Holy shyt, girlfriend's dad just busted in her apartment and threatened to kill me

[Brighty]

Bit of a read, but worth it.

We've been dating for several months now and I've rarely met her father, she's always kind of pushed him away. I'm good with her mother's side of the family and close to them. She told me her father was a little crazy but she underplayed it a bit as I would find out today.

Anyway, we were packing up to go on a road trip for the week when there's fierce knocking at the door and in busts her dad, a 5'11 guy looks me dead in the eye and starts accusing me of all of this stuff that I didn't do (i.e. that I'm the reason why my girlfriend hasn't called her mom back, etc.) and asks me if I was taking her for a road trip this week. I told him yes and he looks at me with this crazed look in his eye and tells me to stay the **** away from his daughter or he'll kill me. He repeated it again. My girlfriend was freaking out the whole time demanding him to stop and that he's acting crazy, which added fuel to the fire.

Needless to say, I'm 6'5 and 245 pounds compared to him, but there was something just about that look in his eye that scared the shyt out of me. I cannot think of a more dangerous combination than a bipolar crazy overprotective father who thinks some guy is "stealing his little girl" away, especially one that threatens to kill me.

Apparently she's been leaving some details out about her dad. Her father is out of his ****ing mind and apparently her mother is in an on-again-off-again relationship with him and he cheats on her all the time and threatens to kill other people her mother starts to see. I guess there was a reason I only briefly saw him at family outings and events while we were dating, but this is probably one of the biggest deal-breakers for me, especially since he's about a 5 minute drive away. Dude is legit ****ing crazy.

The ironic thing is that she's the most stable, normal, and overly responsible girl I've ever dated. Very mature for her age, doesn't drink, doesn't go to bars and doesn't really like to party. Shes' into classical music, Frank Sinatra, and she's an actress from LA. She's extremely mature and on top of her shyt (even moreso than I am), I'm assuming its probably because she's had to take care of this crazy ass family.

Fvcking infuriated me though and I'm wondering if I should I file a police report against him? How serious are death threats made in person?

I've been in my fair share of fights, and if there's one thing I've learned is that to never, ever underestimate adrenaline and pure desperation. And like I said, I cannot think of a more dangerous or desperate human being than a crazy overprotective father who's about to fight his daughter's boyfriend who he thinks is causing all of these unrelated problems in his family. No way in hell would I be eager to jump into a fight with him at that moment.

My girlfriend hates him, her mom hates him, and my girlfriend even encouraged me to file a police report.

I just don't know how to handle things from here. He lives like a 5 minute drive away and he was blaming random family problems on me and going off on me like I had ran over his dog. He's super, creepily protective of his daughter or just plain old fvcking crazy.


She's an amazing catch and ideally the perfect girl for me, but I don't really see any other way around this situation than to just end this relationship. I'm thinking its not ****ing worth it. If she moves out to LA again and I'm there maybe we could start up again but as it is now, no way. No way in hell. I've dealt with crazy before, I've dated crazy before, I have never encountered this kind of crazy before and I can only imagine what horrible ****ing things lie waiting for me if I continue this with her. Like, fearing for my life kind of crazy at how one day he'll just snap and bust into her apartment again, this time with a gun, and shoot me. I've never had a man look me in the eye before and literally threaten to kill me, and reiterate that fact twice.

No girl in this entire world, short of my wife and daughter, is worth putting up with the possibility of having that lurk around the corner.


I don't know, what do you guys think? This all just happened today, but gawd damn.



Cliffs:

- girlfriends dad is legit crazy
- met him a few times before
- suddenly bursts into apartment door as we're leaving for road trip
- blames a ton of random stuff about their family on her dating me thats totally unrelated
- threatens to kill me if I don't stay away from his daughter, absolutely bat**** crazy father
- contemplating filing a police report/wondering if i should break off the relationship
- read the post you lazy ass

 

[Brighty]

I dunno, maybe she escaped the daddy issues but the more perfect the girl the more perfectly hidden the cheating is in my experience.

Gee, the difference between this board when I first started posting here and the state that it's in now is like night and day :crackup: Although I appreciate your psychoanalysis of this woman front to back in record time, that answered absolutely none of my questions. Anyone else care to throw in their two cents about the actual relevant issues at hand here? I.e. the police report, how to handle the situation, if anyone else has been in this kind of situation, etc.

Then we can all throw in our opinions on whether or not this girl is a cheating, despicable wh0re or not, as this forum seems to love to do.

 

[Deep Dish]

Get out while you still can, regardless. You never know when a cannonball will smash your neighborhood, like happened on Mythbusters. So if a cannonball does hit, you know you're living too close to an artillery range. Choose your own adventure.

 

[Masculinity]

Bit of a read, but worth it.

Fvcking infuriated me though and I'm wondering if I should I file a police report against him? How serious are death threats made in person?

Yes, I would file a report at the nearest police station as soon as possible. Death threats are not to be taken lightly, especially if a person has a history of violence or delusion. Can this girl's father mistakenly think you are responsible for some of their family issues? Possibly. Can he aggress you because of it? I do not know, but I do think it is better to take precautions. I would keep an extra eye on your surroundings at least until the storm dissipates. I would also make it very evident to the police how the girl's dad was very aroused and intense in his threats. Fearing for your life is a legitimate concern at this point and there is nothing about which you should be embarrassed.

I don't really see any other way around this situation than to just end this relationship.

I think breaking up is rather abrupt. If the girl is really how you describe her, you would be silly to let her go. Nevertheless, there is a death threat involved, so--again--I would not take that lightly. Why not leave all things as they are and simply avoid seeing each other for a while? Notice that I am not saying you all should "take a break," but rather take some measures to avoid fueling the fire. I hope this helps.

 

[Brighty]

Get out while you still can, regardless. You never know when a cannonball will smash your neighborhood, like happened on Mythbusters. So if a cannonball does hit, you know you're living too close to an artillery range. Choose your own adventure.

Yes, I would file a report at the nearest police station as soon as possible. Death threats are not to be taken lightly, especially if a person has a history of violence or delusion. Can this girl's father mistakenly thing you are responsible for someone of their family issues? Possibly. Can he aggress you because of it? I do not know, but I do think it is better to take precautions. I would keep an extra eye on your surroundings at least until the storm dissipates and make it very evident to the police how the girl's dad was very aroused and intense in his threats. Fearing for your life is a legitimate concern at this point and there is nothing about which you should be embarrassed.



I think breaking up is rather abrupt. If the girl is really how you describe her, you would be silly to let her go. Nevertheless, there is a death threat involved, so I would not take that lightly. Why not leave all things as they are and simply avoid seeing each other? Notice that I am not saying you all should "take a break," but rather take some measures to avoid fueling the fire. I hope this helps.

There are the posts I'm looking for.

Maybe it is for the best that we just slow things down and not see each other for a bit until this cools over and I could approach her father in a different, nonaggressive setting, but still. I've dealt with crazy before, I know how unpredictable that can be, and shyt, I'd be lying if I wasn't worried - me standing in the kitchen unarmed - that this guy was about to pull a knife or something with the way he was looking at me.


Another part of me just wants to cut this and run. The fact that I've met such an amazing girl also helps reinforce that amazing girls like this are out there - i.e. ones that arent just drunk sorority slvts and have similar interests - and that I just have to look for them. I'm sure there are others without baggage, but I do really enjoy being around this girl at the same time.

 

[Aristippus]

Any time threats of violence are involved, put your tax dollars to work and file a police report. There are several reasons for this. Predatory type personalities are only encouraged when people feel isolated like there is no one to turn to. He thinks that since he hasn't actually assaulted anyone (and law-abiding citizens mistakenly think this too) that there is nothing you can do legally, but that HE is legally protected. Nothing could be further from the truth.

You can tell the police that he came to YOUR house and was issuing threats. Threatening your life. Threatening to kill you. Let them know that you fear for your safety. Also get a restraining order. This accomplishes a few things. If you ever had to defend yourself, it would be hard for any lawyers to try to twist it around and say you were the aggressor if there was a paper trail that said you'd filed a report and he issued threats and you had a restraining order. The legal action itself may be a deterrent but if not, then you have something in your favor if he attacked and you had to injure him.

This will empower you and maybe he will realize that there are consequences for his stupid behavior. You will also be covering your own a$$. Hope this helps.

p.s. Still beware of any red flags from the daughter. She could be trying to give the impression that growing up in a house full of crazy hasn't affected her. Make sure this isn't some act she's playing in the hopes of hiding the real her.

 

[Brighty]

Any time threats of violence are involved, put your tax dollars to work and file a police report. There are several reasons for this. Predatory type personalities are only encouraged when people feel isolated like there is no one to turn to. He thinks that since he hasn't actually assaulted anyone (and law-abiding citizens mistakenly think this too) that there is nothing you can do legally, but that HE is legally protected. Nothing could be further from the truth.

You can tell the police that he came to YOUR house and was issuing threats. Threatening your life. Threatening to kill you. Let them know that you fear for your safety. Also get a restraining order. This accomplishes a few things. If you ever had to defend yourself, it would be hard for any lawyers to try to twist it around and say you were the aggressor if there was a paper trail that said you'd filed a report and he issued threats and you had a restraining order. The legal action itself may be a deterrent but if not, then you have something in your favor if he attacked and you had to injure him.

This will empower you and maybe he will realize that there are consequences for his stupid behavior. You will also be covering your own a$$. Hope this helps.

Spot on man. Rep for that post. That's exactly what I'm looking for.

p.s. Still beware of any red flags from the daughter. She could be trying to give the impression that growing up in a house full of crazy hasn't affected her. make sure this isn't some act she's playing in the hopes of hiding the real her.

Yes, you can bet with the experience I've had with women that after this incident this is a huge red flag, even though she hasn't displayed any signs of instability or crazy at all while we've been dating this is still a huge deal for me, and you can bet if we stay together I'm going over her shyt with a fine comb.

 

[Smok1nAce]

apple never falls far from the tree, leave and never look back.

 

[nwgforlife]

File restraining order.

if he ever shows at at your place again acting a fool beat the living **** out of him. (Not infront of the girl if possible lol)

 

[plate's_empty]

Any time threats of violence are involved, put your tax dollars to work and file a police report. There are several reasons for this. Predatory type personalities are only encouraged when people feel isolated like there is no one to turn to. He thinks that since he hasn't actually assaulted anyone (and law-abiding citizens mistakenly think this too) that there is nothing you can do legally, but that HE is legally protected. Nothing could be further from the truth.

You can tell the police that he came to YOUR house and was issuing threats. Threatening your life. Threatening to kill you. Let them know that you fear for your safety. Also get a restraining order. This accomplishes a few things. If you ever had to defend yourself, it would be hard for any lawyers to try to twist it around and say you were the aggressor if there was a paper trail that said you'd filed a report and he issued threats and you had a restraining order. The legal action itself may be a deterrent but if not, then you have something in your favor if he attacked and you had to injure him.

This will empower you and maybe he will realize that there are consequences for his stupid behavior. You will also be covering your own a$$. Hope this helps.

p.s. Still beware of any red flags from the daughter. She could be trying to give the impression that growing up in a house full of crazy hasn't affected her. Make sure this isn't some act she's playing in the hopes of hiding the real her.

Yep, I agree here. It's a paper trail. If he happens to track you down next time, like if you're out to dinner with her and and you end up happening to defend yourself, it's a lot harder for the father to say: "I just ran into them and he started getting violent with me."

Also, I'd give the daughter a chance and not blame her for her father's actions. She was on your side during this whole ordeal. Some of the most mature and put together women I know, long term friends, come from families that are dysfuntional. They either go the path of the dysfunction and follow in their parents footsteps, or they deal with it and become more mature because of it. Think the opposite: girl with rich family where daddy buys her everything and lets her do what she wants. Spoiled, entitled, doesn't work, expects boyfriend to take care of everything. If she doesn't get her way she throws a fit.

And if you're worried about BPD, I would doubt that. BPD can be a result of one of the parents abandoning her when she was a child, leaving her in the hands of a less suitable parent where the child is harmed for whatever reason. This is quite the opposite.

 

[Fatal Jay]

If he would have kicked in my door, his body would be blasted back out with what I have in my closet

 

[JoeMarron]

I wouldn't break up with her. Despite how crazy he is I wouldn't let another man influence my life like that. Take the necessary legal steps that others have said and continue living your life. I'd imagine that in the future you'd regret letting a good girl get away just because you were scared of her father. If he does end up killing you at least you stood your ground like a man lol.

 

[Vidrio]

Dude dump her, and definitely file that police report. No chick is worth risking your life over. If this guy is as crazy as you say he is, you need to do everything in your power to get him the fvck out of your life. Breaking up with her isn't silly, abrupt, or wimpy, it's a smart decision.

 

[Hustlaz Ambition]

File restraining order.

if he ever shows at at your place again acting a fool beat the living **** out of him. (Not infront of the girl if possible lol)

More like blast his ass to smitherings instead :box:

People as crazy as this dude CANNOT and WILL NOT live with getting their ass kicked. If you fight him and win HE WILL be back with a gun. I done seen and heard of it too many times. Your best bet is to walk away or call the police.

 

[dangdang]

Couple questions...

We're you at her place or yours? I'd guess the former, that would be really over the top to do that at a strangers house...your little girls home, slightly different story. (Albeit no excuse)

Also, how has she reacted? What does she say? Anything along the lines of "I'm so sorry this is happening....yada yada"? It's my opinion that how she reacts to this is critical.

I wouldn't be so quick to send her on her way, but I would be scrutinizing to all hell at this point. A little distance would be normal, and I'd also be waiting to see if maybe the dad lost his job/something going on for him to flip ****...and he called me up and apologized, explaining that something sent him over the edge.

Conversely, if all of the above is negative, you can't really be setting yourself up for months, years, etc of aggrevation, drama, and threats. It wouldn't be right for a sane person to put up with insane antics.

 

[zinc4]

If you fight, you better be expecting a gun fight...is she really worth killing or being killed by someone else??? I would suggest a break until yall can get some distance from the father....

I live out in the country back in Georgia, my home, and we have loony toons like that everywhere and they all carry pistols on them and rifles in their trucks and they aint just for show...you better believe someone who looks you int he eyes and tells you they are going to kill you has some guns on him....there aint going to be any ass whoopings he is going to shoot your ass or try to at least...

To all of these tough guys on here saying beat his ass...you are just going to end up getting shot and probably killed if you go that route....either get a gun or take some space from the girl...

and a restraining order aint going to crap when the comes there with the intent to kill your ass...never underestimate a crazy person with nothing to lose...

 

[Brighty]

Couple questions...

We're you at her place or yours? I'd guess the former, that would be really over the top to do that at a strangers house...your little girls home, slightly different story. (Albeit no excuse)

Also, how has she reacted? What does she say? Anything along the lines of "I'm so sorry this is happening....yada yada"? It's my opinion that how she reacts to this is critical.

I wouldn't be so quick to send her on her way, but I would be scrutinizing to all hell at this point. A little distance would be normal, and I'd also be waiting to see if maybe the dad lost his job/something going on for him to flip ****...and he called me up and apologized, explaining that something sent him over the edge.

Conversely, if all of the above is negative, you can't really be setting yourself up for months, years, etc of aggrevation, drama, and threats. It wouldn't be right for a sane person to put up with insane antics.

She was freaking out, crying, and kept apologizing that this happened. She never knew her dad would act this way towards me and she was 100% on my side with it. She said he's abandoned the family before and has screwed over her mom with child support, etc. She understood if I wanted to end things with her and that I deserved someone who didn't have a messed up family (and hey, she isn't wrong).

It's a rough call, she seems like the absolute ideal girl. I don't know what to really do in this situation.

She offered to move out with me to Cincinnati (I have a place there and she got a job offer from there) which puts a good 300 miles between us and her family, but would also mean we'd live together. I really, really like this girl, and we've talked loosely about the coincidence of us having opportunities in the same city and moving in together for a short lease to "try it out" before this incident happened yesterday with her father, which gives us even more of an incentive to move, but again it is a big step. And he's always going to be her father, and he'll always be there in her life when we come back home to Michigan for her family. I don't know, what do you guys think? Has anyone had an experience similar to this in the past?

I'm really enamored with this girl, her dad is fvcking crazy, and I'm feeling young and spontaneous enough that the prospect of the two of us moving in to a new city together for a 6 month lease isn't immediately out of the question for me. It could be kind of fun, and it doesn't have to be a huge commitment down the road. Or is this a bad idea?

I guess this really is turning into more of a question for the mature man section of the forum.

And as zinc4 said, all the tough guys advising me to "kick his ass" are out of their minds. I'm sure that'll completely smooth things over with him and he won't just try and come back and kill me in the night.

 

[Hustlaz Ambition]

Gee, the difference between this board when I first started posting here and the state that it's in now is like night and day :crackup: Although I appreciate your psychoanalysis of this woman front to back in record time, that answered absolutely none of my questions. Anyone else care to throw in their two cents about the actual relevant issues at hand here? I.e. the police report, how to handle the situation, if anyone else has been in this kind of situation, etc.

Then we can all throw in our opinions on whether or not this girl is a cheating, despicable wh0re or not, as this forum seems to love to do.

:crackup: glad to see I'm not the only one that has noticed this.

 

[Alvafe]

first is file police report, then retraining order, if he try to get close to you its his ass in the prison, also if it happens he go after you and you kill him you are more or less protected since you ahve all things done to protect you.

breaking up or not is up to you but from what I know crazy people will be crazy people if he want to blame you for any reason he can pretty much dot he same if you break up with her and go after you for "breaking his little girl heart", some here says he will be in risk if stay, truth is right now it don't matter he is at risk staying with her or not.

the distance is a good thing but like you said living together is pretty much you are now marriage with her.

btw parents will only be part of your life if you let then, if you simple disapear and keep distance no way for then be part of anything,
and for last its something you need to ask her, and be sure she is telling the truth, tell her if we are to stay together she will ahve to never see her dad again and any children if that happen, because I sure recomend you getting the restraing order not only for you but to her and any child you have

 

[j0504s]

I have a terrible habit of reading the first couple of words in each thread topic and deciding whether or not to read it. In this instance, I was relieved when I read the rest of the title after my initial shock, and learned it wasn't a thread about a father passing his seed to his own daughter.

Yea, file a report and break it off with the girl too.

Just lol'd at this hahah, its mad funny if u only read half the title....but I have to agree that death threats should not be taken lightly.