There is no article or guide to gaining self respect because that is not how it is done; there is nothing you can read and no formula to follow to gain self respect. Gaining self respect is a journey that is different for everyone; because everybody has different problems, and because everybody's personalities are different, they will have to come up with their own individual plan on how to identify and solve their own problems and how to give themselves the recognition they deserve.
You need to figure out exactly why you don't give yourself as much respect as you feel you deserve. This includes listing everything you don't like about yourself and setting up a plan of action to change all these things, as well as personal counseling (either with yourself or another person) to help identify where your negative thoughts and feelings are coming from and how you can change them. You have to change both your habits and your way of processing feelings and ideas to gain self respect.
loving said:
I let things slide that shouldn't, I don't even man up to talk to women..
Okay so here's two tangible problems that you have identified with yourself. Your next step would be to write down specifics:
what exactly do you let slide that you shouldn't? Why did you let these things slide in the past? Why shouldn't you let them in the future? Then go through specific examples of situations where you let things slide and work out exactly what you think you should have done.
You don't man up to talk to women? Then start talking to women! There's no simple way to go about doing this; I mean people have come up with plans on how to "build up" to talking to women (see the bootcamp, for example), but when it comes down to it the exact same fear will be there. So I say that you just man up and do it. You will feel infinitely better for trying, even if you fail, than if you don't try at all. Because if you try you can say "Ok this was a victory because I cleared that first hurdle. Now where did I go wrong in this specific interaction and how can I improve in the future?" as opposed to just sitting there in your failure thinking "what if" all night. Go to a bar and play crash and burn with your friends; that's the best way I think of getting over that initial fear.
So add to this list. Sit down and write out every single issue that you dislike about yourself, and then write out a plan to solve each one of them. Then post it in this thread and we'll help you out.
I notice people don't respect me.. I figure, if I don't respect me, why would anyone else?
This is exactly true. Have you ever watched The Dog Whisperer? There's a great lesson in that show; a lot of the time the owners of these dogs don't step in to take on the role of the leader, so the dog will instinctively move into that role. I think this applies very well to social situations and social interactions between humans, too. In every social interaction there is power, and there are those that hold the power and those that don't. If you do not go for that power then someone else will. If you don't respect yourself then you are completely powerless, and everyone will realize the power that they have over you and will exploit it to varying extents.
But the only reason they are able to do that is because
you let them. You
gave them the power. So the problem is with
you and not with them, or the world, or anything else. I'm just saying this because I know a lot of people don't take responsibility for their lack of respect, either because they refuse to accept that it's their fault or because they just don't realize it. Accepting that it is your fault is the first step towards realizing that you have the power to change that, and that in itself is empowering.
