How do I handle this girl? RAFC needs a little help

[Rounder]

24 y/o named Dee.

She moved out from her ex's place about a month ago. She works for her mom in a sandwich shop in the office building I work in. I see her and her mom almost daily. Her mom likes me a lot and 2 weeks ago told me if I asked Dee out she would definitely say yes. I knew that myself and once I found out she wasn't with her BF I was going to get after it anyway.

So I talk to her, say we need to figure out what night we're going out (this was Wednesday before Mem Day weekend) She said sounds good, etc, says she has the whole weekend open, no plans.

So I told her Saturday night. On Sat afternoon she texts and says she can't do anything, she is cleaning up storm damage at her folks house, etc. I let it go and didn't contact her that weekend.

The following Tuesday I straight up ask her - do you want to go out or what? She says "yeah, but I'm not sure about the whole "dating" thing, maybe just hang out".

I let it go and haven't brought it up with her again. Figured if she was interested she'd let me know. I've been myself when I see her, cool, etc.

So today she emails me - wants to go to a movie Saturday night. Tells me it starts at 9:40, I can pick her up at her apartment, etc. She also happened to mention that she is going to have a busy Friday evening, haha.

I'm tempted to tell her I have plans this weekend and can't do anything. I'm not big on movie dates anyway.

 

[speed dawg]

You're in the friendzone, pal. Sure, she might hook up with you while she's got no other guys out there that's making her cvnt wet.

From what you said, you just didn't handle the asking her out part with confidence and DJ-ness, if that makes sense. Sounds like you kinda pvssyfooted around, and passively back-doored your way in through her mother. Don't think her mother and her didn't talk about the way you approached things.

You have to be more direct. I'd probably ignore this email, then call her later and say, "Let's go do so and so on _____ night, I'll pick you up at 7". Then you'll know where you stand. I mean, I don't know, if she sounded excited about going to the movie, you might do that, but just be upbeat and ****y/funny with her and try to amp up some attraction because right now it's not there. If she was hot for you, she would not cancel. She'd make it easy on you.

 

[Rounder]

You're in the friendzone, pal. Sure, she might hook up with you while she's got no other guys out there that's making her cvnt wet.

If she was hot for you, she would not cancel. She'd make it easy on you.

Yep those are my thoughts too. I want in her pants but I was pretty sure I know what's up. Just needed a little confirmation.

Thanks man.

 

[decades]

umm you get what you want, a date with her, and now you are playing "hard to get"? you aren't sure now? So many guys "overthink" this whole DJ thing. It's not so difficult lest you make it so. She WANTS to go out with you....Saturday night. Do you want to go out with her or do you want to do the DJ thing and act real cool like you are in charge? If it were me, I would go out with her and try to get to your goal, which is getting her in the sack right? Don't put the cart before the horse. Go out with her, but try to change the date to having a drink at a bar. Then make the next move based on how that goes. If it looks like a friendzone thing, then eject right away. She is probably still in contact with her X, but there is a chance she needs some validation too. That could work in your favor. But you have to get out there to find out. You don't have a lot to lose.

 

[DJDamage]

She isn't worth being handled.

First of, she is coming out of a serious relationship so what I suspect is that she is kinda down and depressed and her mother is like "oh I know this nice guy that will be good for you and will take you out", which means that there is a chance you are nothing but the fall-guy aka the rebound.

Secondly, she clearly was evasive when you asked her for a date. Women with high interest levels do not act evasive but will clear up their own schedule's to be with you (not the other way around where you have to chase them around their schedule's). They also do not hint to you that you two should just 'hang out' and not date.

Thirdly, she dictated to you the type of date she wants to go on which was a movie. No woman should dictate to a man what date they should go on! if a man asks a woman out on a date she should agree to his suggestion or she shouldn't agree to the date itself (read some anti-dump posts).

Also a movie date as a first date is a bad idea especially since you never established interest levels with this girl (a movie date should never be about the movie with a new girl, rather it should be an hour and half of tounge sucking and boobies squeezing). I suspect she wants it to be a movie date just so she can get out of the house and have someone else foot the bill (ticket, popcorn, drink) while not talking to you for most of the night.

If any gir would act towards me the way "Dee" did to you, I would NEXT her ass.

 

[scrouds]

I don't really see this mentioned, but..... her mother likes you. Unlike a friend, girls are not pre-disposed to like the guys her mother says she should.

Its a good intro, but going into something like that you're starting off from a disadvantaged position. It all depends on her relationship with her mother, which you don't have a clear picture of. You really got to work this like any other chick, don't just assume you're in there cause her mother said to ask her out.

 

[Cableguy]

She wants a date on HER terms. I would counter offer with something YOU want to do. I wouldn't be going to the movies with a chick if I didn't want to see a movie. Period. Before you know it she'll inform you a "friend" is going to be tagging along.

Chicks like bad boys. Bad boys are NOT mother approved. Just my $.02

 

[samspade]

She wants a date on HER terms. I would counter offer with something YOU want to do. I wouldn't be going to the movies with a chick if I didn't want to see a movie. Period. Before you know it she'll inform you a "friend" is going to be tagging along.

My thoughts exactly. And counter with a different night as you "officially" have plans on Saturday night. She snoozes, she has to wait for your schedule to open up.

There's not much to salvage here. If she goes out with you on your terms you may have a chance. But you will have to be more of a caveman. She's probably looking for a rebound (or two) anyway.

And don't say, "do you want to go out or what?" You're asking her permission (essentially) and giving her a choice, and an open-ended choice at that. Of course she'll choose "what."

 

[jophil28]

I'm tempted to tell her I have plans this weekend and can't do anything. I'm not big on movie dates anyway.

Thats what I would do. SHe is trying to set the frame.
Her mother suggested that you and she get together because she wants YOU to be a distraction for her daughter.

You are 'rebound guy' to her. Her mind (and her cl1t ) still longs for her ex and that is why these women are NOT easy to date . Even if you bang her she is still wishing it was HIM on top of her and not you . Do you want to be in that deal ?

Recently broken up woman are scatterbrained, wounded birds.

 

[trajhenkhet02]

Your entrance was not strong and it looks like some kind of test mode. Is this a test you can pass? Let's take some inventory:

Bad
-Just broke up with ex
-Got an approval stamp from the mom (this implies her mom may have been bugging her with "why don't you go out with so and so?")
-Has said she is unsure about dating you
-Setting up the frame which also is not the best of first dates

Good
-She counter offered a time for a "meeting" (since she is not into the whole dating thing)

Should you go out with her on Saturday? That's up to you, if you have anything else to do that night that's even mildly more important or fun I would suggest countering her "meeting" with another meeting time. Her interest level seems real low. I highly suggest a diet of AFC free socializing if you take her up on any encounters. That's right no disrespect from her or any groupies she has hanging out with her (in case they come down). Neg to the max. As far as how busy her Friday is, I wouldn't put stock in any of it. In fact steer clear of any conversation about any date like activities she does outside of what involves either of you.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

Movie dates are lame. If she had higher interest, I'd take her skydiving. I only want action dates or going to a bar from here on out, no more sitting across from her at a stupid restaurant. I've taken girls out to shoot rifles and ride horses and I even had one run a trimmer for me in next to no clothes for our second "date"...anyway, I don't know if I'd mess with this one at all, the other guys are on target regarding the dynamic of the way this thing has played out thus far. She doesn't have enough interest to rate something cool,if anything you'd be a rebound, so for me it'd be a bar or nothing.

But, part of the AFC recovery process, and a tricky one at that, is learning to trust your judgment again. Maybe it'll feel like rolling the dice for awhile.

 

[samspade]

Movie dates are lame. If she had higher interest, I'd take her skydiving.

I agree that movie dates are lame, but last time I went skydiving it cost $250 - a lot of money to me, anyway, and too much for a 1st date.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

You're right, and I recently had to make that call. This one had crazy high, desperately throwing herself at me interest from the word go, but I barely knew her, and didn't care to drop that much coin on her.