Guy wants to win over my GF (?)

[LittleBigOne]

Since more then a year i have a GF. We have a good fun and live together since a while. She is a student and is doing projects on university. On university she hangs around a lot with a male student. They are in projects together often and are good friends. So far no problem, but more and more he started asking her to come over for dinners, cinema while he had a GF. He complained to my GF about his own GF and last week they broke up so now he is single. In two weeks my GF goes on workexperience to another country and he even offered to visit her a few days there!
Ofcourse i talked about it with my GF. I told her i am confidenced in our relation and she admits this guy is and stays just a good friend. I asked my GF to make him clear that he is just a good friend. I think its good my GF is having friends, also male ones. But in this case i have the believe he wants to win her over on the long term. I don't act jealous...so far. How to deal with this if this is going further, i feel myself more and more irritated and thats no good, only a profit for him.

 

[DoubleA]

Here's an idea for you, man.

Next time you plan something with you GF, ask if she'd like to invite him along with his GF.

That way he'll atleast meet the guy he's trying get over on. Two, if he's lying about the GF it'll show. Not too mention, you get to see what your GF's reaction is.

Be creative with it.

- AA

 

[LittleBigOne]

Here's an idea for you, man.

Next time you plan something with you GF, ask if she'd like to invite him along with his GF.

That way he'll atleast meet the guy he's trying get over on. Two, if he's lying about the GF it'll show. Not too mention, you get to see what your GF's reaction is.

Be creative with it.

- AA

He broke up with his GF as i said. I saw him a few times, before his break up. That was ok, he was friendly. But i start to disrespect him because he is asking more and more attention of my GF.

 

[Vulpine]

He complained to my GF about his own GF and last week they broke up so now he is single.

Take a baseball bat to his knee caps.

Be creative with it.

Yeah, use a pipe, steel-toed boot, or a huge glass dildo on his knee caps to get extra style points.

 

[DoubleA]

Originally posted by Vulpine

Yeah, use a pipe, steel-toed boot, or a huge glass dildo on his knee caps to get extra style points.

LOL! Vulpine will have you standing in some court in front of a judge..lmao

The only non violent thing you can do is pay attention to how your GF is reacting. Tomassi always mentioning how women communicate non verbally. WHen she starts acting distant..then there's a problem. By then it's too late.

Talking to the guy makes it seem like he's a threat to your relationship. I wouldn't give him that satisfaction. BUT man..there's alot time being spent with her. I don't like how this is sounding. The only thing I can think is if he capitalizes on something that's missing in your relationship.

Can you explain a little but more about the dynamics of your relationship, Lilbig1??

- AA

now another 2 cent.

 

[NewDon]

hmmm... i'd be very careful with this one... i've come across the same situation before and i got burnt pretty badly... basically... it depends a lot on your woman. i'm not exactly sure what the right thing to do here is, but i can tell you a few things that you shouldn't do:
1) don't tell your girl to stop seeing him - jealousy never comes across well, and makes her think that your threatened by this guy, so she starts to think that maybe he is something of value.
2) don't threaten the guy. he'll just tell your woman and she'll get pissed at you for threatening her 'friends'.

in a situation like this, it depends a lot on the woman your with... it seems pretty obvious that she knows this guy likes her. if she were a decent woman, she would tell the guy straight up that she's not interested, unless she's an attention *****.

if he visits her while she is overseas, that is definetly danger for you. she'll be lonely, possibly bored, and if he takes her out and gets her even slightly drunk there is a good chance they will hook-up (unless she is a good quality woman... but quality women are few and far between).

i suggest giving your woman a taste of her own medicine, and getting a female friend who really wants to hook up with you.

so pretty much, the moral of the story... not too much you can do here, it's all up to your woman. in case she does end up leaving you for him, i'd get a backup now... just in case...

p.s. in an ideal world, you'd be allowed to just go up to this guy and kick him in the face.

 

[Vypros]

she admits this guy is and stays just a good friend.

Why are you believing a word of that?

Women are funny creatures in that they can be lying to you, but be honestly telling the truth as well. What I mean by that is that when she is with YOU, she is not in the emotional state she is when she is with this guy, and, because she speaks from her emotions and not from her intellect, when she's with YOU, he IS just a friend!

But when she is with HIM, I am willing to assert that it's a completely different story.

So how do you tell? Well, what is she DOING?

And, from what I can gather, she is ACCEPTING these offers to hang out, right? She is SEEING HIM! And that means that puts her right there for something to happen.

Remember what everyone here says that a woman will cheat on her boyfriend at the drop of a hat so long as she doesn't think it's her fault? Well, think about it and realize that this kind of relationship is INAPPROPRIATE.

So what do you do about it? Well, I'm willing to wager that she isn't getting what she NEEDS out of her relationship with you, but still has feelings for you so she can't just walk away. HOWEVER, she probably IS thinking about this guy too and is probably already "qualifying" him with $hit tests (remember the analogy--girls are like monkeys, they don't let go of one branch until they have a firm grip on the next?).

So, you can't necessarily START being the guy she's wanting, because it's too late. And you can't tell her to stop talking to this guy, because while she's with you he is just a "friend" and she won't understand that and will think you are trying to control her.

So, you've got to STARTLE her in some way. The BEST way would be for YOU to make a preemptive strike and tell her you want to take a break from her. If you are willing to walk away, she might just have enough feelings for you to chase after you. But if you try to control her or smother her, you're going to PUSH her away.

Understand?

 

[Sinistar]

For every minute you spend thinking about your *dilema* or negotiating with her about it, she'll probably want to spend 5x that amount with him. Why? Because somewhere, someplace her level of interest/desire for you started to slide. Ask yourself this, has he mysteriously become more interesting OR have you gradually become less interesting???

Your first impulse is probably to talk to her about it. If you do, you will really be negotiating because from what I'm reading she's wielding the power in your relationship.

You've also fallen into another common trap. You moved in together before getting married. The mystery (for her) vanished well before she could experience the mega desire to commit entirely to you.

Now be honest with yourself. You took the time to write. That means you're thinking about it [probably quite a bit] and that means you are uncomfortable with the situation. Women are very sensing creatures and I would venture to guess she's already locked onto this vibe. And her CPU will process it as insecurity ==> beta male. And what do they do with beta males - they test (they might not know it, but they do).

I believe the best way out of this (if your relationship is even meant to continue) is to be what you should have been (or were before). Get back to being busy with things that interest you so that it's not so heavily on your mind. That change (or return to) being less available will only work to your advantage. Start MOVING FORWARD with your life again. Either she'll begin to miss what she thought was a sure thing or she'll move on. Either way, you have your answer.

Talking to her about all this - not gonna help.

Rationalizing that she should have male friends now, come on dude.

As for meeting him, he's a beta-male nuisance right??? So why bother. Just get your ALPHA frame back and if the two of you bump into him, let your confidence show. Then your HB will see the other dude for exactly what he is - an AFC trying to friend his way to s3x with your girl. And that in turn will be more direct proof to her (or any girl you're with) that you are in control.

Many guys flip out in situations like this. If you do that, she'll be bangin' him before you know it. And know that what she's telling you and what they're really up to might be entirely different stories.

And aside: Your post is an example example of a woman who's grabbing another branch first. If you ALPHA up she'll let go of this other branch. However, If you start negotiating and wussing out she'll grab this other branch harder (a sure thing for her). And if you flip, issue a ultimatum, etc she'll not only let go of your branch, she'll have the rationalization and justification (in her own mind) for doing so (her guilt ejection mechanism).

The matrix may be predictable, but it's never boring!

 

[Throttle]

sinistar's got the money advice here... LBO, you're in deep trouble. the problem isn't her, and it isn't him. It's you.

 

[Bourne]

Good advice.

So would you bring it up in conversation once and see how she reacts? or not talk about it at all. I mean you would want to talk about it at least once in the beginning and express yourself. I'm just not following if you NOT bring it up that it bothers you and do your thing or bring it up and then do your own thing.

But I agree perhaps you grew too comfortable with her and now she is looking for that excitement and passion that perhaps you guys had once. Real test started when you moved in together and if you didn't have your sh1t together its tough to keep it going and keep her IL up, but it is very possible if you follow your life passion as you once did.

For every minute you spend thinking about your *dilema* or negotiating with her about it, she'll probably want to spend 5x that amount with him. Why? Because somewhere, someplace her level of interest/desire for you started to slide. Ask yourself this, has he mysteriously become more interesting OR have you gradually become less interesting???

Your first impulse is probably to talk to her about it. If you do, you will really be negotiating because from what I'm reading she's wielding the power in your relationship.

You've also fallen into another common trap. You moved in together before getting married. The mystery (for her) vanished well before she could experience the mega desire to commit entirely to you.

Now be honest with yourself. You took the time to write. That means you're thinking about it [probably quite a bit] and that means you are uncomfortable with the situation. Women are very sensing creatures and I would venture to guess she's already locked onto this vibe. And her CPU will process it as insecurity ==> beta male. And what do they do with beta males - they test (they might not know it, but they do).

I believe the best way out of this (if your relationship is even meant to continue) is to be what you should have been (or were before). Get back to being busy with things that interest you so that it's not so heavily on your mind. That change (or return to) being less available will only work to your advantage. Start MOVING FORWARD with your life again. Either she'll begin to miss what she thought was a sure thing or she'll move on. Either way, you have your answer.

Talking to her about all this - not gonna help.

Rationalizing that she should have male friends now, come on dude.

As for meeting him, he's a beta-male nuisance right??? So why bother. Just get your ALPHA frame back and if the two of you bump into him, let your confidence show. Then your HB will see the other dude for exactly what he is - an AFC trying to friend his way to s3x with your girl. And that in turn will be more direct proof to her (or any girl you're with) that you are in control.

Many guys flip out in situations like this. If you do that, she'll be bangin' him before you know it. And know that what she's telling you and what they're really up to might be entirely different stories.

And aside: Your post is an example example of a woman who's grabbing another branch first. If you ALPHA up she'll let go of this other branch. However, If you start negotiating and wussing out she'll grab this other branch harder (a sure thing for her). And if you flip, issue a ultimatum, etc she'll not only let go of your branch, she'll have the rationalization and justification (in her own mind) for doing so (her guilt ejection mechanism).

The matrix may be predictable, but it's never boring!

 

[2Cool]

Been there and done that! Most of the advice I agree with. She's young and she's testing both of you. Is one fling or possibly a serious committment. She's been with you a year, and she's probably thinking is he the one?!

Women want to make sure that they have selected the best mate possbile, she won't know that unless she can compare.

My recommendation is to be the confident person you have been, make an effort to continue the relationship, but don't be a wimp. She will sense this and has been mentioned earlier. If your efforts to keep the relationship alive doesn't work, you know what? It's her loss.

I had the same situation, once I got over the relationship ending, I came to the realization that I was the prize, and too bad for her.

She came running back once I moved on.

Make an effort, but if she waffles be a man of action and do things that keep you busy and interested.

 

[drmeathead]

so your gf is chosing to spend her time with another guy. then let her. drop her. it is disrespectful. there is no reason for her to spend time alone with another guy in public let alone private. emotional cheating is cheating just same.

if i were you i wouldnt get mad or confront anyone. just assume you are in an open relationship and see whom ever you want. dont mention anything to her. if she brings your seeing other people up, do call her on her double standard. dont back down and and say you will stop if she does. just phase out the other girl if she begins to treat you better. if she doesn, **** her.

 

[coldcoal]

Listen to this advice.

For every minute you spend thinking about your *dilema* or negotiating with her about it, she'll probably want to spend 5x that amount with him. Why? Because somewhere, someplace her level of interest/desire for you started to slide. Ask yourself this, has he mysteriously become more interesting OR have you gradually become less interesting???

Your first impulse is probably to talk to her about it. If you do, you will really be negotiating because from what I'm reading she's wielding the power in your relationship.

You've also fallen into another common trap. You moved in together before getting married. The mystery (for her) vanished well before she could experience the mega desire to commit entirely to you.

Now be honest with yourself. You took the time to write. That means you're thinking about it [probably quite a bit] and that means you are uncomfortable with the situation. Women are very sensing creatures and I would venture to guess she's already locked onto this vibe. And her CPU will process it as insecurity ==> beta male. And what do they do with beta males - they test (they might not know it, but they do).

I believe the best way out of this (if your relationship is even meant to continue) is to be what you should have been (or were before). Get back to being busy with things that interest you so that it's not so heavily on your mind. That change (or return to) being less available will only work to your advantage. Start MOVING FORWARD with your life again. Either she'll begin to miss what she thought was a sure thing or she'll move on. Either way, you have your answer.

Talking to her about all this - not gonna help.

Rationalizing that she should have male friends now, come on dude.

As for meeting him, he's a beta-male nuisance right??? So why bother. Just get your ALPHA frame back and if the two of you bump into him, let your confidence show. Then your HB will see the other dude for exactly what he is - an AFC trying to friend his way to s3x with your girl. And that in turn will be more direct proof to her (or any girl you're with) that you are in control.

Many guys flip out in situations like this. If you do that, she'll be bangin' him before you know it. And know that what she's telling you and what they're really up to might be entirely different stories.

And aside: Your post is an example example of a woman who's grabbing another branch first. If you ALPHA up she'll let go of this other branch. However, If you start negotiating and wussing out she'll grab this other branch harder (a sure thing for her). And if you flip, issue a ultimatum, etc she'll not only let go of your branch, she'll have the rationalization and justification (in her own mind) for doing so (her guilt ejection mechanism).

The matrix may be predictable, but it's never boring!

 

[edmond]

Never let little things worry you, if she likes him there is nothing you can do and if she like you more, then there is nothing he can do.
Have your OWN life, so whatever happens, you will ALWAYS win.

 

[lookyoung]

Never let little things worry you, if she likes him there is nothing you can do and if she like you more, then there is nothing he can do.
Have your OWN life, so whatever happens, you will ALWAYS win.

This post is golden. These three sentences are worth a book full of advice.

Take exactly what edmond just said and apply it in your life and in your relationships. Life is too short to worry about little things.

 

[DonWon]

Sinistar gave some really good advice.

My story. A few years back this girl tried that on me. We didn't go together but according to everyone else we did.

She told me about this guy friend that she met at the club and he was real cool. I met him and all and he basically got no play. Well one day she started to have fun with me because when I called, she would say "I've got company right now" and at first I didn't catch on, and I'd be like who because she wasn't the company having type. She'd get mysterious on me and say "Aw...don't worry about it" and other type of baiting phrases that made me really insecure and jealous. I remember that I wanted to drive over her house right that minute because she's not even one minutes drive. I never was so rattled and shaken in my life. I wanted to call her back but I didn't.

Since then, she's tried those moves again but it fails miserably. I played that game with her, and now I play them with her and it works!!! Basically, if you can act as if you can live without her then that's your best chance IMO. If you act like you're threatened and scared, this will do you more harm than good.

 

[Hitman10000]

Here's an idea for you, man.

Next time you plan something with you GF, ask if she'd like to invite him along with his GF.

That way he'll atleast meet the guy he's trying get over on. Two, if he's lying about the GF it'll show. Not too mention, you get to see what your GF's reaction is.

Be creative with it.

- AA

I like this advice. Next time you're going to some festival or a bar or whatever, tell your gf "Hey bring your guy buddy along" and watch how they interact. You can also disarm him if you're in a higher social standing than he is just in case if his true intentions is to take your gf away from you.

 

[Vulpine]

You can also disarm him if you're in a higher social standing than he is just in case if his true intentions is to take your gf away from you.

I like that advice too. That way, if the guy is actually shady, he'll be right there - you won't have to track him down to bend his legs backwards. And, you can make your gf watch! Extra bonus!

 

[LittleBigOne]

Thanks so far for all you Juans who adviced me. On friday the guy phoned while i did a romantic eveningwalk in the forrest with my gf. She talked with him for about a minute, then she cut him off. In the weekend he sms'ed once a day and my gf did not reply, telling me that this was hurting the friendship with him. As far as i see by this he starts to act like an AFC, seems he cant control himself anymore. Like he is blowing up.
Normally i am not the most confidend person but i was pretty cool the last days and i do believe my gf loves me 200%. Like every ltr we have good times and somedays are just less. She is not a kind of attention wh### but is indeed pretty young (6 years younger as i am).

In respond, i do believe that woman can have male friends while in a ltr. These male friends are the afc's (i used to be there...). And this guy became a friend of my gf during several projects, i think that's possible.

I do agree i lost a part of my Alpha personality somewhere but i already start to get it back.

 

[Vypros]

Why does he have her phone number again?