Help With Co-Workers

[pinhas]

Hello,

I have 2 girls that work with me (not same department but same organization) that I like and I think they have IL as well.

I spoke with them both on a few occasions (a while back), but we don’t regularly speak and don’t see each other too often. I don’t know how to approach this because I am not sure how this would work given the fact we work together.

Also add the fact that I realized I HATE small talk and I just don’t know what to say when I do see them; I can’t think of anything good to say that would lead to me asking them out.

As I said, I suck at making small talk and talking about BS. I need some help with this issue. What is a good conversation starter when you already sort of know the girl but can’t use anything from previous conversations?

How do I learn to good at and enjoy small talk?

 

[the305]

1. I suggest never straight up "asking a girl out" especially if you work with them.
2. You hate small talk but, you want to get to know a girl you're interested in? confused.

SMALL TALK:

Anyways i suggest STARTING the small talk, what you have to your advantage is she basically has to be receptive to some degree, due to it being a work environment.

Keep it casual simple things like:

the305:Hey you must be new here, im adam from Accounting.
HB: oh nice to meet you im HB, but im not new, i've been here a while
the305: oh for real? damn you must have a part time job as a ninja as well cause I never see you.

or if you already know her

the305: i like never see you around, they let you work from home don't they... you see i requested to work from home and they just laughed at me.

Its small talk, something funny.. Don't take it serious

after 2-3 small talks its socially acceptable to ask for her facebook or ask if theres anything going on this weekend. push towards meeting up with her at a venue where her friends are as well as yours.

Asking a girl directly out has pressure and expectation attached with it, thats the last thing you want. Could it work though? Ofcourse anything could "work", but its about bettering your chances.

HOW TO KEEP A CONVERSATION FLOWING:

In general to keep conversations actually interesting you have to look for triggers, never do the boring "question answer, question answer" try "question, answer, statement" instead

the305: oh cool so where you from originally
HB: i grew up in NYC
the305: for real? i kinda thought that can i can see that sexy in the city style about you.. I swear before i turn 30 im going to viist NYC..

look for trigger and make a statement and/or ask questions that arent a simple yes/no answer

 

[the305]

Small talk pays big dividends. Learn to smile and say "hello." The chitchat will take care of itself.

Ahh? what?, if you dont have conversational skills, you dont have conversational skills. he said he doesn't know what to say or how to start the conversation. Thats kinda like a guy asking, "how do I get her to like me" and someone responding with "just be yourself."

 

[pinhas]

Thanks for the advice guys.

I guess it just comes down to me getting my s**t together, get over the fear and just go do it. I just wish I could do it as easy as im saying it.

My problem is that I dont know them enough to chat about common themes, but I do know them enough where I cant introduce myself and start from there. Im in the middle and not sure how to proceed.

I also dont want to do it infront of others as some people in my office have nothing better to do then to gossip and judge, and I dont want to cause trouble, not for me and not the girls.

 

[Puck508]

Thanks for the advice guys.

I guess it just comes down to me getting my s**t together, get over the fear and just go do it. I just wish I could do it as easy as im saying it.

My problem is that I dont know them enough to chat about common themes, but I do know them enough where I cant introduce myself and start from there. Im in the middle and not sure how to proceed.

I also dont want to do it infront of others as some people in my office have nothing better to do then to gossip and judge, and I dont want to cause trouble, not for me and not the girls.

I've had experience with this before and, even though it's not the best (or smartest) place to meet women, I usually can't help myself if a new young lady starts in my office.

The best approach that I've used is to plan a happy hour with co-workers after work some night. The advantage you have here is that YOU are the one planning it...so YOU decide who to invite. Since you struggle with small talk, I wouldn't invite any other single guys that may try to move in on your woman. However, once you've planned it, just simply say to the girls "Hey, you going to that happy hour tomorrow night?" and talk them into going from there. I'd do this for several reasons:

1) You're no longer in the uncomfortable work environment
2) You don't have the gossips hanging around, looking for new material (as long as you don't invite them)
3) When she shows up, who invited her? You did. Who do you think the first person she'll come to is? You. She'll start the small talk...it'll just be your job to keep it going.

Also, most people will tell you to stay away from drinking when talking to women, but as long as you don't drink too much and embarrass yourself, it's definitely something that will open you up a bit and not let you worry about making small talk. It'll just come naturally.

Lastly, I would pick one girl and stick with her. I mean, you could invite them both and figure out which one you like better, but don't be a "player" with girls you work with...it'll never turn out good.

Good luck.

Puck

 

[the305]

Espi: people are on this forum because "being themselves" isn't working mainly because they don't KNOW HOW to bring out the best in themselves.
So giving someone advice of "just be yourself" is the most UNHELPFUL thing that can be done.

Why do you think routines exist? for the sole purpose of guys DO NOT KNOW what to do or say, they are stuck, so according to you.. lets throw out all the methods.. routines.. attraction fundamentals.. etc and replace it with "SAY HELLO AND JUST BE YOURSELF" and guys will be getting all the girls they've dreamed about.

You obviously haven't worked with guys who have issues with approaching/conversation/anxiety/escalating, your advice does nothing but direct guys off into the dark, try shedding light on the situation and not give some 1960 cliche line of "be yourself".