How do you avoid attachment besides spinning plates?

[runningonice]

I realize that I have to change my strategy of looking for a one time hookup on dating sites. Women get those kind of offers all the time and reject most if not all of them. It's time to go in person.

My problem is, I'm really afraid of attachment and getting in deep with a girl. It's like a bi-polar rollercoaster ride, and at this point in my life, I like my life how it is and don't need any of that. But at the same time, I realize it will take building comfort and trust, even if just for a week or two, of getting to know a woman before she wants to have sex. I'm trying to be genuine, be a good conversationalist, while at the same time looking out for myself and not getting TOO close.

I'm quite confident in my ability to get a number or meet a woman. It's not easy, but you just look for who's biting and put yourself in a situation where multiple women may possibly bite. What I'm not confident in is getting it from the first meet/date/hangout/whatever to sex, without going the LTR route. And I'd appreciate any tips I could get, keeping in mind that I'm trying to be genuine (not brutally honest to the woman, or "nice" but just real.)

 

[^__^]

You're supposed to keep the conversation about her.

Don't sweat it, there really is no time to be genuine, or fake for that matter.

 

[runningonice]

Well with my ex, we just really seemed to get along. We met on facebook (went to the same school but didn't know each other) and talked on the phone after that for a few weeks...and it was like talking to one of the guys, only a hot girl. After a few dates it was clear I was more interested in her than she was me. I admittedly made mistakes, but she wouldn't have had higher interest anyway. By then it was too late and I'd fallen for her.

What scares me is that for a while, the thought of dating or having sex with any other woman didn't appeal to me. It's like (pick whatever model or porn star) could have knocked on my door and it would have been akin to some random dude knocking on my door. I also was suicidal and almost overdosed on medicine (luckily I didn't and this was last year.)

Whether it was just first time jitters or how I really am, I'm not sure...but love is nothing like it is in the movies, and it's left me gun-shy ever since. I'm afraid that any girl, regardless of how much I like her, I hang out with, I'm going to get dependent on unless I just hit and run, know nothing about her.

 

[Elky]

Well with my ex, we just really seemed to get along. We met on facebook (went to the same school but didn't know each other) and talked on the phone after that for a few weeks...and it was like talking to one of the guys, only a hot girl. After a few dates it was clear I was more interested in her than she was me. I admittedly made mistakes, but she wouldn't have had higher interest anyway. By then it was too late and I'd fallen for her.

What scares me is that for a while, the thought of dating or having sex with any other woman didn't appeal to me. It's like (pick whatever model or porn star) could have knocked on my door and it would have been akin to some random dude knocking on my door. I also was suicidal and almost overdosed on medicine (luckily I didn't and this was last year.)

Whether it was just first time jitters or how I really am, I'm not sure...but love is nothing like it is in the movies, and it's left me gun-shy ever since. I'm afraid that any girl, regardless of how much I like her, I hang out with, I'm going to get dependent on unless I just hit and run, know nothing about her.

This happens when you are too much of a thinker. And you think and think about her. To counter it... you MUST keep yourself busy with other things (work,school,friends,girls,you name it!). I believe that is the first step towards success for you. Do this and you will see a difference. The moment you start using all your energy and thoughts into a girl should be a red flag to you. Learn to avoid it! Learn to fight it!

You are the catch. Not the girl. <---- Live by this.

 

[Paintballguy]

This happens when you are too much of a thinker. And you think and think about her. To counter it... you MUST keep yourself busy with other things (work,school,friends,girls,you name it!). I believe that is the first step towards success for you. Do this and you will see a difference. The moment you start using all your energy and thoughts into a girl should be a red flag to you. Learn to avoid it! Learn to fight it!

You are the catch. Not the girl. <---- Live by this.

Yeah, you are dead on. I'm a thinker myself, and I pretty much gotta keep my mind off a girl I am talking to. The key is transferring all that time wasted thinking about some chick into something productive like you said.