Her perspective: RAGE

[Luthor Rex]

Recently I had an interesting experience I'd like to pass on and maybe get some feedback.

I have a lady friend who goes to college in another state but was at home all summer. During this summer break she found an old guy friend that she went to high school with and they started dating. It never got too serious (and no sex) and at the end of the summer she decided to let him know that they could be friends but nothing more. It was obvious that this guy had little to no Game, and he was kind of awkward in dealing with the whole thing.

Anyhow, she's at college for a week and gets a voicemail from him. In the voicemail he asks if he can stop by and visit her in two weeks. She has not replied. Obviously this guy was lovesick and honestly I felt sorry for him because I've been there and I think most of us have.

Now, just to be clear their breakup "went fine" (her words). There was no big fight or anything like that. Like I said, my first reaction to this was to feel sorry for the guy. In fact, when she told me about this, I said something to her like "Oh he's lovesick over you, that poor guy."

Her reaction was not one of sympathy, however, her reaction was *RAGE.* Some of her words were "well he's just going to have to get over it!" I've known this girl for years and I have never seen her pissed off like she was over this.

Part of why I'm writing this is because I don't really understand her reaction. I understand maybe being upset or frustrated, and I can understand why the experience might bring you down; but what I don't understand where this kind of stone cold rage comes from.

When I was talking to her about it I went over everything again, and confirmed they had an easy breakup and that this was the only time he had contacted her since. In my mind I see this as the flow of their relationship:

1.) Get together
2.) Do stuff
3.) Breakup
4.) Guy wants to try and work things out
5.) ???
6.) RAGE

To me, I see this level of emotional reaction as inappropriate. That's why I list step 5 as "???". It seems to me there has to be something else going on here for the nuclear chain reaction I saw.

His voicemail was a minor inconvenience and she's ready to pull out gun and start shooting. One thing does come to mind as a cause of this, I remember a saying that went something like: "we hate those we have harmed". Before they broke up I do recall that she was upset about having to do it and I'm wondering if maybe this rage is some kind post-injury rationalization.

Thoughts?

 

[Radharc]

One possibility is that she got pissed at the possibility of him coming knocking on her door, and consequences of what she did during the summer coming and bite her in the ass, in her reallity in college in another state? Like she has to hide it from someone back in college?
Most women feel they are unaccountable these days, and the tough of accountability sent her into a rage?

 

[jophil28]

Your point #5 ?? is possibly this -

When you said that he was "lovesick ... poor guy" your reminded her that she was the one who caused pain and he was her 'victim '. In her mind, you were accusing her of being the perpetrator of an evil deed.
The role of wrongdoer or 'abuser' is NEVER acceptable to women . They are ( by choice) eternal VICTIMS and sometimes rescuers, but NEVER perpetrators.
Even those who habitually or compulsively act badly will strain every muscle to avoid accountability for their sins.

Women have little problem with causing hurt or pain or chaos in their relationships with men . However, they do have a HUGE problem with having their wrongdoing brought out into the sunlight.

In this case, her rage was her reaction to being accused of cruelly breaking a guys heart.

 

[Lexington]

She was probably pissed that he didn't make a move on her. There had to be some attraction for this guy and the onus was on him to make a move. But he simply didn't.

As much as girls complain about aggressive guys, they enjoy the ego boost they get from them and at some level appreciate that those guys manned up and made a move. This guy denied her that ego boost and self validation.

Women have only contempt for passive men. Many of them will justify husbands who beat them but they absolutely despite submissive men.

 

[squirrels]

If this does not make sense to you, you need to go back to the "DJ Bible".

What is it you don't understand? She is trying to get rid of the guy, he doesn't get the idea and won't leave her alone.

And you're trying to convince her to have pity on him. That's all well and good, except "pity", in this case, means that she has to spend more time with a guy she is trying desperately to get away from.

It's ignorant of you to suggest that she ought to show him "pity". Because it means you're suggesting that his poor-baby 'feelings' are more important than her romantic life. The mere suggestion that she did something WRONG by leaving someone that she did not enjoy spending time with...yeah, I'd get incensed as well.

She probably got the same crap from her parents and other people who got used to the guy hanging around and told her how "nice a guy" he was. She didn't expect it coming from you, and she's offended by the fact that you have so little understanding of her to get how serious an offense it is for a guy to continue to intrude on a girl after she has made it as clear to him as possible (without downright hurting his feelings) that she does not want to be around him.

Women need to stop with the "just friends" thing, because guys take "just friends" to mean let's still hang out, and maybe get back together later. They need to just say, "we can't hang out any more". Period.

 

[Luthor Rex]

If this does not make sense to you, you need to go back to the "DJ Bible".

What is it you don't understand? She is trying to get rid of the guy, he doesn't get the idea and won't leave her alone.

She never told him to leave her alone, she just said she didn't want a romantic relationship with him.

What I don't understand is the inappropriate level of emotional reaction to this guy calling her. What he did is certainly stupid and shows he has no Game, but her being in a fit of RAGE over it is excessive. It's not like she's fleeing for her life from him or is for some reason afraid of him.

The amount of anger is out of proportion to the offense.

And you're trying to convince her to have pity on him. That's all well and good, except "pity", in this case, means that she has to spend more time with a guy she is trying desperately to get away from.

I didn't tell her to do anything. However, pity is the humane reaction to someone who is facing unrequited romantic feelings. It's not like she has to spend time with him over this, she could let him know that because of his recent phone call they can no longer be friends and leave it at that.

Also she never said she was "desperately" trying to get away from him. She just didn't feel the relationship should continue.

It's ignorant of you to suggest that she ought to show him "pity".

You're right, showing humane compassion for other people is so WEAK.

The mere suggestion that she did something WRONG by leaving someone that she did not enjoy spending time with...yeah, I'd get incensed as well.

I never said she did something wrong by leaving someone she wasn't attracted to, go back and re-read the original post.

She probably got the same crap from her parents and other people who got used to the guy hanging around and told her how "nice a guy" he was. She didn't expect it coming from you, and she's offended by the fact that you have so little understanding of her to get how serious an offense it is for a guy to continue to intrude on a girl after she has made it as clear to him as possible (without downright hurting his feelings) that she does not want to be around him.

I thought I made it clear, I guess not:

"Like I said, my first reaction to this was to feel sorry for the guy... Her reaction was not one of sympathy, however, her reaction was *RAGE.* Some of her words were "well he's just going to have to get over it!""

Her reaction of RAGE is towards the guy, not towards me.

Women need to stop with the "just friends" thing, because guys take "just friends" to mean let's still hang out, and maybe get back together later. They need to just say, "we can't hang out any more". Period.

I do agree with this.

 

[boomerick]

Hows about this for explaining her 'Rage"........

Put yourself in her head for a minute (as screwed up as that has the potential to be).....

Hows about he's yet another guy who started off seeming cool and together ......

Whom she was really interested in and wanted.....

Who turned into yet another DISSAPOINTING pedistalizing AFC loser....

Maybe her rage is caused by the knowledge that she wasted time on yet another guy that 'disqualified himself' by not being confident, sexual, and being 'too nice'......

He disqualified himself by trying to be what he was told would win the heart of this girl ....

The White Knight suplicating nice guy p*ssy.....

She's enraged because despite what she might protest to be looking for in a guy she very much desires a MAN ....

A man who will stand his ground and call her on her BS...

A man who wants her sexually and comunicates that clearly...

A man who has his own life, plans, goals, and dreams.....

A man who knows women are only one small part of his big and getting bigger life....

She yearns to hitch her wagon to a rock solid MAN....

Not some whinney, b!tchy, wussified, Disneyified, politially correct, nice, no backbone, nothing going on, doormat, drops this whenever she calls, AFC p*ss...

Who now 'won't leave'.......

I guess I can kinda see her point ...

Hell, I got a little dissapointed just typing this....

OK ...I have to get out of her head now.....the other things I saw were frightening......

Over and Out.

 

[DJDamage]

Women have little problem with causing hurt or pain or chaos in their relationships with men . However, they do have a HUGE problem with having their wrongdoing brought out into the sunlight.

In this case, her rage was her reaction to being accused of cruelly breaking a guys heart.

That is a good answer, I do not know if its right for this case perse but generally it fits the bill.

One thing I do know is that women sometime's create drama where drama isn't warranted and they blow it out of proportion to garner sympathy and attention from others.

I suspect that she is also hidding some important fact/secret from you out of her story, in order to protect her own image.

 

[Jitterbug]

Yeah boomerick, her rage was totally justifiable because she did not get what she truly deserves as a woman.

Reverse the genders and we'd be giving the man in her shoes a grilling for getting overly emotional for a woman who couldn't live up to the high standards.

Why are we men making excuses for women to behave inappropriately? I've been seeing more and more of this on SS. It's one thing to acknowledge that they do and deal with them accordingly, it's another to justify it for them.

And you wonder why Western men as a whole have become wusses.

 

[boomerick]

Jittery--

Wow......

I don't think my point was to vindicate chicks behaviour...

I think I was trying to promote acting like a MAN in order to succede with women....

And that living down to current societies expectations of a "gentelmen" doesn't work....

Although I'd be willing to bet on some level or levels that what I wrote is how things play out in chick's head .....

How do you feel when chicks turn into stalker control freaks that won't go away ????....

And who said anything about her deserving anything......(I used the word desire on purpose)

I think I was writing about her wants in a male..... not what she deserves....or whether her behaviour was justified......

Hmmmmm.......

I have however seen it played out in real life that when a guy acts like a doormat he gets rejected and or dumped.....

I guess I don't understand your charcterizeing this as I'm justifying anything....

I think she behaved in a way that was driven by his failure to act like a MAN....

The world be a very pretty happy place if everyone was kind and everything was fair.......

But it's not .....and in business, romance, sports,...... LIFE...... if you don't perform you FAIL....

And others are not necessarily gonna be nice to you in your failure.....or behave nicely/unselfishly towards you....

As far as the Wussification of the Western Male ......

Generally, from what I can tell , divorced moms telling their sons Disney lies about women while their fathers were absent has way more to do with things than my little thought exercise......

Over and Out.

EDIT----

By the way as far as original dude is concerned she has given him every sign that she is disinterested ....

If he knew what to look for....

If he wrote this forum and posted this about himself we would be hammering him to dump her and move on.....

Him being 'lovesick' is him making stupid choices....

Stupid choices about women past and present are a big reason why the western male continues to remain wussified.......

Not so much the horribly bad behaving western women........(and beleive me they are)

Cause and effect...chicken and egg.....backwards - forwards.....

If dude was 'spinning plates' (classic SS solution) would he be 'love-f*ckin-sick' ????.....REALLY??????

 

[Jitterbug]

boomerick, I understand that the guy is a chump, but he was NOT so bad that you could compare him to a chick who's become a stalker / control freak. Not even close.

I also do understand that women have nothing but utter contempt for betas / chumps, the extent of which goes beyond any rational explanation.

What I don't get is why should we shame that fella while pretty much giving the woman a free pass for being very rude - because we expect that's how women behave?

That woman would never get such an easy time from men of other cultures. In those cultures, men would be more protective of each other and shame the b!tchy women instead.

The chump is punished enough as he loses the girl. He doesn't deserve further punishment such as irrational anger and hatred, shaming and (in many real life cases I know) social ostracization by the girls through the gossip channel.

I know what you're trying to say, and those guys definitely need some tough love, but it isn't what this topic is about.

 

[boomerick]

He doesn't deserve further punishment such as irrational anger and hatred, shaming and (in many real life cases I know) social ostracization by the girls through the gossip channel.

If dude doesn't like or is afraid of the water he should quit going back to the f*ckin pool....

If he wants to operate in the pool he better learn how to swim......

Once she's demonstraighted low interest he should be together enough and have enough self respect to f*ckin stop callin'.....

F*ckin NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Otherwise......... yes, he is a psycho stalker...

You can't 'beg' a woman to love you......

He is facilitating the punishment, the ostracization, and the gossip you speak of by continuing to try to contact a chick who plainly doesn't want anything to do with him.....

If schmoe boy had other options and would move on from this chick he wouldn't have these problems....

I would try to help him by pointing out where he failed and what to change to do better next time ......BUT.....

I won't let him off the hook for causing his own problems......

He didn't step up and act like a MAN...

She lost interest......

They broke up (she dumped him).....

He is going back......

She is getting pissed cause he is too dim to get it (added to her being pissed cause he AFC'd out on her in the first place).......

Result ---chick 'rage'

Is she over reacting ???.....maybe.....

Is he a fail at this point .....absolutely.....

Did she act exactly in every way like a spoiled brat (western chick normal) ???...Yes!!!......Unfortunately......

Did he act like a MAN ??????......FAIL



By the way, as far as other cultures are concerned, in a lot of other cultures if you don't behave like a man you are marginalized, kicked out, or killed outright.....by the other....MEN.....

If you don't want to suffer chick derission be the MAN you're supposed to be in the first place......

Over and Out.

 

[Proselytiser]

My ex told me about something similar happening, a guy who she was interested in who expressed interest but never moved it further than friendship. Once she had decided not to talk to him anymore, the OP's description is very much how she behaved. I figured it was because he could have had her, chose not to (or at the very least, was not motivated to take it) and this is insulting/ego-shattering for her

 

[Beyond_AFC]

I suspect her reaction was to your "Oh he's lovesick over you, that poor guy" comment, and not to his phonecall.

Probably (IMO unjustified) guilt.

 

[countermart]

Girl logic

The guy never made a move on her. She can conclude he is not man enough, or she is not attractive enough. She chooses that he is not man enough. She is probably right. She gets mad on a, “put up or, shut up and stop wasting my time view.” The guy has lost.

This guy needs to understand that you either crash or crash through. There are only two choices.

Countermart