Hot and Cold, Hot and Cold, Drive them Wild!

[KCFlyer]

I came across this while doing some reading. It summarizes so much about AFC's and challenge. I was thoroughly impressed.

"People are inherently perverse. An easy conquest has a lower value than a difficult one; we are only really excited by what is denied us, by what we cannot posses in full. Your greatest power in seduction is your ability to turn away, to make others come after you, delaying their satisfaction. Most people miscalculate and surrender too soon, worried that the other person will lose interest, or that giving the other what he or she wants will grant the giver a kind of power. The truth is the opposite: once you satisfy someone, you no longer have the initiave, and you open yourself to the possibility that he or she will lose interest at the slightest whim. Remember: vanity is critical to love. Make you targets afraid that you may be withdrawing, that you may not be interested, and you arouse their innate insecurity, their fear that as you have gotten to know them they have become less exciting to you. These insecurities are devastating. Then, once you have made them uncertain of you and of themselves, reignite their hope, making them feel desired again. Hot and cold, hot and cold-such coquetry is perversely pleasurable, heightening interest and keeping the initiative on your side. Never be put off by your target's anger; it is a sure sign of enslavement."

(The Art of Seduction, by Robert Green, Page 71)

Another thing that struck me is that most of us DJ's wouldn't put up with too much of this from a girl. Use this tactic to your advantage, and watch out for it from your targets!

 

[IntermediateDonJuaner]

Good!

Man, I am happy that I am now convinced that I should buy the book for further reading.!

 

[El Perro]

Now THIS is why I came to this site!!! I think I'm going to try this with a chick I've been talking to.

KCFlyer, that post ROCKED!!!

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That chick you're obsessing over already HAS a p*ssy... she does'nt need another one, so be a man!

 

[crowes22]

Good post man.

I think this can be one of the hardest parts of DJing. When you know she is interested, it 'can' be hard to turn your back, cause you know she can get some other dude easily. Her knowing that too is her greatest fault.

She knows she can get a guy whenever she wants. Think, if you knew, for a fact that every night you went out when you were single, you could definetly get a girl back to your place to sleep w/ you, what do you think would happen?

I think we all know, you'd start looking for someone you thought you possibly COULD NOT get in your bed. You'd want someone that didn't seem that impressed w/ you, that you would have to 'work' for a little, not the average easy scenario you were used to. That scene would leave you unsatisfied, and the easy ones would become a nusciance, even after you banged them.

But you'd really appreciate sex and time spent w/ one that didn't jump at ANY chance to have physical contact w/ you. Good post KC.

 

[Coolbreeze43]

I recently learned about Fractionation or also called Fractionate (spelling?). I think this is based on the principle of Hot, Cold... or showing interest, then withdrawing. I'm still learning more about it... though I feel that I've successfully used it on more then one occassion.

Coolbreeze43

 

[ctdemeco]

Great observation, guys. This is probably the fundamental of all relations with people. We are motivated by that which we perceive as valuable. That which is denied us is assumed to be VALUABLE.

Think about the difference between the football team at school and the Cross-country team. There are tryouts held for football, because it's considered an honor to be a part of it. On the other hand, the cross-country team took everyone. No glamor there. No prestige. And, as a result, no one skipped football practice, and everyone wanted to be on the team. As for those cross-country folks...

We work hardest for that which we have yet to obtain.

For more on this topic, definitely review The Art of Seduction, but also Doc Love's information in his columns.

Remember the Golden Rule: He who has the gold, makes the rules.

It's the same in relationships.

And one more addage for you: The one who cares the least controls the relationship.

Think about it!

 

[IntermediateDonJuaner]

CoolBreeze43,

How did you use it successfully? Can you explain because I want to know more about it? I am learning how to perfect this technique so guys, pardon me if I irritated some of you.

 

[Coolbreeze43]

Quote:
_____________________________________________
CoolBreeze43,
How did you use it successfully? Can you explain because I want to know more about it? I am learning how to perfect this technique so guys, pardon me if I irritated some of you.
_____________________________________________

I'll post a reply this evening, and I'll try to explain why I think it was a form of Fractionating.

Coolbreeze43

 

[Coolbreeze43]

I said I'd state what I think about fractionation and how I think it can be used.
Way back I read about a technique Where if someone is uncomfortable when you are
to close to them... that you back off a little. Talk some more than move back in
for a few moments. You keep backing off, then moving closer to them after a few moments.
Supposedly, it gets them used to your being close and more comfortable. I think this
is a type of Fractionation.
First my story and then some more words. Yes, this is long...
I went on a date after a coffee meet with this one girl who was close to my age. We went back to her place and started kissing a little. She let me know right away that she didn't sleep with anybody until she knew them for awhile. I said but of course!(this is when I backed away) Then we kissed some more, (moving closer). I stopped and ocassionally touching her arm talked
about things that we liked, like dancing and such (moving away again). Then we started kissing and moved into her bedroom (moving closer) at this time I knew that I could get some though I didn't want to stay... and planned to leave right after. (problem... how to do this and not have her upset) So I pulled away saying, that I would have to get home and couldn't stay. (pulling away)
We went back into the living room and started heavily kissing and touching and such... (moving closer)
I slowly pulled back, looked at her and said wow... I really wish I could stay, and then put on my coat... (really moving away). Then I let the goodbye kiss move into more, really touching her alot she even undid my pants some... we were back in the bedroom again. (close as hell!) Then I said I have to go, and we moved to her door... (moving away). I then kissed her some more... and undid her pants... saying I had to go... she dragged me into her room and I got what I wanted and then left.
The next weekend, she cooked dinner for me etc... and even though I'm seeing someone else, and so is she... I still hear from her now and then.
Now I think of this as a type of Fractionation.
I've also heard of it being used in Hypnosis. I've heard that you try to get them in trance, then let them rest for a moment, then try the trance again and each time you try the trance they go deeper.
I'm still trying to find out more, so bear with me on this.
Now, I've also heard that some people say there is no such thing as hypnosis, since we are all in different levels of trance. Like when you go to work in the morning, driving on the expressway and get to work without even realising it. This is why I think Fractionation can be used throughout the day... Example:
When I use humor (sometimes I can do that!). I notice that I get a better response if I
say a few wisecracks, then ease off for a while... then start making a few jokes again.
When your teasing a girl, you flirt a little. Back off some and flirt some more. Sometimes you get more intense each time until both you and her are starting to touch each other.
Or when your teasing a girl in bed... start, getting more intense... then backoff some... and start getting more intense. Sometimes this can drive them wild!
What I see in all these different actions, is just like the title said. Hot, cold, hot and cold. Or getting closer together, and moving away, then closer together and moving away (hopefully you get closer each time).
This is why we like a rollercoaster so much... the slow climb with anticipation and then the great rush as you speed down. If every moment was filled with excitement, after a short time you would get bored again. Thats why we keep them guessing and I consider it a form of whats called
Fractionation.

Coolbreeze43

 

[IntermediateDonJuaner]

I see your point here CoolBreeze43. You gave examples of how you drive the girl wild while making her hungry for sex.

But besides that, how could it be used in other areas in order to present ourselves as a challenge?

One way I tried to use it is to talk to a girl for a while and then ignore her later or the next day. But this doesn't seem to work for me. How about you CoolBreeze43? Have you tried this so-called ignore tactic? If yes, how did you employ it that well ?

 

[Coolbreeze43]

IntermediateDonJuaner

Thanks for the reply. I am still learning this right now and not practicing as much as I like to. I'm in a 6 month relationship at the moment and I only try the catch and release methods.

I think that the key to using this is what is called calibration. This is explained at Essential-skills.com in laymen terms, it means get out of your head and pay attention to how they are responding to you. Sometimes we are so busy following a script in our head, that we forget to notice how they are reacting.

When you talk to a girl and then ignore them, make sure to see how they are reacting. If they look like they really want to talk, then stop and talk to them! Just make it brief... start moving away and see if they are following. If they are following, you can talk a little more.

In NLP they say that learning a skill is in several different steps. Conscious incompetence is the first one. Like when learning to drive a car, the first time... you had both hands on the wheel, paying complete attention. Yet still had trouble driving correctly. Then you have Conscious competence, when you now drive correctly when you focus on it. Then slowly you go to UnConscious incompetence, when if not paying attention you don't drive correctly and finally to UnConscious competence. This is where, you are talking to friends, thinking about a girl etc... and all of a sudden you are at your destination.
This is what you want with your tactics. Keep practicing and as they become second nature, you will be able to notice more things and will find yourself adjusting your approaches to increase your success.

One other thing, with a lot of girls there is a window of opportunity. If you take too long, whether its all night at a bar, or several weeks with a girl you know... they think you aren't interested in them except as a friend.

I wish I knew more, maybe someone else on this site can add more. I want to learn more, so any suggestions, or even disagreements are welcome.

Coolbreeze43

 

[Turbobird]

What do you think about The Art of Seduction, KCFlyer? I’m thinking about buying it.

Does it give a different perspective that could complement our skills from this SoSuave.com site? Do you find everything he has written to be true? Does it contain much information?

 

[KCFlyer]

TurboBird, I'm only on page 73. Right now it's talking about different types of seducers. It's interesting, and there is definately things I can use so far. Every once in a while there are some real gems.

It's not a handbook for seduction (at least not yet... - not that there really could be one...), but if you like to read, then it's definately worth while. It's more about self-examination. Look at the typical seducing types, and try to incorporate some of that into your mack.

The line that I liked from reading last night went something like: Your looks will eventually fade, but hopefully when they do it will be replaced by your charm.

 

[Turbobird]

Originally posted by KCFlyer:
TurboBird, I'm only on page 73. Right now it's talking about different types of seducers. It's interesting, and there is definately things I can use so far. Every once in a while there are some real gems.

It's not a handbook for seduction (at least not yet... - not that there really could be one...), but if you like to read, then it's definately worth while. It's more about self-examination. Look at the typical seducing types, and try to incorporate some of that into your mack.

The line that I liked from reading last night went something like: Your looks will eventually fade, but hopefully when they do it will be replaced by your charm.

Thanks, KCFlyer. It sounds good. I will probably order it. I have just bought his book “48 laws of powers”, so I will read that one first. (I haven’t started yet.)

 

[Powertrip]

I think we all know, you'd start looking for someone you thought you possibly COULD NOT get in your bed. You'd want someone that didn't seem that impressed w/ you, that you would have to 'work' for a little, not the average easy scenario you were used to. That scene would leave you unsatisfied, and the easy ones would become a nusciance, even after you banged them.


This situation doesnt just apply to women. I've been going through it myself, and until you typed that, I never thought about it in that way.

I've been looking for a girl who will be a little bit of a challenge, and I dont really have the time for the easy ones. Bizarre.

 

[crowes22]

Yea bizarre indeed, Powetrip. As much of a MALE as I am, it's strange man, if it's there for the taking (a girl), often I lose interest. The same as after I slept w/ her, if I wasn't REALLY into her before I got he in bed, then my interest plummets, I just lose motivation w/ some, well most of them that I had little doubt I could have.

But if ther is a brick wall and I think NO WAY, there is almost no 'feeling' at all I get from it.

But if I think I 'may' be able to bed her, these are the ones that badly want to bang, if I'm attracted of course. The hot and cold thing I guess. If she knows the right way to put those thoughts in my head, she has game, at least regarding me.

Funny though, I can't tell you the proper 'way' for her to do that, I haven't a clue, and often if I do get these girls, they were unsure of my interest as well!!! It was like a fukkin 'secret chess match', where all was SO obvious, yet totally impossible to explain. Hell if I know.

 

[HULK_SMASH]

Here's what I put up with (and still am).

I call the girl to set up a date. Short funny conversation, set a date for a week later. Don't call in between. I show for the date, she says "I've been thinking about you all week" and "Before the doorbell rang I was thinking you wouldn't show." I playfully said "C'mon, would I do that to you?" First date was awesome, she calls when she gets home to say thank you, great time, etc. Really gushing.

So I tell myself I will use this strategy: I will call a few days later, set up a date for 2-3 weeks away, and not call in between. So I call, get her voicemail. "Hey, it's me, looks like I missed you, will try again later." She has my number but doesn't call.

Call a week later, voicemail again. "It's me, give me a call back so we can set something up." No call from her. (Infatuation, one-itis creeping...feeling unsure, did I do something wrong, etc.) I'm thinking Damn, I wanted to be the one playing hot & cold on her..waa waa...

Week 3: I call again, get voicemail again. "It's me, I guess something's up so this will be the last time I call."

Then, I get a response. She says "I'm sorry, I've been really busy, thinking about you a lot and would love to go out on xx nite." Hate to admit it, but I felt cool relief when she said that and immediately accepted.

Then this same pattern repeated itself again over the next 5 weeks. When we are on dates, she acts like I am her one and only. But between dates, she vanishes completely.

I was fustrated, felt snubbed, and WAS TOTALLY HOOKED ON THIS GIRL. Now a lot of time has passed. The infatuation and one-itis are gone (nothing kills that stuff like feeling snubbed and going on dates with others ((I have had 2 fun lunch dates w/ a girl from work and am seeing a new one for an evening date next Saturday))

But what remains? For me, it's CHALLENGE. What I want to do now is fvck her (our make-out sessions lead me to believe she would be a blast in the sack). Is she playing the hot and cold game with me? Is it a test to see if I will keep calling and remain interested? If so I can play along, I now know the pattern. But if's she's a flake, then the only thing that takes a hit is my wallet for those dates (plus having blueballs). My heart and ego aren't on the line. It's a damn CHALLENGE now and I can't bring myself to next her.

 

[dorian_gray-from.usa]

Originally posted by HULK_SMASH:
My heart and ego aren't on the line. It's a damn CHALLENGE now and I can't bring myself to next her.

Like attracts like.

That or she a female player! haha

Alot of professsion MBA students have a buzy life and are really that that way.

Mind you have to realize that she will still want to see you on weekends or during the break between semesters - - if not NEXT her.

Since she is making out with you, I would take this as a good sign, and not rush it.

If it wants to happen, she will find time for you...

I am on/off with this foriegn chix, she mad = has no time for me, shoot down date ideas----too--- she tells me when she is free and that in a command that she will meet me and after will come to visit my new apt. [so clean it!!!]

 

[defiancy]

This is basically the push-pull technique, that's why its effective.
I don't understand how long you have to play these games until you can just approach them and get their number

 

[typical]

The games are part of the human courtship ritual, youve just been brainwashed and forgotten about it and now your being taught it again. So no the games do not stop keep them up always it adds excitment to your relationships