Help! Need advice on turning friends to friends with benefits

[MF28]

ok i met this girl about 6 months ago, when i moved into my new apartment for school this past fall in san diego, she moved into the apartment across the courtyard from me. this girl is a perfect 10, but she had been dating her boyfriend for four years and i figured that was an inpenetrable force. regardless, i semi-persisted seeing her occasionally at first, mostly on party nights ... flirted a little, i busted on her a lot, i tried to start up the kino though she seemed to slowly pull away.

as time progressed and we continued to get closer, i put myself into friends zone for sure, but then it happened ... her best friend calls me and tells me that she is crying and all by herself and to make sure she's alright ... i go over there to check it out and she says to me that she "finally broke up with her boyfriend after 4 years and its really over this time." it really was over, and this was the time that she started to give me one-itis. we spent literally 8-10 hours a day together 5-6 days a week, mostly in my room just talking, and doing drugs and stuff mostly. im constantly busting on her, and always ****y and funny around her ... it seems as though we have these moments that are like priceless .. like we connect really well. and we flirt a lot ... yet the kino is down to close to nothing, ive stopped initiating because she seemed to keep pulling away .. though she does initiate occasionally.

we bust on each other in sexual ways quite often also, im like super confident around her and i say anything i please to her. and when like in an atmosphere of a few people or more after little spurts of conversation we just lock eyes ... it happens all the time at random times, and we will just stare at each other for like 15-20 seconds, make faces at each other, this seems like a pretty big hint to me that there might be something there so i figured that it should be a good idea to just proposition her.

so i called her over one night and said to her "just recently i have started to have feelings for you, and i need to find out if this is a 2 way thing, because if its not, we need to not see each other anymore" ... she replied that she didnt have those feelings for me (which was pretty much expected by me, but i figured i had to put my cards on the table or else remain in friends zone) ... so i said "thats fine, dont apologize, i told you i had feelings for you, i didnt say i was in love with u" after she started trying to make me feel better because she thought she broke my heart or something.. i told her it was no big deal but that we wont be able to see each other anymore... lastly i said "well, u can get back to your studying, i guess ill see you whenever" ... then she said "no, i'll see you tomorrow" i said "whatever" and let her walk out.

for 2 weeks after that i completely ignored her, if she came to see me i dipped out told her i had something to do and left, this was very unlike me and she knew that so she knew something was very wrong ... she also owed me some money, so after i continued being a complete **** to her for like 2 weeks she came to me and said that she borrowed the money she owed me from her father so that she could pay back what she owed me (i guess she thought this was the biggest reason i was being such a **** cuz i had made a big deal about this weeks before) .. i told her i was glad she brought the money and semi-returned to being friends with her... (at this point im completely infatuated with the girl and have no choice but to be her friend if i want to spend time with her, which i cant get around)

so anyway we stayed friends for about 2 months after that to the end of the semester, we saw each other a little less but still had a lot of fun when we did see each other... and about a week ago she moved back home to santa cruz (450 miles away) for this semester. i really want to get this girl and im running out of ideas, on her last night .. that she spent here with me we went out to dinner (made her pay for her crap, dont get me wrong), and had a great time .. we were flirting even more than we had before ... still not much kino though.. but anyway at the end of the night before she left for home i told her id be back home in about 2 weeks (my house is about 75 miles from hers) and that i would give her a call and we could spend a few hours, or a day together before i head back to SD.

she said that i could stay with her (overnight) if i wanted ... this will be next thursday night, ive been thinking of just trying to get her really drunk and just making a move ... something ive never tried before ... just lean in for a kiss and see what happens ... we'll probably be doing a lot of crystal too and that stuff gets you really horny ... i have very low hopes for this plan .. does anyone else have any better ideas of how i might be able to change my sitiuation with her from friends to at least friends with benefits.. honestly, this is the girl that id probably want to marry 5 years down the road ...so i cant just next her, im already in too deep.

 

[Golden Arms]

Wow, you're thinking about marrying her already ? That's pretty scary
Your problem is she's not attracted to you for whatever reason. Have you dated any other women this whole time ? If you start seeing some girls, this could make her jealous and make you more of a challenge but that won't guarantee anything either. I also think one of the problems is you used to spend way too much time w/ her. 8-10 hrs a day ? Come on ! You're obviously very infatuated with her ( "a perfect 10???")and she knows it and probably knew before you told her. It's likely that she spent all this time with you because she felt safe around you - like you were one of her girlfriends.
OK, to sum it up - I won't say NEXT, since you're saying you can't NEXT her (which by the way, you can), but at least start looking at and trying to date some other women. You can't just be fixated on one person who doesn't feel the same for you

 

[MF28]

i hooked up with four of her friends in the time that i was friends with her (the only four friends she ever brought around our apartment complex/my apartment to meet me) ... i agree absolutely that she looks at me as one of her girlfriends, she even made a comment to me the other night that really got under my skin which i didnt take well at all, she said something to her friend that we were out with (3 of us) that she can talk to me about stuff she talks to her friends who are girls about ... i was like "see thats not good at all, i think im not gonna allow u to tell me that stuff anymore" and shes like "no its good, trust me." i responded negatively, that was probly the one downpoint of the 3 hours we were together before she left for santa cruz .. it rolled over 2 minutes later when i went for a bathroom break and things went back to normal .. .they always seem to.

its weird cuz i never let her get away with anything around me, i rarely supplicated to her .. only when she did something for me first or agreed to do something for me when i did something for her .. i mean, i kept her in line, negged her ALL the time .. made jokes about her not being able to get me, about how i was out of her league and blah blah blah ... all the stuff thats supposed to be done, of course without the kino, and without the mystery of my absence since we only lived 40 feet from each other and she could see me anytime she wanted.

but now she lives 450 miles away... what i need is suggestion on how i should handle this night next week when im going to see her

 

[SDBmania]

Well, I would say that you will probably get no where with her. I'd say that you should get over her however you can, even if that means zero contact with her for a while. Getting her drunk to lower her inhibitions lowered is kind of sleezey. I mean really low. It is obvious that she just wants to be friends, nothing more. If you are really looking for a relationship down the road I think that you can forget this. Next her, find someone new. However, if you don't care about having a relationship, then I can't really help you.

 

[SDBmania]

Originally posted by MF28
its weird cuz i never let her get away with anything around me, i rarely supplicated to her .. only when she did something for me first or agreed to do something for me when i did something for her .. i mean, i kept her in line, negged her ALL the time .. made jokes about her not being able to get me, about how i was out of her league and blah blah blah ... all the stuff thats supposed to be done, of course without the kino, and without the mystery of my absence since we only lived 40 feet from each other and she could see me anytime she wanted.

That shows how women can differ. This site is helpful, but it won't always work. It depends on the woman.

 

[OddTech]

I agree with SDB. You can do EVERYTHING to the perfect T and still not get anywhere with the girl. Don't believe in this Hollywood BS. This is an imperfect world. There will be things that will fail. You just have to accept that.

And come on, you said you don't supplicate. I'm not going to believe that. Just by saying how much time you spent with her and how you think about "marrying her" shows that you are emotionally FIXATED on her. It's just as bad as giving her gifts and writing poetry.

You have to draw the line and lay down the law! You cannot give this girl all these emotional benefits without anything. If you really want to make her a f-buddy, you have to somehow convince her to want it. Using alcohol might backfire. It also depends if she is a ho who's willing to do it (in which case, I don't think she is worth marrying). I don't know too much about converting friends into f-buddies, so maybe somebody can help you on that.

My 2 cents is that you move on. Toss this one up as a loss, even though it will hurt.

 

[SDBmania]

Thank you OddTech. Mf28, you should listen to him. If you are worried about gettin hurt, tuff. There are plenty of other girls that will be able to appreciate you. She won't.

 

[MF28]

well, the main goal was relationship until i found out she would be living 450 miles away from me for the next 5 - 6 months .. after that she plans on returning to san diego, though i dont know what city i will be in by that itme ... im only going to see her on a very limited basis from this point on as i will probably only see her one day of a week that i would drive home .. weeks which i drive home only occur once every few months .. so we are going to have almost little to no contact outside of phone ... and i never call her unless i need something ... and she only calls me to hang out, so we probably wont be talking much on the phone .. tahts why i figured it would probably be best to just work on getting the benefits first, and if i can commit her to sex, then she may find herself in a better situation to be near to me in the future ...

i know the game fairly well, i know im experiencing severe one-itis, i know she exudes queen bee status, and i know the most obvious reasons ive screwed up ... ive heard from so many PUA's thats its just not possible to get that certain one that already nulled you, and that its pointless to continue to try ... but there has to be someone out there who knows something about this type of situation and has any better advice to lend to me on the situation.

thanks ahead of time

 

[trajhenkhet]

You didn't show her your carnal side early on.

 

[MF28]

thanks .. i said i knew that in my post directly above yours .. what i need is somebody who has any creative ideas for a situation like this, has anybody at all had any luck with certain strategies in situations like this before?