Help needed! No KBJ's

[WhitePimp]

Alright, long story short:

Me and this chick (I'll call her A) started talking last May and wound up becoming friends because I was going out with her friend and she was also in an LTR. Basically it was mutual friendzone even though I do believe we both had things for each other.

Fast forward to today. A's friend moved to Buffalo with some dude (I havent dated her since summer of last year) and her LTR's been done for a few months. We hooked up for the first time last Friday at a bar (we both had some drinks but I believe she invited me out so we would finally get to hook up). This had been preceded by intense IOI's from her since she'd seen me going out with another chick (who I'll call B) - SEE THIS THREAD (http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=157329)

B I got rid of on V-Day and now I've gone out to lunch twice with A since Friday (we work together so lunch is convenient). She seems very into me but is hesitant to accept any more of my moves. By seems into me, I mean that she texts me constantly, looks forward to seeing me, and doesn't seem to regret hooking up with me. In the past she has gone hot and cold on me, but I always manage to get her hot again

I've been stressing about A for months now, basically turning into one-itis (although I haven't let it really affect me badly, I still dated a bunch of other girls and didn't treat her like a goddess - I guess it's less one-itis, more just a girl I really like a lot and don't want to lose)

I can't accept going back to just friends anymore and I think I basically need to ask her to PICK A SIDE so to speak. She either wants me or doesn't. What's the best way to put this to her? I basically want her for an LTR but don't think it's wise to say I want an LTR with her, it should unfold naturally into an LTR methinks.

I realize I could lose a potentially awesome girl, but I'm sick of waiting around for her to figure out what the hell she wants. If she wants me, that's great...what's my next step? If she doesn't or I get LJBF'd, I really have to just cut her out of me life.


ADVICE PLEASE! What should I do?

 

[WhitePimp]

up!

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

What you said about asking her to pick one side of the fence or the other probably isn't a good idea. If you want a long-term relationship with her, then let things progress there naturally. If a girl wants to be with you and just you, it will be obvious. Can you not handle how things are right now or do you just need more? Don't come on too fast too soon, and don't pressure her or she'll run.

 

[WhitePimp]

I don't know man. This girl's been giving me the runaround for awhile and Friday we finally hooked up so I feel like there's some momentum there to go further. Before we were workplace friends and would just see each other at work and go on break together, now it's a little more intimate. I just don't feel like going back to that workplace "friend" place we were...it's just not how I view her anymore.

I'm not really looking to give her an ultimatum or anything, I just really want to say that I'm done playing this game and if she wants me, just say it. I just don't think I want to go back to casual friends at work.

 

[COD]

ULTIMATUMS NEVER EVER END IN THE MANS FAVOR............U might wanna read the power persuasion article so that U can learn the secrets to getting what you want.

The first impression I got is infact one-i-tis....U need to spin more plates. AWESOME chics come and go throughout your lifetime.........when I was younger I thought THIS ONE WAS EXCEPTIONAL...........said that about 12 times so far.

IF U WANT A RELATIONSHIP..........INCREASE YOUR EXPOSURE.....phone calls, texts, dates, sleep overs, etc.

Do keep in mind changing what u now have might not go exactly as planned and U may find that WANTING is much more appealing THAN HAVING.

Some people adore the chase, they live for the chase, the moment the chase is over, the faster they get bored and we all know what chics do when they are bored.

Why have one woman when U can have several..........they're small take 2 or 3.

 

[WhitePimp]

Yeah, I realized in the light of the day (I made that post at night, nothing EVER sounds as good in daytime when concocted at night). that an ultimatum would never work in my favor. I think I need to just let this one go and move on. Simple as that

 

[izza]

ADVICE PLEASE! What should I do?

I am an advocate for direct, honest, simple communication using explicit words. I hear all sorts of guys recommending speaking in sign language, glances, or just refusing to communicate and running away.

But instead of acting like a monkey, I recommend acting like an adult.

I see all sorts of guys who come on here and ask "I feel A, B, and C, what should I say?" And, call me silly, but my advice tends to be, "just tell her you feel A, B, and C."

So basically, you said:

I can't accept going back to just friends anymore and I think I basically need to ask her to PICK A SIDE so to speak. She either wants me or doesn't. What's the best way to put this to her?

I think you just say that. In fact, you could write exactly that minus the caps. In short, you tell her that although in other times in your life, the hot and cold thing might be ok, right now it's kind of upsetting you. Then, tell her you like her a lot, and ask her how she feels about you.

If you learn to have these sorts of honest, mature, revealing conversations with women, you will learn to gain enormous amounts of trust from them very quickly. They will trust you immensely, and you will be much more attractive. As we all know, the most successful guys who put in the least amount of effort are the good communicators, the really honest people.

I basically want her for an LTR but don't think it's wise to say I want an LTR with her, it should unfold naturally into an LTR methinks.

Ok. I would tell her you like her enough that you could see you in an LTR if she's good enough to you. Put the onus for that kind of stuff on her behavior. But if you can say things like this, you'll really do well.

I'd like you to think, however, about why you want an LTR with this girl. Please watch the following 10 minute video about monogamy.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-423615301127215287&hl=en

I realize I could lose a potentially awesome girl, but I'm sick of waiting around for her to figure out what the hell she wants.

You have been really passive and allowed a lot of frustration to build up. That is your fault, not hers. This bad situation is not her fault. If you were communicating what you wanted openly and maturely, either you would have both realized pursuing this was pointless a long time ago, or you would be getting what you want right now.

Would you let me know in your response if you watched the video? If you didn't, I'll know to ignore you. I've been talking to too many people who want to respond to me without reading the things I reference. It's a waste of my precious time on earth. If you disagree with me, that's fine. I don't mind. You can post whatever you want in response. I'll know to not bother reading. Thanks for helping me out.

Izza