having a sex problem with girlfriend of 15 months.

[jamescr73]

as you guys can probably tell, i havent been around in awhile. I went through a bunch of girls real fast, and suddenly stumbled upon something better than the bu11sh1t i was putting myself through for the past couple of years. I found a small town girl (in my big town), that was 100% different than the rest. Not screwed up in the head (#1 requirement), shes very smart, very attractive (8) and I couldnt pass it up. Things have been fine, we havent done the go out for a month, and break up thing. Its been about 15 months solid, and no major conflicts really. We are both peacemakers for the most part.

Anyway heres the problem. The number 1 thing I like in bed is getting head. She tells me she likes to give me head, but maybe 1 out of 5 times we have sex she gives it to me, and i have to practially push her down there to get her started. Many times in the past year she's promised me that she'll do it next time, or later that day, or whenever, then when the time comes, she'll back out and say shes not in the mood, or oh I forgot, I promise Ill do it tomorrow. (Then conveniently forget tomorrow).

I do anything she wants me to, sexually. I have no problems with any of it. Ive tried explaining to her that we are supposed to learn what the other likes and do what we can to make each experience the best possible for each other. Seems to me like she doesnt care much about what I like in bed.

So I dont know what else to do. About once a month we get into this same ol arguement about how I do anything she wants (sexually), but when it comes to something I want her to do "oh, im not in the mood for that tonight, i just want you to fu(k me". Then she goes through the whole speal about how shes a bad girlfriend, and by the end of the conversation shes saying how shes gonna make it up to me (then never does anything different than before).

Any ideas?

 

[hardwork]

Originally posted by jamescr73
[…] and by the end of the conversation shes saying how shes gonna make it up to me (then never does anything different than before).

Any ideas?

Why not bring that up? Be like, "Alright, sista, this is how it needs to be: you either go down on me or you quit being a tease about it." Hopefully you'll flavor that and shape it how best fits you (God, I hope so). But you get where I'm aimed at with that kind of openness, right?

(On a side note, your post made me think of another article I had read somewhere, and I set to finding it. I'm disgraced, but I hope you're satisfied that I Googled for "throbbing chorizo" to bring you this.)

 

[91redrotary]

I know exactly how you feel. I was in the same exact situation with my ex. The only thing was,was that she didn't promise to make it up to me. But while we were talking about sex one time I told her that if a man doesn't get it from somewhere he'll go elsewhere. (wink wink) Hinting it to her. After that conversation she started to change and everytime we had sex she gave it to me.
Basically just give her time and maybe she do it. Will you stop seeing her if she doesn't give it to you like you want it?

 

[jamescr73]

Originally posted by 91redrotary
But while we were talking about sex one time I told her that if a man doesn't get it from somewhere he'll go elsewhere. (wink wink) Hinting it to her. After that conversation she started to change and everytime we had sex she gave it to me.
Basically just give her time and maybe she do it. Will you stop seeing her if she doesn't give it to you like you want it?

I told her the same thing once, she went crazy with the "youre going to leave me, dont leave me" Then starts bawling her head off.

I wont stop seeing her, because in all other aspects shes great. Ive dated so many women, and theyre all so fu(ked up, good lord, ive seen it all. This one is damn good.

I try to explain to her that if she thinks its nasty it can be cured with a shower and some mouthwash. Its not like its perminent.

I guess we will see what happens tonight.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Originally posted by jamescr73
as you guys can probably tell, i havent been around in awhile. I went through a bunch of girls real fast, and suddenly stumbled upon something better than the bu11sh1t i was putting myself through for the past couple of years. I found a small town girl (in my big town), that was 100% different than the rest. Not screwed up in the head (#1 requirement), shes very smart, very attractive (8) and I couldnt pass it up. Things have been fine, we havent done the go out for a month, and break up thing. Its been about 15 months solid, and no major conflicts really. We are both peacemakers for the most part.

Anyway heres the problem. The number 1 thing I like in bed is getting head. She tells me she likes to give me head, but maybe 1 out of 5 times we have sex she gives it to me, and i have to practially push her down there to get her started. Many times in the past year she's promised me that she'll do it next time, or later that day, or whenever, then when the time comes, she'll back out and say shes not in the mood, or oh I forgot, I promise Ill do it tomorrow. (Then conveniently forget tomorrow).

I do anything she wants me to, sexually. I have no problems with any of it. Ive tried explaining to her that we are supposed to learn what the other likes and do what we can to make each experience the best possible for each other. Seems to me like she doesnt care much about what I like in bed.

So I dont know what else to do. About once a month we get into this same ol arguement about how I do anything she wants (sexually), but when it comes to something I want her to do "oh, im not in the mood for that tonight, i just want you to fu(k me". Then she goes through the whole speal about how shes a bad girlfriend, and by the end of the conversation shes saying how shes gonna make it up to me (then never does anything different than before).

Any ideas?

Do you go down on her regularly? Cuz if you do, the balance is a little off there. My ex was spoiled - I always went down on her, rarely did I get the same treatment, however, I do prefer straight out sex over BJ's though. What can I say, I need my pvssy man!!

 

[squirrels]

Do you wash your nuts good? Keep your pubes at least trimmed? (don't gotta shave, just keep it short so she has room to work) Check the obvious stuff first.

I mean, if she doesn't like doing it, you have two choices. Either 1) Deal with not getting it as frequently as you liked, or 2) Look elsewhere for it. How important IS it to you? (and I'm not saying this to trivialize it...it may be VERY important, in which case you may want to explore your options a little)

 

[Player_Supreme]

1. This is another example of people not being real when they first get into a relationship. If she actually enjoyed giving head she would be all up on it. She lied.

2. You shouldn't of been sympin out right off the bat. Doing those extra things for her should of been earned. It's called reciprocation. Stop the extras.

3. I thought you said you two didn't argue then you turned around and said you did???which is it? doesn't matter! You two need to communicate.

 

[NewMan]

- This is the person she is. Your not going to change it. Temporarily perhaps - but I guarantee you, if you marry her, or are with her for any length of time you will not the the "Head" your looking for.

- you either live with this or not.

 

[Aresx]

Had the same problem with my girl

I basically kept pushing her down on me whenever my **** was exposed... in the car, in a room, in the shower, etc...

Now she does it without me telling her to. But it took a while of training. Stop trying to "weasel" her into giving you head more. Just keep pushing her down there, and tell her you'll **** her after she blows you for a while.

 

[c-note]

The best thing to do is to stop giving her oral sex and whatever else she likes in bed. When she asks you for oral, tell her she has to please you first. Why would you keep satisfying her when she won't do the same for you?

 

[NewMan]

The best thing to do is to stop giving her oral sex and whatever else she likes in bed. When she asks you for oral, tell her she has to please you first. Why would you keep satisfying her when she won't do the same for you?

Then you may as well just end the relationship. This kind of tit for tat thing just isn't going to work.

She either gives head or she doesn't. NOTHING will change that.

He lives with it or he leave's her.

 

[WaterTiger]

Most wome think blow jobs are pretty gross. I mean...I know it feels good....but you PEE out of that thing!

Try a flavored lube! She might not mind going down if you taste like strawberries, oranges, cherry, apple or any of the hundred other flavors available.

 

[dietzcoi]

You might get her to change but I doubt it

Most likely you will have "rationed" BJs throughout your relationship. Not a thing to look forward to.

The BJs will decrease, not increase, over time

Water Tiger: Your "thing" is pretty nasty too, when you think about it, which is why we don't think about it! We just do it!

Dietzcoi

 

[Eternal]

Originally posted by WaterTiger
Most wome think blow jobs are pretty gross. I mean...I know it feels good....but you PEE out of that thing!

Try a flavored lube! She might not mind going down if you taste like strawberries, oranges, cherry, apple or any of the hundred other flavors available.

It'd be a lot easier for females to swallow a teaspoon of cream as opposed to guys licking a dead fish for a half hour.

 

[WaterTiger]

Originally posted by dietzcoi
Water Tiger: Your "thing" is pretty nasty too, when you think about it, which is why we don't think about it! We just do it!

Dietzcoi

Never said it wasn't! Thank God I'm a STRAIGHT woman.

I'm not crazy about giving head, but if my guy is really into them, then I'll give them. It's not that big a deal to me. Besides! After getting head, he's much more likely to give me foot rubs!

 

[Crank_It_Up]

squirrels hit it on the head.... first make sure it's clean and smells good... squeeze it to make sure that no urine will be present.

use your hands on her first, but don't let her orgasm, when she gets close, lay on your back and lift her on top of you in the 69 position... she'll know what to do.

 

[DJD]

The decrease in BJ frequency is not that uncommon, but I don't really know why. Some women seem to drift from hot sex to more romantic intercourse when you've been with them a while. But some men seem to let the sex act get a little too routine and predictable such that she's not really getting all that turned on anymore. Trying to put myself in her situation, I know that as a man I'd rather have intercourse with a woman than give oral sex to her if I weren't all that turned on. The same might well apply to her.

My ancecdotal experience and observation of others suggests that women are much more into variety than are men; we tend to be more creatures of habit. Women like to mix it up and experiment. Strangely enough, I first noticed this difference when going to restaurants with women. I will go to specific restaurants over and over for the same things that I love to eat. I know exactly what I want before I get there if I've been there before, and I don't need to peruse the menu to decide. A woman will go to the same restaurants, but end up trying just about everything on the menu sooner or later, often chastising the man she's with for not eating something different.

So, if I were in your shoes, and anything I've stated has some truth in your case... In addition to making sure that your hygiene is good (as noted by others), l'd be sure to use more variety and be more sensual and 'dirty' with her (make it hot) to get her in the mood, especially if the sex has sort of settled into a routine. Just my .02 cents.

 

[Drex]

Instead of coming down on her about not going down on you, do some positive reinforcement the next time she DOES go down on you.

After the deed is done (blow job, intercourse) tell her how amazing she was and how much it turns you on when she goes down on you first and how it makes your orgasm so much better. Tell her how turned on you are when she swallows.

And when she is not giving you head, tell her without actually telling her, that the sex just wasnt that great. Just kind of finish up without much expression on your face and go about your business....she'll notice the difference between seeing you after great sex and seeing you after regular sex...maybe she will start aiming to please more often!

 

[Pugsley_f5]

that last one is a good idea you really cannot go wrong with + reinforcement.