albert baus
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- Sep 11, 2012
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Hi. I broke up with a girl after 2 years and a half, less than a month ag
ur relationship has been pretty messy and incredibly intense-in a good way-most of the time. She displays many symptoms of borderline personality disorder: push and pull, devaluation-ideation, depression, panic attacks(severe), lashing out and self-mutilation( no cutting but continuous scratching on the skin leaving a lot of scars-I know it's strange but scary nonetheless).She seduced me in the beginning, but as I grew closer and started showing real interest in her-six months in the relationship- everything started to go to hell very slowly- but gradually.She started withholding affection- from time to time- after a year or so and accused me of forcing her sexually- which was never true obviously. I know this girl since we were teens- we are now both 29- and,already then, she showed signs of depression and anxiety. Every time she hoovered me back I took her back , because I really loved her, but it became unbearable for me during the last six months. When the devaluation kicked in she would pick fights for stupid reasons, blamed me for everything and did everything she could to sabotage the relationship- more on this later. She is heavily paxil-dependent and suffered panic attacks because she stopped the medication ten months in the relationship. I tried my best to help her and she started seeing a therapist.When she resumed the medication she quit therapy and things got worse. The splitting thing with her was cyclical.She would say things like " I love you", "I miss you" all the time when I was at work or she needed me for something, but as we would grow closer and things started to really be good- especially on holidays- she would pick a fight and blame me. I made mistakes, but I always took responsability and tried my best...She never did.We had a major break up in april 2012, because I suspected she cheated on me. She denied it, but I figured out it was better to end it. She did everything to get me back after 3 weeks- texted me, stalked me- and ultimately I got hoovered- bad bad mistake. Things went well for a month or so and then the monster was back. She continued to abuse me physically- punched, kicked, scratched me on several occasions during the last year.I tought it was the medication- I've read somewhere that paxil can make people violent and self-destructive-, but it was too much. I never reacted- I'm trained in martial arts and pretty strong guy so I knew how to minimize damage and went away every time I could-, but during an argument she went as far as biting me on my harm very violently: I had just told her that I had proof she cheated on me because I met the guy-ugly and stupid nonetheless- and he confessed after I "persuaded" him to do so-anyway he obviously tought she was single.She denied again and said awful things like " I need you out of my life", " you're crazy" etc.This time the hoovering didn't work- but she seduced me sexually after a week.The last time I saw her at her house- I went there to take back my things- she begged me to forgive her- about the violence not the cheating which she still denies- and said she was very "ashamed". I told her I knew she was already starting things with another guy- which is true- and that it was over.She started to abuse me verbally, and threatened to call the police on me- for no reason apart from the fact that I told her that she cannot live in denial of her problem. She then went away with a friend- female- and texted me several times. I talked to her on the phone and she said she wanted me back- she wanted to spend the holydays together. I told her this wasn't the case and that the only thing I wanted was closure- a thing she will never give me obviously. She called me the next day and said a lot of nasty things, told me she didn't want see me again and that I wasn't her boyfriend anymore- great discovery.Then she sent me a text in which she wrote something like" Too bad we are not together, it would have been nice for ME to do x and y with you" and some other nonesense.I went no contact from there and she stopped calling me.Believe it or not, I'm suffering. It was like waking up from a nightmare. It's four weeks now and I think I have ptsd. I avoided every place where i could meet her. I think I'll change my number very soon. I'm happy she is not stalking me again, but I feel a lot of rage.I was really stupid. All the things I did for her were useless. No closure, only blaming, lies, betrayal. She is telling people horrible things about me now- a smear campaign started as soon as I discovered the thruth and left her.I'm looking for suggestions on how to get over this. I don't want to have anything to do with her anymore...but I miss the good times- which were probably as fake as she is- and my heart is still broken-but my mind is strong.thanks for reading.
ur relationship has been pretty messy and incredibly intense-in a good way-most of the time. She displays many symptoms of borderline personality disorder: push and pull, devaluation-ideation, depression, panic attacks(severe), lashing out and self-mutilation( no cutting but continuous scratching on the skin leaving a lot of scars-I know it's strange but scary nonetheless).She seduced me in the beginning, but as I grew closer and started showing real interest in her-six months in the relationship- everything started to go to hell very slowly- but gradually.She started withholding affection- from time to time- after a year or so and accused me of forcing her sexually- which was never true obviously. I know this girl since we were teens- we are now both 29- and,already then, she showed signs of depression and anxiety. Every time she hoovered me back I took her back , because I really loved her, but it became unbearable for me during the last six months. When the devaluation kicked in she would pick fights for stupid reasons, blamed me for everything and did everything she could to sabotage the relationship- more on this later. She is heavily paxil-dependent and suffered panic attacks because she stopped the medication ten months in the relationship. I tried my best to help her and she started seeing a therapist.When she resumed the medication she quit therapy and things got worse. The splitting thing with her was cyclical.She would say things like " I love you", "I miss you" all the time when I was at work or she needed me for something, but as we would grow closer and things started to really be good- especially on holidays- she would pick a fight and blame me. I made mistakes, but I always took responsability and tried my best...She never did.We had a major break up in april 2012, because I suspected she cheated on me. She denied it, but I figured out it was better to end it. She did everything to get me back after 3 weeks- texted me, stalked me- and ultimately I got hoovered- bad bad mistake. Things went well for a month or so and then the monster was back. She continued to abuse me physically- punched, kicked, scratched me on several occasions during the last year.I tought it was the medication- I've read somewhere that paxil can make people violent and self-destructive-, but it was too much. I never reacted- I'm trained in martial arts and pretty strong guy so I knew how to minimize damage and went away every time I could-, but during an argument she went as far as biting me on my harm very violently: I had just told her that I had proof she cheated on me because I met the guy-ugly and stupid nonetheless- and he confessed after I "persuaded" him to do so-anyway he obviously tought she was single.She denied again and said awful things like " I need you out of my life", " you're crazy" etc.This time the hoovering didn't work- but she seduced me sexually after a week.The last time I saw her at her house- I went there to take back my things- she begged me to forgive her- about the violence not the cheating which she still denies- and said she was very "ashamed". I told her I knew she was already starting things with another guy- which is true- and that it was over.She started to abuse me verbally, and threatened to call the police on me- for no reason apart from the fact that I told her that she cannot live in denial of her problem. She then went away with a friend- female- and texted me several times. I talked to her on the phone and she said she wanted me back- she wanted to spend the holydays together. I told her this wasn't the case and that the only thing I wanted was closure- a thing she will never give me obviously. She called me the next day and said a lot of nasty things, told me she didn't want see me again and that I wasn't her boyfriend anymore- great discovery.Then she sent me a text in which she wrote something like" Too bad we are not together, it would have been nice for ME to do x and y with you" and some other nonesense.I went no contact from there and she stopped calling me.Believe it or not, I'm suffering. It was like waking up from a nightmare. It's four weeks now and I think I have ptsd. I avoided every place where i could meet her. I think I'll change my number very soon. I'm happy she is not stalking me again, but I feel a lot of rage.I was really stupid. All the things I did for her were useless. No closure, only blaming, lies, betrayal. She is telling people horrible things about me now- a smear campaign started as soon as I discovered the thruth and left her.I'm looking for suggestions on how to get over this. I don't want to have anything to do with her anymore...but I miss the good times- which were probably as fake as she is- and my heart is still broken-but my mind is strong.thanks for reading.
