Heeeeelp!! I'm being sucked into the FZ!

[Greasy Pig]

Hey fellas, how do you deflect attempts to FZ you? Or once the die is cast, are you already fvcked?

For instance, this chick I'm gaming texts me tonight asking for advice about some dude who asked her out for coffee.

I haven't replied yet, A) because I'm fvcking pissed off; and B) I was wondering if there's something I can say which will deflect her fvcking question while coming across as unaffected, funny and romantically interested.

I started writing a reply which went something like this: I prefer not to give dating advice because I've found that my thoughts on dating are very different to social norms.

Is that the right way to reset the frame?

Cheers

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Hey fellas, how do you deflect attempts to FZ you? Or once the die is cast, are you already fvcked?

For instance, this chick I'm gaming texts me tonight asking for advice about some dude who asked her out for coffee.

I haven't replied yet, A) because I'm fvcking pissed off; and B) I was wondering if there's something I can say which will deflect her fvcking question while coming across as unaffected, funny and romantically interested.

If a girl you like is asking you for advice on men that she's dating, then you're in the friend zone. There is no deflection. Maybe she's just not attracted to you. Have you considered that?

No offense, but if a girl is asking you questions like this, you've built this relationship incorrectly right from the foundation.

I started writing a reply which went something like this: I prefer not to give dating advice because I've found that my thoughts on dating are very different to social norms.

Is that the right way to reset the frame?

Cheers

I'm not sure that resets anything. Heck, I'm not even sure what that means.

"Reset the frame" by moving onto another girl. This one doesn't want you. Lingering around her, trying to reset your frame just seems like a waste of time.

 

[SecondHalf]

Dr. Greasy Pig

Hey fellas, how do you deflect attempts to FZ you? Or once the die is cast, are you already fvcked?

For instance, this chick I'm gaming texts me tonight asking for advice about some dude who asked her out for coffee.

I haven't replied yet, A) because I'm fvcking pissed off; and B) I was wondering if there's something I can say which will deflect her fvcking question while coming across as unaffected, funny and romantically interested.

I started writing a reply which went something like this: I prefer not to give dating advice because I've found that my thoughts on dating are very different to social norms.

Is that the right way to reset the frame?

Cheers

Might be a sh1t test.
Can't imagine a woman with any intelligence actually wanting advice from you given you're gaming, and there is likely sexual tension.

I would likely say... "I never give free romance advice, it's just to valuable!
I can bill you, but it won't be cheap."
Then ignore her for a while.

SH

 

[samspade]

You're sort of in the FZ. Just ignore. If she follows up with a text wait a while and then give her a one-word reply, like "gay" or "ok."

 

[backbreaker]

there is no **** test. a **** test implies that she is testing you to see if you meet her standards. this woman just does not like you like that. rather you do or do not want to ehar it does not matter, but she just isnt' into you. in all my years of dating a woman that likes me does not ask me it'for advice on antoher guy. a woman who **** tests you will let you know there is another guy in the picture or let you know that other guys are interested in you they don't ask for advice on how to handle other guys.

don't take it so personally. shej ust doesn't like you. plenty of girls don't like me.

just cut contact and move on. the ship never even left the dock on this oen

 

[Greasy Pig]

Thanks very much guys. I love these frickin forums.

Firstly, my intended reply (which I didn't send) was meant to throw her off by being a bit mysterious. It's not offering advice but insinuating I have great advice - different advice to what she might expect or be used to - but she'll have to work to get inside my circle and maybe, just maybe, get access to my treasure trove of information.
But yeah, probably a bit too heavy. I'm supposed to meet her this Saturday night (I've posted about her earlier: "Former one-itis who recently separated from her husband"). We've known each other a long time but we've only met for lunch and some drinks about four times in 18 years.
I would say I've been friendly with her, but not friends. I've maintained contact purely in the hope that she would be single again one day and I could be `Johnny on the spot'. But women's minds are different and she must consider four meetings and sporadic contact (sometimes years between contact) as someone who's a friend.
And of course, I have to consider that while I may exhibit a lot of desirable qualities, she's just not in to me! Oh well.

So I'll just reply in a ****y, funny way and go for dinner and drinks with no expectations. I just really felt her interest levels were more than what she would have with some guy she considered just a friend. Must've been wrong.
Maybe she's just reaching out for any company after the marriage breakdown.

Anyway, I still plan on filling her full of booze and flirting to see where it goes. However, I'm not going to be crushed if she whips out the Friend Card.

 

[Jitterbug]

I'd reply with a "lol", ignore whatever it was and will be (i.e any subsequent TXT from her on that topic) and do whatever you're supposed to do next with her. Booze is always a great idea.

 

[DJDamage]

There was actually a great article on the Chateau' today on the very same topic - a must read!

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2012/06/14/how-do-i-get-out-of-the-friend-zone/

 

[Greasy Pig]

Holy crap! Thanks DJDamage. That sums up my situation perfectly. I never get sick of Heartiste's writing style. He is a funny, funny man.

That LJBF article is solid gold.

 

[scrouds]

Radio silence. No response is ALWAYS an option.

 

[Heretolearn]

It could be that she has no interest what-soever. Or it could be that she does and is trying to show you that she is desirable, and wants you to make a move.

Hard to know either way without having any context to the whole relationship.

Do you hang out? Has she ever shown any IOI's? Does she ever say anything that gives you a certain impression?

In any case, I would just reply "Coffee? That's totally a safe date. He sounds like a really nice guy, you should definitely date him".

exactly - to me it could be interpreted as just a game (I am desirable). A LOT of Australian princesses of entitlement are like that...

All responses are still valid though as not worth the effort.

 

[Greasy Pig]

I updated the situation in my "Former one-itis just separated from her husband" thread.
But basically, we had a few drinks, she confessed she'd always wanted to be with me but didn't think I'd think she was smart enough for me.
Strange considering I'd orbited her like a puppy dog for two years at work and then made excuses to drop in and see her whenever I was in her area over the next 15 years or so.
But she ended up giving me a BJ that night. Happy days.

Anyway, for the record, I used SecondHalf's reply and didn't reply to her protests that I hadn't helped her with some advice.

Thanks for all the help. This has been a huge learning experience and I was very heartened and enlightened by the replies here.

 

[scrouds]

I updated the situation in my "Former one-itis just separated from her husband" thread.
But basically, we had a few drinks, she confessed she'd always wanted to be with me but didn't think I'd think she was smart enough for me.
Strange considering I'd orbited her like a puppy dog for two years at work and then made excuses to drop in and see her whenever I was in her area over the next 15 years or so.
But she ended up giving me a BJ that night. Happy days.

Anyway, for the record, I used SecondHalf's reply and didn't reply to her protests that I hadn't helped her with some advice.

Thanks for all the help. This has been a huge learning experience and I was very heartened and enlightened by the replies here.

Lol, hell of a hamster she has there. Must win marathons.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Great job mate!

Thanks a lot Danger. I can tell you I unleashed 20 years of pent up frustration when she was doing the business.
It was pretty damn good too.

Lol, hell of a hamster she has there. Must win marathons.

Yeah, she's far more insecure than she's ever let on in the past. Maybe it's really coming out now that she's faced with the realisation that The Wall is fast approaching as she hits her mid-30s with a couple of kids in tow.

 

[DJDamage]

Another good link for the Friendzone:

http://3rdmilleniummen.wordpress.com/2013/01/12/5-steps-to-beat-getting-friend-zoned/#more-2790

 

[origin138]

Just realized I answered an old thread.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Lol, she's now my LTR!
It's funny and kind of eerie reading your old threads and relating them to what eventually transpires.

 

[origin138]

Lol, she's now my LTR!
It's funny and kind of eerie reading your old threads and relating them to what eventually transpires.

Facepalm. I was all set to type out a "move on, she's not interested" post. Glad to hear it's working out, GP!

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear GP,
"I started writing a reply which went something like this: I prefer not to give dating advice because I've found that my thoughts on dating are very different to social norms.".......Naah...Say something like"whatever happened to a Womans intuition?Good Luck!".....Then just play it cool,strike before Christmas ,her Birthdayor when she gets flamed!...They all come around eventually.

 

[Greasy Pig]

That's a bloody brilliant reply, Scara. I'll lock it away for future reference.

And thanks Origin. There have been ups and downs but she's proving herself worthy of some serious investment.