Guy gets LJBF'd by chick at 8th grade, stays "friends" for 35 years (& other stories)

[MatureDJ]

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/01/23/lw.opposite.sex.friends/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

Eighth-grade math class was where Rob Shore, a 48-year-old social media consultant from Newport Beach, California, met Andrea.

"I was looking for early teen action, and she snubbed me," he says. "So we became friends -- for 35 years."

Here are the other stories:

"I'll be crying my eyes out and will say, 'I'm fat and ugly, and I don't have a boyfriend,'" she says. "Then Eric will come over and tell me I'm pretty, and we'll watch '300.' It's like having all the benefits of a really great husband -- without having to do the laundry."

Babb is one of many adults whose platonic friendship contradicts the old "When Harry Met Sally" maxim about sex always getting in the way of men and women being buddies. Though they have been close since high school, Babb says she and Eric have never even kissed.

"It would be like kissing my brother," she says. "Ewwwww."

Babb says her first husband was so threatened by her friendship with Eric, he forbade her seeing him for nine years. After their marriage broke up, she and Eric not only renewed their friendship, they became roommates.

Then Babb fell in love again and decided to get married a second time.

"I told my fiancé that Eric was my best friend, and he was perfectly fine with that," she says. "But after we got married, it was like this little switch went off. He decided my friendship with Eric was a slap in the face and told me, 'Get rid of him or I'm out of here.' So I said, 'OK, you're out of here.' Our marriage lasted less than a year."

WTF?

 

[speed dawg]

Stupid b1tch. Eric would sell his soul to the devil just to have her touch him.

 

[radiodude]

This is the saddest statement of our times...

Men and women being platonic, though not involved physically and having it ruin other non-platonic relationships is just sick.

There is probably more to this story than published here. Probably some weird brother/sister buddy type co-dependancy thing going.

This type of thing should never be glorified even the way it is in the article.

These are bizzare people who probably underneath it all have gender idenity issues.

 

[speed dawg]

Men and women being platonic, though not involved physically and having it ruin other non-platonic relationships is just sick.

And the other guys aren't even doing the nexting. It sounds as if they are giving them the ultimatum of powerlessness, then getting dumped, thus empowering the women and spawning off articles like this.

These are bizzare people who probably underneath it all have gender idenity issues.

Right on, and really I've never met a guy who had a real platonic woman friend unless they were gay (gay guys are the worst c0ckblockers). Deep down they wanted to fvck them but didn't have the balls to make a move the right way. Also, I've never know a girl who had platonic guy friends that wasn't just fvcking weird.

It's just a ridiculous situation altogether. Some people are just pathetic. It's not even attractive, that kind of stuff makes people less in my eyes.

 

[goodfoot]

Is there really no one on this site who have women as friends?

 

[speed dawg]

I have lots of women friends. Does that mean that my interactions and behaviors with them would run off potential suitors for them? Fvck no. Do you see the difference? Do the see the fine line?

 

[Werman]

Do the see the fine line?

It's not even a fine line. It's more like the Berlin Wall.

I have female friends. I do not sit up on the phone with them and listen to their man problems. I do not take them on faux dates like dinner and movies just as friends. I do not single-handedly plan parties for them.

I do have lunch with them from time to time to catch up. I do put in the good word for them when they send in a job application where I work (in a different department, of course.) I do invite them over when I'm having a party... and of course ask them to bring their friends. I do go to their house when they are having a party.

All of the things I do with female friends are pretty much the same as what I would do with a male friend. Therein lies the difference. If you find yourself doing things for a female friend that you wouldn't do for a male friend, you have just handed in your testicles and crossed into the pathetic-zone.

 

[Colossus]

Right on, and really I've never met a guy who had a real platonic woman friend unless they were gay (gay guys are the worst c0ckblockers). Deep down they wanted to fvck them but didn't have the balls to make a move the right way. Also, I've never know a girl who had platonic guy friends that wasn't just fvcking weird.

...you must know a lot of chumps.

I agree with RADIODUDE that there is probably more to that original story than meets the eye, like some creepy co-dependency thing. Unless this chick married two insanely jealous men, a normal non-sexual relationship with another male should not break up two marriages.

Why is it so hard to accept that you can have a great NON-SEXUAL relationship with a woman and not be a b!tch? There are just a few basic rules to understand, which I though have been covered repeatedly:

-Dont pursue a friendship with a girl you actively want to fvck, or one that LJBF'ed you in the past.

-Dont spend an inordinate amount of time with her compared to you other friends

-Adhere to the boundaries of friendship. Friends dont spoon together and share their deepest fears while watching Twilight.

-Accept that any perceived "deep" friendship you have will either dissipate or change significantly when she gets a bf or gets married.

-Dont substitute female friends for your mates.


And that's it. I have several truly platonic relationships with girls that I have never had any desire to fvck....and last I check I wasnt gay. That is the key though---they may have wanted me in the past (maybe they wouldnt even refuse an advance today), but I have NEVER had any desire to be sexual with them. That is the frame under which it started and that is the way our friendship developed.

 

[blong1068]

Guys can have platonic friendships with women, as long as she's a raging lesbian. Or maybe if she's repulsive but likes the same movies and music you do.

 

[Luthor Rex]

There is probably more to this story than published here. Probably some weird brother/sister buddy type co-dependancy thing going.

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.

I'm sure plenty of husbands would love another man to take his wife shopping or to the movies. It's less pressure on him.

Yeah if the husbands want to end up like the guy in this thread raising a child that's not his: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=161586

 

[Zonder]

It's pretty obvious her second divorce had nothing to do with her friend.

I don't understand why there are so many people on this site who have no female friends. There is just no logical reason not to have any unless the man is a raging misogynist who believes women are only good for one thing.

Now that I think about it, it's pretty hard to have a rich social life and not get any female friends. When you meet a lot of people on a daily basis you are bound to click with some of them.

 

[Nutz]

All of the things I do with female friends are pretty much the same as what I would do with a male friend. Therein lies the difference. If you find yourself doing things for a female friend that you wouldn't do for a male friend, you have just handed in your testicles and crossed into the pathetic-zone.

A-frakking-men! If you do anything for a child you wouldn't do for a guy, you're deluding yourself because that's not a real friendship. What it usually really is is the guy secretly hoping to screw her and the woman using the man as an emotional tampon or for materialistic favors.

In my case, I don't have many female friends that I find attractive, and that's for the very reason stated in HMS. The attraction messes it up. I'm trying to go the AFC Adam route though and just LJBF chicks so I can grow my social circle--including all their hottie friends

 

[radiodude]

It's not even a fine line. It's more like the Berlin Wall.

I have female friends. I do not sit up on the phone with them and listen to their man problems. I do not take them on faux dates like dinner and movies just as friends. I do not single-handedly plan parties for them.

I do have lunch with them from time to time to catch up. I do put in the good word for them when they send in a job application where I work (in a different department, of course.) I do invite them over when I'm having a party... and of course ask them to bring their friends. I do go to their house when they are having a party.

All of the things I do with female friends are pretty much the same as what I would do with a male friend. Therein lies the difference. If you find yourself doing things for a female friend that you wouldn't do for a male friend, you have just handed in your testicles and crossed into the pathetic-zone.

I've never met many females at all that liked to do alot of the active activities that I do/did.

Disk golf, paint ball, interest in electronics, video games, cars, watch the history channel, ESPN, talk politics, etc.

What you describe above are aquaintances, not really close friends. The story in the OP is describing this bizzare emotional attachment thats gone on for 35 years.

My wife is probably one of the few close female friends that I've ever had. And thats a one in a million thing.

I've had alot of female aquaintances. We were friends in the sense we could chat and knew each other from some place in life. But I never really hung-out with them unless there was something more.

 

[Warrior74]

I don't understand why there are so many people on this site who have no female friends. There is just no logical reason not to have any unless the man is a raging misogynist who believes women are only good for one thing.

There are plenty of logical reasons. You just didn't stop to think of any but the one that fits your world view. Anyway, one thing you are missing is this, this is sosymp...er..sosuave...Alot of guys here have NO friends, alot are afraid of women. A lot are bitter and angry. So it doesn't surprise me that a lot of them have NO female friends. You dig? Consider the source eh?

That being said. These other guys here stated it well. It's something wrong with those people in the article. Female friends should be no more than your male friends. All of mine are former FBs that didn't work out but I like their company or chics that I'm not attracted to in that way. I don't spend any more time with them than I do my boys and we don't do things I wouldn't do with my boys.

 

[Jeffst1980]

The reason that the relationship in the article is improper is because of the level of intimacy involved, even if if it isn't physical intimacy.

The woman that scared off two husbands may choose to blame insecurities of men, but it is really her own fault for choosing to build an emotional connection with her platonic friend, rather than her husband(s).

Friendships outside of a relationship that cross gender lines really should not cross the line of emotional intimacy (i.e. the sense that you have a deeper "connection"), as superficial as that may sound. That is when all the problems and complications start. If your deepest emotional relationship is with someone other than your significant other, you are inviting trouble.

I also believe that, as much as men might claim that they aren't attracted to their female friend, biology says otherwise--ESPECIALLY for AFC guys that will take what they can get. I do believe, however, that women can genuinely see males just as friends, and this brings up some interesting differences.

In other words, I think it's an inversion of gender differences re: sex and love:

Women can not separate love from sex, but they CAN separate sex from friendship.

Men can separate love from sex, but they can not separate sex from friendship.

For men, the best strategy to make a woman fall in love is to excite her sexually.

For women, the best strategy to make a man fall in love is to become his best friend.

It seems counterintuitive, as we usually think of men as the oversexed ones. However, on this board we see a steady stream of "i'm in love with my female friend" posts and very few "i'm in love with the random hot chick I saw on the train yesterday" posts.

Maybe STR8UP is onto something when he says that men are the true romantics?

Bottom line: The so-called "experts" cited in the article are perpetuating myths in an attempt to be politically correct and progressive.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with having acquaintances that you see in group settings.

 

[Nutz]

For men, the best strategy to make a woman fall in love is to excite her sexually.

For women, the best strategy to make a man fall in love is to become his best friend.

It seems counterintuitive, as we usually think of men as the oversexed ones. However, on this board we see a steady stream of "i'm in love with my female friend" posts and very few "i'm in love with the random hot chick I saw on the train yesterday" posts.

Maybe STR8UP is onto something when he says that men are the true romantics?

For the most part I can agree with that, in that most guys are AFC's with oneitis. The "players", PUAs, whatever you want to call them break that frame usually via abundance mentality as they get the girl and have the best of both worlds.

 

[Luminescence]

The reason that the relationship in the article is improper is because of the level of intimacy involved, even if if it isn't physical intimacy.

The woman that scared off two husbands may choose to blame insecurities of men, but it is really her own fault for choosing to build an emotional connection with her platonic friend, rather than her husband(s).

Friendships outside of a relationship that cross gender lines really should not cross the line of emotional intimacy (i.e. the sense that you have a deeper "connection"), as superficial as that may sound. That is when all the problems and complications start. If your deepest emotional relationship is with someone other than your significant other, you are inviting trouble.

I also believe that, as much as men might claim that they aren't attracted to their female friend, biology says otherwise--ESPECIALLY for AFC guys that will take what they can get. I do believe, however, that women can genuinely see males just as friends, and this brings up some interesting differences.

In other words, I think it's an inversion of gender differences re: sex and love:

Women can not separate love from sex, but they CAN separate sex from friendship.

Men can separate love from sex, but they can not separate sex from friendship.

For men, the best strategy to make a woman fall in love is to excite her sexually.

For women, the best strategy to make a man fall in love is to become his best friend.

It seems counterintuitive, as we usually think of men as the oversexed ones. However, on this board we see a steady stream of "i'm in love with my female friend" posts and very few "i'm in love with the random hot chick I saw on the train yesterday" posts.

Maybe STR8UP is onto something when he says that men are the true romantics?

Bottom line: The so-called "experts" cited in the article are perpetuating myths in an attempt to be politically correct and progressive.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with having acquaintances that you see in group settings.

It seems like a romantic dispostion most often stems from a lack of options. I don't know about men being inherently more romantic than women (maybe), but it's probably just a result of the average women having more options than men.....and women are less appreciative because of it.

 

[MatureDJ]

Women can not separate love from sex, but they CAN separate sex from friendship.

Men can separate love from sex, but they can not separate sex from friendship.

For men, the best strategy to make a woman fall in love is to excite her sexually.

For women, the best strategy to make a man fall in love is to become his best friend.

Brilliant!