Having trouble landing 2nd dates, need advice

[rocco]

my most recent first date went like this:

Let me begin by saying, we had a GREAT time. There was definetely a lot of sexual tension, a lot of foreplay.. I started with the simple kino and gradually built it up fingering her and her giving me a handjob.. She was about to give me head but her friend was there so we couldn't.

I DID NOT PUSH HARD FOR SEX. At the end of the night, i simply said "why don't we call it a night" and that was it. I could tell she was craving for more of my attention. She wouldnt leave my side, when i was ready to leave at the last minute, she went for a kiss and we had a last make out session before i left in my car..

The next day she text me. Saying "hey." we text back and forth flirting about the funny amusing things that occured on our date last night.. and after some banter back and forth I ask her "oh yeah, what is your schedule like for this weekend or next week, i want to meet up with you soon. hope you feel the same way" then she never texted me back. it's been like 2 days and I AM DYING HERE TO HEAR BACK FROM HER.

What the hell is going on here? we really hit it off, and I really sensed that she liked me. But why is it so hard to land a second date? WHAT AM I DOING WRONG???

I've had this problem before actually with a few other girls (mainly the ones I found very attractive). we really have great foreplay action in the first date, but then it is very hard to land a second date.

some possible reasons as to why I think this may be happening could be the following reasons:

1. I may be too sexual on a first date. Therefore after the date, she is regretful about being so sexual with me so soon, and becomes hesitant about going out with me again because she doesnt want to seem slutty.

2. she is really shy. On our date she did not say much, even though I was trying to get her to tell me more about herself. Even tho, we did have great vibe going by the way, just not an incredible amount of talk..

 

[jophil28]

"oh yeah, what is your schedule like for this weekend or next week, i want to meet up with you soon. hope you feel the same way" then she never texted me back. it's been like 2 days and I AM DYING HERE TO HEAR BACK FROM HER.

I think that what you did on the date was to take charge and push through her 'slvt shield'. You held the reins and steered her into participating in a moderate to heavy sexual encounter. She played her part because you LED her there.
Then you dropped the reins by sending her that text and ASKING her IF she wants to see you again WHEN her schedule permits !!
The tone , content and style of your text was inconsistent with the sexual confidence and dominance that you demonstrated on the date..Your text comes off as a tad needy and desperate. LIke you are "smitten" after one HJ in the back seat
SEcondly you ASKED her if she would go out with you NEXT week. THat gives her plenty of time to re-erect her "slvt shield" and develop buyer's remorse.

Here is the lamest part of all ,"...hope you feel the same way " .
Gawd, that sounds like a zitty high schooler begging to me.

Sorry to be so harsh man but maybe you turned her off . Who knows.

 

[Scaramouche]

Your Mistake was in not getting her in the back seat of your Car while she was available...It is far easier to get a second bit of action than a first...A woman who lets you get that far will go all the way...Now as Jophill suggests "You have dropped the reins"....

 

[mtnkng]

The other possibility is that she is playing the field and has other options. Remember, single women also date and can have several "pokers in the fire". Maybe you are just in the queue....and then think about how she compares your value to the others in the queue. You may get revisited, you may not.

 

[romangod]

some possible reasons as to why I think this may be happening could be the following reasons:

1. I may be too sexual on a first date. Therefore after the date, she is regretful about being so sexual with me so soon, and becomes hesitant about going out with me again because she doesnt want to seem slutty.

Bingo! You're putting the cart before the horse and trying to bang them before you even know them. On reflection, they know this and the deeper meaning of it all.


Cheers!

 

[rocco]

I think you are right about this. I was very sexually dominant on our date leading her into a sexual state, and she really liked it. Thing is, this being sexual dominant is something new i'm trying on like a new pair of shoes and i think that text did somewhat come off as needy now that i think about it.. **** im so pissed at myself!!!

I think that what you did on the date was to take charge and push through her 'slvt shield'. You held the reins and steered her into participating in a moderate to heavy sexual encounter. She played her part because you LED her there.
Then you dropped the reins by sending her that text and ASKING her IF she wants to see you again WHEN her schedule permits !!
The tone , content and style of your text was inconsistent with the sexual confidence and dominance that you demonstrated on the date..Your text comes off as a tad needy and desperate. LIke you are "smitten" after one HJ in the back seat
SEcondly you ASKED her if she would go out with you NEXT week. THat gives her plenty of time to re-erect her "slvt shield" and develop buyer's remorse.

Here is the lamest part of all ,"...hope you feel the same way " .
Gawd, that sounds like a zitty high schooler begging to me.

Sorry to be so harsh man but maybe you turned her off . Who knows.

 

[rocco]

Bingo! You're putting the cart before the horse and trying to bang them before you even know them. On reflection, they know this and the deeper meaning of it all.


Cheers!

Yeh I thought I might have been too sexual on a first date, but the thing is everything I did sexually with her it came so natural.. And as soon as i felt resistance i backed off. I didnt go for the sex at the end of the night, even tho i may have gotten sex from her, because I didnt want it to be another one of those one night stands..

 

[rocco]

so guys will I be able to turn this one around or should I just move on? How should i play this one from now on?

 

[DJCT]

I think Jophil nailed it. You led her through the date and escalated confidently and you did well. Afterwards though, you did some AFC stuff like texting her (are you afraid to call?) and telling her you hope she feels the same way (are you looking for her approval?).

Think about things like breaking through ASD, getting girls drunk to bone and women wanting the man lead. Women want convenient ways to escape accountability for their actions. You lead confidently on the first date and gave her that.

Then you texted her this:

oh yeah, what is your schedule like for this weekend or next week, i want to meet up with you soon. hope you feel the same way

and made her responsible for anything happening in the future. She doesn't like this so she's not getting back to you.

 

[DJCT]

If I was in your shoes I would wait a week. Then I would call her and tell her I want to take her out on X night at X time to X place. Take away the variables so the only decision she has to be responsible for is yes or no.

 

[rocco]

I think Jophil nailed it. You led her through the date and escalated confidently and you did well. Afterwards though, you did some AFC stuff like texting her (are you afraid to call?) and telling her you hope she feels the same way (are you looking for her approval?).

I texted her because she has a thing with phone texting for some reasons. And I just wanted to communicate with her with what she was comfortable with.. The texting i didnt see as too bad, but looking back i should of either said something less afc or called her up instead.

I think the texting back and forth could be used for flirting. it can be used to build of the sexual tension if done properly. I should of called her up instead after some text flirting back and forth though..

the "I hope you feel the same way" words I said to her, was totally how i felt at the moment. I wanted to say something to make the flirting more intimate.. Even though I said "I hope you feel the same way", I knew she felt the same way just by how she was last night on our date, so it was kind of redundant of me to tell her that lol.

 

[decades]

confuscious say woman who give blow job on first date make man crazy on 10th date.

 

[jophil28]

Strike while the iron is still hot.

I agree.
You led her to sex play on the first date, THat means that she is willing to be led. SO f**king lead her again.

Keep doing what worked.

 

[PTC]

...

 

[PTC]

confuscious say woman who give blow job on first date make man crazy on 10th date.

:crackup: :crackup:

I smell BPD.....

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

so guys will I be able to turn this one around or should I just move on? How should i play this one from now on?

Why not just pick up the phone and call her (yes, you will have to speak) with a specific plan in mind to get together again? Specific is knowing what you are going to do on the date, a couple of different days to choose from and a time. Everyone is telling you to lead but no one is telling you what should be obvious.

 

[samspade]

These days, it's ok to text a little with a woman, but only in response if she texts you. It's a good device for some flirtation but DON'T OVERDO IT. We all know it can be fun to receive a text from the opposite sex, but the more frequent it happens (as with anything), the less exciting it is. Most girls under 30 are so plugged in to phones, email, facebook, and everything else that they get a glut of messages every day. If you consistently text her, you run the risk of falling into the matrix of information she receives from all sources.

As with all things in DJ land, if you are going to err, let it be on the side of restraint. It will drive her crazy waiting and wondering. Think of your communication with her like it's a thoughtful letter among the stack of bills and junk she gets in her (physical) mailbox. Scarcity and patience, and a woman's nervous mind are your allies. Use them.

And don't let her know how you feel. Put those feelings into action. Call her. Treat the text like an interception. You got the ball back, now move on and don't dwell, you're doing great.

 

[iqqi]

OP, you did nothing wrong.

She is just playing hard to get. Ask her one more time, then find another plate to spin and leave "lil miss playing hard" to get play all by herself until she decides to come around.

 

[legolas]

I think if you want more second dates you have to understand the concept of teasing. I think it's not a matter of whether you were too sexual or not, it's a matter of how she thought about it.

You see girls are meant to be led, but you as a man have to know what you want and be congruent. If you want sex on the first date, for her that's called hooking up or ONS, you cannot simply turn around and start dating her. Your intention should come through in your behavior.

I think she will write it off as "I hooked up with this guy" Any dates from that point on will be colored with that perception, meaning when you ask her out again she will think you want to hook up and may not be comfortable with it.

There's nothing wrong with this by the way if that's what you really want!

I get the feeling that you're a little conflicted in yourself about what you really want. If you want to date these girls, then you MUST play the teasing game. Give her a taste of the kinds of feelings she can expect from you, but only a small dose, then TURN IT OFF

If she begins to crave it then you're doing it right. Try not to overdo it. Keep in mind that she wants it but you're not that easy. You will then continue the pattern of giving her small doses of emotions on the dates.

Let me know if this makes any sense.

 

[seasonedplayer]

The other possibility is that she is playing the field and has other options. Remember, single women also date and can have several "pokers in the fire". Maybe you are just in the queue....and then think about how she compares your value to the others in the queue. You may get revisited, you may not.

Where have you met the majority of these girls? I find I have the exact same problem and the girls have 2 things in common
a) very attractive
b) met them on the internet

You know what that means - that the quote above is right. Some girls have A LOT OF OPTIONS