How do i get out of shyness completly?

[oneboy21]

I was been shy for a long time, and i am not getting out of shyness
still not 100%, don't know how to get out of it.
I still feel nervous or run out of words when i see a cute chick. What should i do to totally come out of that shell? any suggestions fellas.
I am reading dating material from a long time with little success. Material is good, but my shyness is holding me back.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Oneboy21,


The reason why "dating material" probably hasn't worked to solve your shyness problem is because so much of it is outwardly/outcome focused. By now I'm sure you're beginning to see that "manning up" in ANY situation is gonna have to be an inside job first.

But it's all good.

Just remember that much of shyness stems from a sense of shame, a certain amount of fear of the unknown, and even a little bit of "selfishness" too.

"Selfishness"? I can almost hear you thinking. Yeah, selfishness. How else would you describe how we all sometimes choose to stay inside our shells as opposed to exposing and exuding "who we REALLY are" to those around us.

Believe it or not, a lot of people, a lot of other guys, and DEFINITELY a lot of women are WAITING on guys like you to come into their lives and make their lives "better" just by your very presence. Yes...BELIEVE THAT. Because it's true.

Try focusing MORE on what you have to contribute to women's lives (and people's lives) in general. And focus less on how people (especially women) will react to you. A man REALLY begins to "come into his own" when he learns and starts to really "LIKE" who he is.

Focus on THAT, soldier, and you'll see your comfortability with being your BEST self around women will increase more and more over time.

How do you get started on a mission like this?

...By finding things that you like about yourself, finding things you are ALREADY successful at doing---------and expand on those successes by taking the confidence that you gotten from THOSE experiences into other areas of your life.

Think of it this way:

You ever notice that "high" you feel right after you've accomplished something (hell...ANYTHING) that you were really proud of? If you do, then you ALSO know by experience that we gain a lot of our confidence by mentally and emotionally rehearsing our PAST successes. And since that is the case, just start "transferring" the feelings of confidence from THOSE areas over into the area of winning with women.

The more you realize and CONNECT with the fact that you are INDEED a man of value in ONE area--------you are still that SAME valuable man no matter what "other" area you enter.

A man of internal fortitude, confidence, and accomplishment won't be able to keep "the greatness" he feels inside "to himself" forever.

So STOP holding out on these women, my friend. Give them what you've been depriving them of for too damn long:

YOU.


Much RESPECT to you.


VU

 

[JPlaya]

hit the gym

 

[Slick Rick-NZ]

J. I recently came across the word introvert on here and I think that is what I am and yourself look it up on wikipedia and see what you think.
I have had huge problems with shyness and anti social behaviour.
I would say no to mates because I couldnt be stuffed going out.
You need to be as much as a yes man as possable like the movie only senible things of course to get you out of your shell. We are probly at a similar stage at the moment. Reading all the material makes it even harder to break out of your shell when talking to women. Try just saying hi and good morning and just chilled chatting about things and don't ask them out or anything. That way there is nom pressure on you and no awkwardness and it will be easier.
And she might think who is that guy just casually chatting to me like we are freinds and he didn't even ask me out or show any interst.
Gtg will add on this later if I can.
Slick..

 

[Voice]

I used to be extremely shy during my teen years, especially with the ladies. I still am somewhat shy and often find myself being quiet and shutting down in certain situations. I always hate it when this happens to me. It feels like I'm "in my head" too much, like my focus is on my inner thoughts rather than what's going on outside. I can't think straight and every time I try to talk it feels forced. I feel like everyone is somehow judging me. I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about. This has a lot to do with social anxiety. The good thing is you can overcome it.

I've improved so much since my high school years. However the only way to get over shyness is do exactly what your fear tells you NOT to do. Instead of avoiding social situations, actively seek them out. Perform little social experiments to see if your fears were indeed reasonable or not. Make conversation with someone, anyone. Start talking to people and being social. Social anxiety roots from the thought that social situations are dangerous. You have to challenge this thought. I know it's not easy at first. The key is to see if your expectations of what will happen are indeed true. Most of the time you will find that your thoughts are actually false. You HAVE to challenge your thoughts. This is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and it would be the same thing that a therapist would use with you if you went to therapy. You can easily do it on your own. You can even keep a journal of your little experiments to help you out.

I'd recommend a book called "Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness" by Gillian Butler. It really gets into depth about shyness and how to overcome by using real examples the author has come across. Good luck.

 

[oneboy21]

Thanks for all your suggestions
this thread is really helpful.

 

[neghitzbrah]

A lot of people here make very good points. When I was very shy, I used to look at other people as monsters. I felt that if I were to bother someone else, they would get upset or weirded out by the thought of my presense. As time went on (after I moved into NYC) I started to transform this negative type of thinking into positive thinking. People are people. And you are a person. So almost everyone will be thinking the same thing. It's just what you make of it.

What I mean by this is, for example:

1) It is your first day of work at a new company. Everyone else's first day as well. Do you think you are the only one wanted to make friends with co-workers??? NO! Everyone wants a friend. This doesn't just apply to this situation, but every situation.

2) Do you think you need to impress a girl with DHV's, canned material, etc. No... why would you need to? Do girls need to impress you? Probably not. Well at least most don't.

Just be yourself. People will actually like you for who you really are. Usually when I notice something funny, I let the person next to me know about it. 9 times out of 10 they find it funny too. In fact, it can start a funny conversation. You need to express what's on your mind. You just need to be open enough to show it. I once went up to a girl and asked how her weekend was. She had a lot to say about it because I guess she was waiting for someone to ask her. She was cute but I wasn't interested in her in that way because she didn't seem like my type after talking to her. I still talk to her to this day though cause she's a cool friend.

You have no idea what your potential is until you challenge your limits and step out of your comfort zone. People are people. They have feelings just like you do. They are waiting for people to talk to them. So why can't that guy be you?

 

[Fishbone]

neghitzbrah, your post rocks!