mxmxmx said:
I want to ask this chick out again , kinda want her to tell me to fck off or go out with me... Is that crazy??? Why didn't she just tell me to fck off in the first place any ideas??? (I'm trying to learn here, help a brotha out)
Ah, the age-old question of why she didn't directly tell you she's not interested in going out with you...
Y'know what's funny? I have a girl friend of mine who always gives guys her number, including the ones she's not interested in, then sits backs and watches as these guys send her text after text professing their love to her (despite knowing her for a day). Occasionally - like when she's bored or wants to be taken out to dinner - she'll respond to these guys' text, and might even let them take her out... but she's not interested, and she only lets them know this after they've bombarded her telephone with text messages for days. (And, even after she tells them, they still continue to message her for a while. So desperate looking... thus, the phrase I like to say: Texting KILLS relationships.)
Now, you may ask yourself: but why doesn't she just NOT give them the number in the first place? Why doesn't she just tell them she's not interested?
Well, contrary to the opinions of the majority of newcomers on this board, most women really aren't out to hurt guys. However, they're also not out to date guys they don't like. And, since girls are in the mood of trying to please everybody, they'll sometimes say "yes" to giving you the number simply because they don't want to appear mean. Unfortunately, because they're not really in the habit of saying "no" directly, they're not comfortable having to do it when someone they don't like ask them out. So, rather than be direct, which is how a man would communicate the request, they use "girl speak" in hopes that you'll be able to read their disinterest and go away without direct confrontation.
In girl world, "girl speak" is used by women to communicate with other women in a manner that isn't confrontational. You have to think about how girl world works. You ever notice how women are always threatened when another woman in the room has more beauty, money, power, etc.? They get called every name in the book! The reason is because that woman is showing she's better than everybody. She may not even be vain about it, but the fact is other women are jealous. And if that woman comes up to one of the lower-powered woman and request something directly - i.e.
"Hey, I need you to stay 10 minutes later to help out with something" - it comes across as her being demanding, downright pushy, and a biznich.
And so, to avoid these kinds of things, they use "girl speak," which is a way of them getting their point across without being too forward. In that same scenario, the woman might come up to another woman instead and say something like:
"Hey Betty, I normally wouldn't ask this, but we are really swamped here, and we could really use the extra help. If you're not in a hurry, would it bother you too much if you could help us for just a few minutes before you go?" And the woman saying this is the BOSS, but she knows she has to say it in this way to keep the peace with this other woman because saying it in the "guy speak" way (i.e. the previous way) would have her being hated on.
That's why when you ask a woman out, she'll start giving out excuses instead of saying "No." Once you recognize this, you'll realize that, in the majority of cases, if a woman is giving you anything other than an enthusiastic "yes" or a definitive counter-offer, it's a "no." They will not say "no," instead they'll say things like:
"Oh, I'd love to, but i'm really, really busy"
"Oooh, that would be great, but I already made plans with my girlfriends"
"Hmmm, I dunno... let me think about it and get back to you"
"That sounds great! But hey, call me tomorrow before you're on your way"
All of these things mean "no." And it's her "nice" way of rejecting you in hopes that you get the hint. But hey, it could be worse - I've had girls straight up laugh in my face before when asking them out. As long as she's not doing that or slapping you in the face for asking her, just appreciate that she's trying not to hurt your feelings via using "girl speak" and move on. Hope this helps!
