a few hours BUT her resentment was obvious.
LIfe with a BPD woman is a daily combination of "walking on eggs " and "standing in Quicksand" .

There is rarely any peace.

 

[jophil28]

Exactly.

All you would have to do is go AFC and make something up about your undying love for them, pretend to pour your heart out basically and really sell it and they'll be gone like a puff of smoke.

\

Yep- that is the way to do it - BPD women are compulsive TAKERS. They wiil drain you of everything that you own and everything that you value for yourself and they do it one chunk at a time..You are NOT aware of what is happening until your " Personal Value" account with yourself is overdrawn and you are teetering on the edge of emotional bankrupcy.
I learned about Cluster B girls HERE and until I came to SS I was just living in a state of highly anxious confusion trying to stabilize a relationship with a BPD who constantly sabotaged the relationship.

Telling a BPD how wonderful she is feeds her ego -they crave that on an hourly basis, The problems arise when you let her know that you expect her to ACT like an SO - with involvement, conmmitment. loyalty and respect toward you. They are incapable of any of that. They drain a realtionship for they own gratification and contribute nothing of any real value - they rely on pvssy and give freely for a month or two and then they attempt to control the guy by rationing sex to gain POWER.
Then the games are really ON.
It is all down hill after that.

 

[armadon]

Man I tried telling the last BP chick that she had a big butt and crap but she would just agree and still try and f*ck me. sometimes insults don't work!

 

[decades]

The best way to get rid of them is simply to ignore them. Pretend they do not exist. How could you ignore someone sooo wonderful and fantastic? They actually hate this more than anything because there is Nothing to take from you. Give them NO-thing. The next best way is what Kontroller talked about. Tell them, like a broken record, everything they don't want to hear about themselves. Mine hated to hear that she wasn't "empathetic". She would slink off and sulk whenever I had the audacity to challenge her. Hit them over and over like a Larry Holmes jab. They will be gone in a flash. The problem with going SUPERafc on them is, Jophil nailed it, it feeds their ego and they live for that and may keep you around just for a taste of that every now and then. Just as likely though with this approach, she may turn around and F your best friend, then call you up and tell you what they did. Too much risk in that approach. All this is well and good but it's rarely implemented. Once the AFC is hooked, the last thing they want to do is make the BPD disappear.

 

[Ballie]

I got off very lightly. My ex brother in law got shafted big time. My sister left him not only because he is arrogant but for her childhood boyfriend. He is not the type of guy that likes being alone (typical AFC) and this BPD woman got her claws into him - "best fvck ever". He is a minister and then had to remarry (shame). Once the ring was on the finger she changed big time - refused to work. He had to support her and her 4 kids and she demanded that he mustn't support his own and cut him off from his family. She sucked all his money from him - he even sold back his share of his house to my sister. When the money was gone, she accused him of having an affair - got her sister to try to lure him via internet. All BS, but the scandel got him fired from church. I wish this wasnt a true story, but she waited until his pension got paid out (30 years service) and he left to visit his parents. Then she cleaned out his account (still married to him). The next day she sued for divorce, got a good lawer and smsd him that she was leaving him!
He is now staying with his kids in his ex wifes place. As my mother told me the story, I realised what a narrow excape I had. "Sometimes people are just born evil" she said - very true

 

[drmeathead]

i think the whole only an AFC can get clawed by a bdp is bull. i really do. that last one i posted about a few weeks ago took me to a bad place i know but i simply got out gamed. normally i run the show but this girl was very good. she got her claws into me. i certainly am not the dj of djs if you will but my inner and outer game are very solid.

i am not sure what happened with this girl but i know after a week iw as running around telling people that i was perfectly happy before i met her, which i was. maybe because i didnt see it coming or maybe because i thought i could handle it if it did come? i dont know but i got blasted.

a bpd chick can jam up anyone not just someone who is an afc.

 

[Bible_Belt]

"best fvck ever".

Yep, that's how they work. Crazy people are good in bed. bpd girls are usually amazing at fvcking. My bpd girl made me feel like I was with a high-priced call girl.

These days, she is busy fvcking some new idiot redneck and hating the last guy who knocked her up, so thankfully she has mostly forgotten about me. She did send me a myspace message asking me to pay her phone bill, though.

This thread is about her:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=140658

That necklace actually turned out to be $750. She found the receipt later. She still wears it, she's wearing it in the new pics she has on myspace of her making out with the new redneck.

She sent me this message a few days ago:

Apparently (necklace guy) has finally tired of being my slave, and my phone is broken and I can't get a new one without him adding me to the account, and I can't seem to get him to do that. So I want to get my old number turned back on, and hook up an old crappy phone that I have. However, I lack the money to do so, I think it's like $57 plus $10 to get the phones switched.

Feel like helping a poor girl out, huh huh????

You'll have to answer me on here SINCE I DON'T HAVE A PHONE...UGHHHHHHH

Seriously, I am going nuts.

My reply was:

Perhaps the man in your default picture should be responsible. Why would you think I'd want the deal (necklace guy) had. We made fun of him a lot, remember?

(new redneck) will pay. He luuuuuvvvvvs you.

I love you to death and you know I'd do anything for you, but you also know that I'm not Super like (necklace guy, her nickname for him was 'super'); I do have a backbone. I can't see why I should pay your bills while you sleep with another guy. Doing that makes me a pvssy like him.

Then she does a typical bpd flip-out and hates me because I told her no. She sent me a long rant detailing all the ways that she was better than the girl I dumped her for, and the new redneck was a much better guy than me. She had to emphasize that she loved him and never loved me (boo-hoo.) He doesn't get paid until Friday, though, and apparently does not have sixty bucks to his name. She probably spent all of his money last weekend.

She ended the rant with a loving:

Thanks for being a complete d!ck again for no good reason. I expect nothing less from you.

After she sent this message, she changed her myspace mood status to:

(Bible_Belt) is a complete and total a55hole!!!

That's my bpd girl!!!

 

[drmeathead]

that BPD girl i was seeing a few weeks ago was out last night. i ignored her. i basically had fun with my friends and flirted with girls. this drove her nuts evidently. she came out of her way to give me a hug and kiss and to see how i was doing. i mean most sane women come over to hug and kiss a man they tell not to talk to them anymore because they are crazy right? haha. anyway i talked to her a little only to be polite and to up my value (as she is very hot and other women dont know our history. they just know how to be jealous). she went on her way and i ignored her. when she left she came over and gave me a hug goodnight. what a werido.

the problem now is that she didnt hoover me back in so now she will try harder. i know the consensus is to act afc to these girls or to igonre them but if they approach in a social setting, it isnt worth appearing socially retarded to ward them off. agreed?

 

[jophil28]

a bpd chick can jam up anyone not just someone who is an afc.

True that !
It may be comforting to some guys here to believe that they would be IMMUNE to the mindfvcking that BPDs pull daily because they have "evicted their inner wuss" ( Thanks to DD for those last few words ).

WEll, boys - good luck with that.
Those Pers Disordered women will GET you in some way unless you bail right after you do 'em on night #1.
These women are GoldMedal winning actresses .They have manipulative skills of the highest level. These women are the great chameleons.
Your training here at SS MAY give you the knowledge to recognize one EVENTUALLY but you will never see one for who she is on the first few dates. They are too good at their craft, especially the professional women who are "high functioning" BPDs.

The advantage of being on this board and not being an AFC is that we know what to DO when she finally reveals her true self. We just walk away and pull against every straining muscle of desire in our body.
Ignorant AFCs just try to "love them" out of their appalling behaviour and so the BPD just acts worse toward him because she is getting away with it.

Pray that you never get involved with a BPD girl.
YOu will not see it coming for at least the first month.

 

[drmeathead]

True that !
It may be comforting to some guys here to believe that they would be IMMUNE to the mindfvcking theat BPDs pull daily because they have "evicted their inner wuss" ( Thanks to DD for those last few words ).

WEll, boys - good luck with that.
Those Pers Disordered women will GET you in some way unless you bail right after you do 'em on night #1.
These women are GoldMedal winning actresses .They have manipulative skills of the highest level. Thse women are the great chameleons.
Your training here at SS MAY give you the knowledge to recognize one EVENTUALLY but you will never see one for who she is on the first few dates. They are too good at their craft, especially the professional women who are "high functioning" BPDs.

The advantage of being on this board and not being an AFC is that we know what to DO when she finally reveals her true self. We just walk away and pull against every straining muscle of desire in our body.
Ignorant AFCs just try to "love them" out of their appalling behaviour and so the BPD just acts worse toward him because she is getting away with it.

Pray that you never get involved with a BPD girl.
YOu will not see it coming for at least the first month.

I think the number one rule to avoiding a BPD woman is

IF SOMETHING SEEMS JUST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE IT PROBABLY IS

 

[Bible_Belt]

It seems I am no longer a complete and total a55hole. My bpd girl apologized and loves me again. bpd girls have it in common with all women that they do not respect a guy who is a pvssy; maybe their powers of manipulation are so great that most men actually do behave like pvssies toward them. She dumped the new redneck bf, and is now calling me. I'm still not paying her phone bill, but I will talk to her and humor her for now. She's moving next week to go away to college.

A bpd girl never wants to feel like she does not have at least a man. Being truly single is impossible to maintain for them for long.

 

[jophil28]

bpd girls have it in common with all women that they do not respect a guy who is a pvssy; maybe their powers of manipulation are so great that most men actually do behave like pvssies toward them.

Yes, BPD women present themselvse as UBER feminine to draw you in . They are attracted to CONFIDENT men. However the uber feminine act is designed to "sell" you on their femininity and portray themselves as "all things sweet and nice ".. this is the Venus Flytrap tactic.
Mine actually said on the first date ," I am passive and compliant" and she repeated that statement several times.. As it turned out she was pulling the most devious and manipulative behavior that i have ever encounted in a woman.
Dr Meat said that they seem "too good to be true" ..and that is how they present themselves. However you think that you have met the " the genuine article" but you wind up with nothing more that a cheap imitation.

 

[drmeathead]

saw that girl again last night with another guy AND a well known celebrity. i wont say who it is i am not sure if the man is married or not. anyway talks to me again like we are best buds after i spend the night ignoring her. she flirts with me while i talk to other women and even kissed me on the neck in passing. whatever i ignore her but she finds her way over to me. soon i imagine she will be calling again...wonderful

 

[Truman181]

Okay I admit I have been texting my bpd girl during this past week since I made out with her in her jeep. I'm sorry Jophil, I was weak!

And the thing is she told me not to text her because her ex checks her phone even though they are not back together. Apparently he just grabs it when they are together.

I admit I was weak and I texted her. Both because I wanted her validation (and sex) back and because I was pissed off about her telling me not to text her. And she never answers! (except she did answer me a few times yesterday). So this whole time you guys have been giving me advice and telling me she was bpd I felt like "man if you guys only knew, she's normal and I'm being a stalker".

But then I read about Bible Belt's experiences on this thread:

Yep, all of that exactly, plus the total slut thing, says 'I love you' the first week. It's fascinating how they are all crazy in the same way.

check

She told me that she knew that she loved her last bf when she saw the marks he left on her by tying her up and beating her with a belt.

check, she liked it rough

Here's some signs pointed out by KX in this thread:

1. You are the most wonderful person she's ever met but she's only known you for 5 whole minutes!
2. Nobody understands her like you do.

check and check. She was hot for me the first couple days. I'm the prize but man she was fawning over me like no other.

Thank you for that. I just came home from a weekend away to find that my bpd girl has fallen back in love with her baby daddy. He can have her.

Check, "went back" to her ex within 12 hours after hooking up with me.

fwiw, my bpd girl called me tonight, and we ended up making out and all but fvcking against my car on the street.

Yep, check. I made out with her in her jeep the other day after she said she was entertaining getting back with her ex.

Two days ago, some new guy she met was Mr Wonderful, now she is not answering his calls while she's with me. Every time I am with her, her phone is blowing up with texts and calls from AFC wanna-be boyfriends. And when she doesn't answer, they just keep calling, over and over. I am the only guy who will not go afc over her; I have another gf that she knows about, and bpd girl does not get any attention from me without some physical attention in return.

MAJOR CHECK!

I was the new guy aka 'Mr. Wonderful' for about a week until the night we almost had sex but I held out on her. The next day she was 'back' with the ex. Now she doesn't answer my calls or texts, even if I call or text over and over! Damn I'm an orbiter!

LOL! And here I thought I was a stalker...when I'm just an orbiter.

You guys: Jophil, PE, and KX have told me repeatedly that she was BPD but my low self esteem kept telling me "it's not her, it's me" but now maybe I am finally convinced.

Alright. I swear to you, my Sosuave brothers that I won't make contact with her anymore. It will be interesting to see that if when I withdraw the attention, she will follow the BPD pattern and try to reinitiate contact. This will be a fun experiment because I know what's going on here.

 

[KontrollerX]

Some guys need to "hit bottom" before they can ever give these women up and what that means is you might believe what a therapist tells you about the BPD being fvcked up and the relationship ultimately doomed to failure and completely out of your control and its not your fault, you may logically believe all that we and such a therapist might tell you but inside you still have feelings, feelings you can't quite shake off and what happens then is you simply have to go to her and let yourself get hoovered back in and let the whole self destructive farce fully play out until those feelings inside of you finally believe what your logical mind and all of our teaching has been telling you. For those incredibly hurt and effected who just cannot let go they simply have to go through this some more until the very essence of who they are as a person fights back against them and says...

ENOUGH OF THIS!!!

I WILL NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!!

And once this happens no amount of hoovering ie emotional manipulation playing on your guilt, fear and empathy from the HPD or BPD can win you back. It still hurts you incredibly to witness and see the girl going through this big con act of false love, sadness and care but once you have hit rock bottom and put yourself through the madness, until you are finally tired of it, tired of all the cheating, tired of all the lies, tired of being tired do you the person who has been hurt so incredibly bad by a BPD or HPD finally begin healing.

You can only lie to yourself about these women for so long "well its not so bad" or my favorite "she might not actually be one of these after all maybe I'm just paranoid" before the still somewhat sane part of your mind fights on your behalf to get you the hell out of Oz.

I don't know if this guy is you Truman ie the guy that needs to hit rock bottom before you can finally give her up but if you don't need to go that extreme route to get rid of her from your life I would suggest you forget all of the experiments and little games to keep the addictive drama going and just unplug right this instant painful as it may be with absolute no contact forever and when you are ready go and get yourself a normal healthy girl.

TonyC's story is at this link, he was what we would call the ultimate DJ, a bar bouncer type of guy that was extremely appealing to women, he'd get numbers and dates and sex all of the time but a BPD experience almost drove him to take his life. His spelling is atrocious and can be hard to read at times but I'd suggest you read the story and see if you want that to be your future.

http://www.bpdfamily.org/index.php?topic=73463.0

Trust me dude it doesn't get any better.

It always gets worse.

 

[Truman181]

KX -

When I said I would see if she reinitiates contact as an "experiment" I was just making light of the situation. I don't care if she contacts me again or not and I have no intention of playing games with her or putting up with any more drama.

Really man, I'm not upset at all about this whole thing. I admit that the night I was with her last weekend, that yes I was buying into her routine when she was saying she liked me. And afterwards, her way of dropping me made me crave getting that validation and attention (and sex) back from her. But through it all I haven't lost any sleep or shed any tears. I was pissed off that she dropped me like that and I wanted the attention back and now I'm just kind of laughing at the whole thing.

So thanks again for all the advice. If she contacts me again I will not respond. And I will definitely check out that link to Tony's story because I want to watch out for this sort of woman in the future. My problem going into this was that I blame myself when these things go wrong and I didn't understand that there are women out there like this. Now I know thanks to you guys.

Thanks again for all the support!