Had a date with a girl I like...but felt like I was hanging out with my best friend..

[f283000]

We would normally flirt or at least chat after class for a few...but now I just don't even want to...i mean what the fvck. And I KNOW she is going to approach me...or try talking to me...and eventually ask me why I am not
talking to her as much, etc.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...will have to play the aloof thing...not stay after class too initiate the "after class" shyt...not sure WHAT to say if she ever asks me though...

oh well...

whatever you do DON'T EXPLAIN YOUR FEELINGS TO HER! Obviously she is going to be craving your attention just like a crack hor craves crack. She is going to wonder why you aren't feeding her ego with attention like you always do.

Whatever you do don't be stupid and do something criminal like explaining your feelings to her. She will only embarrass you and bring you down with explanations like "my intention was never to make you feel this way I have always seen us like good friends" and other rationalizations on how she played with your time and emotions and you got nothing for it. She'll pretend she didn't even know you wanted her as more than a friend. This same scenario has been played out countless times to countless guys.

Best thing for you to do is to start ignoring her calls/texts, decline her invitations tell her your busy. Whatever you do don't look upset or like she broke your heart or anything because women can smell and see when they messed with your mind from a mile away.

If you keep yourself strong and distant long enough she'll get the message without you making yourself weak in front of her and that's how you want it to end. You don't want to give her the satisfaction of her knowing you are upset cause you couldn't get with her.

 

[MR109]

When I wrote "would have made it easy"...I meant more of a clear sign that there was SOME interest. Me asking her for a drink, one on one, should have been enought to show I was inteerested in her. If I thought she wanted me to make a move on her, I would have...she would have at least "allowed" an opportunity for that to happen. But nada. She kept too much distance...

Oh HELL NO...I would never explain feelings and shyt to her.

If she appraoches me, I'll be friendly, but no way will I hang with this chick or call her...

Phone number DELETED.

 

[MR109]

Here is a question...

If she invites me to a group gathering or friend hang out...or some "improv show"...is it wise to tell her that if she wants to get to know me, it would have to be one on one on a date, and not these "friend gatherings"?

Or am I venturing into the embarassing myself category?

 

[Jeffst1980]

Here is a question...

If she invites me to a group gathering or friend hang out...or some "improv show"...is it wise to tell her that if she wants to get to know me, it would have to be one on one on a date, and not these "friend gatherings"?

Or am I venturing into the embarassing myself category?

The latter. You are at an awkward phase where overtly declaring your intentions will force her to ignore you--just like in the awkward 'picture me naked' text. Although, that might not be so bad, because then you'd be able to move on from this wacky situation.

The reason you got stuck in friend zone is not just because you gave up the frame right away--you went along with her ideas and tried to accommodate her busy schedule--but because this girl is very self-centered, and wants to collect as many orbiter AFCs as she can. Actually, you are not really in "friend zone"--that would be relatively easy to escape. You are in "validation zone," where you provide attention for her and little else.

This type of girl is kind of un-gameable, unless you have higher social value than her. Yes, she's an introvert with insecurities--but she's also a self-obsessed AW, and that spells disaster for you.

If you are being honest with yourself, you will probably find that she really isn't all that great, and your crush on her is based on the smoke and mirrors of her mixed signals and nothing more. So, I guess you both are looking for validation.

If she invites you to another group outing, tell her you've got a date with some chick you met that night. Withdraw your attention from her, and see how she responds. You've already made it clear that you like her, and she's failed to give you the opportunities to progress this relationship. NEXT.

 

[MR109]

cool...

Yup...you are right with most of what you concluded..."smoke & mirrors" I mean. Cool...

Already erased her numbers and such. So...move, and when she asks me for an improv or social outing, I have a date.



Mike

 

[MR109]

oh!

One last thing, seeing as I have to see her tomorrow. Eventually, over the enxt few weeks, she will see the difference, and she will most likely approach me on why I am not talking with her, no convo after class, etc. I assume playing it obvilously is best. what I mean is, bascically not really giving her anythng...like I do not know what she is on about.

But...if this chick asks to hang out...NOT in a social setting, but one on one...what then? Back to game on?

 

[MR109]

Alrighttttttttttt...

I am using this thread as a way to keep notes for myself, so I can look back if in similar situations, so a reply is not necessary...

This evening went okay...I arrived 15 minutes earlier than everyone else...sat down, and finished up on some texts. Go figure she arrives early too.

HER - "hey you are here early"

ME - (as I am texting)..."yaaaaaaaaaaaa"

HER - "How's it going"

ME - (I made eye contact briefly) - "...cool....you?" (back to texting)

Then she walked over to me, and grabbed my shoulder and started rubbing it, as she said (again)...

HER - (as she is rubbing my shoulder) "how's it going?"

ME - "Good, good..."

Me back to texting...


Then she left to go to the bathroom...meanwhile a buddy of mine came in, and sat next to me...we started chatting it up and such. She comes in as he and I are talking, and she starts engaging in convo with him as well...and she sat down next to us...so sort of a triangle convo. I kept pretty much all of my attention and focus on joking around with my buddy, and made no real attempt to engage her, make eye contact, etc.

We had class as normal, but made sure I did not make any effort to talk to her on the 10 minute break (chatted up some other girls instead, no interest in any of them, but whatever).

Throughout class i kept my cool...after one performance, rather than sitting in her own chair, she next to me instead for 10 minutes or so.

I was a still my fun self, engaging a lot of people...just did not pay her any real attention.

End of class she went to the bathroom. normally we'd hang out after class for a bit, chat, etc...but I just left.

Oh well...

On to day #2 next week...

 

[MR109]

Well that didn't take long...

Checked my texts this moring...she write me last night...

""how you feeling tonight? seemed quiet, but present. Just checking!"

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

 

[Jeffst1980]

She's fishing for validation. You've done well thus far, and it's working--but don't give in yet. You essentially want to treat her the way she was treating you--keep her at arm's length, and bring the focus onto you. Text her something like, "I'm good! Sorry, was a bit preoccupied when I saw you--had a crazy last few days!"

If she pushes for details, just brush it off with, "Eh, nothing of interest to you. Just hanging with some people I met." Give her no other details, and change the subject.

Her mind will connect the dots and she will be convinced that she's losing your interest, and that you've met a new girl, and that you're pretty stoked about it. This will drive any AW crazy.

Keep up being a bit distant, and make her initiate EVERYTHING; see what that does to her interest level.

If she asks you to hang out 1 on 1, it's on, but make her work for it i.e. rearrange her schedule, etc. She'll feel more invested in it that way.

 

[slaog]

Thanks for keeping us updated OP.


For an introvert she does like having her ego stroked.

 

[MR109]

mmm..hmmmmmm..

Well...I did send her a quick text a few minutes ago, as you suggested above. left it at that.

Will see if anything else happens before Wednesday again...

If not, will play it like I did yesterday...

 

[f283000]

MR109 you are acting like a PU$$Y!!! A BIG OL PU$$Y! YOU NEED TO SNAP OUT OF IT BROTHER!

She used you as an orbiter, she used you for attention and you got nothing, absolutely nothing!

So instead of acting LIKE A MAN and moving on with your life and talking to other women what do you do? You come here almost every day and post about every interaction with her showing you definitely have oneitis with this girl and you haven't talked to any other women besides her.

Are you sure you are in the right forum? this is the mature men forum not the high school forum which seems you might belong in. I have never seen a guy keep a thread and log every little interaction with a woman he failed with like you are doing now!

I can see how this is gonna go

friday: You post how she gave you a smile and you tried to look away
saturday: You post about how you will try not to hang out with her again
sunday: You will post about how you ended up seeing some comedy improv again

I hope you realize how embarrassing this is. You are embarrassing yourself by acting the way you are. You are acting like a kid. Grown men don't keep a dairy of their interactions with women that didn't give them any action, they move on to the next one. Grown men should have a life rather than posting hopeless posts in a forum.

What do you hope to accomplish with this? No wonder you didn't end up getting action from her. You are way too passive. You never made a move on her.

Sorry for being harsh but you really need to be smacked across the face and snap out of this. How many times did you hang out with her exactly? Stop confusing yourself and start keeping it simple. If you don't kiss her by the 2nd date you are in trouble. Any more than 3 dates and you should drop the case.

 

[Poonani Maker]

f283000 hit the nail on the head. You can't Fake being with other women, you just gotta go nail other women. Fvck this ho!

 

[nismo-4]

MR109 you are acting like a PU$$Y!!! A BIG OL PU$$Y! YOU NEED TO SNAP OUT OF IT BROTHER!

She used you as an orbiter, she used you for attention and you got nothing, absolutely nothing!

So instead of acting LIKE A MAN and moving on with your life and talking to other women what do you do? You come here almost every day and post about every interaction with her showing you definitely have oneitis with this girl and you haven't talked to any other women besides her.

Are you sure you are in the right forum? this is the mature men forum not the high school forum which seems you might belong in. I have never seen a guy keep a thread and log every little interaction with a woman he failed with like you are doing now!

I can see how this is gonna go

friday: You post how she gave you a smile and you tried to look away
saturday: You post about how you will try not to hang out with her again
sunday: You will post about how you ended up seeing some comedy improv again

I hope you realize how embarrassing this is. You are embarrassing yourself by acting the way you are. You are acting like a kid. Grown men don't keep a dairy of their interactions with women that didn't give them any action, they move on to the next one. Grown men should have a life rather than posting hopeless posts in a forum.

What do you hope to accomplish with this? No wonder you didn't end up getting action from her. You are way too passive. You never made a move on her.

Sorry for being harsh but you really need to be smacked across the face and snap out of this. How many times did you hang out with her exactly? Stop confusing yourself and start keeping it simple. If you don't kiss her by the 2nd date you are in trouble. Any more than 3 dates and you should drop the case.

Filed under "Problems from Oneitis"!

No, don't apologize for being harsh. Sometimes you gotta give tough love in cases like this. I need to do this more in my courtroom.

 

[MR109]

uhhhhhhhhhhh...no, not one-itis.

Have a date with an ex- Miss Australia on Saturday.

As I posted above, writing this shyt out helps me remember for reference...

anyway...

 

[samspade]

Have a date with an ex- Miss Australia on Saturday.

Our level of awe depends on the year in which she was crowned.

 

[Jitterbug]

For an introvert she does like having her ego stroked.

Do a search for burlesque dancers, have a quick look at what they do and you'll understand why.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Guys, go easy on MR109.

It's very tough to game an AW.

I've done it before. You need to LJBF her, but still engage her. You are doing okay with a difficult person. Stop taking her seriously, but also, she needs to know you are seeing someone else.

Be wary - she is flighty and likes to play games to keep as many chumps around to feed her ego as much as possible.

I got around this once with a bartender who was similar by bringing another girl I knew to make out with me in front of her.

You're fine as long as you no longer chase her.

This type of woman is very fun to play mind games with - turn it around on her (you already seem to be doing that) but don't make it look obvious that you are.

Have fun with this - she's a weird one and it's good gaming experience.

Enjoyed this thread, as I've been there, done that, and it's a good reminder.

Let's have an update DJ MR109.