How come you get more attention to girls, when you're NOT trying to get them?

[ElStud]

I was just wondering, how come I get more play from women, when I'm not even thinking about getting laid? I'd like your opinions. For instance, I was at a nightclub tonight, just dancing, drinking and having fun. Then while I'm dancing, I got approached by this one hot girl out of nowhere; who wanted to dance with me.

So I just danced with her a little, while still having fun and not caring. This girl was genuinely interested in dancing with me.

My point is, is that when I'm trying to actually get girls, I hardly get any play. But when I'm not trying to get girls and I'm just trying to have fun; girls are all over me. Why is that? Perhaps it was just something about tonight though.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Because you are a challenge to them when you are not all over them.

Think of yourself as a piece of string and the girl as a cat. Ever see what happens when you give the cat the string? It gets bored.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgY2H2vrZ3Q

you've been here 5 years. i thought you would have realised that by now.

 

[zekko]

I think this is related to the expression "Be yourself".
When you are trying to pick up a woman, you try too hard and start thinking about all these things you're "supposed" to do. So you end up acting in an unnatural manner. Similar to if you're really attracted to a girl, it can make you too tense, and try to make your interactions too "perfect". And it can make you too eager to please.

Whereas if you're just being friendly and social, your real self and your natural charm can shine through, you're not being inhibited, you're not putting the girl on a pedestal. And that's when you attract.

 

[Stagger Lee]

There's part truth to getting more attention from girls when you're not trying to get them and part fallacy. The reason why it might be true were covered by the other posters. But the fallacy part is think of how much time you spend not trying to get girls. It probably exceed the time you spend trying to get a girl. So in this greater down time when you are not trying, of course there's seemingly going to be more girls into you. The thing is women select the guy and based on appearance. The time you spend trying to get a girl is often on girls who did not select you.

That's your real answer. Women select the man mostly on first appearance. In the numbers game there may only be 1 or 2 out of a hundered that are selecting you. So over 90% of the time you are trying to get girls, you are trying on girls that never selected you from the get go. That men are required to approach is a somewhat faulty social convention.

 

[NobodyCares1]

I get that everyone says how they get more attention from girls when they aren't trying to get them. But do you get more action too? Because if you don't try to get them you don't make the move and when you don't make a move you get nothing.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Don't try to conclude too much from club settings. They are usually meaningless. Lots of alcohol and slvtting up going on. You can't draw general conclusions about women & dating from clubbing experiences.

Some of these club types get a kick out of getting attention from men who aren't actively going out and pursuing them. You won't believe how quickly they go cold once they got your attention.

They are worse than the sleaziest male PUA in that regard.

 

[HolyG]

HOLY SH*T IT'S ELSTUD!!!!:woo:

 

[perseverance]

Whereas if you're just being friendly and social, your real self and your natural charm can shine through, you're not being inhibited, you're not putting the girl on a pedestal. And that's when you attract.

Then when you try and pursue them, they become 'unattracted'. It's happened to me a few times in the past.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I like this question, because it's a situation that deals with a few things I enjoy talking about: a woman's ego; what she's used to vs. what she actually wants; and, of course, being able to bang her as a result of making her think she's taking the lead.

So, here's the answer to your question, as well as some of the other questions posted on this threat:

Q1. "When I'm trying to actually get girls, I hardly get any play. But when I'm not trying to get girls and I'm just trying to have fun; girls are all over me. Why is that?"

A1: Because when you're not trying to get a girl, it f--ks with her ego. You have to think about how many times a day a woman gets hit on. Just about EVERY SINGLE GUY that comes across her path is trying to hit on her. In some ways she may feel this is an annoying thing to happen; in order to deal with it, she puts up a b*tch shield of just about every guy she runs into.

But then, she sees you. And she sees that you're (a) not noticing her, and (b) not trying to hit on her. And at first, she may even seem relieved by it. But then, her ego starts to mess with her...

"He's not hitting on me? Finally!... oh, but wait a minute: EVERY guy hits on me. Why isn't THIS guy hitting on me? Am I not that cute? Are my looks starting to fade? How can he not want some of this, I'm the hot beezwax!!"

Truth is, she may not even find you all that attractive... but just the fact that she thinks she can't turn you on will cause her to make up a "challenge" to do just that. Thus, why she will suddenly approach you - not necessarily because she likes you, but because she's INTRIGUED at the thought that you may or may not find her attractive.

Q2 (From NobodyCares1): I get that everyone says how they get more attention from girls when they aren't trying to get them. But do you get more action too? Because if you don't try to get them you don't make the move and when you don't make a move you get nothing.

A2: See, this is where most men mess up. Once they get the girls attention, they stop making her work for it. For example: a girl will come over, and rather than play it cool they'll start doing dumb things like touching all over her, or offering to buy her a drink, complimenting her, etc.

Important lesson, gentleman: if SHE is the one coming over to YOU, you don't really have to do much to get action. It's not about not doing ANYTHING, it's about reading her signals and knowing what they mean.

Here are a few actions I look out for, as well as what they mean:

*She walks over and starts a conversation or invites you to dance = she's interested. It may not be at a high level of interest just yet, though; right now it's more of an intrigue, like "who's this guy" and "why hasn't he noticed me?"

*She touches you in any way = she's down to f--k you, or at the very least have a make-out session with you. No girl that doesn't want you touching her more intimately is going to touch you, which is why it's important that you allow HER to break the "touch barrier" first. If you're going all grabby on her it may be too soon, and, more importantly, you won't be able to recognize the signal that indicates she wants you.

*She asks you any questions about what part of town you live in = she wants to go back to your place. Specifically, she's hoping you live close by so she can do you as soon as possible.

*She says to you "oh man, I'm so buzzed" = she's giving both herself AND you an excuse for her to f--k you. Women need to do this so they won't feel like a total slvt for banging you the same night they met you. Allow her to use this excuse - yes, she's buzzed, but not enough to not know what she's doing.

*She says "Oh, I need to get something from my car, can you go with me?" = she wants to either make out or f--k you in her car, away from her friends and others who may see her. Don't act all excited, just go with her to her car and proceed accordingly.

If you'll notice, in NONE of these scenarios have you really done anything extra - all you're doing is looking for the actions or words that SHE'S providing, and proceeding. You have to let the THINK it's their idea, and the best way to do that is to remain somewhat neutral. In her mind, if you're NOT touching her and NOT suggesting certain things, SHE'LL be the one to do it - which will, in her mind, make the whole thing her idea - and you just follow suit.

Hope this helps!