Guilty over sexual activity

[thisthingcalledlife]

Hey all,
I've come to post here because I can't talk about this anywhere else. The story is basically this: When I was 16 years old or so me and a (distant) friend of mine fooled around with a girl he knew. We went to a secluded place outdoors and she blew him while I was trying to have sex with her from behind (I think it was the first or second time I had ever been near a naked girl before, and first time another guy was around). It didn't go so well for me as I couldn't get an erection, so the whole thing ended with him doing her and then she giving me a blow job. Now this may not sound like something bad, but I just can't get this damn guilt for having engaged in behavior like this out of me. The fact that me and my friend's parents know each other and that we're from pretty conservative cultures makes this thing so much worse. I think about what I did all the time and feel really bad about it. Someone "like me" shouldn't be doing this stuff. What really triggered this whole guilt trip was last year when I got accepted to a top university in our country and started getting praise left and right, people saying "oh you're such a wonderful person who studies hard and don't engage in bad activities" and "someone like you can do no wrong". It makes me cringe every time I hear that because of what I did.

Someone please help me sort my head out because this is really hurting my mind and spirit.

 

[Coffeebazooka]

We all do ****ed up things and every person have a few things which stings when they think about it. In one million years though the **** you did in your life wont matter one bit there is NO reason to fret over things which is outside of your control now, you cant make it undone so dont think about it.

Most people have done some stupid stuff as well that probably rival or is worse than the thing you did.

 

[^__^]

Threesome with another guy? I'm comfortable with my sexuality but I still wouldn't even consider this.

My advice to you is to realize that every human being has done things they regret. The important thing, I don't care how cliche it is: learn form it.

Be glad this happened when you were a kid and not as a responsible adult.

Oh and congratulations on the school acceptance.

 

[prairiedog24]

You mentioned you're from a "conservative" culture. I'm not sure if you have a Christian background or not, but I'm sick and tired of of Christians piling up "guilt" upon themselves. The entire point of the Christian belief structure is to be free of guilt so you can move on and be free of such mistakes... not to repeat them, but to improve, like most of us here at the community, christian or not, are trying to do.

Not a one of us has not done something we regret. A lot. Be a man, suck it up, and do better in the future!

 

[SoldMySoul]

Just because you are christian does not mean you are not HUMAN!!! I personally do not see your behavior as being something you should torment yourself over. Not bad at all. It happened and as long as it was consensual, stop beating yourself up over it.

If the experience is that hard on you; here is what you do: SHOVE THAT $HIT DEEP IN YOUR MEMORY; PUT THAT $HIT DEEP IN YOUR CLOSET AND PUT A HUGE, UNBREAKABLE LOCK ON THE DOOR.

Man this is nothing!!! Do not let this off experience define who you are or who you will become. If something this minute disturbs your well being and you are still young, YOU are in for a huge eye opener as you age.

Another way of looking at it is you were young and wanted to lose your V card.


We all have a dark side. You chose early on to explore it and let it out. WE ALL HAVE IT, some just choose to not ignore it!

Threesome with another guy? I'm comfortable with my sexuality but I still wouldn't even consider this.

No problems here with that! As long as it is consensual and the if the other guy involved ASSURES me, if it is his lady friend, that he is good with it, No problem!

 

[Poonani Maker]

I felt a little guilty when I stuck my thumb in a girls as5 a few weeks ago. But she didn't mind so, fffft, I thought that next time I'll try sticking my tongue down there, after licking around it 1st of course.

 

[SoldMySoul]

I felt a little guilty when I stuck my thumb in a girls as5 a few weeks ago. But she didn't mind so, fffft, I thought that next time I'll try sticking my tongue down there, after licking around it 1st of course.

If she liked it, I would never feel guilty about that!! I would feel very good and sleep like a cat not worrying about over due bills.

 

[EA Gold]

I know what you are trying to say, you feel like you betrayed your friends and your culture by what you did. Now you have to understand that what you did long ago is now only a memory. What's real is you reading this post and being in a room on a computer.

You do have a decision to make, either forgive the past and let it go or keep this memory alive affecting you and your life, friends and family. I heard a story how a WWII vet was still feeling guilty about being alive 60 years later just because instead of him going out of the foxhole, some other guy stopped him at the last second and he went out and got killed instantly.

Now your experience isn't as traumatic but it goes to show you how just a memory can still make you suffer and feel guilty decades later. I do believe we have the capability to forgive the past and let it go to a certain extent but true forgiveness and peace only comes from God through Jesus Christ.

 

[thisthingcalledlife]

Thanks guys for the replies. I know I'm making a mountain out of a mole, and it really bothers me that I blow things up out of proportion in my head. I mean, as a 16 year old you are much more prone to be driven by emotion and not be as resistant to temptation. I mean, if a girl is right in front of you and goes along with anything you want, as a testosterone filled male would you turn it down?
I don't know, maybe what I decide to do in terms of sexual activity is really only my own business. Maybe I shouldn't feel guilty about it and worry about what family members and the rest of society thinks about it (not that I do anything weird or crazy). Hmmmm.

How do you let feelings of guilt (false guilt in this case?) not get to you?

 

[londonzen]

where i live most(not me) guys lose there virginity in this way

 

[theunflushables]

I don't know, maybe what I decide to do in terms of sexual activity is really only my own business. Maybe I shouldn't feel guilty about it and worry about what family members and the rest of society thinks about it (not that I do anything weird or crazy). Hmmmm.

Ding Ding Ding!!! We have a winner!

 

[prairiedog24]

I don't know, maybe what I decide to do in terms of sexual activity is really only my own business. Maybe I shouldn't feel guilty about it and worry about what family members and the rest of society thinks about it (not that I do anything weird or crazy). Hmmmm.

Except in the cases where family members and/or society is correct, and self-control is the issue.

Make your decisions either way and stick with them.

 

[Biggie]

Yeah one thing no one really mentioned is who cares what the other people think? Don't listen to them when they say stuff like you can't do any wrong. I'm sure when they say that it makes it ten times worse doing something you regret because it feels like you are letting them down. When they do say stuff like that, say something like, "Sure I've done wrong, I'm only human." But it's none of their business to know what that thing is.

 

[Paintballguy]

Yeah one thing no one really mentioned is who cares what the other people think? Don't listen to them when they say stuff like you can't do any wrong. I'm sure when they say that it makes it ten times worse doing something you regret because it feels like you are letting them down. When they do say stuff like that, say something like, "Sure I've done wrong, I'm only human." But it's none of their business to know what that thing is.

exactly. I don't get a flying fvck about what people think about me.

 

[^__^]

Because you guys are stuck so far up your own a$ses, that you are completely impervious to exterior, human intervention.

No. Everybody cares what other people think of them. It's not even under your control. You subconsciously crave human acceptance, and it presents itself in your conscious actions.

 

[EA Gold]

lol, If you really don't care what people think. Prove it by wearing clothes from the 80's and early 90's. If you don't have any, you'll find them at your nearest thrift store.

To op, once you starting forgiving yourself and accepting yourself, you will then have the ability to let go of any painful memories. Simply starting by smiling all day helps physically then its up to you within your mind and heart.

 

[HeyPachuco!]

where i live most(not me) guys lose there virginity in this way

What? A Threesome teen subculture in London losing there virginity? Never heard of it mate.

 

[Korrupt]

Hey all,
I've come to post here because I can't talk about this anywhere else. The story is basically this: When I was 16 years old or so me and a (distant) friend of mine fooled around with a girl he knew. We went to a secluded place outdoors and she blew him while I was trying to have sex with her from behind (I think it was the first or second time I had ever been near a naked girl before, and first time another guy was around). It didn't go so well for me as I couldn't get an erection, so the whole thing ended with him doing her and then she giving me a blow job. Now this may not sound like something bad, but I just can't get this damn guilt for having engaged in behavior like this out of me. The fact that me and my friend's parents know each other and that we're from pretty conservative cultures makes this thing so much worse. I think about what I did all the time and feel really bad about it. Someone "like me" shouldn't be doing this stuff. What really triggered this whole guilt trip was last year when I got accepted to a top university in our country and started getting praise left and right, people saying "oh you're such a wonderful person who studies hard and don't engage in bad activities" and "someone like you can do no wrong". It makes me cringe every time I hear that because of what I did.

Someone please help me sort my head out because this is really hurting my mind and spirit.

This a troll post? As long as your balls didn't touch his it's no homo...