Help me Be more Attractive towards women

[Wiesman44]

My Dating Skills are Lacking Please Help
So I've been exclusively meeting women on match.com. Been having NO luck with it. Although, it seems that my first date skills are increasing dramatically.

I've gone on maybe 15+ meets with women, and haven't gotten laid by any of them. They are all attractive. At least 7's. Man oh man whats wrong ! I'm a good looking guy. Probably an 8 out of 10. I dress well. I drive a new corvette, make good money, have traveled extensively. Try to be funny on the dates, but nothing ? How does a guy like me with looks and success not get laid ?

I've made it to the 4th date with 2 women. Many its a 1 and done or a 2 and done. I guess I'm not creating that spark. Maybe I'm acting too needy. I hate this text messaging ****. Maybe I text them too much. Maybe I'm not making them wet. Can anyone help me with this ?

I know this isn't much to go by, but ask q's and I will answer.

 

[romangod]

Maybe I'm acting too needy. I hate this text messaging ****. Maybe I text them too much. Maybe I'm not making them wet. Can anyone help me with this ?

I know this isn't much to go by, but ask q's and I will answer.

I think you're probably acting too needy. Girls can sniff this out the moment they meet you.


If you're good looking and successful then it's not your outer self that's turning them off. It must be your inner self. There's something lacking. My guess is you're lacking confidence and putting off a vibe of being too desperate.

First off, I would stop texting. It loses so much meaning and doesn't allow for the tone of voice or the mood of the message. Use the phone.

Don't try and impress them when you first date. Let them try and impress you. They're not the prize, you are. When you truly believe that you'll put off a different vibe and have more success.

Good luck.


Cheers!

 

[Wiesman44]

I think you're probably acting too needy. Girls can sniff this out the moment they meet you.

If you're good looking and successful then it's not your outer self that's turning them off. It must be your inner self. There's something lacking. My guess is you're lacking confidence and putting off a vibe of being too desperate.

First off, I would stop texting. It loses so much meaning and doesn't allow for the tone of voice or the mood of the message. Use the phone.

Don't try and impress them when you first date. Let them try and impress you. They're not the prize, you are. When you truly believe that you'll put off a different vibe and have more success.

Good luck.


Cheers!

maybe they're sniffing it out. You might be right. I will admit I'm a bit lonely right now, and my confidence has been chipped away at due to a few rejections. I do always find myself being the one to impress them. NEVER the opposite way around. I'll have to work on being the prize.

Any tips on that ?

 

[Wiesman44]

Wiesman44:

There's no one correct, "magic" answer to your dilemma, but I've got a few things in mind that you might want to think about.

You say that your dating skills "are lacking," yet you've dated 15 women--and have even "made it" to the 4th date with a few of them. So, to me, your dating skills aren't lacking. They must be interested in you to some degree. And, you seem to have the physical and material aspects of your life together. Women like hot cars and well dressed guys.

What does your match.com profile reflect about you? Are your photos up-to-date and accurate (i.e. height, weight, etc.)?

How are you qualifying these women to see if they're really interested in you?

What are you doing to arouse sexual interest? Kino?

How many of these women have you attempted to kiss?

Well let me ask you all this. Should I always try to go for the kiss on the first 'meet' if its an online date ? My match profile is okay. I get dates. The date isn't hte problem. I'm not really qualifying them to see if they're really interested. What can I do for that ?

 

[Rubirosa]

Well...

My opinion is, if your fundamentals are spot on, then game is game, whether it's via online or via "the real world."

But...

No, it's not necessarily good to ALWAYS kiss close on the first encounter. I've been subscribing on and off match.com for 10 years, and I can tell you that if she wants to meet up, I NEVER offer anything more than a 1 hour coffeedate, during which time I will qualify a girl: what's her body language telling me? Does she offer to keep the conversation going when there's a lull? How does she respond to my light kino? Basically: do I like her? And do I feel that she likes me?

At the end of the coffeedate, I'll say goodbye and allow her to imply a second date...I will NEVER mention that I'll call her, nor will I ask if her if she'll see me again. Instead I'm qualifying her, testing her interest in me, seeing if she'll offer up an opportunity for a second meeting. And, if she does, I won't commit to anything specific. I'll just say somethiong like, "Sure, of course." Kind of let her think that I might not call.

And, sometimes, if I'm feeling it, I'll point to my cheek and say, "kiss goodbye." I do this right before leaving to get in my car, and I've done this many times, and only a few women have not kissed me. It's a nice yet assertive way to make her express her interest in you.

This is excellent, excellent advice

 

[Rubirosa]

My own advice is to read the Book of Pook. I frequently re-read it. Not so much for "advice", but for the frame of mind it puts me in.

 

[Warrior74]

Try to leave texting to only facts and orders, not conversations. ie. 'I will pick you up at 8.' or 'call me in 10 minutes" or "bring the movies" instead of 'How was your day?" If she texts you about some conversational stuff, text back 'call me'. If she doesn't call, don't worry about it. She'll text back later or call or won't. Either way your not stuck with your head in a tiny screen trying desperately to say the right thing in a contextual void.

 

[Desdinova]

First of all, if I were you, I'd be approaching women in public instead of using Match.com. Killing your approach anxiety will boost your confidence.

Second, the women should be wanting the kiss by the end of the first date. If you're not automatically getting one, then you need to make the date more interesting and fun. If you can show the woman a fantastic time, she will automatically give you a kiss on the lips.

I wrote this on my 10 year post, and I believe in it 100%:

At the end of the date, she is going to grade you. If the date sucked, you'll get a goodbye or maybe even a handshake. If the date was good, you'll get a hug or a kiss on the cheek. If the date was absolutely fantastic, you'll get a kiss on the lips.

Also, texting isn't a bad thing. You can tease her a bit over text messaging, just as long as it 100% clear that you're teasing. I also agree that you should not be having full conversations over text.

When I dumped out of my 8 year marriage which was almost non-existent, I was a bit desperate too. Date lots of women, and get into a short relationship if need be. Once you get sick of the bytch, you won't be desperate anymore

It all takes time and practice to get your dating skills back up to par after letting them get a bit rusty. You've got the knowledge, you just need to put those old skills back to work to sharpen them up a bit.

 

[Wiesman44]

one thing a friend of mine said today was that he always talks about sex on the first date. He will make it so they end up bringing up a conversation about sex and he said on most of the first dates he's had, he has gotten sex out of it. I tried to ask him more as to what he was doing that worked, and he wasn't sure, he was a natural. But he did always get them to want to talk about sex.

 

[Wiesman44]

Well...

My opinion is, if your fundamentals are spot on, then game is game, whether it's via online or via "the real world."

But...

No, it's not necessarily good to ALWAYS kiss close on the first encounter. I've been subscribing on and off match.com for 10 years, and I can tell you that if she wants to meet up, I NEVER offer anything more than a 1 hour coffeedate, during which time I will qualify a girl: what's her body language telling me? Does she offer to keep the conversation going when there's a lull? How does she respond to my light kino? Basically: do I like her? And do I feel that she likes me?

At the end of the coffeedate, I'll say goodbye and allow her to imply a second date...I will NEVER mention that I'll call her, nor will I ask if her if she'll see me again. Instead I'm qualifying her, testing her interest in me, seeing if she'll offer up an opportunity for a second meeting. And, if she does, I won't commit to anything specific. I'll just say somethiong like, "Sure, of course." Kind of let her think that I might not call.

And, sometimes, if I'm feeling it, I'll point to my cheek and say, "kiss goodbye." I do this right before leaving to get in my car, and I've done this many times, and only a few women have not kissed me. It's a nice yet assertive way to make her express her interest in you.

i suppose I have to play the stupid game of being not interested even though I am. I hate it b/c its not my style.

 

[Rubirosa]

First of all, if I were you, I'd be approaching women in public instead of using Match.com. Killing your approach anxiety will boost your confidence.

Second, the women should be wanting the kiss by the end of the first date. If you're not automatically getting one, then you need to make the date more interesting and fun. If you can show the woman a fantastic time, she will automatically give you a kiss on the lips.

I wrote this on my 10 year post, and I believe in it 100%:

At the end of the date, she is going to grade you. If the date sucked, you'll get a goodbye or maybe even a handshake. If the date was good, you'll get a hug or a kiss on the cheek. If the date was absolutely fantastic, you'll get a kiss on the lips.

Also, texting isn't a bad thing. You can tease her a bit over text messaging, just as long as it 100% clear that you're teasing. I also agree that you should not be having full conversations over text.

When I dumped out of my 8 year marriage which was almost non-existent, I was a bit desperate too. Date lots of women, and get into a short relationship if need be. Once you get sick of the bytch, you won't be desperate anymore

It all takes time and practice to get your dating skills back up to par after letting them get a bit rusty. You've got the knowledge, you just need to put those old skills back to work to sharpen them up a bit.

This needs elaboration please...............
I use online simply as a way to set up a first meeting........
It saves time and I can be choosy.......
Street game and Nightclub game is so hit or miss.....
Yes it can be good, yet at other times the action can be boring /slow....
Many times I have met online chicks for tea/coffee and have gotten a kiss out of this first meeting (sometimes more than that).....
Do you suggest a quick pickup (getting a number), and then setting up a busy, expensive first date in order to see if you will get a kiss.....?
In no way am I knocking your method, I just want to know what kind of first dates you usually set up.........

 

[Desdinova]

I use online simply as a way to set up a first meeting........
It saves time and I can be choosy.......

I find meeting girls online is a much slower process than actually going out and finding them. Waiting for messages slows the whole process down. I can blast through lots of women in the time it takes to meet one off POF. The best way to find out if the woman clicks with you is to meet her one on one. Online profiles really don't do them justice. They may have lots in common with you but if their personality is garbage, you've just wasted a good chunk of time meeting one woman.

Street game and Nightclub game is so hit or miss.....
Yes it can be good, yet at other times the action can be boring /slow....

The action at the night club has nothing to do with approaching and building rapport with women. You have to display value and make them WANT to spend time with you.

Do you suggest a quick pickup (getting a number), and then setting up a busy, expensive first date in order to see if you will get a kiss.....?

Not necessarily. If I barely know the woman, the first date is a coffee date. If I want to continue dating her, sometimes I'll take her out for a date right after coffee. If I've already built rapport with her, I'll skip coffee altogether and take her out on a real date. My first date choice usually costs the both of us around $15-20. Sometimes I'll pay the whole shot, sometimes she does, and sometimes we both do.

 

[gaspipe]

one thing a friend of mine said today was that he always talks about sex on the first date. He will make it so they end up bringing up a conversation about sex and he said on most of the first dates he's had, he has gotten sex out of it. I tried to ask him more as to what he was doing that worked, and he wasn't sure, he was a natural. But he did always get them to want to talk about sex.

Kudos to your friend. He knows what hes talking about. As I mentioned in other threads, you should always try to steer the topic of conversation towards sex but not in a creepy way. Being the nice polite non sexual guy on dates has rarely gotten me anywhere with women sex wise.

On one of my recent dates, I told her in a matter of fact way that I was a sexual guy and that I needed it on a constant basis. It wasnt more than 30 seconds after that that the woman I was with was asking me to feel her "firm legs" an then later her DD "natural" boobs. One thing lead to another and I ended up at her house and we were at it like porn stars.

Talking about sex really does stimulate women if done correctly.

 

[Wiesman44]

So lets stear this topic towards sex..... What questions should I ask to steer the conversation towards sex so she feels like she is the one thats bringing up sex and not me ?

 

[Fuglydude]

Sounds like you've got solid fundamentals with your looks/career/cash, etc. Why not try amping up your sexuality? In my experience women are incredibly sexual creatures, and respond very strongly to masculine or hypermasculine sexuality. Hypermasculinity and sexuality combined with the stuff you got going on will totally get you laid.

Also aim to get into elite shape... I'm not talking "in shape" like most guys say they are on here, I'm talking top 5% of the male population, totally stand out in a crowd peak shape. When you have an elite physique women will intrinsically more sexual towards you. In addition your confidence will be through the roof, as a result you'll basically get to have your way with the girls you're dating. In my experience, women LOVE to be used as sex objects for a high value male.

 

[Wiesman44]

Sounds like you've got solid fundamentals with your looks/career/cash, etc. Why not try amping up your sexuality? In my experience women are incredibly sexual creatures, and respond very strongly to masculine or hypermasculine sexuality. Hypermasculinity and sexuality combined with the stuff you got going on will totally get you laid.

Also aim to get into elite shape... I'm not talking "in shape" like most guys say they are on here, I'm talking top 5% of the male population, totally stand out in a crowd peak shape. When you have an elite physique women will intrinsically more sexual towards you. In addition your confidence will be through the roof, as a result you'll basically get to have your way with the girls you're dating. In my experience, women LOVE to be used as sex objects for a high value male.

Already in great shape my friend. I don't have a 6 pack of abs, but if i lost 5 lbs or so, I'd have them. Work out 4x per week all weights.

But lets get back to my question. How do I act more sexual towards women. What can I do to show this sexuality ? What questions do I ask to show this ?

 

[samspade]

Wiesman44 -

Getting sexual in conversation is good. But before you go there, two things.

1. Follow her cues

2. Use Deep Rapport questions

Deep Rapport questions are open-ended, somewhat personal, and meant to elicit soft confessions from your subject. They CAN lead to more intimate conversation. The idea is that you are softening the woman up; she is revealing harmless secrets, which open the gateways toward more personal "secrets" she might share. And as she bares her soul, you should be following up and leading her toward a more intimate space. People LOVE to talk about themselves, but often their guard is up initially. Barbara Walters doesn't get celebrities to cry with question #1 - it's a path through the woods they're taking together.

Now, I admit that the questions in the link might seem awkward, but they're examples. Come up with some of your own. She might complain about her job; ask her what she would do if money were no object and she could do anything. That's just an example.

As for cues - some women (especially after a drink) will lead you to sexual talk unbelievably quickly, but it isn't always so obvious. I had a date who told me about her girl friend who was seeing a new guy and had reported that the "sex was amazing." Not much later the same date talked about how she developed breasts at an early age and was embarrassed, etc. These were cues for me to dig deeper. You don't want to start out with "so what's your favorite position?" but you do want to get her mind lost in that starry mix of sex, love, emotion, fate, etc. Probably the most important thing is to have fun with it and not put so much emphasis (for yourself) on outcome.

Meanwhile, your personal body language should reflect a man who's comfortable with his own sexuality. Lean back, legs apart, balls out (not literally), relax, smile. You're Han Solo. Smile knowingly at her silly remarks or attempts at sarcasm. Touch her appropriately and briefly - shoulder, knee, etc. See if she reciprocates. Look her in the eye and stare her down. Glance at her body without gawking, then back into the eyes.

This should be at a relaxing bar or lounge, with low lighting, busy but not packed. Bonus if you know the bartender - they love helping out customers (even the female ones).

Good luck.

 

[L B]

I am wondering if your playing it too well. By putting on the wonderful gentleman front, you are safe and wonderful to date, but they put you in the long term relationship category and not play naughty with you. Not what you want.

Are you playful during the date and grope when appropriate? You have to make it clear that you will not judge them for being slutty and adventurous.

 

[Wiesman44]

I am wondering if your playing it too well. By putting on the wonderful gentleman front, you are safe and wonderful to date, but they put you in the long term relationship category and not play naughty with you. Not what you want.

Are you playful during the date and grope when appropriate? You have to make it clear that you will not judge them for being slutty and adventurous.

I'm thinking I might be playing it too well. I thought I was playful, but I really do think its that sexual card that I need.

 

[Jitterbug]

Let's start with the very basics. Logistics get you laid. If you've been on the 4th date and haven't got her to a place where sex could conveniently happen (like dinner at her/your place) then you haven't done any planning whatsoever. You don't get laid by waiting for enough number of dates then blurting out "so... how about sex?" and taking her home right then. I always plan the date venues where I can escalate physically.