Had sex once, now she wants more but I don't

[killerdiller]

Guys,

I had a second date with a girl last night and we ended up having sex. I didn't really want to, although I suggested it because the opportunity presented itself, so this f***up is totally on me. The thing is, although this girl is perfectly pleasant and intelligent and okay-looking, I'm not physically attracted to her at ALL. I wasn't able to stay hard during the act, and had to respond to her "are you even attracted to me lines," with reassuring generalities. Anyway, she just contacted me to see if I wanted to come over and have sex again. I do not. I don't even want to see her again. I'm pretty disappointed in myself and am sorry that I inadvertently led her on, but I want to be done with this.

So, am I obligated to do the right thing here by calling her and telling her that I don't feel it/good luck, or can I do the cowardly thing and just beg off seeing her again until she loses interest or gets the point?

For the record, I made clear before the sex that the sex was just sex (sorry, that's a lot of sex's) and not a precursor of anything else. She is definitely way more into me than I am into her.

 

[Iceberg]

I wouldn't tell her anything. Just disappear into the night, my friend.

 

[joverby]

I wouldn't tell her anything. Just disappear into the night, my friend.

^This^

I've done it with a few girls myself, like I'm sure most of us have.

I've found you can pretty much pop back in these girl's lives whenever you want later down the road too.(Probably a couple year window) As long as they aren't taken.

 

[pdx1138]

yeah do nothing.

she will leave you alone after you don't respond 2 or 3 times.

I've been there myself.

 

[Blackhole105]

How bout you man up and tell her you're not attracted to her and that sleeping with her was a mistake? I can't tell you how may times I've read threads on here of guys complaining about chicks they're seeing who just drop contact. Sure, it'll be an awkward moment for you, but it'll save her a lot of pain...it's the least you could do.

 

[joverby]

How bout you man up and tell her you're not attracted to her and that sleeping with her was a mistake? I can't tell you how may times I've read threads on here of guys complaining about chicks they're seeing who just drop contact. Sure, it'll be an awkward moment for you, but it'll save her a lot of pain...it's the least you could do.

I respect your opinion, I agree it's more of a "responsible" thing to do. BUT, let's be honest.... Saying "I'm not attracted to you and sleeping with you is a mistake." probably will fvck with her emotions way more than disappearing.

If you disappear she can at least justify it somehow. Sure it will probably hurt her a little but I think it would actually hurt less. She will probably respect for doing it this way but I'm not sure how much pain it will save.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

How bout you man up and tell her you're not attracted to her and that sleeping with her was a mistake? I can't tell you how may times I've read threads on here of guys complaining about chicks they're seeing who just drop contact. Sure, it'll be an awkward moment for you, but it'll save her a lot of pain...it's the least you could do.

I can't see how telling someone after having sex, "I'm not attracted to you and never want to see you again" is less painful than anything.

The guys on here that complain about girls who drop contact are just too damn sensitive. And they've never been in the position to drop contact with anyone.

 

[SgtSplacker]

IceBerg I really liked the "dissapear into the night" comment, lol awesome.

But yeah what he said... dissapear into the night dude. If she starts calling just tell her your doing something else with another girl. That should be enough to turn her off from you. A couple of those and she'll stop calling for sure.

Telling her whats really going on is kinda hurtful, honesty is NOT always the best policy. You know shes gonna ask you why, then you might tell her a bunch of stuff she probably already knows. It's just gonna make her feel bad. Whats good for her is to keep her morale high and gently lead her out the door to her life banging someone else, lol.

 

[SeymourCake]

One thing about disappearing into the night is that she may get into a tantrum and claim that you were manipulative. It happened to me before. Just ignore it and move on with your life.

 

[AAAgent]

i had a very similar thing happen.

I actually think this girl has a great personality but i have no physical attraction to her. She came onto me forcefully so i just let it happen though i did stop it since i couldn't stay hard.

I left right after that since she kept sticking to me. Right when i left she was crying. I called to give her some re-assurance that she wasn't a slut and clearly hinted that i wasn't looking for anything. Then i told her i had to go, that i'd see her around and hoped she had a good holiday.

I have 2 young neices and one is now a teenager. I wouldn't want any guy doing ONS to them and making them feel like sh1t. I figured i'd atleast show some responsibility for my actions and call and let them know since i made the girl cry.

I have friends that are not interested in the girls and just keep stringing them along since they don't have the balls straight out to tell them. They end up stringing the girls along for months having no feelings. Not my style.

Men don't run away from problems expecting them to go away, they handle them.

 

[perseverance]

You quite knowingly led this girl on, so don't even pretend that you didn't. If you didn't want to have sex with her then you should have been honest and ended the situation. Who has sex with someone they're not attracted to? It makes about as much sense as sabotaging your parachute and then proceeding to skydive with the broken parachute.

You should be man enough to be honest at all times.

 

[Iceberg]

You quite knowingly led this girl on, so don't even pretend that you didn't. If you didn't want to have sex with her then you should have been honest and ended the situation. Who has sex with someone they're not attracted to? It makes about as much sense as sabotaging your parachute and then proceeding to skydive with the broken parachute.

You should be man enough to be honest at all times.

I don't know. Me and just about any other guy i know who gets laid on a regular basis.

Now that I'm older and more tame, I'm more selective about who I sleep with. But about 4-5 years ago, I definitely had sex with a girl or three whom I regret. Most guys I know (who are honest) would admit the same. They can't all be supermodels.

As difficult as it is to tell someone to be dishonest, I just don't see the point in telling a girl that you're flat-out not attracted to her. Especially when it's just some ONS with a girl you barely know. The unspoken rule of "if I don't respond to your calls, I'm not interested" works. Male or female.

I've gone on first dates with girls, and afterward got the "I don't see us dating." texts. And I remember thinking, "damn it was just one date. No need to make it all serious by 'breaking up with me'. Just ignore my call. I'll get the hint."

 

[Groovy]

Something smells totally like putrid fish because she is a nice girl yet you can't keep an hard erection during sex. In fact, you are smelling the horrible stench of the fish yourself! Are you sure the problem is in her and not in YOU? What would have happened if she were a totally attractive girl, would you be able to be totally hard? If yes... are you sure? I mean, if you can't be hard, there must be a problem with you in my opinion, if you can wake up in the morning feeling hard, without stimulation, you should also be when your penis is in a vagina in my opinion...

You should tell us more details about your sexual health so we can try to help you on that, that's what I think!

 

[pdx1138]

As difficult as it is to tell someone to be dishonest, I just don't see the point in telling a girl that you're flat-out not attracted to her. Especially when it's just some ONS with a girl you barely know. The unspoken rule of "if I don't respond to your calls, I'm not interested" works. Male or female.

Thats what I do.

I recently had a first date with a girl that didn't look much like her photo's. I was immediately turned off by her looks. She was super nice but it just wasn't there. I never initiated contact with her but she did twice after the date.

I got a msg from her a week later that she was bummed out I didn't ask her out again. I hadn't even kissed her.

I was tempted to tell her I was not attracted to her, but that seemed like a cruel thing to say to her so I thanked her and told her to "Take Care."

Now another girl (at the same time as this one) I had kissed and been a few dates with....again...no fireworks for her. I decided I wouldn't go so far as the sleep with her even though I could have.(A Lesson I learned last year with huge regret) I could tell by the way she looked at me when I left the last date she knew I would disappear. I did feel guilty for leading her on.

 

[perseverance]

I don't know. Me and just about any other guy i know who gets laid on a regular basis.

Desperation is a terrible thing. I'd rather go without sex than resorting to having sex with someone I'm not attracted to. Your second point is ridiculous, since when does stopping dating equate to "breaking up"? I like honest people, I appreciate honesty, even if I don't like what's being said to me, I'd rather someone was up front about their intentions, instead of lying etc.

 

[Iceberg]

Desperation is a terrible thing. I'd rather go without sex than resorting to having sex with someone I'm not attracted to.

Then I don't have the high moral standards of some guy I never met named perseverance. I can live with that.

Your second point is ridiculous, since when does stopping dating equate to "breaking up"? I like honest people, I appreciate honesty, even if I don't like what's being said to me, I'd rather someone was up front about their intentions, instead of lying etc.

Yeah but who's lying? I just dont feel a need to communicate with a girl that I don't want to see anymore.

It's not like I'm handling this stuff like a flake. Planning dates, and then being "sick" or not showing up. I just walk away and go No Contact.

 

[AAAgent]

going no contact makes sense once you've communicated clearly that you don't plan on seeing each other anymore. A perfect example would be a break-up.

If you bang some drunk girl that ends up calling you/texting you and you just ignore her while she sits there thinking there is something going on, you obviously didn't communicate to her properly that it was a ONS. Now if she's communicating with you wanting to start something, that just means that she understood but would still like to talk to you. Either way they both deserve at least a "i'm not interested". It addresses the potential issue of a girl bothering you for a while, it shows that you can handle a problem, and it also defuses the issue of rape by some crazy girl wanting to get back at you for making her feel like a $lut.

ONS are never a clear subjects but I only would respond to girls that actually contact me first. If they don't contact me after a ONS i assume they understand it was mutual. If they do, i'm usually a gentleman about it and let them know i'm not looking for anything serious at the moment and tell them i'll see them around.

Imagine a ONS turning into some rape case nightmare just because you decided to be an a$$ and go no contact when you could have easily just said i don't want a relationship atm.

Some answers can be answered by silence and i don't think ignoring a ONS response can be.

 

[perseverance]

Then I don't have the high moral standards of some guy I never met named perseverance. I can live with that.




Yeah but who's lying? I just dont feel a need to communicate with a girl that I don't want to see anymore.

It's not like I'm handling this stuff like a flake. Planning dates, and then being "sick" or not showing up. I just walk away and go No Contact.

It's got nothing to do morals or moral high grounds. It's got everything to do with the laws of attraction and so forth. If my mind and my body tells me that I am unattracted to someone, then I am unattracted to her, I won't try and have sex with someone I'm not attracted to.

Alright then it's not lying, it's being spineless. Liars and people without a backbone are on the same footage as far as I am concerned.

When I go on a date and it doesn't go well, I just say "I didn't feel it went well and as a result I won't see you again". It's that simple, a quick text is all it takes. If she's got a problem with that, then that's not my concern, from then on in, I'll go no contact with her.