Hey guys am I normal?

[C-quenced]

For those of you who don't know I've had ADHD since I was a small kid and since about the age of 13 I've had low to moderate symptoms of depression, which I've somehow managed to ignore throughout so many years. Anyways for the past 4 years I've been noticing many changes about myself. First of all my interests and passions in life have slowly worn off from 4 years ago until now. At this moment as I type this I no longer appreciate anything in life. First of all I totally lost my sense of humor. Normally nothing would make my day more than a good laugh and now I can't even laugh about anything. At this moment as I type this I would normally just kick back and watch Jay Leno and now I can't even watch it due to the fact that I'm no longer in the mood to laugh about anything. I was also always a big fan of film and movies and now I can no longer go through an entire film without losing interest too quickly which is pretty damn surprising. I no longer play Gears of War which I had a serious addiction to and I can't even sit still for 10 to 15 min. to do a single calculus problem. This are just among few of many examples. I thought it was just a phase but it isn't. This has been going on for a very long time now. Nothing inspires or interests me anymore.

The only thing I ever do now is sit around daydream and think. Most of the time (about 3/4ths of the time) my mind is a hurricane of unorganized thought (which is why it took me about an hour to type all of this) and the other fraction of the time is split between thinking very deeply, analytically and philosophically about the ****ed up world we live in, our limited existence here and also as to how much of life I missed out on. I feel as if I should be much further in life than I currently am at the moment.

I hate the fact that I don't have my PharmD degree by now (I have another 6 years), my own apartment, and getting laid from left to right (I'm still a ****ing virgin) and if not at least have that one special girl by my side who I can share those special moments of life with. I know already deep down inside there is no such person and I also know it's wrong to rely on women to make your life better but I really don't want to think about any of this anymore. I just want to forget about all of it. All of this just makes me so much more emotionally vulnerable and more desperate for sex and female attention. Has anyone here been through this or am I just ****ing crazy??? :crazy: I'm sick of all of this.

 

[theunflushables]

Are you on any medication for your ADHD? I learned that I had ADD after I was 21. When I found out it really made sense as to why I couldnt get through college or hold a good job. Unfortunately at the time I had no insurance and my parents were only willing to help so much. Now I have a good job and have insurance. I've been taking Adderall for a few months now and I am already seeing a marked improvement. I'm a happier person, I'm focused and I'm more active. Last Monday I kicked my now ex-girlfriend to the curb as I began to give a damn about my life. So what if she'd put out she was bringing me down. Yeah, meds arent the magic way to fixing everything. But it will give you that little push. If you aren't on anything now you should deffinetly talk to your doctor.

 

[Latinoman]

You are only 23. Trust me when I tell you that things will get a LOT better.

Having said that...the internet is not the proper place to seek help for depresion. Talk to your parents and seek the help of a Professional.

 

[Mistic]

You dont have ADHD, your a fvcking hunter in a passified world. Get out there and hunt some pvssy, and stop taking any meds if you are. You'll do great.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I hate to be in support of meds, but adderal and ritalin help a lot of people. I hear it's like doing speed, unless you have add, then it is supposed to make you more normal. Law students do it recreationally and to study. I am guessing that any drug people do for fun cannot be that bad.

But don't take anti-depressant meds, unless you are truly on the brink of suicide. They will make you a fat zombie, which is better than killing yourself, but I think most people who take anti-depressant meds should not be on them. Therapy is a lot better for depression than drugs; it does not have side effects, and recent research has shown it to be just as effective.

 

[Mavrick]

Huh? That's a lot of words making sentences and I'm fubard. Um...

There really isn't anything that's really normal. If that's what you want to be, then you'll never make it.

Just be WHATEVER THE FVCK U WANT TO BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[jp98502]

quote:
Just be WHATEVER THE FVCK U WANT TO BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nicely put man..... think about it.

 

[DJVladdy]

If you have problems with depression, why are you becoming a pharmacist? Pharmacy work is mental suicide.

 

[Gubby]

We all go through "dark" periods. Most of the cool people I know have had them, including myself, and I refuse to think it's a bad thing. I'm reacting to bad things, but the state itself is not bad.

I think calling it "depression" is a great trivialisation of the whole issue. We can't go through life without thinking things over and working out our own ways of thinking for ourselves. If we do, other people will think for us. You must acknowledge your own soul.

Work things out, but don't go against the darkness.. work with the darkness. Go to therapy by all means, but fu'ck drugs and take anyone's advice with a pinch of salt. Our society just loves to ignore the inner world. We're not ROBOTS GOD DAMN IT!

 

[Wodan]

For those of you who don't know I've had ADHD since I was a small kid and since about the age of 13 I've had low to moderate symptoms of depression, which I've somehow managed to ignore throughout so many years. Anyways for the past 4 years I've been noticing many changes about myself. First of all my interests and passions in life have slowly worn off from 4 years ago until now. At this moment as I type this I no longer appreciate anything in life. First of all I totally lost my sense of humor. Normally nothing would make my day more than a good laugh and now I can't even laugh about anything. At this moment as I type this I would normally just kick back and watch Jay Leno and now I can't even watch it due to the fact that I'm no longer in the mood to laugh about anything. I was also always a big fan of film and movies and now I can no longer go through an entire film without losing interest too quickly which is pretty damn surprising. I no longer play Gears of War which I had a serious addiction to and I can't even sit still for 10 to 15 min. to do a single calculus problem. This are just among few of many examples. I thought it was just a phase but it isn't. This has been going on for a very long time now. Nothing inspires or interests me anymore.

The only thing I ever do now is sit around daydream and think. Most of the time (about 3/4ths of the time) my mind is a hurricane of unorganized thought (which is why it took me about an hour to type all of this) and the other fraction of the time is split between thinking very deeply, analytically and philosophically about the ****ed up world we live in, our limited existence here and also as to how much of life I missed out on. I feel as if I should be much further in life than I currently am at the moment.

I hate the fact that I don't have my PharmD degree by now (I have another 6 years), my own apartment, and getting laid from left to right (I'm still a ****ing virgin) and if not at least have that one special girl by my side who I can share those special moments of life with. I know already deep down inside there is no such person and I also know it's wrong to rely on women to make your life better but I really don't want to think about any of this anymore. I just want to forget about all of it. All of this just makes me so much more emotionally vulnerable and more desperate for sex and female attention. Has anyone here been through this or am I just ****ing crazy??? :crazy: I'm sick of all of this.

your not crazy but id like to warn you that crazy people go through this stuff and deal with it wrongly to end up crazy often.

The girl situation ive been through but i resolved it alot sooner, i found that really what got me stuck was my social circle and when i came to university i was pretty fortunate and things turned around, but not untill i had all the feelings you have now. I went out looking to find a girl that would end up my gf :\ doesnt work that way.


I would really suggest looking carefully at the ingredients of what your eating and drinking, eat natural things, avoid E numbers,caffiene,cannabis,processed foods. I was always hyperactive even as a kid and those things just amplify it. especially the racing of thoughts, cannabis seems to encourage it so avoid it.

Try to get some more mainstream intrests and stuff aswell, i love philosophy myself but you cant read the analects of confuscious for instance and use it as a conversational piece... however crap it is i suggest reading a newspaper or watching some TV, its garbage but we have to conform to fit in also dont put unfair pressures on yourself, stress just shortens your life and prevents you doing things like getting a girl.

 

[theunflushables]

I agree with Bible Belt do NOT take anti-depressents. I have know many people who shot up in weight from them. When I was going through depression my therapist actually recomended cognitive therapy which is noticing what you and what you say and correcting the problems from there (i.e. stop saying "I can't..." or "I will never...").

 

[lyamdb]

Its not that you don't have any interest in anything anymore. because you DO. you're just trying your best to repress it and shut it down. You need passion, friendship, love and sex. But because the years have tought you that those things are hard to get, you are trying to shut yourself down. And being a game addict or a movie addict was just some way to distract yourself from your actual needs. All that's new is that you have just realized that you have no real interest in playing games for hours, or watch movie after movie, or get lost in the internet. You know this isn't what you want. But what is it then? You don't know because you're habitually trying to ignore it. That's why you go blank. I think you can use some profesional help. They can help you get to know your true self better.

 

[C-quenced]

Thanks for the replies and all the helpful feedback you guys. It really does a lot for me.

Are you on any medication for your ADHD? I learned that I had ADD after I was 21. When I found out it really made sense as to why I couldnt get through college or hold a good job. Unfortunately at the time I had no insurance and my parents were only willing to help so much. Now I have a good job and have insurance. I've been taking Adderall for a few months now and I am already seeing a marked improvement. I'm a happier person, I'm focused and I'm more active. Last Monday I kicked my now ex-girlfriend to the curb as I began to give a damn about my life. So what if she'd put out she was bringing me down. Yeah, meds arent the magic way to fixing everything. But it will give you that little push. If you aren't on anything now you should deffinetly talk to your doctor.

At the moment I'm not on any meds. I have no insurance. On a regular basis I go through so many similar experiences you've mentioned. It's very difficult being part of society in such a condition. I'm glad the meds worked well for you. Hopefully it'll do the same for me when the time comes.

You are only 23. Trust me when I tell you that things will get a LOT better.

Having said that...the internet is not the proper place to seek help for depresion. Talk to your parents and seek the help of a Professional.

Things getting a lot better seems so out of reach at the moment. It even feels like it's going ot be this way permanently. I've spoken to my parents and the few friends I have. They say "it's all in your head". I can't seek any professional help either. Again... no insurance.

If you have problems with depression, why are you becoming a pharmacist? Pharmacy work is mental suicide.

You're entitled to your opinion but it really depends on the person and how they look at it. I don't see pharmacy work as being depressing or mentally suicidal at all. It's really what I want to do.

your not crazy but id like to warn you that crazy people go through this stuff and deal with it wrongly to end up crazy often.

The girl situation ive been through but i resolved it alot sooner, i found that really what got me stuck was my social circle and when i came to university i was pretty fortunate and things turned around, but not untill i had all the feelings you have now. I went out looking to find a girl that would end up my gf :\ doesnt work that way.


I would really suggest looking carefully at the ingredients of what your eating and drinking, eat natural things, avoid E numbers,caffiene,cannabis,processed foods. I was always hyperactive even as a kid and those things just amplify it. especially the racing of thoughts, cannabis seems to encourage it so avoid it.

Try to get some more mainstream intrests and stuff aswell, i love philosophy myself but you cant read the analects of confuscious for instance and use it as a conversational piece... however crap it is i suggest reading a newspaper or watching some TV, its garbage but we have to conform to fit in also dont put unfair pressures on yourself, stress just shortens your life and prevents you doing things like getting a girl.

I don't seem to fit into any clicks. I'm too much of my own person. Sometimes I wish it wasn't like that. I know what you mean about the cannabis and the racing of thoughts. Thats one reason why I don't use that stuff anymore. I used to be addicted to caffeinated drinks like Pepsi. I hardly drink that stuff now.

Anyways I need to go and attempt to get some things done. Again thanks for all those who replied and offered me some insight. I'm very open to further comments and advice.

 

[C-quenced]

Its not that you don't have any interest in anything anymore. because you DO. you're just trying your best to repress it and shut it down. You need passion, friendship, love and sex. But because the years have tought you that those things are hard to get, you are trying to shut yourself down. And being a game addict or a movie addict was just some way to distract yourself from your actual needs. All that's new is that you have just realized that you have no real interest in playing games for hours, or watch movie after movie, or get lost in the internet. You know this isn't what you want. But what is it then? You don't know because you're habitually trying to ignore it. That's why you go blank. I think you can use some profesional help. They can help you get to know your true self better.

That makes so much sense. Over the years I've grown to believe not only that it is difficult to obtain passion, friendship, love and sex but also I hold a strong belief that I am not deserving of it. But if this is the case then why do I still want/need it? I also agree with media serving as a distraction for me. I always had/have other interests outside of them but now they all seem so pointless.

 

[steve12b]

Antidepressants work

I'm about to go to bed, so I won't read all of the responses right now, but I just wanted to throw in my 2 cents. My story is very similar to yours. I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD, but I do know a whole lot about the many many different personalities and know that the ADHD one can be debilitating if unmanaged. I also know that depression causes ADHD, since I also suffered from depression since an early age. This kind of depression is called dysthymia, and it's characterized by decreased mood more often than not for at least 2 years. It's thought that some people simply have personalities and/or brain chemistry which pushes them towards depression and dysfunction. Fortunately for myself, I worked up the courage to go see a psychiatrist who started me first on Zoloft then on Effexor (fewer side effects for me). It's well worth the money even if you are uninsured like I am.

I'm on a low dose and it really does help a lot. The side effects of Zoloft were such that I felt "numb" to things and also had mild sexual dysfunction (couldn't come...just kept on going and going), but since switching to Effexor I haven't had one identifiable side effect at all.

When I tell people about this I tend to start with the drugs because I feel that they HAVE to be the first step. They're a catalyst for other positive action. Without the drugs to boost my motivation, I wouldn't have been able to do things like get my grades back on track, start looking for a job, reconstruct friendships, etc. Those things, or the lack of doing them, were what I was unhappy about...but in my state of depression I wasn't able to go and do them. A few weeks after starting medication I suddenly realized I had been getting things done, and that made me happy. Antidepressants are not like cocaine or meth, they're not "happy pills" in that you could take them and suddenly be satisfied with a boring life, they do more than that, they empower you to stimulate yourself and turn your life around. Once you gain momentum in the right direction, presumably you can discontinue the medication.

Go to www.psychologytoday.com and www.drugs.com to learn more. I'm telling you, DO IT NOW. Call your campus health center on Monday and schedule a screening. Don't try to do this the hard way. Hell, if I knew your name I would make the appointment for you.

 

[steve12b]

Ok I just read the thread and wanted to address a few things. Cognitive therapy, try that if you don't want antidepressants. But give them a shot nevertheless. Every brand is different, just because one made someone fat doesn't mean it will do that for you. I returned to my normal weight on Effexor simply because I was going out more and enjoying eating. That's a good thing. I would have liked to try cognitive therapy, but alas without wanting to use insurance (because if you do they label you as problematic and will raise your rates...it was cheaper to pay out of pocket in the long run) that's quite expensive. I spent about $500 out of my pocket over 4 doctors visits, but with that I recieved 3 months of free samples of Effexor, along with a 3 month prescription. I did the math, and after I buy my prescription and the refulls, it will have cost me a few bucks a day. I spend more than that on food and gas, let alone my rent.

Anyways, don't discount medication just because of someone's reported side effects or the fact that it is overprescribed. At the very worst you'll spend a few hundred bucks, at best it'll help you get on the right track.

 

[lyamdb]

Over the years I've grown to believe not only that it is difficult to obtain passion, friendship, love and sex but also I hold a strong belief that I am not deserving of it. But if this is the case then why do I still want/need it?.

Because that's the most basic human instinct I guess. The instinct of bonding and belonging. And like the need for food or safety, there is no way to eliminate it. We can't just forget about it because its hard to satisfy. It will always be there and generate sorrow and pain and depression if we don't find a way to satisfy it justly. But if we do, it generates the strongest and deepest pleasurable emotions. I think we need to eat and we need safety so that we can live, but we live for bonding. The deepest purpose of all our activities is to feel wanted, or appreciated at least. Well some people might say they don't care, that they only need themselves to be happy. I don't believe that. If they look thorugh themselves honestly they'll realize how dependant they are on social values.
Now I think the first and most basic step for you would be to acknowledge that you are a social being, and that you OUGHT to improve your social life. You have to realize that all your conscious or subconscious efforts to block your social needs are in the wrong direction, and will never lead you towards true peace.
Right now I'm not talking about any practical step, you know, you just have to intellectually acknowledge the fact that you need to feel connected and there's no way to suppress that need. This realization is so critical because after that at least you're dealing with the real problem, namely, that socialization is a difficult task and takes so much courage and sacrifice.
And about meds, I think they won't do any good if they're not accompanied with practical changes in lifestyle and behaviour.

 

[Lishy]

I really do not think that this is the place for you to get the help you need honey.

You need to not smoke weed (it will make you 100% more depressed, trust me) and you need to speak to someone asap! It is not just all in your head, you have an illness and you need help!

Try surfing for a support site for ADHD and speak to people who are going through this as well. I could find some for you if it will help?

You can always PM me if you just need to vent ok. My son has ADHD and i know the worries that go with it.

Good luck and congrats on taking the first step to getting help, oh and the fact that you have ADHD and are studying still is amazing! well done!

 

[Charlie Gordon]

I was older than you are now when I started figuring sh-t out.

You sound like you're somewhat depressed but the internet is not the place to get a diagnosis or treatment. You should probably find yourself some sort of counselor or talk-therapist that you can trust and meet with regularly. It's probably worth the investment no matter how little money you have.

Things can get better as you move forward in your career, but things can also become more demanding. Enjoy being a student for as long as you can. Don't worry about not owning an apartment. Don't worry if you're not a pimp right now. A nice home will come when you have money. Skills will come as you practice and develop confidence with women. Don't expect miracle results overnight. You're young and inexperienced, and these things take time. You've got plenty of that. In the meantime, have fun and work hard. You'll be making bank with that PharmD and not working yourself to death, so hang in there!

As an aside, things don't get better on their own. I have a very demanding career and have always been a hard worker. Consequently, I've done well for myself. My social life didn't start to take off until I realized just how much effort it deserved. I had to bust my behind to establish a cool circle of friends and meet an amazing woman, and I'm glad I made the investment.

You could join the community if you're looking for some buddies and don't like flying solo when you go out to meet women. Not sure where you live, but I'm sure there's a lair nearby. Not all lairs are created equal and many of them bombard you with advertising, but if you search hard enough, you'll find some cool people in this community who help one another grow, are not dorks reciting patterns line-for-line, and are not looking to sell you anything.

Good luck. Hang in there. See a counselor, eat well, sleep, and exercise. Stay in school... Jesus, I sound like Hulk Hogan. Just take it easy on yourself and get some help. Best of luck.

Charlie

 

[MikeYikes122]

I haven't had a chance to read all the responses to this thread, but I would still like to point out that 23 is a sh!tty year, period. It was for me at least.

Most 23-year-olds are fresh out of college or just finishing up. Real life kind of slaps them in the face at that point. I remember going from having no responsibility at all to having tons of it and just not being able to handle it or function normally.

You're also leaving a group of friends behind and you're forced to find a new social group. Turning 23 is all about finding your niche' in society and starting to leave adolescence behind. And that really sucks.

I'm sure your past psychological problems have something to do with what you're going through, but 23 is a tough age for everyone. Even people who are perfectly healthy. It will get better in a year or two when you can get your feet back underneath you.