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Hmm to curveball or not to curveball? Requesting some advice.

Grey Fox

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So I am at so I'm out getting something to eat when I meet this girl and we sit down and have lunch together. We've seen each other around since we both work near each other but never really talked. She initated the convo and asked where I lived and where I went to school, basic stuff. Very thing runs smoothly and I ask if she is free this weekend. She smiles wide and looks up to the ceiling for a moment and says, well she really doesn't plan far ahead and she just hangs out with whoever calls first(Red Flag I know.) She mentioned that she wouldn't be working for the next couple of days but she was working friday and I could come to her place of bussiness on my lunch break and we "could talk," she gave me her number but said I should just show up on friday(I didn't even ask for the number mind you, but she said I should just show up and not call so I'm thinking a possible Red Flag there.) As I left she said something like "see you friday" or "see you later"...something like that. This girl is a solid 8, friendly (probably because she runs a decent restruant, not to far from where I work incidentally.) The only other thing is that most people call her by a guys name though her real name has no link to it she is clearly female and not sporting an adam's apple or any other tell tale signs(I've spent some time in Vegas and Europe so I know how to tell who's playing dress-up). Its odd because I never bumped into a girl going by a guy's name before when she is clearly a chick, a cute one at that, so naturally I'm real curious how she got the name.(So we got something to talk about when we hang out at least :) )

So here's the deal she basically countered my offer to hang out over the weekend with meeting her at her restruant on friday. She gave me her number without asking, but told me I didn't have to call since we'd just meet up this friday. And beside my curosity over her nickname, the only think that sets me back about her is the fact that she is inclined to hang out with whoever calls first and that she said I didn't have to call since we would meet up on friday.

My feeling was to toss her a curveball to see if her intentions were legit. So my plan was to call her thrusday and say my schedule isn't open friday so the only chance she'll have to hang out with me is saturday afternoon since I have almost definite plans for that evening. I'll suggest that we get a quick lunch and if a decent movie is playing we can go watch that. I'll pick the restruant and she can pick the movie and we can suprise each other. If she says she can't and that I had better meet her friday at her restruant then I will go down to the restruant chat for about two minutes about how busy I am and that I have made plans to go out with a "friend" saturday night, then give her back her number and say you had your chance.

But I like to get an outside opinion when it comes to less than usual situations such as this. Am I reading this right and she has a low IL or am I looking at this in the wrong way.

-Grey Fox
 

The Real Deal

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Am I reading this right and she has a low IL

Yes.

She smiles wide and looks up to the ceiling for a moment and says, well she really doesn't plan far ahead and she just hangs out with whoever calls first(Red Flag I know
IMO, if someone looks up like that, they're thinking up some BS. If she really didn't plan that far in advance, she would have looked you right in the eye because it wouldn't have been a lie.

I could come to her place of bussiness on my lunch break and we "could talk,"
$$$

the only think that sets me back about her is the fact that she is inclined to hang out with whoever calls first and that she said I didn't have to call since we would meet up on friday.
Umm, to me that means don't call, and I'll tell you on Friday that someone called first and I'm going to see him instead.

My feeling was to toss her a curveball to see if her intentions were legit. So my plan was to call her thrusday and say my schedule isn't open friday so the only chance she'll have to hang out with me is saturday afternoon since I have almost definite plans for that evening.
I like that.

If she says she can't and that I had better meet her friday at her restruant then I will go down to the restruant chat for about two minutes about how busy I am and that I have made plans to go out with a "friend" saturday night,
I like that.

then give her back her number and say you had your chance.
I don't like that. Throw the # away if you want, but don't be immature and show signs of insecurity. Just continue to go there for lunch or whatever and show her what she missed out on, no need to tell her. If you tell someone something they don't like, it won't sink in, but if you show them...Get my point?
 

Grey Fox

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Thanks, though I could use so more input on this one but my plan of action seems pretty clear. And I'll nix returning her number to her, hopefully this will help the IL a little if I play a little hard to get.

-Grey Fox
 

tiburon

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Grey Fox

Man no need to check her intentions..she is not the woman you are looking for ...



quote:
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She smiles wide and looks up to the ceiling for a moment and says, well she really doesn't plan far ahead and she just hangs out with whoever calls first(Red Flag I know
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NO BIGGER RED FLag...

The curve ball is great but dont make so much of a date for a girl you just met...Restaurant and then a movie ..you are risking boredom....Also wuz up with taking this woman to restaurant just like that..have a coffee or something first.....you show to much interest ..by restaurant and movie....Also the curveball is good but dont say Saturday..thats your best day and you are a BUSY DJ! tell her for Tuesday..Night....now thats a curve ball..doesnt show alot of attraction and that you are busy and not desperate like every othe guy is....

Tiburon

p.s giving back the number is idiotic!
 

Grey Fox

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True, true. Okay here's my game plan:

On friday when she expects me to show up I'll give her a call saying my work schedule is way to busy, and that I'm only free for a little bit on tuesday or wensday so we'll go for coffee then. If asks me what my plans are for the weekend, I'll just say that a friend and I are going out that night.

Thanks for the advice just wanted to clear somethings up since I got a vibe something wasn't quiet right but I just couldn't put my finger on it.

-Grey Fox
 

tiburon

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NOW THATS A DJ TALKING

YOU SOUND LIKE A MOTHER FUVCKING DJ..Congrats. DOesnt get better than that

Tiburon
 

bp1974

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I'm curious to see what happens here.

My advice would have been to not play games, just go see her Friday lunch like you arranged and see if you like her enough to want to see her again.

She didn't take up your weekend offer but she immediately countered - nothing wrong with that. And maybe she bullsh*tted you about her weekend plans because she didn't want to tell you she has nothing planned.

IMO, the plan you're following is too full of games and oneupmanship, and will end up with both of you NEXTing each other in a few days time. But I'm not a game player and maybe that's my problem, so go for it and prove me wrong.

bp1974
 

echo1212

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I agree with bp. One thing I've noticed on here as the members get younger and younger on the forum the more game playing that seems to be taking place. Whats wrong with meeting her on friday for a quick lunch and gauging her IL after that. Not gonna cost you anything and you find out sooner rather than later her interest in you without all of the drama and worry that your plan entails. Just meet the girl and see what happens. Maybe she was playing hard to get with you because she really liked you and didnt want to appear to interested. Thats what we tell each other all the time to do when playing the chickies. Point is you wont know until you talk to her, and by playing these games already with her when she barely knows you, it can only backfire. These games are meant more for when you actually know someones IL and have dated some, other than that-just have fun.
 

assasin

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Originally posted by echo1212
One thing I've noticed on here as the members get younger and younger on the forum the more game playing that seems to be taking place.
Eh sonny? What's that? Games you say?

In my day we didn't have any of these new fangled games, we had to be in like flyn because of the war you know!

:D
 

Grey Fox

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Well I would go and meet her friday, but she waved some red flags. If she is interested then she'll jump at the chance to reschedule instead of calling it a wash. I believe that "When there is doubt, there is no doubt." In other words if you have doubts about a woman, then its safe to assume something is up. But, I'll let you all know how this one turns out.

-Grey Fox
 

echo1212

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But dont you see, by doing what your going to do you're waving red flags to her, even before you two have even been on a date!! She may think the same thing of you now that you do of her. And like I said, you don't know for sure shes waving red flags, you're just perceiving that to be the case because of some things you have read on here. Not that those things are wrong, but there not always right too. I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt here and just go out and go from there.
 
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squirrels

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Call her at 12:01 AM on Friday morning and tell her, "Ha! I'm the first one to call you. See you tonight at xxxx at yy:yy. Good night."

That won't work, but it'd be good for a laugh if you're fairly certain she's going to flake out on you. LOL

If you're not busy for lunch Friday, cut her some slack and go see her...but don't be afraid to walk if she gets boring or you can tell she's jerking your chain. You may not have anything better to do, but you can FIND something if it comes to THAT. Don't linger very long, in other words. YOU are doing HER a favor by showing up. :)

Try to set something up for next week...if you meet her Friday afternoon, she's almost sure to already have plans for that night, or she'll BS something. Try like Sunday afternoon or something.

If she declines or BSes you again, tell her the offer's on the table for now, let her check her schedule, and when she finds a free day, you'll see what you can do (in other words, you made your move...it's her responsibility to accept or reject it, and only if it's at your convenience).

If she's interested, she'll call back. Don't bounce around dates...if you throw out too many options, ("busy Friday? How about Saturday? I'm free Tuesday, oh and Wednesday during the day would be good...") then you come off as needy.

You've set the blue pill and the red pill in front of her...it's up to her to choose one. ;)
 

tiburon

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MAN It depends on her age and your vibe

IF she has low IL which she sounded..you need those games. ..or to become a challenge..If she has some IL and she is older an mature and you are looking for something serious then go ahead..

But young woman are all fun and games..and you better know how to play...but all women fall for a challenge and the right mind games...

TIBURON
 

Grey Fox

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The Plot Thickens....

I bumped into her today by accident.(Read: No really it was a pure accident.) And we chat for a few seconds, she mentions that she is going back to school on the 20th, which is out in Cali and told me again to come in on friday to see her.

So now I'm working with a time limit.(Sigh)

Okay shift in plans then:

On friday I will call her, telling her that my work schedule is very tight and my break got pushed back to 5:00pm so lunch is out of the question, but I might be able to come down at dinner if things clear up, but no promises. Otherwise we should get together for coffee Tuesday at 6:15 when I get off work so we can talk.

Hopefully I can build up some rapport and challenge at the same time by making her wonder if I'll show, and having a brief convo when I do. Since I'm heading back to college soon anyways its not a big deal how this thing turns out. I'll think of it as a test of DJ skills while facing a very real time limit. Though when I see her I'll just assume she has a low IL and I won't care wheither or not she digs me after that.

-Grey Fox

P.S. Games are not a bad thing as long as your using them to achieve a mutually satisfying end.(Read: Use games to lead to sex.) If I had more time I would, but I'm just going to have to rely on other DJ skills, such as confidence, humor, listening skills (those are important for some reason but I drifted off on that point when my ex-girlfriend was explaining that one.) Some KINO and Neg-hits if need be.
 

IDMeansNothing

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RealDeal's response re: the restaurant and $$$, combined with what appears to be relatively low IL immediately made me think that she was just trying to boost sales in her restaurant. I still think that is a possibility.

You have the right idea though, now that you know she's buggin out soon. Use this one as a test case. You choose how you want to play this one, and take copious notes!
 

Grey Fox

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UPDATE...

Okay here goes:

I meet her for lunch the place is busy, for a little while I just ignored her like I was going through my daily routine and ate my lunch. After all she wanted to talk, then after a bit I started up a convo with her. Things went well, we share some common interests. Things started to pick-up and the conversation got cut off and she had to attend to the register for the moment. So I said well I see your real busy, so I'll catch you later maybe we could get a coffee and talk later tonight, sounding like I was just writing her off. I think she gave herself away a bit, when she grabbed and pushed one of her co-workers over to the register to deal with a customer and came up to me before I could leave and asked me what time I was getting off. I indicated early, but unfortunately she was working late and heading off to a party later. She then said I should call her tomorrow so we could do something, telling me what time she got off work and I mentioned that I might be able to do something though things might be tight. She smiled and nodded at the fact I mentioned we could do something together.

So here's the plan:

I'll call her, but not right away after she gets off work.(Not to longer to let the window of oppurtunity shut.) Small talk for a bit, and offer her the chance to get a cup of coffee, and catch a movie with me that I'm seeing anyway.(Why coffee and a movie, because that's I want to do on my day off, she's SOL if she wants to do something else.) If she says no or she can't, I'll just tell her that she has my number and to call me otherwise that's all she's going to hear from me.

Depending how this situation turns out, I now have enough knowledge to hash out a basic strategy for these kind of time-limit senarios. For the sake of which I'm going to record my personal insight on how this is going, at the end I can review it and see what went right and what needs retooling.

Insight: Tomorrow's phone convo will be the first best test of her IL that I can accurately guage. Here's why I think we will ending up doing something like coffee and a movie:

1. She told me to call her. This indicates some interest and that the number she gave is not a bad number.
2. Her indicaction that she hanging out would be cool since she smiled and nodded at the idea.
3. When I was walking out as if I written her off, she dropped what she was doing to regain my attention.
4. Right not my instinct is telling me that she'll want to hang out.(In other words that little inner voice that tells you something is wrong or there is danger is not telling me she's not going to avoid the oppurtunity to hang out.)

Well thats pretty much it, I'm not sweating this thing one way or the other, college is a much greener pasture than where I live if you know what I mean. I see this a good practice and I think I will definitely toss up a guide about this situation and share the wealth if you will.

-Grey Fox
 

vdk

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She sounds like a tough one. There is no doubt she likes you but me thinks you need to up the IL a bit more through being more of a challenge. If you have the balls, dont talk to her for 2 weeks then wack a dinner date offer with her.
 

Grey Fox

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She'll be back at school in under two weeks, she'll be way across the country, I'm dealing with a very real time limit here so the usual stuff is out the window. So I'm pretty much making this up as I go along.

-Grey Fox
 

Grey Fox

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UPDATE

An interesting situation has lead me to end any interest in this girl even just for practice. Upon calling her number I was greeted by a man's voice demanding who was calling and I asked for the girl, he said she was at work and working late. I then asked who he was, he i.ded himself in such a way as to lead me to believe me her was her boyfriend. So far be it from me to "improve" upon an already "wonderful" domestic situation. So I no longer have any interest in this girl, and though I probably will see her again, since I like the restruant where she works I have no intentions of following up. I do consider this practice to be a sucess for three reasons:

1. She gave me a legit number and wanted me to call.
2. She had a BF so I was unknowingly starting out in a hole, but got her IL up enough to facilitate a follow up call, and the fact she wanted to do something.
3. I did manage to raise her IL somewhat.

We you win some, lose some, and dodge some unhappy BFs if your damn lucky. Anyway I will be putting together a guide to deal with a situation like this. On the plus side I will also include how to dodge suprise angry BF encounters.

Trust and women go together like matches and gasoline. Ha, this was pretty amusing for me. :)

CASE CLOSED.

-Grey Fox
 
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